Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Tiresome]

"Loaded with meat, and loaded with onions and lettuce and I got it fully involved"

Can't even claim that's a result from the speech to text. Wtf is a "fully involved" sandwich? I've been to firehouse before and I don't remember "fully involved" being a thing. Of course I didn't order a fucking meat mountain either.

I was ready to chalk it up to Jack's damaged neurons but it's a thing. Really autistic of Jack to mention it without context or explanation but a thing.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

"Good thing I'm not diabetic... OH WAIT I AM" said Jack weeks before gorging on Firehouse Subs.

I hope you choke you fat fuck and nobody even tries to help you.

 

[Kosher Salt]

I was ready to chalk it up to Jack's damaged neurons but it's a thing. Really autistic of Jack to mention it without context or explanation but a thing.

It's a firefighter thing. Cuz, you know, Firehouse Subs.

 

[Pig Cups]

He's clearly low-IQ, easy to tell that just from anything he's ever written, even well pre-stroke. He's barely literate. But there is some incredibly deep-seated emotional issue that is making him gleefully kill himself with food. I think he had an extremely fucked childhood, more than we know.

Do you think? It’s a definite possibility that he was the black sheep in the family, since we all know that he doesn’t share fathers with Charles and Jim, and is likely the product of his mother desperately needing a fucking from any mongrel who’d oblige. It wouldn’t surprise me if Jack’s stepfather lovingly devoted himself to Charles and Jim, yet held a kind of muffled contempt towards Jack that started from the time he met Jack’s mother, and continues to this day. After all, Jack’s the ethnically-ambiguous “mailman’s kid.” Assuming that stepdad’s surname is ‘Scalfani,’ he’s probably not too thrilled that the most famous legacy of his family name is, well…Mushbrain. Maybe Jack was isolated within his own family unit?

And that doesn’t even begin to get into what his peers at school must’ve been like…

Maybe a harried Mama Scalfani was called to the police department to pick up 8-year old Jack after he was rescued from the basement of the town pedophile, naked and dazed. On the way home, she stops at a hot dog stand to get Little Jack something to shut him up. He gorges three hot dogs which, in the immediate aftermath of his trauma, instantly establishes food as a drug-like comfort/coping mechanism x1000. And thus, the downward slide began. Much like Little Pussy Malanga, Jack was utterly fucked from the moment he was conceived.

 

[Super Hans v2]

He's clearly low-IQ, easy to tell that just from anything he's ever written, even well pre-stroke. He's barely literate. But there is some incredibly deep-seated emotional issue that is making him gleefully kill himself with food. I think he had an extremely fucked childhood, more than we know.

I remember that somebody a long time ago brought up one of Jack's blog posts about how his mom would give him the offal and semi-rotten food growing up. It would make sense with how Jack can't stop shoving food in his gullet if he had a very unhealthy relationship with food as a kid.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I get them to make dips for football. Never used them for burgers but they might be ok if you seasoned the patties right. But Jack either doesn't season or dumps in everything he has in his spice closet.

The way he cooks the ground beef just annoys me to no end. He breaks it up and leaves it in chunks. It's just so unappetizing because you get these greasy lumps of meat with an overly seasoned outside and a bland inside. And half the time they're still raw in the middle.

FIREHOUSE Smokin' Triple Stack Sub
(04/12/2023)
Original:

Spoiler: Archive (1080p):

View attachment 5036347

No real issue with Firehouse Subs in terms of fast food subs they're fine, I mean they're better than Subway but not as good as Jimmy John's or Jersey Mike's.

But it's more strokebrain from Mushbrain here and he's really mushbraining his way through it. The sandwich looked fine but it's not what somebody who's suffered FOUR strokes should be eating. But we know Jagoff is addicted to this kind of food and this is his life from here on in. He'll have an episode, lose more of his mobility and faculties and eventually be bedbound or dead.

 

[densedance]

You've gotta be fucking kidding me

 

[Fascist Frederick]

I remember that somebody a long time ago brought up one of Jack's blog posts about how his mom would give him the offal and semi-rotten food growing up. It would make sense with how Jack can't stop shoving food in his gullet if he had a very unhealthy relationship with food as a kid.

There's a yearbook photo of Jack floating around somewhere where he looks completely normal, not at all fat, and nearly unrecognizable, so I'd say his unhealthy relationship with food didn't start until after childhood.

EDIT: Found it

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

There's a yearbook photo of Jack floating around somewhere where he looks completely normal, not at all fat, and nearly unrecognizable, so I'd say his unhealthy relationship with food didn't start until after childhood.

EDIT: Found it
View attachment 5037519

He doesn’t look normal. His eyes……

 

[Goatchoker]

I haven’t ever noticed how his glasses warp/wrap/conform around his head like cyclops. It’s fucking weird. Is it because of his big fat head? All glasses have some sort of bend but ffs, it looks so weird. Also they don’t sit on his ears at all, Ala Chantal’s sunglasses. *fat*

Also he’s far from normal after reading that yearbook quote. Guess he’s always been fucking slow and weird hahaha.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

He doesn’t look normal. His eyes……

I guess I should rephrase that... comparatively normal. Those eyes are a lot less normal now than they were then.

 

[p1138]

I was ready to chalk it up to Jack's damaged neurons but it's a thing. Really autistic of Jack to mention it without context or explanation but a thing.

I'll be damned. That said, I still can't recall seeing that shit mentioned on the menu at a firehouse, it almost seems like some semi-obscure shit Jack looked up to try and sound smart.

 

[Bland Crumbs]

The way he cooks the ground beef just annoys me to no end. He breaks it up and leaves it in chunks. It's just so unappetizing because you get these greasy lumps of meat with an overly seasoned outside and a bland inside. And half the time they're still raw in the middle.


No real issue with Firehouse Subs in terms of fast food subs they're fine, I mean they're better than Subway but not as good as Jimmy John's or Jersey Mike's.

But it's more strokebrain from Mushbrain here and he's really mushbraining his way through it. The sandwich looked fine but it's not what somebody who's suffered FOUR strokes should be eating. But we know Jagoff is addicted to this kind of food and this is his life from here on in. He'll have an episode, lose more of his mobility and faculties and eventually be bedbound or dead.

I swear Jack is just challenging his body now. He is going to push it to the absolute limit.

There's a yearbook photo of Jack floating around somewhere where he looks completely normal, not at all fat, and nearly unrecognizable, so I'd say his unhealthy relationship with food didn't start until after childhood.

EDIT: Found it
View attachment 5037519

I honestly had no idea what to rate this as it filled me with a great deal of conflict. As Strangla noted his eyes do kind of throw off the normal but he was not a fatboy. At some point he just gave in to it and that is horrifying because it can happen to anyone if you are not careful.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

There's a yearbook photo of Jack floating around somewhere where he looks completely normal, not at all fat, and nearly unrecognizable, so I'd say his unhealthy relationship with food didn't start until after childhood.

EDIT: Found it
View attachment 5037519

Those out of context quotes are the most autistic shit I have ever seen in a yearbook. Who the fuck would he have even been talking to?

 

[Professor Iris]

Those out of context quotes are the most autistic shit I have ever seen in a yearbook. Who the fuck would he have even been talking to?

He was just practicing his lines for when he has his first stroke.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Jack is a complete imbecile. He was always on the dumb side and then he also chose not to educate himself and that has resulted in him becoming an unsophisticated, stroked-out tub of lard by his mid 50s. I don't doubt that Charles and him share genes because they are both fucking morons. Charles is a little smarter but just like Jagoff he has a tendency to have outrageously strong opinions about topics that are complex and multifactorial when all they have is a pittance of knowledge. The saying "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing" fits perfectly with Jagoff. I think the gay brother is probably the smartest out of all them and probably chooses to steer clear from both.

As for those yearbook quotes, I think it was some inside joke between Jagoff and his friends and they thought it would look clever.

 

[ZipDisk]

But I've never been brave enough to want to try it.

With the chubs it's pretty much the same meat as the diaper pack or those plastic bag squares they're using now to disguise chub meat. Makes a perfectly cromulent hamburger.

offal

People joke about Jack getting Hugo Simpson's bucket of fish heads at Scalfani family dinners. Considering he regards turkey necks as something speshul, not really a stretch. I'm guessing his mom would play poverty dinners up as something special.

I wonder if she did that with the other kids, or if lil' Jack had to be placated to avoid meltdowns. "Hey Jack, big guy, tonight it's another Home Run dinner!" and it's a can of tuna stretched out to feed all the sons, so Jack gets a mostly mayonnaise sandwich, and uses that to calibrate the Gud Meter.

 

[Tiresome]

There's a yearbook photo of Jack floating around somewhere where he looks completely normal, not at all fat, and nearly unrecognizable, so I'd say his unhealthy relationship with food didn't start until after childhood.

EDIT: Found it
View attachment 5037519

The second Jack dies for real, that's going to be my pfp. In honor of my favorite wasted life.

Also, let's be honest, way better photo than middle-school Jack, where he looked like half the dimwit Mexican kids in California.

View attachment 5037846

 

[ZipDisk]

He looks like noted Mexican hater Jontron with that haircut.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

The second Jack dies for real, that's going to be my pfp. In honor of my favorite wasted life.

Also, let's be honest, way better photo than middle-school Jack, where he looked like half the dimwit Mexican kids in California.

View attachment 5037846

I forgot all about Beaner Jack!