Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

[mold]

He looks like every old man in Berkeley, CA which is probably why he had to move to the other side of the continent lest he be reminded daily of his fat, frumpy reality

this needs to be repeated for non-west coast farmers - those of us who live here have to look at dudes that look like this every day

 

[Prescription Bugs]

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There are no words for how much I want Joe to die.

I’ve never felt that way. I’ve only ever wished the two of them could be happy in their own bodies, stop encouraging other people to be discontented, and to admit what they did to Mallory’s family and repair it all as much as possible.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

He looks like every old man in Berkeley, CA which is probably why he had to move to the other side of the continent lest he be reminded daily of his fat, frumpy reality

Maybe in your and everyone else's reality, but in Grace's limitless liberationatory reality (FaceApp aka trans realism) she is a perfect example of the submissive role during sex. Stop being afraid of genre-shifts in the literature of reality, bigot.

 

[mold]

Maybe in your and everyone else's reality, but in Grace's limitless liberationatory reality (FaceApp aka trans realism) she is a perfect example of the submissive role during sex. Stop being afraid of genre-shifts in the literature of reality, bigot.

more importantly they rarely go outside

 

[Norman B. Normal]

I’ve never felt that way. I’ve only ever wished the two of them could be happy in their own bodies, stop encouraging other people to be discontented, and to admit what they did to Mallory’s family and repair it all as much as possible.

I want that for Mallory. I want Joe off my planet ASAP.

 

[mold]

I want that for Mallory. I want Joe off my planet ASAP.

it's time again for me to remind the thread that Mallory made public accusations against her entire family of using their positions as megachurch celebrities to cover up sexual abuse of chldren.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Someone please explain to me how they're still seeing Mallory as a sweet uwu pure victim who "I can fix her, bro, for real" and just needs rescuing from the big bad ogre she's married to.

I want to see things through your eyes. It must be like the pure trust experienced by a newborn puppy.

Yeah Joe is ugly, perverted, and cruel. But she was drawn to him not in spite of those things, but because of them. I can't see a single stop on this wacky journey of "avoiding mere heterosexuality" when she has not been every bit as much all-in as he is. She wanted some glitzy gay bohemian lifestyle and she went for it, full throttle.

And she tries to drag anyone she can reach down into the mire with her.

 

[monstrous bubo]

Someone please explain to me how they're still seeing Mallory as a sweet uwu pure victim who "I can fix her, bro, for real" and just needs rescuing from the big bad ogre she's married to.

I want to see things through your eyes. It must be like the pure trust experienced by a newborn puppy.

Yeah Joe is ugly, perverted, and cruel. But she was drawn to him not in spite of those things, but because of them. I can't see a single stop on this wacky journey of "avoiding mere heterosexuality" when she has not been every bit as much all-in as he is. She wanted some glitzy gay bohemian lifestyle and she went for it, full throttle.

And she tries to drag anyone she can reach down into the mire with her.

Initially I had thought of her as just another pissweak person who bounced halfheartedly between poses, who then latches onto someone stronger and merges into their identity. That awful picture of her with Joe’s fist in her mouth certainly helped that impression. And I am still not sure that I am wrong. Buuuut… pissweak people still have agency. She gets something out of the relationship. It might not be what you or I want from a relationship, but it works for her. Whether she wants that lifestyle or to drag others down in particular … well I doubt that. If Joe wanted a trad wife she almost certainly would have been that instead.* Those things are just the side-effects of what she really wants and gets - a total abdication from the messy responsibility of owning yourself and your own life. The idea this giant child was allowed anywhere near an advice column is horrifying, like the idea her hawt bitch is allowed near young minds.

* come to think of it, she is a trad wife. Just with extra steps, of course

 

[Potatis Salad]

New images of Lauren Bacall just dropped! Oh wait...that's Joe, trying to hide the jowls by sucking in his cheeks.

I can't even. What a fucking fool.


The caption. "Queynte" is an obsolete etymological progenitor of "cunt." Sure, Joe.


EDIT: He bought the green cardigan, lmao. On the model, I get it. Whereas Joe paid full retail ($1250!) to look like granddad missed a button in his haste to get down to the county fairgrounds for the model railroad exhibit.





Another stunning photoshoot by Mallory Demarchelier:

The caption reads: "Fat man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder awakes on Amtrak"

 

[AMHOLIO]

EDIT: He bought the green cardigan, lmao. On the model, I get it. Whereas Joe paid full retail ($1250!) to look like granddad missed a button in his haste to get down to the county fairgrounds for the model railroad exhibit

Even on the model it doesn't look like conspicuous consumption of quality or gaudy goods. This is even worse, people on amtrack will think you're poorer than they are or crazier than they are. The greyhound bus people will think you're one of their own, just a bit saner if he doesn't smell too bad.

This is retarded. How do pretentious academics forget to thrift shop like us normal fashion disasters?

 

[FarmVille]

If Joe leaves the house like that after 5pm Mallory is going to be getting a call from Adult Social Services

 

[Diana Moon Glampers]

Someone please explain to me how they're still seeing Mallory as a sweet uwu pure victim who "I can fix her, bro, for real" and just needs rescuing from the big bad ogre she's married to.

I want to see things through your eyes. It must be like the pure trust experienced by a newborn puppy.

Yeah Joe is ugly, perverted, and cruel. But she was drawn to him not in spite of those things, but because of them. I can't see a single stop on this wacky journey of "avoiding mere heterosexuality" when she has not been every bit as much all-in as he is. She wanted some glitzy gay bohemian lifestyle and she went for it, full throttle.

And she tries to drag anyone she can reach down into the mire with her.

Hypothesis: Mallory wishes a professor had wanted to sleep with her during college. Really sexually harassed the hell out of her so she'd have a story to tell at parties from here to eternity. She'd heard so many stories of that happening! Or she just knew she'd have a torrid tryst with a professor where she'd be his muse while also gently mocking the entire concept of muses as he tousled her hair. Mal is the ultimate teacher's pet. This would have been her crowning glory, a thread that would weave through every creative work she made for the rest of her life.

But the creepy professors kept liking girls who were prettier, the real manic pixie dreamgirl types. She didn't get it out of her system in college. So a man like Joe appealed a lot.

I think Mallory triggers people's "aww, but she's just naive" response because she (like so many others on the trans bandwagon) is using transgender politics to validate her arrested development. She seems like a child in so much of how she presents herself, her relationships, and her life activities. At best an adolescent. People also feel tender sympathy toward that creep Dylan Mulvaney for the same basic reason, he's pinging the "maternal instinct activate" button in their brains.

If your personality is grating enough that the only positive attention you ever get is from women who see you as a wounded bird, eventually you start adopting those mannerisms more and more until your entire existence is maintained by the small percentage of people whose circuitry is tripped into believing anyone acting childish is, on some level, only as culpable for their actions as an actual child.

 

[Swimminglanes]

The caption reads: "Fat man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder awakes on Amtrak"

Given the blurry hands I would suggest it's actually:

"Fat man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder wanks on Amtrak"

 

[Trianon]

I guess they just have no sense of style. They can't find similar items at a vintage or thrift shop because that would involve making decisions about what might look good or speak to you. Better to just fall asleep in the arms of Gucci and look like a murder circus hobo.

 

[FarmVille]

Why would anyone thrift (or teach) if they had access to Nicole’s husband’s bank account?

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Mal is the ultimate teacher's pet. This would have been her crowning glory, a thread that would weave through every creative work she made for the rest of her life.

But the creepy professors kept liking girls who were prettier, the real manic pixie dreamgirl types. She didn't get it out of her system in college. So a man like Joe appealed a lot.

I think Mallory triggers people's "aww, but she's just naive" response because she

Mallory trips that in people for a couple of reasons:
- once upon a time she wrote some amusing stuff that brainy lit-loving millenial girls loved, and she seemed utterly into it and very sincere
- she got a high-profile mainstream job as a result, and folks were excited to see what the wit would do with a salacious but stale property
- she has big, wide-open eyes that look like Bambi
- on the scale of media and internet people she is cute and attractive with an open face that screams "how could 'lil ole me evah do anything to hahm or offend anyone??"

^ gave her enormous built-in goodwill, especially at the time she became NuPru. The transitioning thing happened before the market was saturated, so politeness ruled and deference was paid. Her mainstream viewers were unaware of Joe or things like the fist-in-mouth picture, of conspicuous and tacky consumption or outré freaky-deaky overshares.

Mal may hate her birth family, but they gave her the gift of demurral and politesse, and of knowing what to say (or not to say) when, and how, in order to preserve her sweet-girl mien, even as a boy.

That, or she's actually as dimmed by codependency as she seems.

Or both.

 

[cherrysour]

Joe's might be the worst case of walleye-boob I've seen. Just look at him in that black bathrobe or whatever. His torso is angled 45 degrees away from the camera as his right moob stares straight down the lens with an air of "if only you knew how bad things really are."

 

[monstrous bubo]

like a murder circus hobo

Pure genius description. I look forward to the “desperate Danny and his hawt bitch” spree killing arc.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

At some point you have to wonder what a label couldn't get Joe to pay thousands of dollars for. This must be that effective altruism I hear so much about.

 

[Potatis Salad]

You vs. the guy she tells you not to worry about