Megathread The Pooner Zoo - A thread for collecting wild Pooners and posting OC Pooners, and anything Pooner related

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I am apparently still under the influence of Poonabaoth as I went for a scenic walk the other day and botanical Pooners sprang unbidden to my mind.

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Pseudorchis poonopsis: This rare orchid, affectionately known as the Dood Orchid, has an eye-catching inflorescence where each individual flower resembles a pudgy, effeminate-looking man with a oddly green tinge to his 'phallus'. This serves as a lure for their main pollinator, the Alice-fly (Alicia boymodus).

Opoontia testosterona: As its name may suggest, the fruits of this cactus have a useful medicinal property: eating them will increase testosterone levels in men, both natal males and heckin valid trans guys! That is, if you can handle them screaming as you eat them...

Poonus wanksiana: The distinctive, tight-knit cones of this tree will only open to disperse their seed if exposed to the heat generated by friction. The best way to achieve this is to rub them vigorously, though the results may be messy.*ahem*

Narcissus 'Personality Disorder': This striking daffodil cultivar is found in parks and gardens. Some gardeners are enamoured by its unusual pink colour, whereas others are unnerved by its staring 'eyes' (modified stamens) and the bright red corolla that resembles a screaming mouth. I personally wouldn't want them watching me as I mowed the lawn...
 
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I don't think this was meant to be a pooner but neverthel
Alouatta Simia Belzebul said:
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Holy shit these people are more feminine than most women I know personally, why the hell do they think they are men? The inner-workings of a pooner's mind are an enigma.

Anyways here is some abstract pooner art I found on Twitter.
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Alouatta Simia Belzebul said:
do you know why babyx2 is believed to be a black mtf?
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@TremendousBoredom is the most knowledgeable Poonographer in this matter. Although I was granted access into the sub, i have no clue about the deep lore and the origins of og Pooner artists. Apparently babyx2 isn’t mtf at all but actually a cis male which makes it funnier.
 
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Babybabybaby222 thrives on disinformation because well...as far as I can tell? They find it incredibly funny.
There's some who think they're a black MTF hon, others say they're just a cis black guy, others claim pooner, some say cis lesbian. Either way? They're a damn talented artist when it comes to creating fucking schizobrained Pooner art. And for that? They are a fucking treasure whatever their gender might be.
Is it all out there as facts if we managed to do the research?

Probably. But unless someone can point out how they are definitively a lolcow beyond the possibility that they are some flavor of trans? It's honestly not worth it. They enjoy tweaking the noses of segments of the community who take themselves WAY too seriously on both sides of the aisle. And they ARE still active. Just if I don't miss my guess, just not active on Reddit or /tttt/ itself often due to A)Lack of inspiration, and B) Pooners as artwork started out as warped little gremlins, body horror, and general whatthefuckery and then the Reddit elements of /tttt/ got ahold of it and instead of going with the irreverent spirit of the origional, turned it into "I feel dysphoric about having wide hips, small shoulders, and booba, gonna draw myself with pink skin and big lips".

Like being an indie band that made some amazing music, and then seeing soulless corporate imitations emulating your style in the most superficial way possible.
Is there some INCREDIBLY creative and warped stuff coming out of the reddit side of things? Of course. But it's still a level of imitation that is probably a pain.

There's more at work but I think it's a longer post and I want to organize it a bit more, because it involves a deep lore dive, some educated guesses, and some speculation.

That said, have some life advice from a dood by one of the artists that has the spirit of the OG pooners.

betterthanakittenposter.jpg
 
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Sorry dood, the Kenyans absolutely know the difference between men and woman.
Procrastinhater said:
Rhodesians Never Die.
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Here's the story of a Pooner
A dood both fat and masc
On her eleventh tweet this morning
In validation she will bask
This was much against the wishes
Of certain feminists
Whose logic tried to break her down
To warn of wounds and cysts
But we're all heccin' valid
And we'll vlog through thick and thin
We'll keep our delusions solid
Stop the doubts from coming in
We'll keep them north of the Poonbezi
Till that river's running dry
Our phallos won't go moldy
For Pooners always cry!

They can send their chuds to mock us
And they can shout their words of hate
But the cost of our validity
Can never be too great
For our fujo boys are fighting
For the k-popstars that they stan
That all those meanie cis-gays
Will see me as a man
'Cause we're all valid trans men
And we'll fight through thick and thin
We'll block every terf on twitter
Stop the doubts from coming in
We'll keep them all mashed down with Prozac
Till that prescription's running dry
My UTI will clear up
For pooners never die!
 
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Sailor Troon said:
Rate me autistic, but I actually find Fuzzz99 kind of enjoyable for that reason. Don't get me wrong, listening to her talk about meaningless identities like paraboy gets tiresome, but she'd actually be a good content creator if she channeled her over-the-top enthusiasm to other things. I also think her enthusiasm would probably make her a great kindergarten or preschool teacher if she wasn't trying to indoctrinate kids into gender ideology.

Perhaps I feel this way about her because she's a breath of fresh air from the angry troons who are always doomposting about the fake genocide and saying "grrrr I'm gonna make your pronouns was/were if you mess with trans people grrrr die cis scum grrrr".
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She's the distillation every loud, overly-enthusiastic, know it all, fat, butch, band girl from middle/high school. They're fucking insufferable to be around for more than five minutes.

Alouatta Simia Belzebul said:
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has anyone checked on tttt or babyx2 recently? did they get scared off by outsiders encroaching on their territory
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I'm sending this to Dick Valentine
 
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Alouatta Simia Belzebul said:
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Alouatta Simia Belzebul said:
Found the heccin' manly dude-bro, who's worried that his gay homosexual MLM boyfiend may mistakenly see him as a girl, for some mysterious reason. I can't imagine why.
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Wendy Wheelchair said:
IRL Pooner whines that gay bathhouses aren't inclusive enough, especially because they have way more urinals than toilets. Also... Ezra?! Could you pick a more obvious pooner name!?
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It's that "Pooner freaks out a gay orgy" greentext, but as a Yelp review.
 
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BlaireWhitesBottom2 said:
mate if i was about to let off my steam into some twinks ass and i pull his shirt off and i see zipper tits im gonna do my best chris paul beating rhianna impression and whoop her something seriously for lying to me.
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You will never not have a pink triangle.
 
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BlaireWhitesBottom2 said:
mate if i was about to let off my steam into some twinks ass and i pull his shirt off and i see zipper tits im gonna do my best chris paul beating rhianna impression and whoop her something seriously for lying to me.
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I think you would notice the frankenweiner first if you made it that far. I have yet to see a single example that looks like anything but an unfathomable abomination.

Like, we all see the botched neovaginas on this site, but thats still mostly an internal hole. When the experiment is external I feel like you *really* see it. I don't know how anyone could miss it. Which is why I'm not really worried about stealth-rape or whatever its called from the rare pooners who superficially pass.
 
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