Careercow Brandon "Bam" Margera - From Jackass to Lolcow

[AnOminous]

It's Pennsylvania, so it's crap shoot. There's a good chance that once he mentions his drug and alcohol problem, they'll likely offer him ARD and maybe probation. He's unlikely to see any real jail for his crimes.

ARD is more likely because drug court really isn't available for violent crimes, barring some kind of plea deal that gets rid of them. It's likely that any ARD would come with conditions very similar to what you'd get in drug court, it just would be in a normal court. He'd be evaluated by MH/MR (that stands for mental health mental retardation lol). That also depends on his record, though. Has he miraculously escaped having any priors?

As much as he as a long record of being, well, a jackass, these are really small potatoes crimes, which is why it's silly for these fake news sites to pretend there was some massive manhunt, when in actuality they were probably planning for exactly what happened, for this asshole to sober up enough to realize he is not cut out for the fugitive life and turn himself in.

Probation sounds about right. If he's LUCKY they'll put really strict conditions on it and actually put him in jail when he inevitably fucks up in some grotesque cape-wearing travesty again. Does PA have those ankle monitors that test for alcohol yet?

 

[ForTheHoard]

The last two sentences sum up Steve-O perfectly. I went to one of his standup shows and he opened with something amongst the lines of:

Whoa, yeah. Hey, dude! Wow. Lots of people here tonight. Yeah, man! How many of you are drinking? Drunk?

*audience roars*

Why? Haha. Stuff is bad for you.
—

And that was it. It didn’t segue into a joke. It was a “I am holier than thou” jab which I didn’t expect from him, and I was very disappointed. I mean, dude hit rock bottom, picked himself up, and managed to find success - but the dude who made his initial fame by getting repeatedly struck on the balls is scarcely better than anyone.

12 step programs seem to do that to people. A couple friends I had when I was in high school ended up surviving their addictions with 12 step programs but it turned them all into vapid dicks that didn't have anything better to talk about than how they overcame their demons. I suppose it's better that they're alive than fun.

 

[Pineapple Fox]

Berating his baby mama
Talking about his micro-dick
Calling some unsuspecting rando his girlfriend

 

[Fapcop]

I think people are missing the worst drug of all to be addicted to: fame.

Bam seemingly has enough money to do anything he wants and live the junkie life happily anywhere in the world but for some reason it's still not enough. He's not famous any more so strangers aren't fawning over him everywhere he goes and that seems to be the root cause of his frequent meltdowns. The drugs are just a symptom of his journey to irrelevancy.

Bam may be an asshole, but this whole shitshow is populated by assholes and scavengers feeding on fame, (other people’s) money and human misery like crows feasting on a carcass.

You got Steve O, using his supposed friends breakdown and legal problems for his podcast and to get them sponsor shekels.

You got his brother, whose only real claim to fame is being Bam’s brother, posting constant updates on Twitter, full of “If I had Bam’s money and fame, I’d do soooo much better!”-energy.
(Oh wait! That’s right… He’s a famous musician! Because his music was in bro’s show, lol!)

You got his mother and ex-wife treating a grown man like a kid, because they’re either trying to cash in themselves with AirBnB rentals or are desperate to make him stop spending HIS money so they can wet their beak.

And you got Ban himself, a man in his forties still acting like he did when he was 20.

The whole thing is a cautionary tale on how money and fame can ruin your life and brings out the absolutely worst in people.

But it’s somewhat entertaining!

 

[GhoulTori]

12 step programs seem to do that to people. A couple friends I had when I was in high school ended up surviving their addictions with 12 step programs but it turned them all into vapid dicks that didn't have anything better to talk about than how they overcame their demons. I suppose it's better that they're alive than fun.

Someone earlier in the thread used the term dry drunk as a way to say asshole, but I always used dry drunk to describe a 12 stepper that replaced alcohol or whatever with sanctimoniousness. Their new addiction was being better than all the other drunks and it was literally their entire personality. I mean also a huge asshole but an AA asshole.

 

[CaptainDong]

ARD is more likely because drug court really isn't available for violent crimes, barring some kind of plea deal that gets rid of them. It's likely that any ARD would come with conditions very similar to what you'd get in drug court, it just would be in a normal court. He'd be evaluated by MH/MR (that stands for mental health mental retardation lol). That also depends on his record, though. Has he miraculously escaped having any priors?

As much as he as a long record of being, well, a jackass, these are really small potatoes crimes, which is why it's silly for these fake news sites to pretend there was some massive manhunt, when in actuality they were probably planning for exactly what happened, for this asshole to sober up enough to realize he is not cut out for the fugitive life and turn himself in.

Probation sounds about right. If he's LUCKY they'll put really strict conditions on it and actually put him in jail when he inevitably fucks up in some grotesque cape-wearing travesty again. Does PA have those ankle monitors that test for alcohol yet?

Looks like PA does offer the SCRAM ankle bracelet that does alcohol monitoring. He'd likely be a 'good' candidate for it, but he'd fail it almost immediately.

The biggest thing that we all have to remember too is that this is just the magisterial level charges. Unless he's offered some wild plea immediately (which is incredibly rare around here), the charges will likely be held over for the Common Pleas court level, where he'd have to appear in front of an actual judge instead of an area magistrate. His case will play out as long as Chris Chan's case did, because PA's legal system is fucked. Just as an example, we had a guy assault us at work. He got nailed with 5 charges of aggravated assault 'of a designated individual', 5 charges of terroristic threats, a few harrassment charges, and a simple assault charge. Dude was charged back in October, we got subpoenaed in January for the preliminary hearing, only to go sit in the magistrate's office for 3 hours to find out they held his charges over for the CP court. He's still waiting for his CP preliminary hearing. So Bam's case will not be open and shut within a few weeks...this shit will drag out.

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

Bam may be an asshole, but this whole shitshow is populated by assholes and scavengers feeding on fame, (other people’s) money and human misery like crows feasting on a carcass.

You got Steve O, using his supposed friends breakdown and legal problems for his podcast and to get them sponsor shekels.

You got his brother, whose only real claim to fame is being Bam’s brother, posting constant updates on Twitter, full of “If I had Bam’s money and fame, I’d do soooo much better!”-energy.
(Oh wait! That’s right… He’s a famous musician! Because his music was in bro’s show, lol!)

You got his mother and ex-wife treating a grown man like a kid, because they’re either trying to cash in themselves with AirBnB rentals or are desperate to make him stop spending HIS money so they can wet their beak.

And you got Ban himself, a man in his forties still acting like he did when he was 20.

The whole thing is a cautionary tale on how money and fame can ruin your life and brings out the absolutely worst in people.

But it’s somewhat entertaining!

Back when Jackass was on MTV I assumed he had mom and dad on the payroll and they loved themselves some big money too, otherwise why else would they put up with that shit and willingly be humiliated on national TV every week by their spoiled brat monster-spawn. I still suspect their lifestyle depends on those Bam dollars coming in.

 

[Fapcop]

The last two sentences sum up Steve-O perfectly. I went to one of his standup shows and he opened with something amongst the lines of:

Whoa, yeah. Hey, dude! Wow. Lots of people here tonight. Yeah, man! How many of you are drinking? Drunk?

*audience roars*

Why? Haha. Stuff is bad for you.
—

And that was it. It didn’t segue into a joke. It was a “I am holier than thou” jab which I didn’t expect from him, and I was very disappointed. I mean, dude hit rock bottom, picked himself up, and managed to find success - but the dude who made his initial fame by getting repeatedly struck on the balls is scarcely better than anyone.

I watched a Steve-O video where he unironically and proudly talked about how he had lived in four different countries by the age of four.

As if this rather useless fact about himself, that he had no control over or say in, was in itself some kind of impressive achievement.

The guy is a vapid cunt famous for two things:

1: Getting hit in the balls.

2: Taking the business class, multi million dollar way to sobriety.

Good for him to get clean and all. I’d just have a lot more respect for him if he wasn’t such a cunt about it. And hit his rock bottom detoxing in jail or something, instead of while riding horses and eating vegan food at some $5K a night celeb rehab.

Back when Jackass was on MTV I assumed he had mom and dad on the payroll and they loved themselves some big money too, otherwise why else would they put up with that shit and willingly be humiliated on national TV every week by their spoiled brat monster-spawn. I still suspect their lifestyle depends on those Bam dollars coming in.

Well fuck yes it does. Did you see that Dr. Phil show? You can hear the aggravation and desperation in the moms voice, as she talks about all the freeloaders Bam invites to the house.

“HOW DARE THEY MOOCH OFF MAH SON?! THEY’RE SIPHONING AWAY CASH THAT SHOULD BELONG TO ME!”

 

[Wesker]

I watched a Steve-O video where he unironically and proudly talked about how he had lived in four different countries by the age of four.

As if this rather useless fact about himself, that he had no control over or say in, was in itself some kind of impressive achievement.

The guy is a vapid cunt famous for two things:

1: Getting hit in the balls.

2: Taking the business class, multi million dollar way to sobriety.

Good for him to get clean and all. I’d just have a lot more respect for him if he wasn’t such a cunt about it. And hit his rock bottom detoxing in jail or something, instead of while riding horses and eating vegan food at some $5K a night celeb rehab.


Well fuck yes it does. Did you see that Dr. Phil show? You can hear the aggravation and desperation in the moms voice, as she talks about all the freeloaders Bam invites to the house.

“HOW DARE THEY MOOCH OFF MAH SON?! THEY’RE SIPHONING AWAY CASH THAT SHOULD BELONG TO ME!”

No matter the lengths of what someone did to get clean, that doesn't mean you have to like them nor does it make them any less of a hateable faggot.

 

[FinnSven]

I watched a Steve-O video where he unironically and proudly talked about how he had lived in four different countries by the age of four.

As if this rather useless fact about himself, that he had no control over or say in, was in itself some kind of impressive achievement.

The guy is a vapid cunt famous for two things:

1: Getting hit in the balls.

2: Taking the business class, multi million dollar way to sobriety.

Good for him to get clean and all. I’d just have a lot more respect for him if he wasn’t such a cunt about it. And hit his rock bottom detoxing in jail or something, instead of while riding horses and eating vegan food at some $5K a night celeb rehab.


Well fuck yes it does. Did you see that Dr. Phil show? You can hear the aggravation and desperation in the moms voice, as she talks about all the freeloaders Bam invites to the house.

“HOW DARE THEY MOOCH OFF MAH SON?! THEY’RE SIPHONING AWAY CASH THAT SHOULD BELONG TO ME!”

Most famous skateboarders are dreadful people.
The lack of self preservation skateboarding requires seems to go along with a combination of unbalanced state of mind and arrogance.

 

[booklover]

Someone earlier in the thread used the term dry drunk as a way to say asshole, but I always used dry drunk to describe a 12 stepper that replaced alcohol or whatever with sanctimoniousness. Their new addiction was being better than all the other drunks and it was literally their entire personality. I mean also a huge asshole but an AA asshole.

I've definitely seen the term "dry drunk" used to described George W. Bush.

 

[Volmsaiyan]

I never really liked Bam, I thought he was an obnoxious spoiled bitch,but whenever Steve-O was going apeshit destroying apartments,having coke,tranquilizer drug episodes & went on that jackass 24hour takeover & the adam corolla show fuckin loaded everyone bent over backwards to get him to rehab. With Bam they just didn't really give a fuck & fired him. That says alot.

 

[Flavius Claudius Julianus]

No doubt they all have buttholes like cup holders

'Bet your ass is like a Skippy jar.'

 

[Rogowski]

He’s turned on Matthew Lidwin:

LMAO.
Now imagine you’re just some dumb fuck high schooler from Wisconsin who decides to take a chance on a dream so you show up on the doorstep of your teen idol dressed exactly like him and he still answers the door and also digs your music that’s just Great Value-tier HIM and he lets you move into his house so you can drop out of school and follow your dreams.

Cool right?
Absolutely.
That is, until your teen Idol stops making movies and is too fat to skate so he instead spends his time with your junkie sister getting shitfaced and spinning the crystal globe for days on end in a cheap hotel room until things like “hey I should go yell at my ex-wife while she eats lunch in a public setting with my son” or “now seems like the perfect moment to piss in my brothers (or rather, my own) sink and exchange blows with him before running into the woods like a gay Chris Dorner”.

And now this, I know I ragged on this kid yesterday but he mentioned his sister stealing 6K from him and I absolutely believe him over Bamuel and meth ho.

Speaking of:

I aint buying this either but I’ll be happy to be proven wrong.

 

[CaptainDong]

View attachment 5096364

Why the fuck would this retard think it would be smart to post a pic with obvious active track marks/pick marks in the same breath as talking about proving being sober? Why the fuck is this retard using 'baker act' when he knows PA uses the 201/302/303 process? Why the fuck does this retard think it's a good idea to publicly skirt the 'no contact with victims' clause in his bail? Jesus christ buy this faggot a helmet and make him wear it all the time, I'm afraid he may forget that he needs to breathe on a consistent basis and hit his head.

Edited because I am also a retard and added too many replies

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Bam Margera giving up on drinking is like Bam !angers giving up on getting more absurd and hisrous tattoos. It’s just way too much of a challenge to not go through with it.

 

[Dr. Butt]

They'd have to cut him off completely to let him hit rock bottom, and I'm guessing that despite everything he still has final say on his money. So I would assume Ape and Phil are never going to let him loose to hit his rock bottom out of fear of him cutting them off from the fortune and burning it all to make a statement.

I think they're worried he'll die within 5 minutes of being left in charge. Ape and Phil are clearly responsible with money and probably had a decent retirement fund started when Bam first got famous as a teenager. I bet they'd love for him to hit rock bottom, if his rock bottom wasn't definitely death.

 

[Lurka Derka]

View attachment 5096363

They allegedly found meth baggies in Bam's pockets when his girlfriend went through them, according to Jess..

Tweet/Archive

 

[jewshcensorship]

Think this YouTube comment about sums it up:

“Ive never looked up to steve o, but the way he promotes his own stuff by sharing gossip bam sites like reddit is weird...what kinda friend is that? ”

Bam may be an asshole and a lolcow, but with friends like these and all that.

Fuck Bam and fuck all these early 2000’s Jackass survivors grifting him for a buck.

I’d feel a lot less cynical if he just stuck to making fun of the situation, instead of all this BS “mah ol fren!” nonsense and “we kicked him out of our 10 million dollar Jackass movie OUTTA LOVE GUISE! Honest!”

He had Bam on maybe a year ago and was trying to prop up Bam as this individual on a path to redemption when he clearly wasn't even in the right mind for any of it. On top of that, he was trying to force Bam to make statements about MTV executives saying that they did nothing wrong to him and everything is in Bam's own head. Maybe that is true, but it felt bizarre like Steve-O was on the side of the bigwigs and not his supposed friend Bam. Steve-O is a soulless grifter at this point and if you watch his podcast, it's filled with his unfunny commercials trying to sell you stupid shit every 15 minutes. I never watched his podcast again after that. It was this episode for anyone gay enough to want to watch:

 

[WutangLee]

I think they're worried he'll die within 5 minutes of being left in charge. Ape and Phil are clearly responsible with money and probably had a decent retirement fund started when Bam first got famous as a teenager. I bet they'd love for him to hit rock bottom, if his rock bottom wasn't definitely death.

As far shitty sibing relationships, Bam has actually gotten a better deal compared to his contemporaries. They protected Bams money from Bam up to this point. Compared to someone like Dane Cook where his brother destroyed his fortune, Bam's parents protected it.

That being said, I think Bam is dependent type. He's never lived away from his parents and was a spoiled brat growing up. He didn't bring them into his castle out of kindness, more than likely he needs that unconditional love or he'll start having meltdowns. If he kicks them out, he'll bring them back eventually .