Original (Archive)
Hello, I am not writing this to garner sympathy. I am writing this because I thought it would be informative for people to read about what i have gone through concerning scary and sexually abusive experiences in my life. Just normal life as a female. I think it is important to state that nothing I list below is unusual for most of the women I have talked to about these types of things.
I am going to list these experiences as they come to mind. They are not going to be in any particular order. Some things are much worse than others, however, they are all important to list, as they all concern different types of abuse, sexual and otherwise. I have been thinking about these experiences of mine, quite a lot lately. My go to is to write things down when they start to get overwhelming. Sometimes painting and reading are not enough. So here goes.
* At five years old, I was taken into the room of a fifteen year old neighbor girl, who used to babysit me and my sister. She took off my shirt, and her own, then touched my chest, and made me do the same to her. She put her fingers on my vaginal area, over my pants. I don't remember what happened after that. I kept this to myself, and finally told my parents about it when I was 13.
* I have been whistled at by males in cars many times, screamed at about my different body parts, and let me just say that when you are walking down the street, minding your own business, and someone yells at you from behind or beside you, it makes you jump, and scares the shit out of you, because you are not expecting it.
* The first time I remember being screamed at, I was fourteen. NICE ASS! Which came out of the mouth of an adult male. I was walking up the steps at the fair, going into the history exhibit. There were lots of people around, no one blinked an eye.
* Adult male carnies, at the same fair, triying to pick me up.
* My mother and I were at the seafood market, and an old man started talking to me, telling me that oysters were sexual aphrodisiacs. (I was fourteen) apparently, fourteen was the magic number, for the most part. Of course, we got the heck out of there.
* When I was sixteen, mom and I went to lunch at a restaurant/bar. The men at the bar started loudly talking about how they wanted to have a piece of me and my mom. How we were fine looking, and other vulgar stuff. The bartender did nothing, we had to leave.
*I was walking down the path to the office, in high school one day, and 3 boys told me they were going to rape me, after school.
*Again, a teenager, I was walking down market street, in San Francisco, and a man started following me, telling me that he wanted some, "trim."
*I was sixteen, my girlfriend was fourteen, we were walking down market street, and two sailors kept following us around, offering to buy us anything we wanted, if only we would go out to dinner with them that evening. Of course, we said no, and told them our ages. Didn't matter to them at all.
*Went to a friend's wedding, and her friend's husband, came up behind me and put his hand/fingers, way down low, on my rear.
*My roommate's fiance told me in front of her and her family, that I would look beautiful in the clothes she was showing them, that she had picked out for her wedding party.
*I was grabbed in a suffocating hug, kissed forcefully, and told that I needed to leave my husband.
* I was grabbed again, hands going over my breasts and rear, and french kissed. (A different guy and time)
*I was grabbed and held by the sides of my face and French kissed, I was seventeen, the guy was in his twenties.
*Grabbed in the walkin freezer at work by the bread man, he attacked me, I got away and ran into the office and locked myself in.
*Same bread guy was always saying inappropriate shit to me.
*At work as a waitress at the country club, i was sexually harassed by my manager. An example, he walked up behind me when i was rolling silverware, and put his arms on either side of me, rubbed his penis on me, leaned in my ear, and asked me if i was wet.
*The male members at the country club continually hit on me, asking me how many guys I dated, etc.
*Cooks at the country club sexually harassd me, and were verbally abusive when I told them to leave me alone.
* A guy I had went to school with, starting in elementary, (I considered him a friend.) Saw me walking down the road one day, offered me a ride home, told me he heard I was getting divorced, and did I want to go have a drink with him. (He was married) I said no, I didn't think so. He kept asking me if we could go have a beer at my house. I said no, he kept circling the block and would not let me out of the truck. Oh, I forgot, when I first got in the truck, he told me that he had always hoped he would see me walking down the road, so that he could offer me a "ride somewhere." I finally got him to let me out of the truck.
*My ex husband and I had friends of his over from his school days, we lived in a two room apartment. I had too much to drink, and went in our room to lay down. While my husband was outside with some other friends, two of his childhood friends mauled me in my bed and kissed me. Hazy memories of that incident.
*Walking down the street one day, and 3 guys drove in front of me, cut off my ability to walk around them, and asked me if I wanted to go and "party" with them. I Ignored them and they kept following me, shouting obscenities.
*Followed around the block by guys in cars more times than I can say. One guy was so persistent that I screamed at him, "get the fuck away from me, you murderer."
*Went out on a date, and was raped. Afterwards, The guy told me that he really liked me, and would I like to go out to dinner with him the next night?
* My ex husband raped me.
* Dinner with my parents, with his work colleague and his wife. Age fourteen again. My dad's work friend started talking about my "budding body" and how pretty i was.
*Walking down the street, going to meet my now husband, and a group of guys, as they were walking towards me, told me that I was "going to get fucked tonight." They all laughed at me as they walked past me.
*Can't forget the classic, "Smile, you would be so much prettier if you smiled." Said more times than I can count.
*Husband's uncle was continually pinching my rear and telling me that when I got bored of his nephew, he was willing to "take care of me."
*Followed home from a restaurant one night, by a man in a truck. I had to walk past my house, and run away from him, so he wouldn't know where I lived.
*Got disgusting sexual calls at my work, and no matter who else answered the phone, including other women, he would wait until it was me on the phone.
*Was at a party, and one of the guys tried to break into the bathroom, while I was in there. He was pushing the door inward, I was able to keep him out, I have no idea how I was able to do that. Terror?
*At fifteen, my first boyfriend, who was 18, tried to rape me on the wet football field one night.
*My first time going out with a boy in high school, he parked and grabbed me and kissed me, without my consent.
*Went out with my girlfriend one Friday night, and a group of men tried to convince us to go to a party with them. We were both fifteen.
Well, I do think that this list gives enough of a glimpse of what has happened to an ordinary woman during her life. I am now 56 years old. I must say, when I have thought about this stuff, it did not seem this extensive. Writing all of this down though, has made me realize the enormity of it all. Internalizing this crap is one thing, seeing it all down here, is blowing my mind. This is mostly what I can remember right now, I am sure there is more I am forgetting.
I can't say this enough, this list is not strange or unique, which is a big part of why I wanted to write this all down here. Some women and girls have had more terrible experiences, some less, but the awful thing about this is that these types of behaviors by men happen every single day to women and girls, and some men do not seem to understand the day in, day out reality of it. It is exhausting emotionally. Reading through this list, I am amazed I am still here, and surviving.
P.S. I intentionally did not include how some of these experiences were resolved, as it would be too much and too long to write about all of that. Also, if anyone is wondering, I have never had a driver's, incense, I rode my bike, or walked everywhere. I lived in a pretty small town.
HELLO, I WANT ALL OF YOU TO KNOW, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REPLY TO ALL OF THE COMMENTS, IT IS QUITE A LOT, SO IF I MISSED SOME OF YOU, I AM SORRY!
THANKS ALL, FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION!
Hello, I am not writing this to garner sympathy. I am writing this because I thought it would be informative for people to read about what i have gone through concerning scary and sexually abusive experiences in my life. Just normal life as a female. I think it is important to state that nothing I list below is unusual for most of the women I have talked to about these types of things.
I am going to list these experiences as they come to mind. They are not going to be in any particular order. Some things are much worse than others, however, they are all important to list, as they all concern different types of abuse, sexual and otherwise. I have been thinking about these experiences of mine, quite a lot lately. My go to is to write things down when they start to get overwhelming. Sometimes painting and reading are not enough. So here goes.
* At five years old, I was taken into the room of a fifteen year old neighbor girl, who used to babysit me and my sister. She took off my shirt, and her own, then touched my chest, and made me do the same to her. She put her fingers on my vaginal area, over my pants. I don't remember what happened after that. I kept this to myself, and finally told my parents about it when I was 13.
* I have been whistled at by males in cars many times, screamed at about my different body parts, and let me just say that when you are walking down the street, minding your own business, and someone yells at you from behind or beside you, it makes you jump, and scares the shit out of you, because you are not expecting it.
* The first time I remember being screamed at, I was fourteen. NICE ASS! Which came out of the mouth of an adult male. I was walking up the steps at the fair, going into the history exhibit. There were lots of people around, no one blinked an eye.
* Adult male carnies, at the same fair, triying to pick me up.
* My mother and I were at the seafood market, and an old man started talking to me, telling me that oysters were sexual aphrodisiacs. (I was fourteen) apparently, fourteen was the magic number, for the most part. Of course, we got the heck out of there.
* When I was sixteen, mom and I went to lunch at a restaurant/bar. The men at the bar started loudly talking about how they wanted to have a piece of me and my mom. How we were fine looking, and other vulgar stuff. The bartender did nothing, we had to leave.
*I was walking down the path to the office, in high school one day, and 3 boys told me they were going to rape me, after school.
*Again, a teenager, I was walking down market street, in San Francisco, and a man started following me, telling me that he wanted some, "trim."
*I was sixteen, my girlfriend was fourteen, we were walking down market street, and two sailors kept following us around, offering to buy us anything we wanted, if only we would go out to dinner with them that evening. Of course, we said no, and told them our ages. Didn't matter to them at all.
*Went to a friend's wedding, and her friend's husband, came up behind me and put his hand/fingers, way down low, on my rear.
*My roommate's fiance told me in front of her and her family, that I would look beautiful in the clothes she was showing them, that she had picked out for her wedding party.
*I was grabbed in a suffocating hug, kissed forcefully, and told that I needed to leave my husband.
* I was grabbed again, hands going over my breasts and rear, and french kissed. (A different guy and time)
*I was grabbed and held by the sides of my face and French kissed, I was seventeen, the guy was in his twenties.
*Grabbed in the walkin freezer at work by the bread man, he attacked me, I got away and ran into the office and locked myself in.
*Same bread guy was always saying inappropriate shit to me.
*At work as a waitress at the country club, i was sexually harassed by my manager. An example, he walked up behind me when i was rolling silverware, and put his arms on either side of me, rubbed his penis on me, leaned in my ear, and asked me if i was wet.
*The male members at the country club continually hit on me, asking me how many guys I dated, etc.
*Cooks at the country club sexually harassd me, and were verbally abusive when I told them to leave me alone.
* A guy I had went to school with, starting in elementary, (I considered him a friend.) Saw me walking down the road one day, offered me a ride home, told me he heard I was getting divorced, and did I want to go have a drink with him. (He was married) I said no, I didn't think so. He kept asking me if we could go have a beer at my house. I said no, he kept circling the block and would not let me out of the truck. Oh, I forgot, when I first got in the truck, he told me that he had always hoped he would see me walking down the road, so that he could offer me a "ride somewhere." I finally got him to let me out of the truck.
*My ex husband and I had friends of his over from his school days, we lived in a two room apartment. I had too much to drink, and went in our room to lay down. While my husband was outside with some other friends, two of his childhood friends mauled me in my bed and kissed me. Hazy memories of that incident.
*Walking down the street one day, and 3 guys drove in front of me, cut off my ability to walk around them, and asked me if I wanted to go and "party" with them. I Ignored them and they kept following me, shouting obscenities.
*Followed around the block by guys in cars more times than I can say. One guy was so persistent that I screamed at him, "get the fuck away from me, you murderer."
*Went out on a date, and was raped. Afterwards, The guy told me that he really liked me, and would I like to go out to dinner with him the next night?
* My ex husband raped me.
* Dinner with my parents, with his work colleague and his wife. Age fourteen again. My dad's work friend started talking about my "budding body" and how pretty i was.
*Walking down the street, going to meet my now husband, and a group of guys, as they were walking towards me, told me that I was "going to get fucked tonight." They all laughed at me as they walked past me.
*Can't forget the classic, "Smile, you would be so much prettier if you smiled." Said more times than I can count.
*Husband's uncle was continually pinching my rear and telling me that when I got bored of his nephew, he was willing to "take care of me."
*Followed home from a restaurant one night, by a man in a truck. I had to walk past my house, and run away from him, so he wouldn't know where I lived.
*Got disgusting sexual calls at my work, and no matter who else answered the phone, including other women, he would wait until it was me on the phone.
*Was at a party, and one of the guys tried to break into the bathroom, while I was in there. He was pushing the door inward, I was able to keep him out, I have no idea how I was able to do that. Terror?
*At fifteen, my first boyfriend, who was 18, tried to rape me on the wet football field one night.
*My first time going out with a boy in high school, he parked and grabbed me and kissed me, without my consent.
*Went out with my girlfriend one Friday night, and a group of men tried to convince us to go to a party with them. We were both fifteen.
Well, I do think that this list gives enough of a glimpse of what has happened to an ordinary woman during her life. I am now 56 years old. I must say, when I have thought about this stuff, it did not seem this extensive. Writing all of this down though, has made me realize the enormity of it all. Internalizing this crap is one thing, seeing it all down here, is blowing my mind. This is mostly what I can remember right now, I am sure there is more I am forgetting.
I can't say this enough, this list is not strange or unique, which is a big part of why I wanted to write this all down here. Some women and girls have had more terrible experiences, some less, but the awful thing about this is that these types of behaviors by men happen every single day to women and girls, and some men do not seem to understand the day in, day out reality of it. It is exhausting emotionally. Reading through this list, I am amazed I am still here, and surviving.
P.S. I intentionally did not include how some of these experiences were resolved, as it would be too much and too long to write about all of that. Also, if anyone is wondering, I have never had a driver's, incense, I rode my bike, or walked everywhere. I lived in a pretty small town.
HELLO, I WANT ALL OF YOU TO KNOW, I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REPLY TO ALL OF THE COMMENTS, IT IS QUITE A LOT, SO IF I MISSED SOME OF YOU, I AM SORRY!
THANKS ALL, FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION!
