Virginity & Society - how virginity effects the social lives of people

[vertexwindi]

What is "hotdogging"?

Humping someone's buttcheeks

 

[*Asterisk*]

I want to rate half of this dumb and the other half agree. Someone help.

Which parts?

 

[Caesare]

Humping someone's buttcheeks

So is that kind of like the newer version of telling a young lady "Lemme just put the head in." lol. That's what we used to say as horny youths, though I think that one is older than dirt.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

I lost my virginity to my best friend.

We've always been pretty physically intimate, but no penetration. I dunno why but it never really came up. Then one time I was talking with her about hotdogging, one thing led to another and I soon lost my virginity to her. It wasn't quite as amazing as you'd believe but I was prepared for that.

Now we have a pretty good sexual relationship. We talk a lot about what we like and don't like and it helps a lot to keep things interesting and pleasurable.

Interesting how the thread has verged between casual sex or no sex. I guess that is the culture the modern west finds itself in most of the time. I wanted to contribute to this thread in a meaningful way, but I am one of the those people who just got really lucky.

I met my partner at seventeen, later married them (we were both very religious, even in our teens- though we didn't settle into everything until after college), and have never had sex with anyone else. I would never want to. Hell, I have never held hands with anyone else. We never worried about having kids, as by longstanding pact with my sibling I sterilized myself after they had their first child (we both thought only one of us should have to suffer to propagate the family line, the other would go on having fun forever).

Years went on and things worked out well, we mostly just drank and traveled. Still do. My well-to-do family helped them get back on their feet and finish college (they were a poor orphan, lol sucks for them) and they taught me how not to be a pretentious, aristocratic, asshole (all the time).

I feel so profoundly for the lonely people of this world, and for those who feel used, but can't truly empathize with them in a meaningful way. I never had to question romance or who I would end up with. By the time I had to start asking those questions I had run into some one perfect. We did everything you were supposed to do, spent years getting to know one another and had a long engagement, etc. Long getaways in California and all that shit. In the end we were both surprised it worked. It didn't always seem like it would (thanks for totaling TWO of my cars you shitty driver. Sorry I blew all my savings on paying off my student debts instead of getting that house we wanted...).

Which means my dating and sex advice is really, really, horrible. I only know how to wine & dine one person, and I have no clue how I would fuck anyone but them. Sex is fucking awesome in and of itself though, and I feel like I would try to do it once in awhile even if things had been different. Good luck to you guys, whatever path you choose, and I hope you find meaning in life if not in sex or romance.

I'm in the same boat as you guys. Call me old fashioned but I'd only want to have sex with someone who I want to be with forever. This is just my personal way of going about it and I'm not going to push it on anyone else. Boyfriend was my best friend for a long time before we got together. Still is. I still have a lot of issues with intimacy but I'm working through them. And yes you guys are right, it is fucking awesome.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Interesting how the thread has verged between casual sex or no sex. I guess that is the culture the modern west finds itself in most of the time. I wanted to contribute to this thread in a meaningful way, but I am one of the those people who just got really lucky.

I met my partner at seventeen, later married them (we were both very religious, even in our teens- though we didn't settle into everything until after college), and have never had sex with anyone else. I would never want to. Hell, I have never held hands with anyone else. We never worried about having kids, as by longstanding pact with my sibling I sterilized myself after they had their first child (we both thought only one of us should have to suffer to propagate the family line, the other would go on having fun forever).

Years went on and things worked out well, we mostly just drank and traveled. Still do. My well-to-do family helped them get back on their feet and finish college (they were a poor orphan, lol sucks for them) and they taught me how not to be a pretentious, aristocratic, asshole (all the time).

I feel so profoundly for the lonely people of this world, and for those who feel used, but can't truly empathize with them in a meaningful way. I never had to question romance or who I would end up with. By the time I had to start asking those questions I had run into some one perfect. We did everything you were supposed to do, spent years getting to know one another and had a long engagement, etc. Long getaways in California and all that shit. In the end we were both surprised it worked. It didn't always seem like it would (thanks for totaling TWO of my cars you shitty driver. Sorry I blew all my savings on paying off my student debts instead of getting that house we wanted...).

Which means my dating and sex advice is really, really, horrible. I only know how to wine & dine one person, and I have no clue how I would fuck anyone but them. Sex is fucking awesome in and of itself though, and I feel like I would try to do it once in awhile even if things had been different. Good luck to you guys, whatever path you choose, and I hope you find meaning in life if not in sex or romance.

• Learn to drink and be able to function inebriated. No sober person finds a drunk person attractive, but drunk people are far more likely to speak to other drunk people. The lamest pickup lines you will ever hear can be inoffensive while intoxicated.

I really see no appeal in casual sex. I only want to have children and that's it. I do not think that losing my virginity through casual sex in Canada will do anything for that in a year after 1965. Since supposedly losing one's virginity doesn't increase one's status whatsoever I will not be able to use it to bargain for obtaining a long term relationship where I can have children and I have the fear of stds so I think I am just going to attempt to jump straight to children

 

[vertexwindi]

I'm in the same boat as you guys. Call me old fashioned but I'd only want to have sex with someone who I want to be with forever. This is just my personal way of going about it and I'm not going to push it on anyone else. Boyfriend was my best friend for a long time before we got together. Still is. I still have a lot of issues with intimacy but I'm working through them. And yes you guys are right, it is fucking awesome.

Eh. I did try casual sex once but it wasn't to my liking.

So is that kind of like the newer version of telling a young lady "Lemme just put the head in." lol. That's what we used to say as horny youths, though I think that one is older than dirt.

Nah it's just kinda like dry humping man. I still got off.

 

[Globe]

Lost it slightly earlier than the average guy (emphasis on "slightly") and didn't particularly enjoy it. Only ever been with one girl that was a virgin and the first time with her was kinda bad too, for both of us. Gone on to have a pretty great sex life since then, and other girls that I've had an amazing, absolutely mind-blowing sexual chemistry with have told me about the same thing regarding virginity; their first time wasn't any better than mine.

If you're not noticing the pattern here, most people don't enjoy sex the first time they do it. There's a bunch of different reasons for that, but it doesn't really change what it is; the first time you do it, it's either going to be at least kinda shitty or just really, really unremarkable. But because it's the first, we can't help but place a lot of significance on it, and so many people do it in a way that's counter-intuitive. Too many people see it as a rite of passage or an expression of their relationship or some other really abstract shit when they really need to just think of it as ripping a band-aid off because that's pretty much what it is.

I won't tell you what kind of emotion you should attach to sex. It's pretty great and it can be an expression and it can be a rite and it can be whatever other abstract shit you like to think about it, but you aren't going to know anywhere near enough about it to fulfill any of that on your first time doing it. However if you keep doing it, sensations will become more familiar, anxieties will diminish, and you'll ultimately see what all the fuss is about.

 

[friedshrimp]

I guess the whole stigma of female virginity can be a double-edged sword- on one hand you have the group that calls a girl a prude just because she won't put out, and the other group to call her a slut because she did. And then there are the ones related to pregnancy, at least in some circles, where a woman without children is seen as a "broken" woman, but if you end up being a 20 year old mom you're also an irresponsible slut, you whore.
It's like moms in these people's minds can only be perfect little housewives dedicated to the hubby and the kids ala a 50s sitcom or this Superwoman who manages to hold off three jobs as an Executive of sorts while also dealing with a squealing kid in the background (single women, this is how you should live your life!). It's like whatever happens women MUST drop babies out of their cooches at one point in their lives no matter what, it's their only duty in life.

And power level...

I first lost it back at a typical age but I never really felt satisfied with my exes. Either they were too impatient or refused me it when i actually wanted to fuck. TBH doesn't help that I have screwed up hormones that might increase the chances of me getting pregnant.

This year fell in love with my best friend, and initially struggled with it bc falling in love with your best friend is always awkward, but dunno we're just talking about it and it seems to be doing good. had sex with her and it felt much better than with any of the guys. I dunno i guess this is dumb and cheesy but i'm really in love with her and she's been my hope spot for some time that i've been really depressed and pessimistic about.

I guess my advice is for you to do it with someone that actually turns you on otherwise instead of fun it'll feel like a fucking chore.

 

[idosometimes]

Female virginity is only the ideal in fantasy and on r9k. Guys are less hostile toward female virgins, but the ideal is someone who knows how to be intimate in a physical way sexually. Someone else mentioned that the virgin preference was about ensuring that the kid was yours. It was, and this doesn't matter any more. People put off kids so long that they need drugs and whatever else fertility treatment is to have their autismed babies at 40.

By mid-20s to early-30s pretty much everyone is well beyond sex with virgins. Who wants awkward bad sex at 28? Interestingly gays are the most against being with virgins, but probably only because buttsex is so involved and gay death is always around the corner. As someone else wrote, the only time gays want virgins is when they are "curious" heteros, but even then they want guys who have fucked girls.

I am a supporter of the no sex lifestyle, but that is probably because I don't like people, don't like being naked, have severe anxiety, and react poorly to sensory input like being touched or bad smells. Other people can have sex, but I don't want any part of it. I don't want to be in any relationship ever simply because I don't want any possibility of sex.

 

[Caesare]

Lost it slightly earlier than the average guy (emphasis on "slightly") and didn't particularly enjoy it. Only ever been with one girl that was a virgin and the first time with her was kinda bad too,.

Being an early blooming young Catholic boy at school in 3rd grade, I vividly remember hearing that premarital sex was a mortal sin and thinking, "Ehh, I'll take my chances". The problem is with early blooming as a male is that it is extremely hard to find a female with similar thoughts at that age, (And I'm not talking about 3rd grade, you deviant minded people lol.)

When I was in 8th grade, I guess about 13-14, I finally found a female early bloomer like me, we didn't go all the way, but everything we did from kissing, to fooling around, phone sex, was mind blowing for a young innocent boy like me. Although we went to the same school, she lived in the city neighboring mine, so there was no chance for us to be alone together much.

Finally, she was babysitting in my vicinity, about 7 miles away. And don't you know, I rode my bicycle those seven miles in the hot summer heat to be alone with her. We didn't commit "the act" but did everything but. She was babysitting for a very devout Catholic family we know from CYO (Catholic Youth Organization) who had like 7 kids, though she was just babysitting the youngest, a three year old.

Anyway, young me was leaning up against the wall, and these people had Catholic portraits and crosses all over their home, and while I was getting what the kids call "a BJ" I knocked a picture of the Virgin Mary down. She didn't care much, but imagine what that did to my innocent wishy-washy young Catholic mindset. I was never so horrified and aroused at the same time in my life.

I hate to get too personal but that was like 20 years ago and I thought it was too funny a story not to share. I was quite the silly little goose in my younger days. I've never told anyone that story till this day.

 

[Gym Leader Elesa]

Instead of going into detail about 13-year-olds having sex, let's not do that.

I have to admit I actually thought that story was amazing on a human/humor level.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

I have to admit I actually thought that story was amazing on a human/humor level.

Eh, maybe.

 

[*Asterisk*]

Eh, maybe.

You could just keep your hand out of your pocket when reading stories like this.

 

[Terrorist]

What is "hotdogging"?

Like motorboating, but with the ass instead of breasts.

 

[Caesare]

.


Nah it's just kinda like dry humping man. I still got off.

No, no, you're misunderstanding me I think. The point of the old line "just let me put the head in" wasn't because we wanted to do that and nothing more. It was the fact that if a young lady was comfortable with just "putting the head in" it was going to rapidly turn into sex. Once you break the seal, its all over with. We knew it, the female knew it. I think it was more of a way of asking for "first time" sex with an individual without her having to say, "Yeah, let's go for it!" This way, mentally, she could convince herself that she was just "fooling around" and it just so managed to get out of hand so there was less guilt involved. Hey, we were naughty young Catholics, we didn't want to piss God off too much, but maybe He would be more forgiving if we were just "fooling around" and it got a little "out of hand" lol.

There is a very strong chance that I have no fucking clue what I'm talking about, as I'm not a female and I can't really say with any degree of certainty what the heck they were thinking during those times lol.

 

[Lackadaisy]

tfw when @*Asterisk* isn't the saddest person in a thread about virginity

 

[Urban Superstition]

Virginity is entirely mental. Even for girls, whose hymens can wear down or tear from moderate physical activity. And that's not even taking into account the fact that a lot of them masturbate, or won't even bleed on their first time.

But I can see where the "women must save it for someone special, men should lose it as soon as possible" comes from. In the wild it's advantageous for females, who can only be pregnant once every few months (give or take), to be choosy. While males, who can impregnate whenever they want, can go all out.

However, I believe humans are pretty above that at this point. We aren't cavemen anymore, our success is mostly environmental rather than genetic anymore, and there's too many of us anyway.

Also, I think it's bullshit that sex is listed as a physiological need in Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

 

[LordAzazel]

However, I believe humans are pretty above that at this point. We aren't cavemen anymore, our success is mostly environmental rather than genetic anymore, and there's too many of us anyway.

Just to be sure, because you seem to think we have to rise above our "nature": "women must save it for someone special, men should lose it as soon as possible" is a pure social construct, it was never "nature" to begin with.

Some Native American tribes fucked everyone they liked. Some African tribes also fucked everyone they liked. Female monogamy is only that widespread because the Judeo-Christo culture is that widespread, and we put everyone to the sword who had different ideas than we had.

Hell, look at bonobo's. Females can still only be pregnant once in a while, doesn't stop them from fucking everyone they like. Monogamy (with an emphasis on female monogamy) only became the prevelant norm for Western civilization when we started to own stuff and it became important to pass down possessions to your actual offspring (and when it became the norm for women to leave their social groups to marry men in other groups, giving the men the opportunity to solidify their power base with friends they've known for their whole life while women had to start building up new friendships and societal power as an outsider, which lead to preferential treatment for those in power).

TL;DR: Evopsych always sounds nice, but if someone puts a gun to your head and asks you whether we do [X] in a particular way because of culture or because of nature, it's a safe bet to answer culture every time. And before anyone takes away from this message that monogamy is outdated and nonmonogamous people are simply more advanced: You're a bad person and should feel bad. My only point is that everyone should do what works for them and what makes sense for them, since there's no "right" way that nature "intended".

Yes, before you ask, the main reason why I'm not in a relationship is because I fear my SO will judge me for my habit of periodic hate fapping where I read the latest evopsych articles and use chili pepper paste as lube.

The physical and mental pain working in unison is exquisite. I highly recommend anyone to try it!

 

[*Asterisk*]

Some Native American tribes fucked everyone they liked. Some African tribes also fucked everyone they liked. Female monogamy is only that widespread because the Judeo-Christo culture is that widespread, and we put everyone to the sword who had different ideas than we had.

Those societies are actually quite regimented. Families are just constructed around nieces and nephews rather than sons and daughters. Pocahontas's tribe worked just like this, passing kinship thru maternal-line nephews rather than fraternal line sons.

It actually makes a lot of sense. You're guaranteed to be related to your sisters' and mothers' children no matter what kind of sex life they have. But these societies work where 'free love' communes and polycuck circlejerks fail because they keep shit organized.

 

[Philosophy Zombie]

https://kiwifarms.net/data/Siropu/Chat/Images/3729577b559fd2dde.jpeg

if you are a virgin you're basically the small baby crushed by the big baby

I'm pretty sure this is how sex works