Virginity & Society - how virginity effects the social lives of people

[The Fool]

lol who cares i have anime

 

[TopCat]

Spoiler: TW: Powerlevelling

About 10 years ago, I was a virgin with rage. I'll admit it.

I was such a virgin with rage that I almost fell in with the manosphere.

I read the Mystery Method and David De Angelo's "Double your Dating." I learned how to neg ("nice dress, are you wearing it for a bet?") and to DHV ("of course, I had some difficulty justifying to my client that I was charging £220.00 per hour for my time"), and to reverse kino ("you have something in your hair *uses it as opportunity to stroke her face accidentally on purpose*") This didn't get me lucky. It did, however, get me thrown out of pubs for being a creephat, regardless of how well dressed or groomed I was at the time.

What the PUA/MRA mob don't tell you is that pick up artistry is basically a numbers game. Of course the grease-stain who spends every evening hanging out in meat-markety bars and clubs is going to score more often. But how many times will he be spat at, slapped, or kneed in the knackers?

I contemplated hiring a prostitute to get the V plates wrenched off my being. I didn't though.

Then I moved to London and ceased caring about it. I decided that my time would be better spent trying to do well at my job and enjoying self without constantly thinking, "MUST FUCK WOMENS." And do you know what?

It worked.

I was 200 times more successful (approx.) with girls than I ever was when trying all the PUA bollox.

I wasn't a virgin shortly after that. This is because desperation is a massive turn off, and lamenting being a virgin with rage and trying PUA nonsense is obvious and desperate.

The best advice I can give anyone who's fretting about being a virgin is this. Don't. If you get dragged into a bull session about Your First Time, lie like a used car salesman. Better still, make it completely and totally unbelievable. And if asked straight up, "are you a virgin," lie.

The sort of people who care about whether you're a virgin or not, well, they probably are all virgins as well. There's a cartoon in Viz magazine over here called Sid the Sexist. In it, the fat, ugly, unemployable protagonist goes on constantly about how awesome he is at getting lucky and how he's God's Gift to Women. When in reality he's basically the Geordie equivalent of CWC. All his mates are unemployable failures with girls too, but lie about it.

Did you know that there was actually a Sid the Sexist cartoon?

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Did you know that there was actually a Sid the Sexist cartoon?

Yep, seen all of it.

Tiiiiiiiits ooooooot!

There was comparatively recently a Sid the Sexist strip where he almost got some. He'd met a pair of lasses from London on online dating but even though they were clearly up for it, both of them, he fucked it up because his mates convinced him that all Londoners were responsible for changing Newcastle United's home ground to the Sports Direct Stadium.

 

[Bassomatic]

I think spending time in the old LTC has driven me to madness. Now with out bragging I've always been able to get women, it's all luck based I assure you because I'm a complete fuck wit. Now I'm an old man but I lost mine early, because some friends who were older wanted to hook me up and get me into the cool club. It was going to be my b-day gift. Now, said girl who was nice enough to offer up didn't know how painfully shy bassomatic was as a early teen and kinda ruined it because I was too nervous to tell her she took me before bday by a day. So long story short, I lost mine at 14.

Now as my feelings for my own sexual life goes I was feeling awesome because I got laid young for a long time, then I felt, dare say, victimized. Now as a grown man I don't care it was one lay, it was awful not that it was bad or unwanted just shitty sex as a confused nervous 14 year old gives/has.

Much like any aspect of life you grown and learn your sexuality. Much like I learned my temper better or desires or goals. Now where I stand as much as I feel I "wasted" it, I grew and learned and adapted. I'm lucky enough not raped etc. I lost mine, in a way that's not story book but what ever. I lost it and it happened and I grew as a person. I grew and accepted I "wasted" it.

I think almost everyone does really. It's such a society over hype. It's stupid who cares. I'm friends with someone my age who has chosen to be a virgin. I constantly bust his balls but we have kind of friend ship we rip on each other on it. I honestly respect him. I understand his back round and he just won't have sex, I've had some real man talks saying look your mom was an idiot (refused abortion at 16) but sex isn't evil. He needs to make that buffer I won't push him.

Frankly my biggest fear is explaining how much I whored around. Woe is me right? People who judge you on it past good teasing material aren't good friends.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

I think spending time in the old LTC has driven me to madness. Now with out bragging I've always been able to get women, it's all luck based I assure you because I'm a complete fuck wit. Now I'm an old man but I lost mine early, because some friends who were older wanted to hook me up and get me into the cool club. It was going to be my b-day gift. Now, said girl who was nice enough to offer up didn't know how painfully shy bassomatic was as a early teen and kinda ruined it because I was too nervous to tell her she took me before bday by a day. So long story short, I lost mine at 14.

Now as my feelings for my own sexual life goes I was feeling awesome because I got laid young for a long time, then I felt, dare say, victimized. Now as a grown man I don't care it was one lay, it was awful not that it was bad or unwanted just shitty sex as a confused nervous 14 year old gives/has.

Much like any aspect of life you grown and learn your sexuality. Much like I learned my temper better or desires or goals. Now where I stand as much as I feel I "wasted" it, I grew and learned and adapted. I'm lucky enough not raped etc. I lost mine, in a way that's not story book but what ever. I lost it and it happened and I grew as a person. I grew and accepted I "wasted" it.

I think almost everyone does really. It's such a society over hype. It's stupid who cares. I'm friends with someone my age who has chosen to be a virgin. I constantly bust his balls but we have kind of friend ship we rip on each other on it. I honestly respect him. I understand his back round and he just won't have sex, I've had some real man talks saying look your mom was an idiot (refused abortion at 16) but sex isn't evil. He needs to make that buffer I won't push him.

Frankly my biggest fear is explaining how much I whored around. Woe is me right? People who judge you on it past good teasing material aren't good friends.

Jesus Christ. You were as old as my little brother is now and I'm horrified. Don't envy you.

But yes, you're right about everything else.

 

[Bassomatic]

Sorry, I wanted to chime in with what really happened. I had to grow up and accept it.

Score card is a LOT bigger. Girl I'm seeing now hasn't heard mine.... and that's an issue I was a whore... I can't help I'm pretty and likable.

Peer pressure can be a real bitch at that age. Funny I didn't smoke a cig, ever to be cool but did that. My best advice is make little bro feel confident and you won't be able to take the lure of sex away, fear regret etc won't link. He's a swimming pool of hormones. Just explain he will ruin/delay all the good sex he will have and wrap it up.

I can't say I know him but I know for me and those I talked to younger, saying this will mess up sex later scares them off smashing. I know some people feel more hands off as long as they are safe, and I respect that I just think that's really young esp in today's society when 14 is like 9 I literally know people older who don't do their own laundry where at 14 I had some privileges not granted to adults and I was too young.

 

[The Great Chandler]

I don't mind if someone's a virgin just as long as they do something responsible.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

Sorry, I wanted to chime in with what really happened. I had to grow up and accept it.

Score card is a LOT bigger. Girl I'm seeing now hasn't heard mine.... and that's an issue I was a whore... I can't help I'm pretty and likable.

Peer pressure can be a real bitch at that age. Funny I didn't smoke a cig, ever to be cool but did that. My best advice is make little bro feel confident and you won't be able to take the lure of sex away, fear regret etc won't link. He's a swimming pool of hormones. Just explain he will ruin/delay all the good sex he will have and wrap it up.

I can't say I know him but I know for me and those I talked to younger, saying this will mess up sex later scares them off smashing. I know some people feel more hands off as long as they are safe, and I respect that I just think that's really young esp in today's society when 14 is like 9 I literally know people older who don't do their own laundry where at 14 I had some privileges not granted to adults and I was too young.

I never got the appeal of casual sex. If I have sex I'd at least want a relationship with that person first. No offense but I feel like anything less would cheapen it.

 

[Bassomatic]

Ehh, that's another topic as is.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

The only logical reason I can think of as to why girls should wait until a certain age or whatever to have sex is that they might get pregnant or get diseases, and a twelve year old most likely cannot mentally cope with that shit. Also, it might fuck up their body.
In a religion class I took once, the professor said that virginity was highly valued in women during much-older times because if a woman was a virgin when she got married, and her husband deflowered her, it was a 100% chance that any resulting child would be his. So it was about continuing the bloodline. He didn't really have sources for this though so it's up to you to believe or not.
I promised like three different people my virginity because I was madly infatuated with them at the time(s), it didn't end up coming to fruition with any of them (unless you count girl on girl which I personally don't count for myself), and I ended up saying "well fuck it" and having sex with a friend just to have done it. It was terrible.
However once I started having sex with someone who I was actually in a proper relationship with, the sex was much better. I'm glad I waited until I actually had the mental capacity for sex.

 

[fire_fly]

From where I sit, sex (or lack thereof) is, like -150 on a 1-10 scale of importance. I'm busting my ass at work 6-7 days a week and trying to lose weight and about 5000 other things, when do I have time to even think about sex, much less have it?

But when I was younger, I didn't have that excuse. I was just a lonely, mostly-ignored loser in high school, and I didn't have much of a social life once I was out on my own; I preferred to go to the movies alone, or stay home watching movies and painting. So I haven't had a lot of opportunities to lose my virginity. I'm very aware of how weird that is at my age, but there you have it.

For the most part, I don't feel stigmatized, but people ask me all the fucking time if I'm dating, what kind of guys/girls I like, etc. And I'm pretty terrified of my newer IRL friends figuring out that I'm still a virgin because of the massive amounts of judgement that usually follow that revelation. God knows it was bad enough getting that from my friends I've known 10+ years.

It's not like I couldn't go out and pull someone, I'm not that hideous. I just don't because when you work- and spend as much time in the car driving to and from work- as I do, getting laid is really unimportant. You'd rather just go home and lounge around watching YouTube until you crash.

 

[Kitlen]

Alright, I'll powerlevel. This is from a female perspective and someone actually trying to keep their virginity till marriage.

I'm 24, you bet I'd love to have sex but I'm waiting for several reasons. For one, I am religious, hopefully not in the asshole religious way. I was brought up religious but made my faith my own, I would consider myself more devout that my parents even. I'm not just waiting because "mom and dad said so." I deeply believe in abiding in my faith, and if virginity is a part of that, then so be it.

Secondly, I've been deeply hurt before. SUPER POWERLEVEL HERE! I was sexually assaulted (by my best friend no less) when I was 18 and never fully recovered. It was truly violating. It wasn't the physical stuff that got me, it was the betrayal that my best friend would do this sort of thing to me, that he wouldn't stop. Not only did he assault me, but my boyfriend of the time believed I was asking for it, since he never liked that me and my best friend were so close, and wrote a blog post and sent it to all my friends. The other friends took his side and abandoned me when I needed them most, they never even gave me a chance to tell my side of the story. It was kind of traumatic, so sex unfortunately also dredges up memories of violation and abandonment.

Third, I'm pretty sensitive. I don't often open up to folks but when I do, I become fiercely attached to them. Sex would be too bonding for me, too intimate and too sacrificial to have to the possibility of the person leaving me. As soon as my best friend violated me, he cut off all contact with me, I never learned why he did it.

 

[*Asterisk*]

I lost mine later than I would've liked, but it really wasn't hard at all. I have the people skills of a solitary-confinement victim, and all I had to do was get a job and ask someone.

I probably should've just found a hooker to get it done earlier, but I'm happy knowing that's only optional rather than mandatory.

I think virgins care too much about what people other think. Virgin men care way too much about it because they want sex women can get it any time they want to so they not really worried bout it. Some men are obsessed with another person's virginity no matter if it's a woman they want or a man. But tbh most men want sex if a man is still a virgin it's because he never had to opportunity to get sex not because he turned it down or "waiting for the right one". I don't have any close friends that are virgins all them niggas had girls back to back we even shared girls at 14 everybody got a turn lol. These days you don't even have to try hard Idk how a dude can't get laid in 2016. Most people don't virgin shame when it do happen it's usually from another man and a joke.

Are you familiar with a condition sometimes known as autism spectrum disorder?

He "demonstrated" that women "naturally" want less varied sex partners than men by sharing some statistics about the number of sex partners heterosexual men and women self-reported.

When I pointed out that mathematically the average number of sex partners of heterosexual men and woman by definiton should be same, or heterosexual men are having waaay more sex with other men than heterosexuality would imply, he just claimed mathematics must be wrong. Sure dude. Sure.

Nah, this is because of hookers. Only guys see hookers because nothing turns women off more than a guy who they have to fork over money too.

Not that it's a point in that faggot's favor. Guys like him are more obnoxious to hookers than anyone else, which is doubly rank seeing as how hookers are the only thing that'll keep them from dying a virgin.

Spoiler: From a female perspective

I'm a virgin and don't plan on having sex anytime soon. I've never felt shamed or ostracized for being a virgin, although I must admit I roll my eyes sometimes at how sex-crazed some people and some parts of our culture can be. I don't think that I'm better or worse than people who enjoy sex, I just don't get it. There's a good chance I might start to want to have sex if I ever fall in love with someone, but right now I couldn't care less.

As for a societal perspective, I think it's really dumb to shame someone based on their sex life. We shouldn't condemn people who have lots of sex (I mean, unless they're spreading STDs or doing something else irresponsible) nor should we condemn virgins/people who don't have sex. It's just such a stupid thing to get hung up over.

I will say however, I'm glad that the stigma against women who lose their virginity before marriage has lessened quite a bit in the West, even if it is still present in some places. When I look at young girls who are stoned to death in the Middle East for being caught with boys, I can't help but feel like we've dodged a bullet.

When it comes to heterosexual sex at least, it's different for girls. You're the ones who actually get pregnant and give birth. Men at least have the option of bribing our secret families into silence.

It's best for both sexes to be realistic. Find a partner who's looking for the same thing you are, and if they're not, you abandon ship. Someone else can always be found.

 

[Oh Long Johnson]

This thread is the saddest, most horrifying thing I've read since registering. You poor fucking kids.

Aside from the wisdom dropped by @*Asterisk* above regarding girls and pregnancy, there is no rational reason for anyone to cling to virginity. Your "First" will just end up being the foggiest sex memory before you are dirt. @Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. speaks the truth - nothing about you changes afterwards. You are just a very slightly better, more experienced sex haver than you were previously.

My advice to you, from a straight male perspective:

• Learn to drink and be able to function inebriated. No sober person finds a drunk person attractive, but drunk people are far more likely to speak to other drunk people. The lamest pickup lines you will ever hear can be inoffensive while intoxicated.
• Do not sit on a goddamned bench and wish people would talk to you. Go to places where there are a lot of people, make eye contact and talk to them. The beach has yielded excellent results for me in the past. Your level of social skills matters, but not all that much at the end of the day. Much like being called a racist or whateverist is trendy these days, being called a creepo or an asshole loses its sting after that initial embarrassment. The human race is inherently lonely and everyone likes a surprise.
• If you are over dedicated to your job to have much of a social life, go out on that Thursday after work get together if someone invites you. I worked one job where the Thursday night at the local pub was responsible for three divorces, two pregnancies and sexual harassment lawsuit between two straight guys.
• As much as I'm a creature of the internet, I'd avoid online dating. The people you meet are desperate, somewhat insane and interacting with them makes for bad habits. Guys also get the shaft, as most women on those sites are running a dude-harem by the time you've contacted them.
• If all else fails and this shit is affecting your mental health, get a car, get $200, get a phone, browse The Erotic Review and get yourself a cute hooker. It ain't I.B. Pussyslayer. It ain't as much fun as with a civilian. But a nuts a nut and at least you won't have to worry about that whole virgin thing anymore.

I wish you boys all the luck. Comparatively, sex is the most fun you can have with your clothes off and everyone deserves fun.

 

[Scratch This Nut]

I lost mine later than I would've liked, but it really wasn't hard at all. I have the people skills of a solitary-confinement victim, and all I had to do was get a job and ask someone.

I probably should've just found a hooker to get it done earlier, but I'm happy knowing that's only optional rather than mandatory.


Are you familiar with a condition sometimes known as autism spectrum disorder?


Nah, this is because of hookers. Only guys see hookers because nothing turns women off more than a guy who they have to fork over money too.

Not that it's a point in that faggot's favor. Guys like him are more obnoxious to hookers than anyone else, which is doubly rank seeing as how hookers are the only thing that'll keep them from dying a virgin.


When it comes to heterosexual sex at least, it's different for girls. You're the ones who actually get pregnant and give birth. Men at least have the option of bribing our secret families into silence.

It's best for both sexes to be realistic. Find a partner who's looking for the same thing you are, and if they're not, you abandon ship. Someone else can always be found.

I want to rate half of this dumb and the other half agree. Someone help.

 

[Caesare]

There really wasn't as much pressure to lose it from a social standpoint, it was more personal, speaking as a male. It was like wanting to experience it with a live human being instead of Palmala Handerson (Ugh, lol people used to actually say that when I was in high school, it gives me chills just to type it), or go the CWC route and order some kind of inflatable device.

The first time always stinks anyway, I would especially imagine this true for a female. Once you get a regular companion who you can experiment with and learn from one another, it becomes a much more enjoyable experience. I remember people talking about getting laid in high school, but it was always in a bragging way, like "look how cool I am guys, I got me some."

In college, it never came up. I mean, sure there was flirting and people dating and fucking, but I don't ever remember hearing people shaming or ostracizing anyone who admitted they were virgins. This could just be my personal college experience, I admit.

 

[Joan Nyan]

Purity feels better than sex.

 

[Gym Leader Elesa]

Interesting how the thread has verged between casual sex or no sex. I guess that is the culture the modern west finds itself in most of the time. I wanted to contribute to this thread in a meaningful way, but I am one of the those people who just got really lucky.

I met my partner at seventeen, later married them (we were both very religious, even in our teens- though we didn't settle into everything until after college), and have never had sex with anyone else. I would never want to. Hell, I have never held hands with anyone else. We never worried about having kids, as by longstanding pact with my sibling I sterilized myself after they had their first child (we both thought only one of us should have to suffer to propagate the family line, the other would go on having fun forever).

Years went on and things worked out well, we mostly just drank and traveled. Still do. My well-to-do family helped them get back on their feet and finish college (they were a poor orphan, lol sucks for them) and they taught me how not to be a pretentious, aristocratic, asshole (all the time).

I feel so profoundly for the lonely people of this world, and for those who feel used, but can't truly empathize with them in a meaningful way. I never had to question romance or who I would end up with. By the time I had to start asking those questions I had run into some one perfect. We did everything you were supposed to do, spent years getting to know one another, etc. Long getaways in California and all that shit. In the end we were both surprised it worked. It didn't always seem like it would (thanks for totaling TWO of my cars you shitty driver. Sorry I blew all my savings on paying off my student debts instead of getting that house we wanted...).

Which means my dating and sex advice is really, really, horrible. I only know how to wine & dine one person, and I have no clue how I would fuck anyone but them. Sex is fucking awesome in and of itself though, and I feel like I would try to do it once in awhile even if things had been different. Good luck to you guys, whatever path you choose, and I hope you find meaning in life if not in sex or romance.

 

[vertexwindi]

I lost my virginity to my best friend.

We've always been pretty physically intimate, but no penetration. I dunno why but it never really came up. Then one time I was talking with her about hotdogging, one thing led to another and I soon lost my virginity to her. It wasn't quite as amazing as you'd believe but I was prepared for that.

Now we have a pretty good sexual relationship. We talk a lot about what we like and don't like and it helps a lot to keep things interesting and pleasurable.

 

[Caesare]

I lost my virginity to my best friend.

Then one time I was talking with her about hotdogging, one thing led to another and I soon lost my virginity to her.

What is "hotdogging"?