🐷 Ethan Ralph's Twitter / Tweets - A collection of thoughts, insights and musings from the internet's favorite gunted hobbit

[heathercho]

Turning off the AC will reduce his appetite. What do you feel like eating after spending a day in unforgiving hot weather? Not heavy greasy fried shit and you drink a lot of water. Heat reduces appetite, cold increases it.

I’m of the firm belief that one of the major reasons people got fat in the west was constant AC use. Your body feels a cool 70 all the time it thinks fall is here and time to eat more for the coming winter.

Ralph needs to get out of his dark AC box and start sweating off his giant flesh apron.

Ralph is afraid of mild discomfort. It's why hes lying right now about everything.

Though we both know his guntflaps aren't going anywhere, until he's dead and some a-log turns it into a Guntskin rug.

So Ralph and his idiot orbiters don't understand "sobriety".

Ralph, you can't say you're sober if you're still smoking weed (as you have already admitted). It may be called "Alcoholics" Anonymous, but it has to do with any substance that affects your sobriety (except nicotine...lulz).

And you don't need to pass a test to get a coin. Just go in and say "I've been sober for 24 hours, where's muh coin?!"

Of course, nobody outside your few dozen simps believe you've given up anything.

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You can buy them on eBay and AliExpress like other cheap things of no importance, Ralph.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Ralph is afraid of mild discomfort. It's why hes lying right now about everything.

Though we both know his guntflaps aren't going anywhere, until he's dead and some a-log turns it into a Guntskin rug.


You can buy them on eBay and AliExpress like other cheap things of no importance, Ralph.

It's why this sobriety role play is so fun to watch. Ralph has never had an iota of discipline in his entire sad life, but now would try to sell the idea that in a matter of two weeks he will conquer twenty year long addictions and lifetime of bad habits.

Ralph was very ashamed of his weight his entire life, but even that wasn't enough to prevent him growing a stretched marked flesh apron of horror after getting out of jail. The only time in his entire life he lost weight was fucking jail, because he was physically incapable of getting his hands on large portions of fried food and booze. The minute he got out of jail he ballooned larger than ever and is the fattest he's been in his entire life. Diet, and terrible eating habits, are far easier to conquer than Xanax and alcohol addiction and he's never been able to show even an ounce of self control for food intake for more than short periods of times.

Ralph has a sober "new Ralph" script in his mind, based on TV shows and things he's watched/read online. He's far more invested in selling this fantasy than he's ever been about getting sober or losing weight. Of course, lying comes very easy and naturally to him so he will stay the course until something inevitably blows it out of the water. Ralph's has thought a LOT about how he could totally transform himself into a total Chad, but thinking and lying is all he's capable of doing in that dept.

Ralph's entire life is a lie, and he will continue to lie until all the irrefutable proof piles up, then he will just start telling new lies. His life is a sad facade and his recent downward spiral just revealed too much of Ralphs actual reality, so he's busy constructing a new facade.

 

[chalkyresidue]

It really put this in perspective.

Spoiler: 8 Inches

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Sobriety coin - Wikipedia
A sobriety coin is a token given to Alcoholics Anonymous or other twelve-step program members representing the amount of time the member has remained sober. It is traditionally a medallion the size of a poker chip, 34 mm (1.34 in) (standard) or 39 mm (1.5 in) in diameter.

Using the thumb/fingers for scale, I’d feel confident saying there’s no way his dick is three sobriety coins long.

 

[Paladin Derich]

I'm really disappointed he didn't empty an ashtray or his fireplace and bait ralph into a sperg out by flushing them in a video or throwing them into the cat's litterbox. It would have been hilarious.

I'd like to see someone on youtube that collects lolcow trophies and use them as a backdrop. Some of it would be impossible obtain, but maybe something could be worked out
>sandra's ashes
>nora's dildo
>chris chan's sonichu medallion
>boogie's old teeth
>wings' glasses
>DSP's arcade stick

 

[UnLimiTed-Lbs]

On May 8th, Ethan suddenly now apologized to the Morris family after doxing his in-laws work place and telling his dick suckers to get them fired and power tripping fantasy about Harry on his death bed while never seeing Rozy.

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Lol He can't apologized without mentioning the trolls.

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Keep these tweets in mind though. If Ethan truly apologized then he should delete his tweets against Mr. Morris and make a video apologizing to Mr. Morris and his in-laws.

 

[Truly Rural]

This part annoys me more than it should. When I first read it I thought he meant that things HE said about Morris were not fair back then, but they became fair now, basically justifying them. Later I figured he probably meant things Morris was saying about HIM were unfair, but became fair now that Ralph is admitting to a whole lotta issues. It can mean one or the other. Ralph using distancing language as usual. This could have been written much more sensibly, but it's Ralph. For example "I didn't feel... at the time" rather than present tense "I don't". The language he's using kind of defeats the purpose of the "apology"

 

[Ghost of Guntmas Past]

What a cuck

 

[Sperglord666]

On May 8th, Ethan suddenly now apologized to the Morris family after doxing his in-laws work place and telling his dick suckers to get them fired and power tripping fantasy about Harry on his death bed while never seeing Rozy.
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Lol He can't apologized without mentioning the trolls.
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Keep these tweets in mind though. If Ethan truly apologized then he should delete his tweets against Mr. Morris and make a video apologizing to Mr. Morris and his in-laws.
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The people calling you a faggot online didn't force you to dox your inlaws. As long as you keep blaming alogs for your fucked up life, you will never get sober. Accept that this shit is your fault and move on Ethan.

 

[eDove]

I like this attitude and tone of his a lot more. Too bad it's faker than a $3 bill.

Amanda, people do not change like this overnight. Don't fall for it. Don't go back. He's acting saintly and tempered because he wants you to be his mommy again. This man's never had to do anything on his own and he's only going to change if he's forced to grow up.

 

[Hypervitaminosis]

He didn't even attempt to phrase this drivel like an apology. His retarded "I'm sowwy " text is just to clear his consciousness, not any form of atonement, which would be adequate in his situation.

Even when apologizing he can't stop blaming others, his altered state of mind and demeanor which put him in this place are all results of his own actions.

Harry and the rest of the Morris Stable were probably not all that nice to him, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour.

 

[Ghost of Guntmas Past]

I like this attitude and tone of his a lot more. Too bad it's faker than a $3 bill.

Amanda, people do not change like this overnight. Don't fall for it. Don't go back. He's acting saintly and tempered because he wants you to be his mommy again. This man's never had to do anything on his own and he's only going to change if he's forced to grow up.

No, fall for it, go back to Mexico whore

 

[heathercho]

He didn't even attempt to phrase this drivel like an apology. His retarded "I'm sowwy " text is just to clear his consciousness, not any form of atonement, which would be adequate in his situation.

Even when apologizing he can't stop blaming others, his altered state of mind and demeanor which put him in this place are all results of his own actions.

Harry and the rest of the Morris Stable were probably not all that nice to him, but that doesn't excuse his behaviour.

It's hard to be nice to a waste of oxygen like Ethan Ralph. The fact that Papa Harry even had him in the home is enough niceness to span the Orient.

 

[reptile baht spaniard rid]

The people calling you a faggot online didn't force you to dox your inlaws. As long as you keep blaming alogs for your fucked up life, you will never get sober. Accept that this shit is your fault and move on Ethan.

There's a very childish and/or womanish form of apology where they realize they done fucked up, and they're actually sad about having fucked up, but then they get stuck on "I wouldn't have done it if you hadn't done X" and they can't get over it. It's very strange.

 

[Shush]

On May 8th, Ethan suddenly now apologized to the Morris family

Was his account hacked? That’s not the Ralphamale I know.

Maybe sobriety has helped Ethan come to terms with the fact that he never deserved that wrestling belt. It always belonged with the champ.

 

[Garth]

Ralph is such a catty bitch. Issuing a non-apology is pathetic enough, but doing it on twitter makes it more disingenuous.

 

[Ethan Ralph Is 5'1"]

Turning off the AC will reduce his appetite. What do you feel like eating after spending a day in unforgiving hot weather? Not heavy greasy fried shit and you drink a lot of water. Heat reduces appetite, cold increases it.

I’m of the firm belief that one of the major reasons people got fat in the west was constant AC use. Your body feels a cool 70 all the time it thinks fall is here and time to eat more for the coming winter.

Ralph needs to get out of his dark AC box and start sweating off his giant flesh apron.

I'm not sure about "one of the major reasons", but it's honestly a pretty interesting hypothesis.
AC use is extremely common across the US, whereas it's really not very common in Europe, unless you venture further south, but even then I have a feeling that most Southern Europeans (outside of very tourist heavy spots) have learned to just cope with it.
Old school radiators are also the norm for adjusting the temperature of your home.
All of that in combination with corn syrup being injected into just about anything, and the fact that it's cheaper and less stressful to feed your kids a lot more fast food in the US...
I can definitely see it all contributing to increased obesity levels.

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

Geez look at all these other people camping at the border hoping to get away from Ethan Ralph

 

[LiquidChrisRespecter]

"I wasn't in the right frame of mind to control my emotions"

"Mandy Lynn's sister was saying unfair things!"

What a fucking woman.

 

[Hypervitaminosis]

Despite most of Ralphs current content being him hyper-fellating his dwindling audience and having 6h boring pity parties every day,
he declared a new hero of his besides Hunter S. Thompson.
Jared Fogle, the Footlong Diddler.

I get that he is trying to get back with may, so maybe by sharing the same idols he can appeal to her.


T-A

 

[Lidl Drip]

Despite most of Ralphs current content being him hyper-fellating his dwindling audience and having 6h boring pity parties every day,
he declared a new hero of his besides Hunter S. Thompson.
Jared Fogle, the Footlong Diddler.

I get that he is trying to get back with may, so maybe by sharing the same idols he can appeal to her.

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T-A

I saw this tweet like a few minutes after it was made and immediately went to archive it and saw someone had already done so, warmed my heart to know fellow a-logs are still out there a-logging even when the site is down and we can't talk about Ralph calling a child molester his hero. Quite hard to believe this tweet was made by a man claiming to be sober.