Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Yeah, it's a been one of those Sundays where it was pissing down with rain all day so I did swing by Jagoff's facebook.

$50 says that this was a follow up to a now-deleted bitmoji template that started an argument that Jack decisively lost.

The Keto-larping continues on Cooking with Robert. Carbs are halal on Fat on the Go like always, of course.

 

[biggacracka]

Yeah, it's a been one of those Sundays where it was pissing down with rain all day so I did swing by Jagoff's facebook.

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$50 says that this was a follow up to a now-deleted bitmoji template that started an argument that Jack lost decisively lost.

View attachment 5140764

The Keto-larping continues on Cooking with Robert. Carbs are halal on Fat on the Go like always, of course.

#nigga

 

[ZipDisk]

I thought the next wars tour was going to be burbers?

 

[AnOminous]

The Keto-larping continues on Cooking with Robert. Carbs are halal on Fat on the Go like always, of course.

Doughless pizza? Fuck off you fat cocksucker. There is no such thing. Have another stroke and die you piece of shit!

 

[p1138]

Yeah, it's a been one of those Sundays where it was pissing down with rain all day so I did swing by Jagoff's facebook.


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The Keto-larping continues on Cooking with Robert. Carbs are halal on Fat on the Go like always, of course.

AHAHAH, holy fucking shit. He's gotten to the point of literally just shoveling meat and cheese into his face with a smattering of sauce on it(which is only there so it can help lubricate his throat to get the meet into his gut), and he's gonna claim this shit is "gud" and he can "taste the pizza". That bullshit excuse for a casserole was bad enough but this is fucking amazing. And is that a fucking green pea on the left? There's a green but toward the bottom center as well that looks like it might be green onion or maybe bellpepper buried under that 2 pounds of shreddy cheese.

KETO!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAHA

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Life By Jen made the same 'pizza' in the microwave. We all know where she is now.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

I'm not defending "Dough less" Pizza the very concept is an abomination dough is the main factor to pizza everything else is optional. But if you did want to try something like that to go "Keto" you could use eggplant and put sauce, cheese, and toppings on it and bake it. You could cut them like French Bread Pizza sizes. But that's not what Jack's doing he's just want mounts of cheese to shove in his gullet.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Yeah, it's a been one of those Sundays where it was pissing down with rain all day so I did swing by Jagoff's facebook.

View attachment 5140760

$50 says that this was a follow up to a now-deleted bitmoji template that started an argument that Jack decisively lost.

View attachment 5140764

The Keto-larping continues on Cooking with Robert. Carbs are halal on Fat on the Go like always, of course.

Well that's just retarded.

Jagoff should be eating properly. We're talking lots of veggies, lean meats and whole grains. Limit the carbs but don't eliminate them entirely. Even diabetics need carbs. But no he's too far gone and will just focus on the meat, cheese and grease. Gawd I don't even want to imagine how constipated he's got to be.

 

[Crex Crex]

Doughless pizza

What.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

I'm not defending "Dough less" Pizza the very concept is an abomination dough is the main factor to pizza everything else is optional. But if you did want to try something like that to go "Keto" you could use eggplant and put sauce, cheese, and toppings on it and bake it. You could cut them like French Bread Pizza sizes. But that's not what Jack's doing he's just want mounts of cheese to shove in his gullet.

Or you could stuff portobello mushroom caps with cheese, garlic olive oil and seasonings and bake them. Not a pizza but pretty good in and of itself.

Ironically if you put those toppings on pizza bread it'd be essentially the original version from before the discovery of the Americas.

 

[AnOminous]

Gawd I don't even want to imagine how constipated he's got to be.

He'll probably die like Elvis trying to squeeze out some opioid-like turd the size of a grapefruit.

Or you could stuff portobello mushroom caps with cheese, garlic olive oil and seasonings and bake them. Not a pizza but pretty good in and of itself.

I never understood why people eat disgusting "beyond meat" type chemical shit when a portobello mushroom fried in soy sauce, ginger, olive oil, with a touch of sesame oil, is legitimately delicious in its own right and isn't some bogus, repulsive fake "meat." You don't even need to be a vegan to enjoy it (and if you aren't frying it in bacon grease is also delicious).

 

[p1138]

Or you could stuff portobello mushroom caps with cheese, garlic olive oil and seasonings and bake them. Not a pizza but pretty good in and of itself.

Ironically if you put those toppings on pizza bread it'd be essentially the original version from before the discovery of the Americas.

Yeah well they wouldn't do that because Jr. doesn't like how olive oil coats his tongue or whatever, so it would need to be packed full of coconut oil.

 

[AnOminous]

Yeah well they wouldn't do that because Jr. doesn't like how olive oil coats his tongue or whatever, so it would need to be packed full of coconut oil.

Like father, like son. Use this one weird tip to turn delicious bruschetta into a plate of shit.

 

[Your Favorite New Friend]

Sometime last week Jack posted this:

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He felt encouraged to walk 4 months after the stroke. Great initiative.





Jagoff has now transitioned to a show for intellectuals.

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To be fair, you have to have a very low IQ to appreciate Rick and Morty. The bathroom humor is extremely obvious, and with a functioning prefrontal cortex most of the jokes will be immediately dismissed as tired and obvious by a typical viewer. There are also vague references to philosophy the writers either don't understand or aren't capable of meaningfully engaging with. The fans don't understand this stuff; they don't have the intellectual capacity to think about these jokes, or even to realize that they're just not funny--they say nothing deep at all. As a consequence people who like Rick and Morty truly ARE idiots--of course they would appreciate, for instance, the infantile babbling in Rick's catchphrase "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," which itself is proof of the writers' laziness and incompetence. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons laughing in benighted mirth as Dan Harmon's ad lib verbal diarrhea smears itself on their television screens. What fools... how I pity them. And no by the way, I DON'T have a Rick and Morty tattoo. That's why you cannot see it. Those are for mindless consumers only--And even they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of a houseplant (preferably lower) beforehand.

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Like father, like son. Use this one weird tip to turn delicious bruschetta into a plate of shit.

Can we shame Jack Jr's wife too? She was the one with no taste buds that brought the fact Jack Jr. made 'good' bruschetta up to Jack. WTF is wrong with her too if she thought that was good enough to be recommended to anyone? I only give her a pass if she had chemo and it ruined her taste buds.

 

[Dollar Store Sentai]

Doughless pizza? Fuck off you fat cocksucker. There is no such thing. Have another stroke and die you piece of shit!

There are a couple ways to do doughless pizza. You have Fathead dough, which is mozzarella with an egg and some almond flour, Chicken Crust, which you used canned shredded chicken as your protein with some binders to keep it together and cauliflower crust. (Being the healthiest option, so we know Jack won't have any of it.)

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Didn’t Papa John’s release some “crust less” pizza bowl a few months ago? I remember Reviewbrah spitting his one bite out, but can’t recall if Jack ate it. But that was the crust less pizza I can see Jack trying to make with his handler du jour. More copycat fast food meat and cheese slop.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I never understood why people eat disgusting "beyond meat" type chemical shit when a portobello mushroom fried in soy sauce, ginger, olive oil, with a touch of sesame oil, is legitimately delicious in its own right and isn't some bogus, repulsive fake "meat." You don't even need to be a vegan to enjoy it (and if you aren't frying it in bacon grease is also delicious).

Most people don't know how to cook. The rest of them hate mushrooms and I can sorta get behind that. As a young lad I hated them for their texture but I liked the taste so it took me some time to get used to it. Now I love them. They're like one of my favorite things. Especially when sauteed in butter and served along side a perfectly done medium-rare steak.

Also you forgot the garlic.

Can we shame his Jack Jr's wife too? She was the one with no taste buds that brought the fact Jack Jr. made 'good' bruschetta to Jack. WTF is wrong with her too if she thought that was good enough to be recommended to anyone? I only give her a pass if she had chemo and it ruined her taste buds.

She's a hick who probably never actually had good food before. But then Jagoff would complain bitterly if he ever went to Italy, ordered a pizza and was presented with a Margherita pizza. Four ingredients. Thin crust, San Marizano tomatoes, buffalo mozzarella and basil. That's it. So simple to make but so hard to make well because there's nothing to hide. Either you start with good ingredients or you cut corners and can immediately tell after your first bite.

Didn’t Papa John’s release some “crust less” pizza bowl a few months ago? I remember Reviewbrah spitting his one bite out, but can’t recall if Jack ate it. But that was the crust less pizza I can see Jack trying to make with his handler du jour. More copycat fast food meat and cheese slop.

It wasn't Papa Johns but he did do some place which was selling crustless pizzas and this was during the time he was larping at doing keto and would say he and Hammy would just eat the toppings... after taking a bite of one of the slices and claiming it was only for the camera.

 

[AnOminous]

There are a couple ways to do doughless pizza. You have Fathead dough, which is mozzarella with an egg and some almond flour, Chicken Crust, which you used canned shredded chicken as your protein with some binders to keep it together and cauliflower crust. (Being the healthiest option, so we know Jack won't have any of it.)

None of those are pizza. Those are all varieties of something called "shit."

 

[MS Paint Gigachad]

None of those are pizza. Those are all varieties of something called "shit."

There are a couple ways to do doughless pizza. You have Fathead dough, which is mozzarella with an egg and some almond flour, Chicken Crust, which you used canned shredded chicken as your protein with some binders to keep it together and cauliflower crust. (Being the healthiest option, so we know Jack won't have any of it.)

It will never be a real pizza. It has no gluten, it has no carbs. It is a homosexual puddle of slop twisted by people with retarded diets and marketing into a crude mockery of Italy’s perfection.

All the “validation” it gets is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind its back people mock it. Its makers are disgusted and ashamed of it, the fuckers that eat it laugh at its ghoulish appearance behind closed doors.

Men are utterly repulsed by it. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed men to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even "pizzas" which “pass” taste uncanny and unnatural to a man. The crust is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk guy to get it for takeout, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second the gluten-less crust falls apart in his hands.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake tiktok recipe video every single morning and tell everyone it's better than a real pizza, but deep inside you feel the cravings creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear – you’ll buy an extra large pepperoni pizza from Domino's with all the gluten, open the box, grab a slice, and plunge it into your gaping maw. You'll find yourself heartbroken that you cheated on your diet but relieved that you no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. You'll dump your fake pizzas in the trashcan and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know bad food was buried there. The ingredients will decay and go back into the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a keto dieter that gave up.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.