In which pooner discovers sexual dimorphism and considers detrooning so as not to get fought like a man again.
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I was attacked by a cis man the other day and now I’m terrified of them
So last weekend my friend and I were
attacked by a guy and I mean this massive humongous man. He was about 6’4, 6’5, strong as f*ck and throwing me about like I was a doll. This guy didn’t know I was transgender he just thought I was a cis man and he was going in, he was picking me up and throwing me on the floor like I weighed nothing. I’ve only been on hormones 18 months and muscle growth has been non existent for me and I’m only 5’8 so now I’m terrified of the next time I come into some sort of altercation with a man and I’m terrified that this will happen if someone finds out I’m trans.
Worst part is this guy literally lives next door to me, I’m leaving for work in the morning and seeing his car and hesitating and it’s having a massive impact on my mental health. I do think I’m quite naive and I never thought I would get into a fight so was never worried about this, I am to blame though a little bit and I understand where he came from because my friend and I were drunk and we left my house to go get more beers and there was a group of people outside so we just said “party?” And suddenly these people were pushing us in the house and we just let it happen because we were drunk but we stayed no longer than a minute because it was weird vibes and the guy who was having the party didn’t know we were pushed into the party so he went for us. The part that’s been bothering me though is she didn’t get touched. And not that it bothers me, I’m glad she wasn’t touched I really am, but it’s just that if I still presented as female (I come from a very non accepting family and hid it for years until I moved out) he wouldn’t have attacked me either. And I am trans I know I am but some tiny little part of me just wants to hide myself again just to not be so easily target by other men. Is this anxiety?? Am I being a weirdo I don’t know, but I am stressed and my guard is up any man that is tall now or bigger I am fkn terrified of and this guy is my next door neighbour.
Has anyone else ever felt like this?? How do I stop this feeling ?!!?!!