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/r/pics says "Save us John Oliver" in the most reddit manner possible (archive) by writing some gay fantasy story about Zuckerberg and Musk leading armies and shit (for some reason).
Greetings, friends!
If you’re new here, welcome!
If you’re a longtime subscriber to /r/PICS, we’re glad to have you back!
If you’re a Reddit administrator, please respond to our open letter.
We’re not sure if you’ve noticed, but we seem to have gotten ourselves stuck in a bad fantasy novel: A warlock and a cult-leader – T’Zuck and El-On of Musk, respectively – have declared war on each other, soul-destroying clocks are showing up in everyone’s houses (and ensnaring innocents with sounds of “Tik… tok…”), a magician called “The Alt Man” unleashed a mindless golem that won’t stop stealing stuff and telling lies, and someone found an elephant-like creature named “Lemmy” in their bin… or something.
That’s just the setting. The actual story has been even stupider:
Years ago, a wealthy baron called for settlers from far and wide to establish communities on his land. In return, he said, he would erect billboards in the music halls, theaters, museums, and schools that volunteers built and maintained… but when investors started asking questions about how much gold that arrangement was bringing in, the baron panicked, blamed his alleged destitution on The Alt Man’s golem, swore fealty to El-On of Musk, then ran around insulting people and breaking their tools. When some of those people – the guards, the farmers, the teachers, the inventors, and the entertainers, in particular – tried to protest this treatment, the baron threatened to evict them, started burning things down, and opened the gates to armies of bigoted trolls.
Meanwhile, the warlock T’Zuck released a new line of clothing… or something.
Anyway, that’s about where we are now: The baron keeps sending mercenaries to deliver contradictory mandates, landmark buildings have been left gutted and empty, and an increasingly bloodied band of defenders has been shouting “Will you please just respond to our open letter?!” from within a temple devoted to a sexy comedian. Metaphors aside, things really have gotten absurd: Native replacements for third-party tools and accessibility options have proved to be worse than nothing, “exemptions” to the API changes have been moot (as Reddit’s constant, public antagonizing has driven many developers away), and volunteers can’t even breathe without violating some policy or proclamation. Quite frankly, we don’t know what do, and it’s starting to feel like we’re all background characters in a really dumb book… but maybe the time has arrived for the protagonist to show up.
On that note, here comes the stupidest part yet:
The moderators of /r/PICS hereby invite John Oliver (or his duly appointed representative) to join our team.
Yes, we’re serious. Yes, it’s a real invitation.
To be clear, moderation is a thankless, unpleasant endeavor, and we wouldn’t wish it on anyone: You’re a constant target for bad actors, you receive no end of ill-informed abuse, you’re frequently exposed to horrifying media, and you’re thanked by way of being called “a power-hungry basement-dweller” or “landed gentry.” It used to be that moderators could count on support from administrators, but said support has been dwindling for years (even as volunteering on Reddit has gotten more and more difficult). Still, since John Oliver has become the literal face of /r/PICS, we figured that it was only fair to offer him a look behind the scenes!
Please feel free to say “Oh, hell no!” to us, John… but if you’re interested, we’ll look forward to showing you around!
As for everyone else:
If this was your first visit to /r/PICS, we hope you’ll stick around!
If you’re a longtime subscriber, we’ll see you again soon!
If you’re a Reddit administrator, please – if you have ever felt even the slightest bit of appreciation for Reddit’s moderators, contributors, participants, or users – respond to our open letter.
Until next time – and as always – take care, folks!
TL;DR: John Oliver (or his duly appointed representative) is cordially invited to moderate /r/PICS.
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Notice it was posted by mod account- pics-moderator. I legitimately can't understand why these mouth breathers think John Oliver is going to care about their fake strike (oh wait, they're narcissistic). I apologize for giving anyone who reads that eye cancer.
 
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Markass the Worst said:
It's only a lot of effort if you're really obsessed with censoring people and enforcing the right narrative. If you just sweep up the spam and illegal shit it's not a big deal.
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They misunderstand what a moderator is. They think of themselves as leaders with the noble duty of fighting wrongthink for the betterment of society. Alternatively: the school janitor trying to dictate curriculum.
 
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Omen_Sulk said:
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Perfect fucking example of what I said earlier on redditors thinking jannying is harder than it really is. On any sane forum there would be no need to lock and "clean up brigading" but because this is reddit they have an autistic compulsion to take time out of their day to delete all the wrongthink, for free. Putting in more effort than they need to.
 
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John Olliver isn't gonna give a shit about their little shenanigans. He's just a fucking Democrat shill who gets told by HBO to push current-year talking points so his neo-liberal masters make more money. He litterally doesn't have a free-thought in his head. He's a fucking NPC.

I gurantee neither him nor anyone at HBO gives a fuck about a bunch of terminally online coomers who are both useless to their shareholders and political masters who can't even donate to any campaigns because they spent what little money they have on weed and a My Little Pony stuffie-turned-fleshlight.
 
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Helmut A Ebne said:
Janny powertripping aside, who the fuck goes to a theatre, gets high, and laughs hysterically at a film about child sex trafficking? Granted the movie could be really bad, but they just sound sociopathic.
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From the reviews I've seen the movie isn't so bad it warrants laughing. It'd actually be better if the redditor was just lying and hadn't seen the movie but knew it was "right wing propaganda" therefore assumed it was something to laugh at.
 
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Omen_Sulk said:
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I find this to be incredibly bizarre. Why does Sound of Freedom have this association with Qanon to begin with? This movie is about child trafficking in South America. That's not a conspiracy or anything, it's well known. And this movie only details one story about it. I bet they wouldn't have a problem if it was about the Vatican.
 
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MugolEx said:
I find this to be incredibly bizarre. Why does Sound of Freedom have this association with Qanon to begin with? This movie is about child trafficking in South America. That's not a conspiracy or anything, it's well known. And this movie only details one story about it. I bet they wouldn't have a problem if it was about the Vatican.
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Because redditors are retarded and evil
 
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MugolEx said:
I find this to be incredibly bizarre. Why does Sound of Freedom have this association with Qanon to begin with? This movie is about child trafficking in South America. That's not a conspiracy or anything, it's well known. And this movie only details one story about it. I bet they wouldn't have a problem if it was about the Vatican.
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Reddit has made these people insane. They are over the top and off into new lands of snake fuckingly crazy. they will try and deny child trafficking is happening despite the mountains of cases just because someone told them it was a right wing conspiracy. And anything perceived as right wing must be wrong. Next the'll be calling to defund the departments and people who work on these cases. Because why are we wasting money on q-anon pizza gate conspiracy's.
 
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