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CareercowJack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
Jack will die after eating a whole tray of terrible cheese fried bread substitute meal or another cream of slop casserole with 12k miligrams of sodium in it. Either that or he finds a place that actually has good char siu and MSGs himself to death during a Fat on the Go.
Jack will die after eating a whole tray of terrible cheese fried bread substitute meal or another cream of slop casserole with 12k miligrams of sodium in it. Either that or he finds a place that actually has good char siu and MSGs himself to death during a Fat on the Go.
It's going to be something preposterous like Jack being deathly allergic to carrots. This faggot has lived too poorly for the last 50 years for his shit diet to kill him now.
Lmao, I love these videos so much! Rob is so wholesome, even when he's being subtly shady. Everyone here needs to go subscribe to his channel so he can pay for his corned beef miracles.
As you all know, we had an entire discussion about char siu a few pages back; he visited a ""chinese"" restaurant and the meat was bright red, unlike the dull brown-red I expect from a good char siu.
For myself, I feel like there's just something different about americanized chinese food. I'm not entirely sure how to explain it, but they seem to make it sweeter and in some cases more heavily seasoned or toned down. Also if you see shit like spicy mayo, it's definitely americanized.
There are also some boring/unmarketable-but tasty dishes like chicken feet or offal or steamed foods that don't seem to show up in americanized establishments.
Also chinese chinese food has a tendency to add all kinds of exotic herbs like wolfberries and ginseng and shit (depending on what you get, of course.) that you'll never see in an americanized chinese dish.
You will never be real chinese food. You have no wok-hei, you have no superior stock, you have no exotic herbs. You are a homosexual pile of slop twisted by sugar and soy sauce into a crude mockery of the glorious motherland's perfection!
All the “validation” you get is from ignorant gringos. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your ghoulish appearance behind closed doors.
Chinamen are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed men to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even americanized chinese food which “passes” looks uncanny and unnatural to them. The spicy mayo is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk chinaman to get you for takeaway, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your sugar content.
This leads to the conclusion: I can just imagine jack walking into an actual chinese restaurant, ordering a whole bunch of stuff, and then getting mad when it's not sweet enough, it's not salty enough, and then he complains about the "weird bits" (herbs and shit) that are in it
Actually, Koreans love processed American style cheese stuff. They love shit like spam, top ramen, and hot dogs too. I believe it happened because of the American military presence that's been a constant thing there for awhile.
As you all know, we had an entire discussion about char siu a few pages back; he visited a ""chinese"" restaurant and the meat was bright red, unlike the dull brown-red I expect from a good char siu.
That's also generally sickly sweet, instead of using a good dark soy sauce, which is thicker and only slightly sweeter than normal soy sauce, and gives it a dark reddish color, not circus clown red like the corn syrup they call sweet and sour sauce. You see that color ribs a lot in strip mall Asian buffets. It isn't horrible but it isn't authentic and it the last shit Jack should be eating is more HFCS on fatty mediocre ribs.
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This moment is the perfect summary of Jack: Tongue fully deployed while single handedly shoving an entire serving of meat into his mouth.
This guy is such a ginormous retard that its infuriating. He has been eating like 5 lbs of cheese and 20 grams of salt daily for like 40 years and blames Broccoli for calcium oxalate stones. With his diet he is practically begging his kidney to make calcium stones; the more salt you eat the more calcium gets filtered into the urine by the kidney where there is a chance it can bind to oxalate and other substances to precipitate into a solid substance.
Fuck off Jack. I hope you get another municipal water induced kidney stone soon.
His lemon pie doesn't remind me of Kool-aid pie; since it used dairy products and an acid, it actually reminded me much more of a Paintmixer, one of the worst cocktails you can ever try. Honestly I'd probably prefer chugging that horrid thing than eating that cream cheese mess.
As for J-street; I really hate places where you basically have to cook for yourself. That immediately makes this place some old bullshit to me. Also it's surprising Jack didn't chimp out at the price, but I guess having that hobo wear his shirt and all that semi-cooked beef and spicy chicken he shoved down his throat made him forget it. Probably helped it was all you could eat.
I doubt Jack will have last words he'll either choke or have a powerful stroke in either case I hope his last thoughts are "Hope get help, come on get help, don't come over here get help, why are you swatting? Don't piss on me get help damn it.".
I can just imagine jack walking into an actual chinese restaurant, ordering a whole bunch of stuff, and then getting mad when it's not sweet enough, it's not salty enough, and then he complains about the "weird bits" (herbs and shit) that are in it
Jack would probably like dim sum, if they had it in his neck of the woods. Carbs don't count when Jack is at a restaurant, same as pork is kosher when eaten at a Chinese place. He'd like that the lady just keeps coming to the table with more dumplings and he doesn't even have to get up.
Great takedown video made by Jack Vlogs on the most recent F as in Frank catastrophe where fatass and his marginally more intelligent brother displayed their ignorance about everything with pride. The actual podcast video is diabolical and guaranteed to kill brain cells. Jack sounds completely retarded and can barely form sentences while his older brother spouts out strong opinions based on the modicum of knowledge he has on various subjects.
Dude can barely even speak anymore. "Patay salad, a lul zweeder than nurml", "Bickled radizh", "Vried jickum", "guy-oh-za", "bagogee beef". He really looks like he didn't want to eat the broccoli. Interesting that he doesn't film the waitress, as he usually does. He's gorged himself so much that he's out of breath at the end and all he can think about is "BIG TV SCREENS".
Rob is not wholesome, he told Jack to live it up while he can.
That is Dark. Dark Rob is fantastic.
Honestly, all the "wholesome" shit from reddit always made me uncomfortable, like the shitty Ned Flanders future that Homer dialed with the toaster.
Jack would probably like dim sum, if they had it in his neck of the woods. Carbs don't count when Jack is at a restaurant, same as pork is kosher when eaten at a Chinese place. He'd like that the lady just keeps coming to the table with more dumplings and he doesn't even have to get up.
Yes, but:
"what are the weird black bits!?"
(they're pork ribs with fermented black beans. They add savory flavor.)
He wouldn't have the fine motor skill to pick up one of these bad boys without busting it open. Even as a man who's used chopsticks since I was like 6 or 7, I occasionally mess them up. And it's not like ive had a stroke or something.
(for the uninitiated: that's xiao long bao aka soup dumplings, a dumpling filled with meat and broth.)
And given that he says that if the orange chicken is good then the whole place is good (china spring video, jack on the go show, twenty-eighth of june (because the fucking emoji pops up when i type in twenty-eight in numerals)), you'd have a hard time convincing me that he wouldnt find half the steamed items severely under-seasoned.
Jack spends more time explaining the purpose of each tool in the package to us like we're all retarded (which to be fair, it appears his actual fans are) than he does actually showing him cooking or even trying the pizza. Probably just as well, given that the pizza looks more like a slab of cement with cheese and pepperoni on it, which he then has the audacity to proclaim looks "just like wood-fired pizza". Fuck out of here, Jack.
Jack spends more time explaining the purpose of each tool in the package to us like we're all retarded (which to be fair, it appears his actual fans are) than he does actually showing him cooking or even trying the pizza. Probably just as well, given that the pizza looks more like a slab of cement with cheese and pepperoni on it, which he then has the audacity to proclaim looks "just like wood-fired pizza". Fuck out of here, Jack.
Mmm, good choice Jack. Nothing's better for a guy who's had multiple strokes than 4 greasy ass pizzas. Oh wait, I'm sure Tammy will have some. So it's really more like 3 and 3/4 pizzas. That's a bit better I suppose.
