Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

Another yoink from the Lucas Werner Brokeposting FB page. The cow is messaging people. He is still plenty good, you know?

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Da Dude123 said:
Another yoink from the Lucas Werner Brokeposting FB page. The cow is messaging people. He is still plenty good, you know?

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Wait... so is that a message he sent to a woman? I can't imagine him sending something like that to a guy. At least not knowingly. I also don't see why he'd just randomly message women saying that unless someone criticized him or his schizo is acting up and making him a bit more aggressive toward women than he has been for awhile

Says alot about how bad he is at figuring out what is and isn't appropriate to say to random people, let alone women. Its passive aggressive shit like that that can lead to incidents and probably has alot to do with why he'd suddenly show up with unexplained black eyes at random that he would never acknowledge or address. Thats just a weird message all around and even with context I can't see it making very much sense.

and of course he uses 'punk ass' like a 90s teen trying to sound tough

Shit like this makes me wonder how those discussions he had with his brother as a kid where he'd bully him into giving him 'tips' on how to talk to people and not act like a loon actually went. It must have been like trying to explain shit to an autistic low IQ child and frustrating as hell

Its also hilarious how he does shit like this and then acts shocked and pissed off when he gets ignored, yelled at, called a creep and/or banned from every platform he uses sooner or later, especially dating sites. The utter lack of self awareness is astounding. Even with modern access to tard wranglers and homeless shelters its amazing he has enough brains not to starve or freeze to death in the street when he's homeless. I suspect he's right at the level where if he were even slightly stupider he'd never have survived this long outside of an actual institutional environment

I'm also surprised, seeing how stupid and desperate lucas is to have someone teach him the secrets of wooing sweet lady z that he hasn't been talked into being a drug dealer by some more predatory hobos with promises of fast money and easy young women that he can take advantage of. Lucas is a coward but he's also greedy and stupid as fuck and is not above criminal activities of all kinds if he thinks he can get away with it. He'd end up robbed, killed, killed for stealing drugs/money he thought he could get away with or jailed before very long but he's exactly the kind of idiot people would take advantage of to use as a mule and shit or set up to take a fall if dealers needed to see if some deal was a cop setup

and failing that i'm equally surprised he never ended up bumming shitty weed of some hobo that got tired of it and slipped him a joint laced with pcp to make him lose his shit and do something to get himself arrested just to get rid of him so he'd stop trying to be a parasite to everybody he encounters. pcp raging unmedicated shirtless wern screaming at people and cars in the middle of the street about how 16 year olds are bigots who won't date him and only fuck the black greybeards instead until the cops tasered the fuck out of him would have been quite a sight to behold. He'd probably punch a few walls and break his hands in a fit of squealing rage
 
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I can't reply to A Funny Possum's post somehow so I'll write a regular one.

Regarding his delicacies:

1) What in the actual fuck. Don't people usually put eggs/ patties on English muffins? This is horrifying. The sausage part is somewhat comprehensible but the cabbage mix? Since I don't see any solid cabbage and given that there's weird green liquid oozing out of his muffin I'd say that he made a cabbage-based sauce which sounds absolutely disgusting given that cabbage barely has any flavour to it. He is also somehow cringe enough to do it in meme format like he thinks it's cool.

2) What the fuck. The flavours don't mesh well, you're supposed to put asparagus in garlic butter or something if you're going to eat it on it's own. Did he just squirt salsa on some asparagus and put some tomatoes on it and call it a meal? That's something that a middle schooler makes when the house runs out of snacks.

3) Does this unhinged piece of shit plan on putting those together? Does he not have any sense of self awareness? First off, that's the wrong type of patty to be putting on a sandwich and second, he thinks he put so much effort in this that it deserves to be shown to the rest of the world.

4) What the fuck is the name of that dish. He had to put his name in there as well.

5) Yikes. That's worse than apocalypse food. The stuff on the left is what you get when you force someone to live in chernobyl for 50 years and feed him nothing but sewage, then forced him to throw up.

6) What in the actual fuck is that? I'm pretty sure we've seen him put oysters on a saltine cracker before, but using putting so much easy cheese on it is just disgusting. He's wasting the oysters. Seriously, how does anyone put something like this in his mouth without throwing up instantly? I'm pretty sure his oral cavity is so dirty that a permanent film of bacteria that's at least 2mm thick resides upon his tongue which is why he doesn't think the shit he made tastes like shit.

Conclusion: the only thing that's remotely as bad as his cooking is his face and his intelligence.
Da Dude123 said:
Another yoink from the Lucas Werner Brokeposting FB page. The cow is messaging people. He is still plenty good, you know?

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Werner: "You don't deserve my time."
> Proceeds to take the time to find someones profile and message him proactively.
 
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HidekiVonMetternich4real said:
Yikes. That's worse than apocalypse food.
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On that note lucas would fit right in in the fallout universe. Grilled iguana on a stick and grilled bloatfly served in a reduction sauce of warm, flat nuka cola grape is very much on point for exiled vault dweller wern cooking

and i'm surprised lucas hasn't ordered a few jars of this to melt all over his toasterbortion creations to make him feel that he's back in his coveted elk kingdom


Smoked oysters served on triscuits and covered in a sauce made of melted elk tallow and canned ez cheese sounds about right
 
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A Funny Possum said:
Seems like it, looks like he did it again here. This time with jelly? I think?
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Jelly toast, two (2) uncooked single-serving Hungry Man meatloaf slices(?), multiple types of corn based chips, and corn syrup based drinks.

Truly a highly efficient diabetic meal fit for a bloated king.
 
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MCLOS Horthy said:
Jelly toast, two (2) uncooked single-serving Hungry Man meatloaf slices(?), multiple types of corn based chips, and corn syrup based drinks.

Truly a highly efficient diabetic meal fit for a bloated king.
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Those aren't corn syrup based drinks, but they're no healthier either. He's definitely got the beetus thirst going if he needs a kool aid jammer and a bottle of cranberry cocktail

Left to his own devices like that lucas makes 'meals' on the level of what an 8 year old would do if given the choice. The only thing missing is ice cream. He shouldn't be eating anything in that picture with his beetus and general health, let alone making it his dinner. How did he even come up with that? frozen 'meat' patties, bread and jam and....chips and cheezies? None of those things go together. He's a food obsessed pig

That said I kind of wonder where he got he cranberry cocktail. Whether he bought it or got it at mallon place. After all nursing homes frequently provide it to residents who have UTI's and issues pissing. Its not currently supported by any evidence that it actually helps but its been done for quite awhile at this point regardless. So I wonder if its an indication lucas is having issues pissing. If so gee I wonder why that is. Totally isn't him fucking up his kidneys i'm sure
 
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BPD Gunt Rider said:
At least Lucas is spending what appears to be a reasonable amount on his strange meals than blowing a month's gibsmedats in 2 days at Clinkernigger.
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Yeah, the days of Lucas being able to afford restaurant meals appears to be over. When he was a street hobo he would eat at Attilanos, the Steam Plant, or Churchill's, and then go back to the men's shelter or bus station. Now those greedy bigots take most of his tugboat check for rent. Housing is a human right! He shouldn't have to pay rent.
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Yeah, the days Lucas being able to afford restaurant meals appears to be over. When he was a street hobo he would eat at Attilanos, the Steam Plant, or Churchill's, and then go back to the men's shelter or bus station. Now those greedy bigots take most of his tugboat check for rent. Housing is a human right! He shouldn't have to pay rent.
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They should pay him to be there!
 
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Da Dude123 said:
Yeah, the days of Lucas being able to afford restaurant meals appears to be over. When he was a street hobo he would eat at Attilanos, the Steam Plant, or Churchill's, and then go back to the men's shelter or bus station. Now those greedy bigots take most of his tugboat check for rent. Housing is a human right! He shouldn't have to pay rent.
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What was more funny is how he would go out to eat, then go back to the shelter and proceed to eat the shelter food.
 
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A Funny Possum said:
Thought these two posts and their comments were worth sharing. I was laughing my ass off imagining Lucas trying to do some of these things. Also I love how he's like a fucking 4 year old whenever anyone tells him to try something. "Hey go apply somewhere." "How am I supposed to do that?". God he's fucking retarded.
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Unsurprisingly, lucas wants everyone else to do literally everything for him and get him a job, just like he wants them to get him a woman. The only thing he seemed even remotely interested in actual job wise was when apple was brought up and the possibility of being sent a free computer to do his work on. We all know how that would end - lucas would either destroy it before long, have it stolen from him, trade it to some hobo for food and probably just stop doing his job, think the computer is actually his and then have apple going after him for not returning it (he wouldn't be able to figure out how to return it even if they told him step by step) and even if he did return it it would be loaded up with all kinds of questionable porn and probably get the cops showing up at his door

He perked up at the mention of tiktok as well. Probably because of all the zoomer baes using it

That aside, imagine calling up IT helpdesk and getting connected to lucas of all people. The guy who chimped out and threw his free obama phone into the woods and walked away because he was too stupid to figure out how to use it. He'd be worse than getting connected to some scammer IT guy in india who can barely speak english. Plus he'd probably get fired for creeping out on the first caller who he thought sounded like a zoomer bae and asking her for her number or some shit, or getting it off the call info and cold calling her about telomeres and shit, or for screaming at said zoomer bae for talking to him when shes has a boyfriend when he overheard some guy in the background talking to her about something. Lucas would be walking incident for any IT situation, let alone anything involving actually interacting with people over the phone. and lucas as a programmer? He wouldn't get as far as installing a fucking IDE and would whine about how he needs to do his coding on his phone like he said about his courses in college. Lucas getting asked what a class is or to define polymorphism would make for quite the sight though. Even if you put a fully set up computer with an IDE already open and told him how to to use it and sat there showing him how, he'd drag and drop some elements for a vb.net app, then act confused and angry when he hit the play button and nothing actually did anything when he clicked on it. Thats probably a good thing because genius programmer lucas would probably come up with some scheme to scrape the phone number data from every zoomer bae on the internet and then auto call each one, playing a pre-recorded rant about cooking, telomeres, how he's on honor roll despite not being in college and how he's totally ready to be a father and manage to piss of thousands upon thousands of zoomer baes in a way that would probably get him on the news again

That said I came across this reaction video to lucas's homeless shelter toasterbortion cooking attempts. I don't think its ever been posted
 
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