Careercow Brandon "Bam" Margera - From Jackass to Lolcow

[Tetragrammaton]

Bam had his hearing today, and it's going to trial. He's also been ordered to stay in Pennsylvania.

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Bam and his new girlfriend outside of court:

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the best thing that could ever happen to bam is if he gets thrown in jail for at least a year not only will he be forced to deal with real life consequences for the first time in his life but he wont be able to just leave like he did rehab.

i often wonder how the fuck so many people in bams life have had better recoveries from drug addictions than he has and the answer is that unlike everyone else bam has never really had any form of consequences for his actions like sure his family life is a mess and he has lost friends but at the end of the day when bam does something retarded people give him attention for better or worse.

and when you grow up the way bam did and idolize the type of people he did you get this belief in your head that any attention is good attention and this mindset is constantly reinforced by the people online who constantly suck his dick no matter what dumb shit he does.

now you compare that to bams friends and guess what they may get some attention but for the most part nobody gives a fuck about them and because of that they were forced to deal with the consequences of their actions and either work towards getting help and getting better or just saying fuck it.

in the end this is all just a long way of saying at this point the only way bams getting better is if he is locked in a room for a year and forced to deal with his actions and even then theres a high chance that might not even work at this point because odds are his brain is mush from all the meth and alcohol abuse.

 

[RACISM]

the best thing that could ever happen to bam is if he gets thrown in jail for at least a year not only will he be forced to deal with real life consequences for the first time in his life but he wont be able to just leave like he did rehab.

the only way bams getting better is if he is locked in a room for a year and forced to deal with his actions

I'm going to blow your mind here with an aspect you haven't thought about.
There are still drugs and alcohol in jail. Especially if you have money. He wouldn't sober up for a minute in jail.

 

[Hollywood Hitler]

96 Bitter Shower Beatings

 

[01169]

He wouldn't sober up for a minute in jail.

And he'd eventually fuck with people who weren't afraid of the consequences of stomping him to death. Which is most likely the only thing that has saved him so far.

 

[PointOfNoReturnPoint]

I'm going to blow your mind here with an aspect you haven't thought about.
There are still drugs and alcohol in jail. Especially if you have money. He wouldn't sober up for a minute in jail.

The thing about those drugs is they are super duper expensive and the idea that the people there wont kill him over 4$ is something he has not yet come to grips with. They have been dealing with drug addicts since the day they were born he is no one and no threat to them. This very well could be the end of bam.

 

[No Batty Boys in Jamaica]

The thing about those drugs is they are super duper expensive and the idea that the people there wont kill him over 4$ is something he has not yet come to grips with. They have been dealing with drug addicts since the day they were born he is no one and no threat to them. This very well could be the end of bam.

He has to go to prison first, and he still has some money. Having expensive lawyers goes a long way in staying out of the peepeepoopoo rape dungeon for some shit like a simple assault, DWI, or drug charges. Shit, he's apparently still even famous enough that his fame can save him sometimes, like when those cops at the airport in Vegas escorted him off the premises when they could've easily thrown him in the drunk tank.
He'll have to hit someone with his car or stab someone or rob a bank or something. The crimes he is committing right now could get a normal person like 6-12 months in county, but a good lawyer will plead it down to stuff that gets fines and probation.

 

[The Dude]

Teddys, bodysuits, and shapewear are back in; and wandering around in a blazer with just a bra underneath is also a trend for some reason. Why she decided that was a good court look is beyond me.

Probably because she was brought up by soft, accommodating parents who never taught her how to dress and behave in an acceptable fashion in certain places and situations.

 

[Uh Oh Stinky]

Bam was arrested near Philadelphia early morning Wednesday while arguing with a woman (not named, but assuming his girlfriend). He received two citations: public intoxication and disorderly conduct. He was released to a friend hours later. He was previously freed on $50k bond on July 27th and this incident should be a violation of terms. He's supposed to have another court date today according to a local news article.

TMZ Article
TMZ Archive

Local News Article
Local News Archive

Also, his wife Nikki filed for temporary sole custody. Bam can only FaceTime Phoenix a few times a week, whereas before he was trying for joint custody. The court isn't mandating drug or alcohol testing for the calls at this time.

TMZ Article
TMZ Archive

 

[Kulee Baba]

This last part gets me, I've been called a simp for Nikki and I don't care.

For now, Bam's only being allowed to see Phoenix over FaceTime via 20-minute calls on Mondays, Wednesday and Fridays, plus 30-minute calls on Sundays. Nikki's not allowed to monitor the calls.

You really want this wet brained BPD methhead talking to a little kid on a frequent basis without any filters?

Bam is going to tell little Pheonix his mother is a golddigging whore and how evil she is for not letting him see his son. He's gonna cry and moan about how Johnny Knoxville ruined his feet and how Jeff Tremaine is a cocksucker bitch.

I'm totally rooting that Nikki has already poisoned Pheonix telling him that his father is a junkie retard who couldn't get himself clean despite having all the support one could pretty much have. It'll soften the blow when Bam finally OD's. And it's just the truth, if Bam gave even a remote shit about his son he would have found a way to be a functional drug addict.

Edit: Computer enhance on that sneaker!

Does that say CWC? Like Christian Weston Chandler? The Dimensional Merge is real.

 

[Hollywood Hitler]

Bam was arrested near Philadelphia early morning Wednesday while arguing with a woman (not named, but assuming his girlfriend). He received two citations: public intoxication and disorderly conduct. He was released to a friend hours later. He was previously freed on $50k bond on July 27th and this incident should be a violation of terms. He's supposed to have another court date today according to a local news article.

TMZ Article
TMZ Archive

Local News Article
Local News Archive

Also, his wife Nikki filed for temporary sole custody. Bam can only FaceTime Phoenix a few times a week, whereas before he was trying for joint custody. The court isn't mandating drug or alcohol testing for the calls at this time.

TMZ Article
TMZ Archive

Bam is a madman who can't be stopped. He needs to be sent away for prison, for his sake.

 

[Fresh Grown Breasts]

This last part gets me, I've been called a simp for Nikki and I don't care.

You really want this wet brained BPD methhead talking to a little kid on a frequent basis without any filters?

A wetbrained BPD junkie rambling incoherently at a 5 year old for 1.5hrs a week, unmonitored and untested for alcohol/drugs.

Poor kid is in for a Hell of a ride. I hope Nikki gets a fair chunk of change in the divorce, because it’s going to take a fuck ton of therapy to recover from watching his father break out the schizo mood boards scrawled in Striggoli, complete with random doodles of men pissing on each other.

With any luck, Bam will be thrown in jail before the FaceTime Torment begins.

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

A wetbrained BPD junkie rambling incoherently at a 5 year old for 1.5hrs a week, unmonitored and untested for alcohol/drugs.

Poor kid is in for a Hell of a ride. I hope Nikki gets a fair chunk of change in the divorce, because it’s going to take a fuck ton of therapy to recover from watching his father break out the schizo mood boards scrawled in Striggoli, complete with random doodles of men pissing on each other.

On the other hand, the kid's got FAS so bad he probably has no idea what's going on, so the impact will likely be minimal.

 

[Fornicario]

Edit: Computer enhance on that sneaker!

Does that say CWC? Like Christian Weston Chandler? The Dimensional Merge is real

Where was Bam during the Anal First Golden Shower?

 

[Victim2988]

t: Computer enhance on that sneaker!
View attachment 5262877
Does that say CWC? Like Christian Weston Chandler? The Dimensional Merge is real.

I also reacted to the shoes he's wearing in court. Being a 40+ and wearing old skating shoes with stuff written with permanent marker. This guy is definitely stuck in his 13 years old himself and he will never be able to mature. I am a old fag who likes uncommon clothing myself but there is a time when you have to stop dressing like a teenager, just because it's fucking ridiculous.

 

[Eyesore City]

This video popped up on my feed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMLJU9sOgo8

It's almost a year old. I don't follow Bam closely, but this dude (in between his "I'm only speculating don't sue me") makes it sound like some big conspiracy that Bam is in and out of rehab. All statements from friends and family are questioned while he'll take Bam's word as fact. Everything I've seen out of Bam is that he's completely unhinged and he exaggerates or straight out lies quite a bit.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

So I'm between bands at a concert in Bethlehem, PA and I see on the screens Vile Vallo is gonna be coming through soon. Chances of Bam escaping to get senpai in his cornhole?

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

A 25 year old acting like a brat, turns into a shitty 40 year old. Who would have thought? He always was my least favorite person of the jackass crew and I always hoped his dad would snap and knock his teeth out and disown him sooner or later. It's his parents fault for this shit.

 

[Ass Dan]

Bam is what happens when someone gets rapidly and extremely wealthy and famous without ever having been told no or allowed to experience consequences. Phil and April always seemed like nice enough people, but they were lazy parents who were too impressed by Bam's talent. I feel worse for Jess than anyone. Imagine your bratty, overindulged, out-of-control younger brother is not only a blight on your family, but is also a famous lolcow trainwreck. Such a trainwreck, that your retarded deathfat pedo uncle isn't even the most fucked-up person in your family. It's gotta suck.

 

[Burd Turglar]

Bam is what happens when someone gets rapidly and extremely wealthy and famous without ever having been told no or allowed to experience consequences. Phil and April always seemed like nice enough people, but they were lazy parents who were too impressed by Bam's talent. I feel worse for Jess than anyone. Imagine your bratty, overindulged, out-of-control younger brother is not only a blight on your family, but is also a famous lolcow trainwreck. Such a trainwreck, that your retarded deathfat pedo uncle isn't even the most fucked-up person in your family. It's gotta suck.

Hey, take it easy guy. His friend died and nobody else could possibly know what that's like.

 

[AnOminous]

Hey, take it easy guy. His friend died and nobody else could possibly know what that's like.

I get what it's like to have a best friend die. I had it happen 20 years ago and to this day just thinking of it tears me up. You never get over it.

But you also don't turn into a wife-beating drunken piece of shit and blow up your life.

He was going to do that with or without his personal tragedy.