u/ZenithOfDisaster
I'm nonbinary, so let's get that out there first.
This is the first ever sub I found on phallo, and it has an incredible amount of knowledge on it that has been absolutely VITAL to figuring out not only the surgeries I want, but the doctors I want to do them. And do I want the full binary setup? No. Definitely not. I like my V and don't even mind calling it by its scientific name, or even slang terms for it. But I also want a penis. And I've wanted one ever since I can remember becoming aware of the differences in genders and genitalia in the world.
I've also hung out on the Salmacian sub since technically that aligns better both with my identity and the genitalia setup I'm looking for. But when I've asked questions about phallo there, they've told me that this is a much better resource with more people who know more about that specific set of surgeries (and my god is it ever!).
And I get it. Binary trans men deal with so much shit from the cis people of the world, and even a lot of shit from other queer people who want to insist you are every bit as privileged and oppressive as cishet men. You've been through your own gatekeeping by people who want you to not exist. You know how it feels to be discriminated against, talked over, and marginalized.
So why can't you show a little bit of self awareness and extend the same kind of respect and openness to the rest of the community of people who want phalloplasty that you wish had been shown to you by the rest of humanity at large?
It's not hard to not be a gatekeeper yourself, and people like me being allowed to not be met with terrible misgendering and get the surgeries we want to deal with our own dysphoria doesn't take away your own gender or keep you from getting the surgeries you want. But I get it. You've been powerless and discriminated against, and now you want to be the ones with the power so you can take your pain out on other people who, just like you, didn't deserve it.
Are you a man? Then man up and show people the grace you didn't get. Because this isn't
r/trans-man-surgeries. This is
r/phallo. And phallo is a surgery for more than just binary trans men.
PS: As someone with a degree in linguistics, yeah, I can agree on the point of guys/dude/etc being used in a neutral way most of the time. And I don't mind being called any of those words. But there are still people who don't want to be called those terms, so I'll respect that and not call them that. Personally I like the idea of flair for knowing how to refer to someone. But phallo itself shouldn't be gendered, and we should all be aware so we don't inflict the same pain we've been through on others.
Tl;Dr? This isn't a sub just for binary trans men. It's a sub for people of ALL genders, and it costs you $0 to respect that. I like the flair idea for how someone wants to be referred to, just don't call phallo a surgery for men only. Because it's not.
Edit: to the person who was concerned and reported me to RedditCareResources, I'm fine! Not in any danger, mostly just pissed to see a marginalized community I'm part of attacking each other like crabs in a bucket lol