Young men reveal why so many of them are single: ‘Dates feel more like job interviews’

From: https://nypost.com/2023/03/01/rate-of-single-men-in-the-us-looking-for-dates-has-declined/

They’re single but they’re not mingling.

New data from the Pew Research Center has shown that 63% of men under 30 are single – up from 51% in 2019.

COVID isolation and women’s high expectations for something serious are the main reasons they’re avoiding going out and coupling up, young guys say.

“Dates feel more like job interviews now. Much more like ‘What can you do for me and where is this going?'” said Ian Breslow, a 28-year-old high school teacher who lives in Astoria.

“The ‘getting to know you’ period is gone and that doesn’t feel so great after coming out of isolation.”

He recalled a recent first date that went quite well until the woman interrogated him on their walk home.

“She literally asked me, ‘Would you rather our kids go to public or private school?’ Followed by several more extreme questions about getting married. I just started responding with what I knew she would hate the most to get her to leave,” Breslow told The Post.

Experts agree that women are certainly wanting more than ever before.

“The overall picture [is] that if a woman is going to go on a date with a man, chances are it’s not for a casual fling,” Ronald Levant, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Akron, told The Post.

“Especially if the woman is kind of getting close to 30, [she’s] thinking about the biological clock and wants to have a family,” he added.

Breslow isn’t looking to settle down and get married anytime soon, so he’d rather have casual flings.

“The way dating is currently just makes me want to hook up locally with no stress or strings attached,” he says. “Fortunately that part comes very easy … I’m unmotivated to search for something serious for the time being.”

Ian Breslow said the face of dating has changed greatly since COVID.
Andrew Bruno, a 28-year-old nurse from Bellmore, NY, says flirting in the post-COVID era just isn’t as fun as it once was.

“Being able to naturally approach people while out isn’t like it was pre-pandemic. People are still much less likely to leave their groups or cliques at a bar,” said Bruno. “They’re certainly less talkative and that’s lowered my incentive to put myself out there.”

He also said the pandemic, more than ever before, made dating apps the central means for meeting people — and he’s not a fan.

“That just really isn’t my style. Like there is a weekslong prerequisite before you can think about getting involved, even for casual things,” Bruno said. “I’d rather take all that effort and put it towards my career.”

And, like Breslow, he’s in no hurry to get hitched.

Andrew Bruno feels that people have become less approachable while out since COVID.
“I’m also still very young,” Bruno said. “I don’t feel the need to rush, especially if people don’t act as naturally as they did before COVID. Why would I put it all out there for someone who can’t or won’t hold a conversation?”

For Mike M., a 25-year-old in Queens, it’s his — not the opposite sex’s — social skills that are still battling a bad case of long COVID.

“I definitely can’t walk into a room and go talk to someone I’m interested [in] like I used to be able to. It feels like my outgoingness has suffered some atrophy,” Mike, who withheld his last name out of embarrassment, told The Post.

He’s also having less sex than he did pre-pandemic.

“I have definitely been going online to take care of my urges more than I have by seeing people,” Mike admitted.

What do you think? Be the first to comment.
He feels as though he lost two prime years in his early 20s of being able to date and have fun without worrying about being in a serious relationship.

Now, he’s under pressure to find a long-term commitment, but can’t put himself out there.

“I also feel like I’m caught between two worlds,” he said. “Ultimately I’ve just been crashing and have had neither lately.”

 

[FamicomGorby]

If you can't get a girlfriend in a world where Ethan Ralph was married twice and had two children then you should honestly just consider suicide.

I think most people would do a flip rather than date someone like Pantsu. That's more a reflection on the fact people like Ethan Ralph will fuck anything that has a pulse.

 

[Mr Bunny]

Imagine thinking that Ethan Ralph being married twice and having kids is an own against supposed incels rather than a poor reflection of the character of the women that said yes to marrying and breeding with him. It's no different than saying you fucked a dog.

 

[Lidl Drip]

I think most people would do a flip rather than date someone like Pantsu. That's more a reflection on the fact people like Ethan Ralph will fuck anything that has a pulse.

Beggers can't be choosers, but a flip would definitely suffice also.

 

[Long Tongue Silver]

Just go outside, get a grip and be approachable. If you're going into a relationship expecting to potentially be married to the woman you're getting with and not mainly with her to bust a nut and feel good, you're probably a weirdo with no social awareness.

Gotta love it when people toss out these empty platitudes in that "see? it's so simple, why doncha just do that?" type of way.

 

[Odd Opossum]

Gotta love it when people toss out these empty platitudes in that "see? it's so simple, why doncha just do that?" type of way.

They're only empty if you aren't able to do them to begin with.

 

[6thRanger]

There is no equilibrium or peace between the sexes in a largely deregulated sexual marketplace. We all recognize that. The issue is collective bargaining and deal making on a societal level takes decades. Everyone has ideas about what the regulations should be, in time humanity will reach an equilibrium. Until then focus on your community.

This equilibrium was found by our ancestors and enshrined in religion and culture. People decided to tweak it a bit, and now have rejected it wholesale. Humanity spent ages coming up with the best rulebook it could and in allowing a little tweaking, it's all gone. Society's backbone is completely destroyed. The family unit has been glassed.

It's tragic, but work on creating a better community for your children to inherit. Torturing yourself about evil Incels and entitled feminists isn't helpful. Do the best you can, and if you see fit, start a family and raise good children.

 

[Omen_Sulk]

If you can't get a girlfriend in a world where Ethan Ralph was married twice and had two children then you should honestly just consider suicide.

I had a friend who was a drug dealer. Had this super hot goth g/f. I told him "Man you are so lucky"

He told me privately "no, you don't understand, she's a fucking wreck, she got into DDLG, bought all these diapers and pacifers online, now she wants me to change her, carry her around like a baby in the house"

Everything isn't simply as it appears.

 

[Geddy Lee's Fee and See]

There is no equilibrium or peace between the sexes in a largely deregulated sexual marketplace. We all recognize that. The issue is collective bargaining and deal making on a societal level takes decades. Everyone has ideas about what the regulations should be, in time humanity will reach an equilibrium. Until then focus on your community.

This equilibrium was found by our ancestors and enshrined in religion and culture. People decided to tweak it a bit, and now have rejected it wholesale. Humanity spent ages coming up with the best rulebook it could and in allowing a little tweaking, it's all gone. Society's backbone is completely destroyed. The family unit has been glassed.

It's tragic, but work on creating a better community for your children to inherit. Torturing yourself about evil Incels and entitled feminists isn't helpful. Do the best you can, and if you see fit, start a family and raise good children.

The way I see it, most of these people will not start families and the decrease in birth rates, while it will no doubt be painful and cause a lot of problems in society, will allow smart people to sow their seeds (literally) and make the future bright again for future generations to enjoy.

They're only empty if you aren't able to do them to begin with.

Or maybe it's empty because we don't live in that type of world anymore. I really hate this attitude of older generations where they think they know everything but refuse to at least keep their noses to the ground in regards to the current situation, whether it b e in relationships/dating, technology, news, etc. It really just goes to show wisdom doesn't come with age, but an ability to be willing to be corrected, to learn and to be informed, all of which they refuse to do.

 

[mlanguishi]

Or maybe it's empty because we don't live in that type of world anymore. I really hate this attitude of older generations where they think they know everything but refuse to at least keep their noses to the ground in regards to the current situation, whether it b e in relationships/dating, technology, news, etc. It really just goes to show wisdom doesn't come with age, but an ability to be willing to be corrected, to learn and to be informed, all of which they refuse to do.

Boomers kids in the 70s said 'don't bring a child into this shitty wordl'. It's recorded on their TV with All in the Family of Mike and Gloria. During the 80s, it was a bit less so, maybe have a kid cause there's a chance of better is the cold world ends. The cold world ends, and it's suddenly something else. It's not a new thing. Chinese did it from the 60s for decades. The Soviets actually did merit their kid makers if they had enough to give medals.

It's weird, and it changes from culture, to society. Anyone that claims to understand male/female relations on a duo-level and that complexity can't ever manage a full country level. It's why the command economy model won't ever work. The whole thing is a pain in the ass and that's just life.

 

[Odd Opossum]

I had a friend who was a drug dealer.

You should have known off the bat she would be batshit just from him being that.

Or maybe it's empty because we don't live in that type of world anymore.

Yeah, we do. It's not that hard to get laid and while it's harder to find someone to settle down with, it's still possible as long as you aren't spending your time crying online about how society has fallen.

 

[Ahriman]

If you can't get a girlfriend in a world where Ethan Ralph was married twice and had two children then you should honestly just consider suicide.

Beggers can't be choosers, but a flip would definitely suffice also.

Speak for yourself, bud. Keep scraping the bottom of the barrel, like the lardass Ralph does.

That's a rough 38 if I've ever seen one.

His whole channel is filled with spicy, yet colorful individuals like good ol' Jennifer.

https://www.youtube.com/@puffy_vegas7610/videos

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

If you can't get a girlfriend in a world where Ethan Ralph was married twice and had two children then you should honestly just consider suicide.

Ethan Ralph proves another problem. The best attribute that a man may have today to get women is rash impulsiveness.

Your average dorky guy with a stable life probably can fuck women like Meigh, Faith, Alice, etc..., but they're going to think twice before doing that. Especially any chance of getting them pregnant.

Studies have shown that men with below average IQs succeed more with women in all regards, and a disturbing amount of high IQ guys are checking out.

I think there's a lot of societal problems... marriage for men is a terrible contract, just attempting to talk to women in increasing settings has become risky, 3rd wave feminism in general.

 

[Geddy Lee's Fee and See]

Yeah, we do. It's not that hard to get laid and while it's harder to find someone to settle down with, it's still possible as long as you aren't spending your time crying online about how society has fallen.

1) Not every man in the world is trying to go get laid. I have a research position and a social life outside of looking for pussy. Not every person complaining about how fucked the dating world is at the moment is a incel NEET looking for cheap sex. Some people have their nose to the ground and see how bad things are first hand.
2) It's still possible, but so is lightning striking the same place twice. That doesn't mean much. You adjust your strategies to maximize your chances of success at finding lasting love. One of those things is finding a woman who has common interests/hobbies, goals and values. A lot of women just don't have any hobbies or goals and have shite values (although I will level with you on the latter two and say a lot of men don't have goals in life and have shit values). Basically, modern dating ia a fucking mess and you have to be blatantly pushing some sort of stupid agenda that goes against reality or out of touch to not see that.

 

[Mewtwo_Rain]

he issue is collective bargaining and deal making on a societal level takes decades.

It's tragic, but work on creating a better community for your children to inherit. Torturing yourself about evil Incels and entitled feminists isn't helpful. Do the best you can, and if you see fit, start a family and raise good children.

Few things :

Collective bargaining just doesn't happen unless people push a message and it gets accepted by a group. Again this can easily be seen with race relations no matter how many inches are given or miles it solves nothing. Often even after decades nothing changes except alop sided disadvantage. Which leads me to why I left the second part:

Children of either sex should be told the truth, and too many create a false comparison to feminism and incels. Incels didn't have regulation power, instead what will come is jaded and angry men, gainst feminist and the majority of women who remain silent to those agenda. Not telling your children to stop those trying such agendas will only allow them to gain traction such as how they did in the west. Had people pushed themselves to the grindstone much of this could have been averted, such as the warnings of MRA's prior to the "evil incels." People being afraid to call out those causing the issues caused a status quo of instability in dating and relationships and sex relations. Incels are attacked merely because they don't follow the status, and now even general men are attacked because they are opting out of it too, too many apply an equal footing. One side is not like the other and nothing can be solved even in decades if people don't accept the truth.

 

[Omen_Sulk]

A lot of women just don't have any hobbies or goals and have shite values (although I will level with you on the latter two and say a lot of men don't have goals in life and have shit values). Basically, modern dating ia a fucking mess and you have to be blatantly pushing some sort of stupid agenda that goes against reality or out of touch to not see that.

From my experience, the general population of girls typically are interested in:: Average clothes/makeup shopping, a band they like are in town on tour, their favorite Netflix series at the moment, a movie they saw advertised everywhere they want to see, maybe a big story happening in the news, maybe a new activity they want to try once, craft class/parasailing/a new restaurant. Oh and they want to travel to other countries.

If you move out of that zone, you are looking at hyper competent Women that are out of your league, or you are looking at damaged/divergent Women that have a whole host of crazy issues and baggage.

At least that's my perception from my experience.


Not that I'm trying to find someone, I'm just trying to make sense of the dating landscape.

 

[Car Won't Crank]

Not that I'm trying to find someone, I'm just trying to make sense of the dating landscape.

The landscape is fucked. On the topic of dating and this whole discussion, I noticed this app from Bumble Holdings. They recently released a platform for weirdos to make friends of the same sex, What does this say about society if a team of big wig investors signed off on making this app after they did whatever "market research and analysis" that concluded it's a viable venture?

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I don't understand why women consider this such an impossible expectation. I've dated exclusively decent, sane, emotionally-stable women in my life and biology hasn't even in put me in the situation where my partner could easily kill me with their bare hands.

It's just not that fucking hard.

But muh tingles tho. Women consume a lot of porn and shlickfic and now a lot of thots have to have some sexually aggressive Christian Grey daddy figure or else they’re out the door.

A lot of women just don't have any hobbies or goals and have shite values

That is primarily due to their crippling addiction to social media. They like binge watching Friends and The Office because it’s background noise while they’re on Instagram, TikTok and their dating app(s) of choice. Time spent on a hobby is time away from the phone and that just ain’t happening with a lot of girls.

Funny because before smartphones became ubiquitous, millennial girls took up tons of hobbies that were pointless but in hindsight is much better than being addicted to upcummies. For example they’d have pottery class on Monday, Spanish class at a community college on Tuesdays and Thursdays, acoustic guitar lessons on Wednesdays, and would thot it up on Fridays and Saturdays. Between all that they would talk about the novel they were writing (but never finish) and volunteer on occasion. A few of these girls still do that but most are just on their phones instead.

 

[6thRanger]

Few things :

Collective bargaining just doesn't happen unless people push a message and it gets accepted by a group. Again this can easily be seen with race relations no matter how many inches are given or miles it solves nothing. Often even after decades nothing changes except alop sided disadvantage. Which leads me to why I left the second part:

Children of either sex should be told the truth, and too many create a false comparison to feminism and incels. Incels didn't have regulation power, instead what will come is jaded and angry men, gainst feminist and the majority of women who remain silent to those agenda. Not telling your children to stop those trying such agendas will only allow them to gain traction such as how they did in the west. Had people pushed themselves to the grindstone much of this could have been averted, such as the warnings of MRA's prior to the "evil incels." People being afraid to call out those causing the issues caused a status quo of instability in dating and relationships and sex relations. Incels are attacked merely because they don't follow the status, and now even general men are attacked because they are opting out of it too, too many apply an equal footing. One side is not like the other and nothing can be solved even in decades if people don't accept the truth.

We agree.

However there's a difference between telling the truth, advocating for your interests and nurturing your children to do the same vs seething about it, screaming about it and being ruled by it.

The comparison in my case was not based on them having equal power, but merely being what each "side" seems to torture themselves about, which leads to greater dysfunction on an individual and therefore societal level.

 

[Odd Opossum]

For example they’d have pottery class on Monday, Spanish class at a community college on Tuesdays and Thursdays, acoustic guitar lessons on Wednesdays, and would thot it up on Fridays and Saturdays. Between all that they would talk about the novel they were writing (but never finish) and volunteer on occasion. A few of these girls still do that but most are just on their phones instead.

And even after all of that, they can still afford hot chip.

 

[Duke Nukem]

So it is about sex.

Anyone who says that it's not about sex is either a liar or a fool. Sexual attraction is everything in dating, and anyone who tries to convince you otherwise should not be trusted. Dating without some type of romantic or sexual element is just platonic friendship with extra steps. Or worse, the friendzone meme, which is a thing, but guys need to understand that you can't win someone like that over, real life isn't a romantic comedy or slice of life anime.

Many of them have transitioned from male or female to 'blob'. The current obesity rate is somewhere over 42%

I swipe through Tinder from time to time, and 99% are 'blob', 'heavily tattooed' or 'fake(bot)'

Tinder is a hopeless wasteland for any guy who isn't a fuckboy and/or looking for OnlyFans users to sub to. Tried it, didn't like it, never going back. Dating apps are a five star hotel banquet for some, but a starving African village for others.

Jesus Christ - and people think I'm crazy for deciding to be alone.

Those incels sure are missing out on a lot, aren't they?

Honestly, I'm not sure. I mean, there was a very strong societal assumption in the past that you'd meet somebody, get married, and start having children, and do all of it probably in your early 20s. So the pressure to "get serious" may have been more external, but it was still very much hanging over your head.

I've tried explaining to my clueless boomer parents that it's simply not a thing anymore, it's just these stupid apps mostly.

I don't even know where to fucking start. Dating apps are a total scam, and talking to women in public is just asking to be arrested unless you're at least 6 feet tall and in perfect shape.

I'm noticeably over 6 feet tall and in decent shape for my age and I wouldn't risk it, Lord knows what your stereotypical anime nerd would be subjected to. Yeah yeah, I know, but stereotypes exist for a reason.

Hell I probably meet that standard, plenty of guys I know do. Do you really mean "triggered because of his own resentment over a woman being smart" or do you mean somebody who will take the "I am woman, hear me screech" bullshit without standing up for himself?

All I want is a reasonably attractive girl who will be a loyal wife/homemaker and good mother to my future kids, and has a sense of humor I can gel with (I think I tend to be pretty funny in person, but my sense of humor is very American). I don't think it's that much to ask for, but apparently it is.

That's not too far off from what I would like in a partner but that's probably never going to happen at this point, especially in Clown World wasteland hell.

If you think furries aren't fucking each other, I've got a surprise for you.

The ungodly horrors that inhabit the internet make me wish it was furries, H.P. Lovecraft couldn't come up with something like that.

That's it. You are expected to do all the work and then get no reward and repeat it endlessly like a cash cow. I can do something more fun and useful and pragmatic with my time and money, like ordering a Sonichu medallion, investing in crypto, or trying to fix Ethan Ralph.

I kinda wanted a Blake medallion back when Chris was selling stuff, but then I realized I was about to throw $30 into an autistic black hole.

I had a friend who was a drug dealer. Had this super hot goth g/f. I told him "Man you are so lucky"

He told me privately "no, you don't understand, she's a fucking wreck, she got into DDLG, bought all these diapers and pacifers online, now she wants me to change her, carry her around like a baby in the house"

Everything isn't simply as it appears.

A lot of people who aren't in relationships or have had little to no experience with them honestly don't know how bad things can truly get. The incels, for what they're worth, don't understand that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I've been on both sides of that fence at different points in my life and of course, instead of listening to what one who has dated has to say about it, they'll call them a filthy sex-haver and refuse to consider any other viewpoint. Now I get that some people have certain interests or sexual turn-ons but this diaper shit is an absolute hardcore "no-go" area for me. Of course, a bunch of incels raised on slice-of-life anime where the hikikomori guy gains ultimate power out of nowhere, or at the very least, has a girl-next-door type interested in him for some unfathomable reason, will either never consider that these shows have little to no correlation with real life, or they'll just retreat further into that world once they realize that to be the case, as they often lack the prerequisite skill sets to deal with it.

Now I don't blame them entirely for falling in love with a fictional character or whatever if they're in that situation, the human brain does strange things to cope with certain things, but waifu and streamer shit is not something to aspire to. But a lot of what's wrong in their lives usually has nothing to do with lack of a partner, at the very least.

Speak for yourself, bud. Keep scraping the bottom of the barrel, like the lardass Ralph does.

That's a rough 38 if I've ever seen one.

His whole channel is filled with spicy, yet colorful individuals like good ol' Jennifer.

https://www.youtube.com/@puffy_vegas7610/videos

Is this channel what Twitch thots and OnlyFans users are going to end up like?

But muh tingles tho. Women consume a lot of porn and shlickfic and now a lot of thots have to have some sexually aggressive Christian Grey daddy figure or else they’re out the door.

That is primarily due to their crippling addiction to social media. They like binge watching Friends and The Office because it’s background noise while they’re on Instagram, TikTok and their dating app(s) of choice. Time spent on a hobby is time away from the phone and that just ain’t happening with a lot of girls.

Funny because before smartphones became ubiquitous, millennial girls took up tons of hobbies that were pointless but in hindsight is much better than being addicted to upcummies. For example they’d have pottery class on Monday, Spanish class at a community college on Tuesdays and Thursdays, acoustic guitar lessons on Wednesdays, and would thot it up on Fridays and Saturdays. Between all that they would talk about the novel they were writing (but never finish) and volunteer on occasion. A few of these girls still do that but most are just on their phones instead.

That does sound fairly accurate, back when I did the online dating thing for a bit, sure things didn't work out but at least the few I was able to talk to and tolerate for a bit had at least something going for them. I'd rather date someone who has an interest in, I dunno, martial arts or pottery or something like that instead of this social media crap they seem obsessed with now. Most of the ones on dating apps are only into it to shill their OnlyFans or to boost their egos from thirsty simps swiping right on years old photos with twenty filters applied to them.

I do have a coworker who gets attention from women on a fairly regular basis even now, I don't even mention anyone I'm chatting with (if there is anyone at all) because he's gonna be all like "Did you have sex with her yet?" It's like dude, not everyone is looking to fornicate right off the fucking bat. And those are not people you want to keep around anyway, like seriously, if she's DTF the first day you speak with her, how many other guys has she done the same with? Trying to keep her around or "get to know her better" is insanity at best.

Sorry I wrote a novella here but there's a lot to address. Some good fair points have been made, and honestly, although I'll probably never date again, I'm thankful for the experiences I've been able to have, even if they seem like a long time ago.