I had a dream today.
Set: large monumental hallway, like that of brutalist architecture, like a railway station or similar large brutalist building. There are neo-dystopian features like there are technology devices attached to the walls, the setting is formal, like there is a hierarchy of people, where I'm at an unknown position in it. Like part of a cult, or a communist style surveillance state, where there are some people who are there to represent the "system" and talk in the name of the system, and watch over everything you do.
Scene 1
I'm standing with other people, watching an annoucement someone is making standing on a stage speaking on a microphone.
He's congratulating Letty (Nina Volyanska) and me for our baby, that Letty is going to have soon. The crowd cheers and congratulates us. Letty is standing among the crowd and I can see her, but she is some distance away. She appears to be happy as she looks at me.
Meanwhile, my body and brain goes into a state of shock and panic. "What? What the fuck are you talking about? This is a prank,right?" I am genuinely horrified. To my recollection, I never had sex with Letty. How could this be? It has to be one of her sick jokes. We all saw and know how sick and evil she can be under the pretense of acting. I didn't know if this was real or she was acting out one of her cruel jokes against me.
"It's your baby, remember? Letty told us about you two a couple months ago. Everyone knows, you have to know?"
I struggle to recollect that ever happening. In shock, i try to reason and come up with an explanation of how I could have impregnated Letty.
"Uh, me?? Uh I don't know, maybe we had sex once and uh, I maybe didn't use a condom? and maybe it was just pure luck?"
See, my mind was in a horrific dillemma. On one hand, my subconscious, animal-mind found it awesome and a great thing, it found Letty hot and would absolutely love to have sex and kids with her. It was imagining having a family with Letty and our children. Her beautiful slavic genetics, pale skin and thin figure were everything I was looking for. She tries to act modest, seems to be against niggerification (compared to Josie, which seems to show some aspects of taking on nigger culture like rap, bling and their way of speaking, and doing drugs).
But my conscious mind did not find Letty attractive at all. She had some less attractive facial features, she showed she might be mentally unstable or at least showing signs of GOTIS, her going and starring on a Big Brother-esque reality show, abandoning her slavic (Polish IIRC) homeland to go live amongst niggers in Niggerville, crooked banker, ZOG mafia infested America, her being a visible Bernie supporter (in the past at least, shows weak critical thinking skills), her acting and being evil on camera and plotting against other people, her seemingly having no gag reflex or reservations with dealing with piss and shit (on camera nonetheless). All of these are bad moral traits and one that made my mind condemn her as being a good moral person.
It is why at the time that Fishtank was live, I thought Josie was the best. But even then I was not obsessed with either, I just watched it casually as entertainment. Realistically none of the people who go star on a reality show are probably smart or moral people, if this is what they decide is good to do.
So with this dilemma of simultaneously finding Letty subconsciously attractive but consciously not attractive, my mind had, in this moment of panic and shock, decided to go the conscious way and decide to deny the possibility of us having this baby. I can't remember exactly but I think I acted confused and denied the whole thing and maybe said it was a prank.
Letty was devastated. Her facial expression turning more shocked and sad by the moment, she stormed out of the room.
I asked, shouted to her, where she's going?
She said "I hate you, I'm not having your baby, I'm going to have an abortion!"
She ran out of the room.
This cut right to my heart. My dreams of having a family, my dreams of having Letty, were slashed, destroyed, exploded in an instant, it made my vision turn black and my body went into a fight-or-flight adrenaline response.
No! Wait Letty, please don't! You can't do that! It's our child! I want to have our child, I want to have our family!
"No you don't, you're a liar and a bad person, you knew about us but you lied you didn't today, I can't ever forgive you"
She disappeared, I was left alone.
I asked everyone, "where did she go? Where is she, tell me, please!". I was in utter despair. I felt the life force leaving my body every moment I knew she was going to have an abortion at any moment.
Someone said to me, "she went to have an abortion, she's in there" and pointed the finger at another room on that hallway. Two people, a man and a woman, came out, they appeared to be leaders of this abortion operation.
I asked them, "where is she? Where is Letty?"
They said, "she's in there, getting an abortion. She seems to have died."
"She what?" I say, not believing what I was hearing.
"She seems to have died."
I push them away and storm into the room.
I am in a hospital-like room with medical machines, a hospital bed and a curtain, There is steam in the air and the air is hot and humid. I see Letty. She's inside a thing that looks like a plastic egg with hot water at ankle-level that's giving off steam. The front of it is open and Letty is inside, crouching in the hot steamy water, sobbing and crying uncontrollably.
I run to her, crouch down and hug her, putting my hand onto her belly. "I love you Letty, oh I love you so much, please don't do this" I say.
She appears to calm down and stop crying. I feel like she understands me. I feel like I have rescued her. I feel a sense of overwhelming happiness and warmth.
End of act 1.
You are probably saying, "this guy is a fucking lunatic stalker obsessed with Letty" but no, you'd be wrong. I have not thought of either Letty or Josie or even remembered Fishtank ever happened after it ended. I was not even aware of what they're doing, haven't even watched any of the streams they are doing.
But my mind decided it wanted me to have this dream, out of reasons I don't even know.
So here it is for your and my amusement and posterity, and maybe creeping some people out. I'm fine with that.
Thanks to this dream that has now implanted this idea firmly into my monkey-brain, I will probably try to erase it from my memory as this idea, even though it appeals to my monkey-brain, will probably never happen, so it must be erased. Or maybe, there's a 1 in a billion chance that Letty sees this and sends me a message and we end up married and having kids. But no, realistically, that's delusional and I'm ashamed that my conscious brain is even thinking about that scenario.
