I hate being trans and autistic. I finally woke up from a 15 year long coma with no emotions to a life that's constant pain and suffering. I'm never going to be seen as a woman. Even as an egg, nobody liked me because I was too autistic and different. I'm too scared to go back to work because I don't want to go into burnout again. Im too scared to leave the house because I'm tall and ugly. I can't even take care of myself properly when I'm given help, and I'm not talented enough to be a good writer no matter how hard I work because I'm too autistic to write good dialogue, much less emotional sublety. And I'm too messed up from my past to ever be loved by anyone or to give them a life they deserve
I'm so tired every single day; getting though the day, even doing nothing, is exhausting and unfulfilling. I'm not living for anything anymore. There is no future. And I'm going to die to fascism or climate change anyways. I feel like I'm only living to placate my family, but I'm still a massive burden to them.
My existence contributes nothing and I'm worthless as a human being. I deserve to die, but don't have the guts to kill myself.
I just want to die peacefully in my sleep. Please just let me die in peace