The Lychee Queen 2.0
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 22, 2023
Well. I spent quite a bit of time in Thailand, and may be able to offer some insight into what Chantal's luxurious vacation will bring her, if she decides to leave her hotel room.
First of all, she will be mocked like never before. Thai people are absolutely lovely and wonderfully hospitable and full of good cheer - there's a reason that Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles. And upon seeing Chantal, they will be unable to keep the smile off their face, long after she's left the room, as they will never have seen anything like her before. Southeast Asians are absolutely brutal when commenting on others' bodies, and the default body type is SKINNY. If you are not Asian-style thin, they will be perplexed as to why. Are you pregnant? they will ask normal-sized westerners. When does baby come? WHAT? No baby?! Then why so fat?!
Thailand - and SEA in general - is one of the least fat-friendly places on the planet. Eating yourself into a disability is practically unheard of, and Thais in general are very healthy and active. You'll regularly see 80 year olds chasing after their grandchildren with equal energy to the child. So Chantal will horrify and fascinate the Thai public. She will be a literal circus freak to them They will poke and prod and stare and not hide a thing and she will be seen in a way she's never felt seen before. But not only them - also, she'll be surrounded by drunk tourists. Inebriated Aussies and English and - especially - Irish tourists will see her, and they're not exactly known for keeping their mouths shut after their third Chang beer bong.
Not only that, but Chantal will see that Thailand can be uncomfortable to travel even at a normal weight and thus she will be unable to travel normally or cheaply. Drivers may not even allow her in tuktuks (which is part of the essential Thai experience), nor into the small, affordable boats that jettison between Thailand's stunning islands. Not that she'd be able to easily hoist herself in and out of them in the first place. They will say to her face that she's too fat, that she will capsize the vehicle or sink the boat. Cheap mom-and-pop restaurants could refuse to seat her, saying she'll break the chair. Buses are cramped, even by Asian standards, offering half the leg room of her already-cramped plane seat.
Thus, they'll have to rely on private, air conditioned car transportation everywhere they go, which will add up very quickly. Plus, the drivers will see that he's Arab (assuming he's from a Gulf state and is super rich compared to them) and will charge the SHIT out of them, and they're dumb, so they'll pay many times over the market rate.
Even walking place to place will be a nightmare. Bangkok is a total car culture, and parking is rare, so cars routinely park on the sidewalk. So, when walking from point A to point B, you're constantly switching between sidewalk and road, depending on what's open at any given time. And the sidewalks are full of pot holes, and tourists routinely sprain or break their ankles if they're not careful. Chantal can't even see her ankles.
Chantal's only comfortable temperature will be in her hotel room. Being there during the rainy season will only amplify the already ridiculous humidity level. Rainy season can actually be a decent time to visit Thailand, as prices are lower and the crowds are smaller. It doesn't usually rain all day - there'll be a massive dump of rain in the afternoon, and often the rest of the day will be nice, albeit cloudy and humid af. But this 'dump' will be a torrential downpour, and wherever you are, you gotta be ready to spend a few hours waiting out the monsoon. If Chantal finds herself somewhere without adequate seating for her fat ass, she's out of luck. If she's caught out in the open, she can only move at a snail's pace to seek cover and is so unsteady on her feet, she'd easily fall and hurt herself.
Chantal will quickly learn to hate Thai food. Now, as anyone who's had the privilege to sample this cuisine in its homeland can attest, Thai food has rightly earned its place in the top echelons of world cuisines. But it heavily depends on freash fuits and vegetables - which she hates - and often incorporates coconut milk and levels of spiciness considered obscene to even Americans experienced with Mexican food. Now, imagine an average meal that is high fiber plus high fat, and then add in a missing gallbladder. Oh, and it's super spicy. See where I'm going?
Besides that, Thailand also has a reputation for unexpected bouts of food poisoning. As Chantal keeps herself in utter filthy conditions, she'll not notice potential red flag kitchen conditions, and will likely come down with a stomach bug. Even if not from food poisoning itself, at least from adjusting to new and unexpected food and local bacteria. This will mean an endless symphony of wet flatulence at best, and nonstop blowing spicy mud all over her bathroom's wall and mirrors, at worst. (The latter is most likely.) This will also severely affect her hydration levels, which are usually always shit anyways.
Thus, Chantal will need a comfortable, suitable toilet to wreck at least once an hour, and it better not have a line for her to wait in. Squat toilets are still very much a thing, even in the major cities, as Thais are well aware of the fact that squatting is healthier for you than sitting. (You will notice that public seating is quite limited.) If you're lucky, you'll have a western style toilet, but 'western style' doesn't mean western standard'. Bathrooms are usually VERY small, and the toilets are often missing their lids, for whatever reason. And the doors frequently aren't quite the same size as the frame, or are just made of reed weaving. Basically, there's a huge chance that wherever she shits in public, the entire building will be able to hear and smell her explosive diarrhea with frightening clarity and precision. Pour one out for the whole of Thailand, frens.
This constant need to blast-defecate will severely limit her ability to travel, or to do any activities at all, period. Plus, Thai roads are bumpy as hell, and traffic in Bangkok is an absolute nightmare. There's a high chance she'll shit and shart herself in a taxi, multiple times on the same trip. Tee hee!
Chantal's health conditions make traveling Thailand difficult. EVEN IF she were a normal weight, the heat and humidity will only exacerbate her high blood pressure and hypertension. Bangkok's air quality is terrible, and will trigger her asthma and could even give her a sinus infection (this happened to me several times). Her safest bet is to stay in the hotel room and eat herself into a food coma, before passing out after overdosing on weed.
Her potential activities are severely limited. Thailand is an incredibly beautiful country, with a rich culture and history, and one of the world's top cuisines. Few locations can come close to matching its natural beauty, whether you go north into its rain forests or south to its beaches. Anyways, she'll barely be able to experience any of it and will probably say it's cause of the weather or her asthma or whatever.
Salah, on the other hand, is happy as a clam. No doubt she promised this trip a long time ago, and kept putting it off, thinking he'd fall in love with her so hard she wouldn't have to keep her end of the bargain. It's not Salah's fault he was born with one of the shittiest passports in the world, and despite the fact that he annoys the shit out of me, I'm actually kind of happy for him. This will be one of the few times in his life he'll be in a location a) with actual natural beauty; and b) where he'll be treated as more than a third-class citizen. He'll remember this trip the rest of his life, though for reasons different than Chantal. Maybe he can leave her at an elephant sanctuary to be taken care of for a few days while he goes and actually does something worthwhile with his time.
Anyways, those are just some observations from someone who used to live there. I'm sure I'm forgetting some stuff. Even if she pretends everything is hunky dory and she has no issues whatsoever, she's lying. (What else is new.) There's a shit ton of potential in this new arc, I'm telling you.
First of all, she will be mocked like never before. Thai people are absolutely lovely and wonderfully hospitable and full of good cheer - there's a reason that Thailand is known as the Land of Smiles. And upon seeing Chantal, they will be unable to keep the smile off their face, long after she's left the room, as they will never have seen anything like her before. Southeast Asians are absolutely brutal when commenting on others' bodies, and the default body type is SKINNY. If you are not Asian-style thin, they will be perplexed as to why. Are you pregnant? they will ask normal-sized westerners. When does baby come? WHAT? No baby?! Then why so fat?!
Thailand - and SEA in general - is one of the least fat-friendly places on the planet. Eating yourself into a disability is practically unheard of, and Thais in general are very healthy and active. You'll regularly see 80 year olds chasing after their grandchildren with equal energy to the child. So Chantal will horrify and fascinate the Thai public. She will be a literal circus freak to them They will poke and prod and stare and not hide a thing and she will be seen in a way she's never felt seen before. But not only them - also, she'll be surrounded by drunk tourists. Inebriated Aussies and English and - especially - Irish tourists will see her, and they're not exactly known for keeping their mouths shut after their third Chang beer bong.
Not only that, but Chantal will see that Thailand can be uncomfortable to travel even at a normal weight and thus she will be unable to travel normally or cheaply. Drivers may not even allow her in tuktuks (which is part of the essential Thai experience), nor into the small, affordable boats that jettison between Thailand's stunning islands. Not that she'd be able to easily hoist herself in and out of them in the first place. They will say to her face that she's too fat, that she will capsize the vehicle or sink the boat. Cheap mom-and-pop restaurants could refuse to seat her, saying she'll break the chair. Buses are cramped, even by Asian standards, offering half the leg room of her already-cramped plane seat.
Thus, they'll have to rely on private, air conditioned car transportation everywhere they go, which will add up very quickly. Plus, the drivers will see that he's Arab (assuming he's from a Gulf state and is super rich compared to them) and will charge the SHIT out of them, and they're dumb, so they'll pay many times over the market rate.
Even walking place to place will be a nightmare. Bangkok is a total car culture, and parking is rare, so cars routinely park on the sidewalk. So, when walking from point A to point B, you're constantly switching between sidewalk and road, depending on what's open at any given time. And the sidewalks are full of pot holes, and tourists routinely sprain or break their ankles if they're not careful. Chantal can't even see her ankles.
Chantal's only comfortable temperature will be in her hotel room. Being there during the rainy season will only amplify the already ridiculous humidity level. Rainy season can actually be a decent time to visit Thailand, as prices are lower and the crowds are smaller. It doesn't usually rain all day - there'll be a massive dump of rain in the afternoon, and often the rest of the day will be nice, albeit cloudy and humid af. But this 'dump' will be a torrential downpour, and wherever you are, you gotta be ready to spend a few hours waiting out the monsoon. If Chantal finds herself somewhere without adequate seating for her fat ass, she's out of luck. If she's caught out in the open, she can only move at a snail's pace to seek cover and is so unsteady on her feet, she'd easily fall and hurt herself.
Chantal will quickly learn to hate Thai food. Now, as anyone who's had the privilege to sample this cuisine in its homeland can attest, Thai food has rightly earned its place in the top echelons of world cuisines. But it heavily depends on freash fuits and vegetables - which she hates - and often incorporates coconut milk and levels of spiciness considered obscene to even Americans experienced with Mexican food. Now, imagine an average meal that is high fiber plus high fat, and then add in a missing gallbladder. Oh, and it's super spicy. See where I'm going?
Besides that, Thailand also has a reputation for unexpected bouts of food poisoning. As Chantal keeps herself in utter filthy conditions, she'll not notice potential red flag kitchen conditions, and will likely come down with a stomach bug. Even if not from food poisoning itself, at least from adjusting to new and unexpected food and local bacteria. This will mean an endless symphony of wet flatulence at best, and nonstop blowing spicy mud all over her bathroom's wall and mirrors, at worst. (The latter is most likely.) This will also severely affect her hydration levels, which are usually always shit anyways.
Thus, Chantal will need a comfortable, suitable toilet to wreck at least once an hour, and it better not have a line for her to wait in. Squat toilets are still very much a thing, even in the major cities, as Thais are well aware of the fact that squatting is healthier for you than sitting. (You will notice that public seating is quite limited.) If you're lucky, you'll have a western style toilet, but 'western style' doesn't mean western standard'. Bathrooms are usually VERY small, and the toilets are often missing their lids, for whatever reason. And the doors frequently aren't quite the same size as the frame, or are just made of reed weaving. Basically, there's a huge chance that wherever she shits in public, the entire building will be able to hear and smell her explosive diarrhea with frightening clarity and precision. Pour one out for the whole of Thailand, frens.
This constant need to blast-defecate will severely limit her ability to travel, or to do any activities at all, period. Plus, Thai roads are bumpy as hell, and traffic in Bangkok is an absolute nightmare. There's a high chance she'll shit and shart herself in a taxi, multiple times on the same trip. Tee hee!
Chantal's health conditions make traveling Thailand difficult. EVEN IF she were a normal weight, the heat and humidity will only exacerbate her high blood pressure and hypertension. Bangkok's air quality is terrible, and will trigger her asthma and could even give her a sinus infection (this happened to me several times). Her safest bet is to stay in the hotel room and eat herself into a food coma, before passing out after overdosing on weed.
Her potential activities are severely limited. Thailand is an incredibly beautiful country, with a rich culture and history, and one of the world's top cuisines. Few locations can come close to matching its natural beauty, whether you go north into its rain forests or south to its beaches. Anyways, she'll barely be able to experience any of it and will probably say it's cause of the weather or her asthma or whatever.
Salah, on the other hand, is happy as a clam. No doubt she promised this trip a long time ago, and kept putting it off, thinking he'd fall in love with her so hard she wouldn't have to keep her end of the bargain. It's not Salah's fault he was born with one of the shittiest passports in the world, and despite the fact that he annoys the shit out of me, I'm actually kind of happy for him. This will be one of the few times in his life he'll be in a location a) with actual natural beauty; and b) where he'll be treated as more than a third-class citizen. He'll remember this trip the rest of his life, though for reasons different than Chantal. Maybe he can leave her at an elephant sanctuary to be taken care of for a few days while he goes and actually does something worthwhile with his time.
Anyways, those are just some observations from someone who used to live there. I'm sure I'm forgetting some stuff. Even if she pretends everything is hunky dory and she has no issues whatsoever, she's lying. (What else is new.) There's a shit ton of potential in this new arc, I'm telling you.
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. Both large planes. She did say "smallest plane in my life". I am wondering if thats because she's so bigger now she didnt fit? She'd bene in the 777's for almost every trip except Cuba.
