- Joined
- Nov 29, 2020
Now, I know a lot of people have made this observation before. Hell, quite a few people have most likely done it on the Farms, including myself. However, I don't think a lot of people truly realize just how much it fucks you over if you're unfortunate enough to have it (and I mean actually diagnosed by a medical professional, not self-diagnosis Tumblr/Twitter bullshit). And I myself never realized the true extent of such....until today. My team at work is doing a little meet-up at the local office this week as a sort of team-building exercise. Today was the first day everyone was there. Just....the way everyone threw jokey little barbs at each other, the genuine laughs they had, the ease with which they simply talked to each other. It hit me like a ton of bricks: no matter how hard I try, no matter how perfectly I "mask" my behavior, no matter the accomplishments I achieve down the road, I will never have that. I will never be able to form a palpable connection with another human being (aside from close family, that is). I will never have real "friends", the closest they'll be are acquaintances. I will never know the feeling of being in love. The simple act of socializing is physically draining and as a result, I will never "enjoy" events/trips the way normal people do.
The ennui has hit me several times before, but never has it been brought into sharper focus. It's....disquieting, to say the least. I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit of a whiny faggot about it, but I'm so goddamn tired of seeing people wear their "neurodivergence" (
) like a badge of pride, and that's how I instantly know that they either aren't actually autistic, or they don't actually try to assimilate into society. Then again, it's better that I realize this now, when I'm relatively young, rather than later, so I don't end up even more disappointed. I am extremely fortunate in some ways, I will recognize that. But if I could take a magic pill to make the spergers go away, you bet your ass I'd take it in a heartbeat.
TL;DR: Kick the Autistic isn't just America's favorite game, it's nature's.
The ennui has hit me several times before, but never has it been brought into sharper focus. It's....disquieting, to say the least. I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit of a whiny faggot about it, but I'm so goddamn tired of seeing people wear their "neurodivergence" (

TL;DR: Kick the Autistic isn't just America's favorite game, it's nature's.