Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"
- Thread starter Spunt
- Start date
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2020
- Highlight
- #20,342
VINDICATION
- Joined
- May 24, 2014
I'm glad you did that so new readers can enjoy all the 2013 Era "not a lolcow" posts which aged very well.
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2019
Very good and informative new OP, I didn't know much about Lowtax before the Logan Day stuff. What a piece of shit. Rest in piss.
- Joined
- May 24, 2023
It's kind of incredible how long of a shadow he cast over online nerd stuff when I first starting getting into those communities in the mid 2000s. He really could have had it all. But he pissed it all away. It's hard to believe how respected he once was.
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2012
In their defense, the 2013 standard for a lolcow was very high. It was basically just people like Chris.
I'm still hoping that you get to that person stream on Lowtax eventually, it would make for great content now that the story is full over and we have a few years of distance from the events.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
I think by the end Lowtax actually reached that standard.
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2020
Don't you worry that
That's very generous, personally I think it was a safe bet after the Mangosteen Meltdown™.
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2017
| Has licked peanut butter off a battery for money? | |
| Lowtax | Yes |
| Chris-Chan | No |
Lowtax has met the standard and then blazed new ground.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2015
Don't forget that his swan song was deepthroating cheap summer sausage (clearly hallucinating that it was troon hooker cock) to an audience of like 15 people for even less money than the peanut butter battery thing.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
You think Lowtax would appreciate that kind of art? No child, that is The Last Supper but SUPER WACKY AND ZANY because IT HAS ROBOCOP!!!, IN THE PAINTING!!!, HAHAHAH PURPLE DISHWASHER PIRATE NINJA ZOMBIE HAHAHA!!!!1!!
If I had this on my wall I'd shoot myself too.
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2021
It’s hard to believe how I somehow still feel his death is tragic. I’m more angry that he wimped out and died after a solid 15 years of coasting on his initial success. I’m angry at him for being such an asshole to his own daughters, to say nothing of his wives. This guy made a fortune and spent it on overpriced food and cheap box wine. He had potential, but as they say in Missouri: close only counts with horseshoes and hand grenades.
- Joined
- Nov 4, 2017
He doesn't just have it, he is the one who commissioned it against the artist's wishes.
Bradon Bird makes a lot of odd pop-art I actually dig his Sears series as looking at over-looked Americana and this shit was so cringe he didn't want to paint it.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
I'm with you until that last sentence. Richard never had potential. He had absolutely none of the attributes that make a successful entrepreneur, husband or father. If he hadn't lucked into success in 1999 he'd just be another failson from a rich family having his mom get him tendies in the basement while he fritters away his trust fund on gatcha games into his 40s and beyond. The sad fact is that this particular universe, the one where God rolled the dice in 1999 and it came up double Lowtax, gave us the most successful possible Richard Kyanka. All other scenarios see him becoming just as much of a loser and a failure, but doing so in obscurity. If you hand someone an infinite supply of free money and they still contrive to turn their life into maelstrom of chaos and failure that culminates in addiction, penury, humiliation and suicide, then what would it take to make them a success? What more could you have given Rich to make him succeed without completely over-writing his personality with one that wasn't a selfish, hedonistic, thin-skinned, abusive asshole? I don't think you could, in all honesty.
- Joined
- Jul 8, 2020
At least he died doing what he loved. Eating something overpriced and overrated.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
He also hadn't even really totally cowed out at that point. The cracks were there, but the fractures had yet to become fully evident.
He could have been as lazy as he was and just been slightly more generous and actually paid content creators and he'd have got a chunk of shit like Minecraft that he was bizarrely angry about not getting even though it was his own fault. It's like he literally did everything imaginable completely wrong. He had every opportunity to succeed and almost maliciously failed.
To end up the way he did despite reality throwing every possible benefit his way he had to be as mean, dumb, stupid, lazy, selfish, perverted, retarded, shitty, spiteful and idiotic as it is possible for a human to be.
I was almost sorry for him when he Cobained and literally nobody had a single good thing to say about him. And then I remembered oh, yeah, he was Lowtax.
It's actually fairly amazing this thread is still alive after he's been dead this long, because people just haven't even finished saying how much they hated this fucking bastard.
Imagine simulated fellatio on a sausage being your last public moment. Congrats Lowtax, great exit. Lmao faggot.
Last edited:
- Joined
- Oct 8, 2015
I still feel so horrible for his daughters. Even if he was a shit dad having your own father shoot himself is incredibly traumatizing. It's something they will be dealing with for the rest of their lives.
- Joined
- Aug 2, 2021
Oh and here I thought he had just defaced it with a sharpie to black out Jesus’ eyes.
I’m still planning to post a eulogy and potentially buy him altar flowers on the anniversary of his death tbh. I listened to a lot of Lowtax cause of Gaming Garbage and even in the waning years he had a unique sense of humor and he wasn’t unhandsome, if a bit in the vein of a comic nebbish boy.he had a life worth living and he pissed it away in the ultimate act of self-sabotage. I liked his articles on SA and his work on Gaming Garbage with Shmorky and I was sorry when Shmorky made himself impossible to work with because of the pedo furry scat sex stuff. I read Shmorky throughout as well and saw his deviance as early as ‘Purple Pussy’. I figured everyone else could too. But it is haunting to think that Shmorky is gone, too, and nobody quite knows why. Call it the Cursetax.
I do agree that of all the different timelines and string theory alternates of Lowtax, this dimension’s was akin to him winning the Powerball in terms of lucky windfalls. And while Lowtax was an underachiever, I’m hardly the only person who thought he had charisma. I guess I’m just sorry for his soul and hope that these rememberances might cause his journey through purgatory some ease of passage.
Would burning some origami mangosteens be too much? What about silver origami ingots marked 10$ each? Does anyone remember his preferred varietal of wine? What would you say if I bake him a pie and leave it in front of his photograph with tea lights and incense for a night?
More importantly. Do you know if Lowtax’s remains were ever interred? If he was cremated, do you know who has the remains? Maybe they are worth money to nostalgia goons like me.