Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

Even if it meant just getting a shit job, I would try to provide for him. Lowtax was just lazy. Some people can't stand having a "normal" job.
Dickard was a loathsome piece of shit who spitefully killed himself to avoid supporting his children. That's literally why he killed himself.

What an absolute turd shat out of the ass of Satan himself. I hope there's a Hell because he belongs there.
 
I was too young to join the Something Awful forum during its peak in the early 2000s, but dear leader's recent show covering Rich was rather enlightening. That site was certainly an artifact of web1.0's edgy side (gotta thank my childhood buddy for introducing me to Newgrounds in the fifth grade), but its relevance was greatly eclipsed by bigger sites down the line especially imageboards. I never found any of that site's articles particularly funny or interesting, and David Thorpe's articles on music were particularly cringeworthy.

More than anything else, I hate that Rich contributed to the mentality of concealing your worst characteristics with the façade of relentlessly cynical-yet-ironic humor. That he went out the way he did seemed to be entirely predictable given all that we knew about him. All other responses in this thread seem to cement my opinion of the guy as a lazy but opportunistic jackass who hit a lucky strike but could never follow it up.

That said, I can see why others are nostalgic for Lowtax. If nothing else, I want the freedom and edginess of web1.0 to return with a vengeance.
 
Do you guys know how much I enjoy the fact that the only surviving screenshot (AFAIK) of Lowtax's mangosteen rant (null used it in his MATI, 40:42 timestamp) is mine I took quickly took after someone told me about this, from waaaaay back in the day? I get so hard seeing it in every video about Lowtax. Take this as a lesson in civility--the most random nobody you screw over may just be able to get back at you someday. Lowtax removed the thread from the Comedy Gas Chamber and archives since he couldn't handle the embarrassment, but I was faster. I remember how lazy my cropping job was but I was like, "eh."

1698588177534.png
 
Last edited:
It's the only surviving one of where Lowtax went off on Balki Way, with his infamous mangosteen rant. I've said this before, but I'm happy to see it still being used even after the fucker offed himself. Lowtax actually deleted this thread from the ARCHIVES rather quickly when the mockery mounted--he couldn't stand to bear it.

And again: This was SA's peak years. Lowtax didn't need to try to do his retarded "Mangosteen has vitamins" cope.
He could have just said "Hey Goons, buy some juice and give me money" and the company would have shot to the top of the Fortune 500 with the retarded goon simps who would have bought an entire pallet hoping Senpai would notice them.
 
And again: This was SA's peak years. Lowtax didn't need to try to do his retarded "Mangosteen has vitamins" cope.
He could have just said "Hey Goons, buy some juice and give me money" and the company would have shot to the top of the Fortune 500 with the retarded goon simps who would have bought an entire pallet hoping Senpai would notice them.
I rephrased the post since you responded, but absolutely. Lowtax just could not do things the "right" way. Everything was about his pride and impressing other people, yet he was so unimpressive. He hated the rest of the internet because he couldn't control it. The dude was truly a fucking nut and a jackass. For other cows and maybe earlier in KF's life people would be going on about "a-logging," but anyone who dealt with Lowtax knows he truly was a one of a kind in the "head-up-his-own" ass department. He was cognitively not capable of self-awareness. I think the comparisons to CWC on that are pretty apt.
 
I rephrased the post since you responded, but absolutely. Lowtax just could not do things the "right" way. Everything was about his pride and impressing other people, yet he was so unimpressive. He hated the rest of the internet because he couldn't control it. The dude was truly a fucking nut and a jackass. For other cows and maybe earlier in KF's life people would be going on about "a-logging," but anyone who dealt with Lowtax knows he truly was a one of a kind in the "head-up-his-own" ass department. He was cognitively not capable of self-awareness. I think the comparisons to CWC on that are pretty apt.

Its addict behavior.
He can't admit to himself that he's just profiteering off his users, he has to hide behind the cope of "This is a really good product that I believe in and if people want to buy it and I get some money well that's everyone winning".

He was a terrible, mostly unfunny person who stumbled into being influential and wealthy on the work of others and couldn't manage to do the "literally nothing" required to keep the gravy train rolling. The only sad thing about his suicide is he didn't do it earlier when it wouldn't have traumatized 2/3 of his kids.

I know that Criticism of Lowtax has been linked to Criticism of Early SA/Web 1.0 Gamer Language, and that gets a lot of retards to come out and simp, but people simping for WifeStomper58 really need to open their eyes and realize Forum Dad was a deadbeat, abusive, and never really cared about them.
 
Do you guys know how much I enjoy the fact that the only surviving screenshot (AFAIK) of Lowtax's mangosteen rant (null used it in his MATI, 40:42 timestamp) is mine I took quickly took after someone told me about this, from waaaaay back in the day? I get so hard seeing it in every video about Lowtax.
Don't want to get in the way of your boners, but the thread still exists, you can read it if you have archives. The mangosteen post was linked in Lowtax's permaban message.

Here are all his posts shilling mangosteen (except the opening post, which he edited to say "gbs sucks balls"):

Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.35.02.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.35.12.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.35.25.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.35.33.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.35.41.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.35.51.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.36.01.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.36.10.jpg
Screenshot 2023-10-29 at 18.36.22.jpg

The thread is actually mostly goons going "sounds good Rich, ordered a year's supply!" What caused his meltdown were just people quietly voting 1, lol.
 
I know that Criticism of Lowtax has been linked to Criticism of Early SA/Web 1.0 Gamer Language, and that gets a lot of retards to come out and simp, but people simping for WifeStomper58 really need to open their eyes and realize Forum Dad was a deadbeat, abusive, and never really cared about them.
And he never did anything funny or worth the attention except making fun of unfortunately ugly people,
Don't want to get in the way of your boners, but the thread still exists, you can read it if you have archives. The mangosteen post was linked in Lowtax's permaban message.

Here are all his posts shilling mangosteen (except the opening post, which he edited to say "gbs sucks balls"):

View attachment 5450651
View attachment 5450660
View attachment 5450659
View attachment 5450658
View attachment 5450656
View attachment 5450655
View attachment 5450654
View attachment 5450653
View attachment 5450652

The thread is actually mostly goons going "sounds good Rich, ordered a year's supply!" What caused his meltdown were just people quietly voting 1, lol.
Oh, thanks for letting me know! I could've sworn it was deleted at some point. Anyway, it's shocking seeing that same (shitty) image keep being used to mock the guy.
 
but its relevance was greatly eclipsed by bigger sites down the line especially imageboards. I never found any of that site's articles particularly funny or interesting...

That said, I can see why others are nostalgic for Lowtax. If nothing else, I want the freedom and edginess of web1.0 to return with a vengeance.
Its relevance being eclipsed can be all narrowed down to Lowtax's god awful decisions to severely punish people randomly for what annoyed him on a personal level and not due to the nature of the post's overall quality to the threads topic, and because of that, the site's ability to make humor kept diminishing in the mid 2000's since there was a fear of not towing the line and to appeal to what was Lowtax's less than staller idea of humor. I remember when he banned the word "lulz" due to his beef he had with 4chan, for many reasons, but one of which was /b/'s little digging on Shmorky's pass in 2006. He banned a lot of people just for poking fun at an individual he felt needed special treatment to attract people to his site's flash content.
I don't expect everyone to remember every single bannable catchphrase, but just so there is no confusion, the following ones will definitely get you put on probation. Lulz will get you banned. Never use them, even if you going for ironically funny. These are being reported a lot lately, and it's a silly way to lose an account

I warned you butts that I was going to be banning anybody who seriously used the stupid catchphrase "lulz" here a long ass time ago, but nobody listened to me!

WHY

WHY DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO ME
 
The only musical act Lowtax deserves to be compared to is Milli Vanilli
I don't know about that. The surviving member of Milli Vanilli (Fabrice Morvan) disappeared from the spotlight a while back and in that time he received lessons and training on how to actually sing. Now he tours around his native country of Germany and the rest of Europe performing Milli Vanilli songs for real. Fabrice got his shit together when things got too hot. Lowtax, well, did not.
 
I remember one forum (not SA) featured a word filter for lulz which replaced it with, "huge cocks in my ass." I can understand why certain sites would strongly desire to maintain their own native board culture/customs and scorn memes from bigger sites creeping in especially when such memes only encourage rank shitposting. That all being said, Lowtax seemed to just deeply resent being upstaged.
 
I remember one forum (not SA) featured a word filter for lulz which replaced it with, "huge cocks in my ass." I can understand why certain sites would strongly desire to maintain their own native board culture/customs and scorn memes from bigger sites creeping in especially when such memes only encourage rank shitposting. That all being said, Lowtax seemed to just deeply resent being upstaged.
He was so obsessed in his internet elitism that even memes were "catchphrases" to him because he couldn't use the same language the rest of the internet started adopting. Non-goons can't really understand how pathologically ridiculous Lowtax's neurosis was.
 
At one point Lowtax owned animals. It was a pair of golden retreivers, one of them was named Speedy. In some frontpage article that wasn't about dogs at all, he posted a pic of Speedy and captioned it with something like "Here is a picture of my dog Speedy. If you look really closely, you can see a tiny bit of Speedy's penis there you sick fucks."
 
  • Informative
Reactions: Homunculi First
At one point Lowtax owned animals. It was a pair of golden retreivers, one of them was named Speedy. In some frontpage article that wasn't about dogs at all, he posted a pic of Speedy and captioned it with something like "Here is a picture of my dog Speedy. If you look really closely, you can see a tiny bit of Speedy's penis there you sick fucks."
What happened to them?
 
What happened to them?
I don't know, maybe one of his exes took them?

Still can't remember the name of the other dog.

Edit: The other dog was named Polly.

This was before 2005 at least. Prior to this, he had also owned a dog called Jake.
 
Last edited:
Its relevance being eclipsed can be all narrowed down to Lowtax's god awful decisions to severely punish people randomly for what annoyed him on a personal level and not due to the nature of the post's overall quality to the threads topic, and because of that, the site's ability to make humor kept diminishing in the mid 2000's since there was a fear of not towing the line and to appeal to what was Lowtax's less than staller idea of humor. I remember when he banned the word "lulz" due to his beef he had with 4chan, for many reasons, but one of which was /b/'s little digging on Shmorky's pass in 2006. He banned a lot of people just for poking fun at an individual he felt needed special treatment to attract people to his site's flash content.
IIRC it was the people in SASS who discovered the Shmorky's diaperfur shit. It in turn has it's own, distinct influence on the internet that can be seen in surprisingly large parts of the internet. Weev was the admin of it, after all.

Now, the ability to make humor wasn't really down to Lowtax's neurotic manners because he didn't really care as long as OC was being made and they didn't contain the forbidden catchphrases. He was just a lazy man who wanted to do his own thing. While he originally wanted people to say less edgy shit because it caused problems with advertisers, the actually active admins like Ozma, Fistgrrl, El Pinto Grande and of course, Ralp who originally went by the name Rape but changed that because apparently; Being made an Admin by the queen catlady that Ozma meant that one must change original edgy FYAD name for something that would protect the women of the site. They all collectively decided that with the introduction of Helldump, it was time to purge the site from elements that in their minds made it worse. And the people of the WDDP thread and LF were more than happy to help be their snitches and spies.

Thus, admins and mods who weren't onboard with this like SpokkerJones, Fragmaster and Radium* either left or were removed and thus, the site became the place it's now. If Lowtax deserves some blame on this, it's failing to prevent what was happening right under his nose. Lowtax kinda did reverse this with the 2014 revamp of GBS to a far less restrictive ruleset than it was under the original catlady regime but it mainly pissed off a lot of shitlibs who just wanted GBS to be an RSS feed of news and making fun of Republicans for hating Obama. That said, it was at least fun for the few months until the active admins realized that Lowtax went back to his depressive cycle and reverted the changes. Shout-out to any Hellthread posters who read this.

*Radium also is worth mentioning as he was the guy Lowtax hired as a codemonkey to keep the site running and for whatever reason, lowtax insisted on keeping him around in spite of clearly having nowhere near the skillset needed.
 
The reason why he kept radium around was obvious. They were friends, and Lowtax was super insecure and let his friends do anything to keep them around despite his fuck-ups. That insecurity coupled with his damaged reputation and wasted fortune and potential is why he killed himself. He didn't have anyone at the end, just a shitty video game stream of 15 people or so gawking at a washed-up man far past his earlier prime, which was no real prime to begin with.

I compare Lowtax to Donald Trump a lot for this reason. It's the same way Trump keeps around clowns like Giuliani.

SpokkerJones was the only admin from SA I remember positively, and as I recall he started getting dogged on a the end. SpokkerJones, if you're still out there, and I think it's very possible you're reading this--I hated how even then you were hozed, homie. You were just too good for that shitty website.
 
Back