- Joined
- Sep 6, 2013
Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.
- Thread starter Judge Holden
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
I never quite knew why in particular Benito wanted to be one. If I had to guess, I'd say it was mostly just cultural reasons, since his family as a whole was deeply religious and conservative. Another guess if I had to place one is he wanted to be in a position of authority over others. Honestly, from what I remember he actually didn't quite care for going to church itself anyway. Heck, this was a guy who got annoyed that he was dragged out by his family to witness his grandmother's funeral at said church they went to. Speaking of which...
He left his own grandmother's funeral to go get some McDonalds. He was told by his family to put away his GBA because he was being super disrespectful to the old lady who happily indulged and spoiled her grandkids rotten by playing SRW on it. He huffed, did so, and got annoyed when he was expected to participate in a long boring service. He got up, left, and came back eating a few double cheeseburgers on the edge of the service. The only reason he didn't sit his fat ass down in the seat he was previously sitting in was because his dad noticed what he was going to do and made him sit outside so he didn't disrupt the wake any more than he did.
Seriously, each time I think I tap out of stories on this fuck I haven't dealt with in years, I remember another one. It's kind of horrifying.
- Joined
- Sep 14, 2015
Just a little update on Sierra since it's been awhile;
She's pregnant and has made my step brother purge all ways to contact his family. On the plus side, they moved out of my parents house! ...into the house she absolutely couldn't live in and absolutely why she had to live with my family.
She's pregnant and has made my step brother purge all ways to contact his family. On the plus side, they moved out of my parents house! ...into the house she absolutely couldn't live in and absolutely why she had to live with my family.
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2016
I was just browsing some very old posts on my facebook and apparently I wrote this 5 years ago. I have no memory of writing this.
Does anyone have any interesting romantic fantasies. I have a new one inspired by a book I just read. In my new fantasie every man on earth has died of a virus except me, I am the only male alive. My girlfriend is the tough ruler of tribes of warrior women that keep me as a stud slave for procreation. They have duels with scimitars in arenas, with me staked down, and the tough winner gets to procreate with me. My girlfriend in the fantasie savegely wins all the duels and roughly procreates with me while being cheered on by the rest of the wild tribe women.
(in response to a "too much information" complaint)
but I didn't even mention the spiked leather bikini or the rough positions i was forced into so brutally,and the exact punishment i take from their whippings when they dominate me in the fantasie
There's also a bunch of posts underneath of my then girlfriend defending me and saying it's a great fantasy and everyone complaining is bigoted.
Does anyone have any interesting romantic fantasies. I have a new one inspired by a book I just read. In my new fantasie every man on earth has died of a virus except me, I am the only male alive. My girlfriend is the tough ruler of tribes of warrior women that keep me as a stud slave for procreation. They have duels with scimitars in arenas, with me staked down, and the tough winner gets to procreate with me. My girlfriend in the fantasie savegely wins all the duels and roughly procreates with me while being cheered on by the rest of the wild tribe women.
(in response to a "too much information" complaint)
but I didn't even mention the spiked leather bikini or the rough positions i was forced into so brutally,and the exact punishment i take from their whippings when they dominate me in the fantasie
There's also a bunch of posts underneath of my then girlfriend defending me and saying it's a great fantasy and everyone complaining is bigoted.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
Next you'll be telling us you were hacked. At least admit it - you had weird reverse-Gorean fetishes.
Anyhow. Back on topic.
I remember many years ago, a friend of a family member was into paganism and suchlike. We'll call him Dan, for that isn't his name. Wiccans, incidentally, especially of the "fluffbunny" variety, make excellent lolcows because they tend towards shilling for woo and hippie shit of all varieties, but anyhow, Dan wasn't like that. He might have looked like a superannuated hippie but he was very sharp-minded and rational. Dan was invited to a solstice ceremony by a gent who glories in the name of Kevin Carlyon and who is still about today, self-styled as "Britain's premier white witch." It was in the back of a pub in Stowmarket. So he goes along and there's Kevin Carlyon doing whatever it was in a bright orange robe and just as he was about to get started, there's these three loud knocks on the door.
"WE SEEK ADMISSION TO YOUR SACRED GROVE," comes a sonorous voice. Carlyon lets them in and three Druids turn up trying to look all mystical but actually looking like neckbeards wearing potato sacks. They get into position and Carlyon begins the ritual. He's got four priestesses in orange robes, about half his age, standing around at the four cardinal points of the compass directions, and he points each of them out with one of the classical elements (earth, air, fire, water.) And they each do a musical accompaniment pertaining to that element, so Air toodles away on a flute, Earth bangs on a drum for a bit, Water noodles on a xylophone, and Fire pulls out a huge fuck-off electric guitar and shouts, "BURN BABY BURN!" a few times.
Dan's trying his hardest not to laugh.
Anyhow. The three druids walk into the middle of the circle and raise their staffs aloft. Carlyon flourishes extravagantly.
And again.
And then he yells at the top of his voice, "OH FUCK, I'VE FORGOTTEN THE WORDS!"
He then mumbles excuses about how hot it is under this orange robe until his wife comes scuttling in with some printed A4 sheets to rescue him.
Incidentally, I've been looking into this Kevin Carlyon and I think he may be threadworthy...
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2016
He looks a lot like Sexy Vegan, who has a lol cow thread. Just imagine a more brown skinned Sexy Vegan with a fatter body. I just keep getting flashbacks now. He whines and cries if he goes to a house that doesn't have cookies or sugar. He scrutinises everyone's clothes and goes on at them for weeks about what subculture they belong to.."do you consider yourself punk or nerd...why did you choose those shoes, why did you choose that shirt". He creeps everyone out.
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2016
Oh, here's a post about a guy I had a frightening experience with 5 years ago.
was on the train coming back from meeting a friend, I was reading a book on occult Magick, and this older guy sat next to me and said, whats that you're reading, I do magick too, and started chatting to me about all sorts. Occult areas in our town, iluminati conspiracies, he was saying "I can tell you're magick, I sensed it as I sat by you, I knew as soon as I boarded". He sounded really interesting with the things he was talking about. I felt really flattered and pleased with myself, I had been feeling lonely and down and felt really proud of my power of attracting an interesting friend to chat to on the train who knew about occult stuff.
I know it sounds seductive and creepy now, but he didn't seem creepy at all, he just seemed like a really intelligent, educated professer who was enthusiastic about magick and occult stuff and to share his knowledge with someone. He seemed really wise sounding and spiritual , like a church pastor or Eckhart Tolle on tv. I just thought all my magick reading had manifested a new friend to chat to about stuff, so I agreed to meet him for a coffee in the week.
Also, he told me that he worked at the refugee centre, and I told him I had applied for a job there, and he promised to get me in if I chatted to him.
Anway, I met him and did not enjoy it. He told me he was gay and used to be a boy prostitute, he was really flirty and creepy with me, he got me to walk to his house with him as he had forgoton his wallet, his house was covered in letters from the local mental hospital (which i know the name of) about meds and appointments, letters all over the floor and chairs.
He had a picture of himself with blue scribbled round it and he said "your psychic, you can see the blue psychic color", and he kept going on about my aura and giggling crazlily and jumping up and down. Waving around a "dowsing stick" that was a snapped off old arial. Also he had found a brand of liquor with his surname, and he bought loads of bottles of it and said that his illuminati family made the drink and were milionares but had cast him out. And he kept telling loads of stories about how he teaches psychic skill to the king of Saudi and he was in hiding and used to live in a castle in france with illuminati etc. And he was saying "im your messiah now, you need me to develop your skills, when i bring you back here ill take you upstairs and we can begin" and saying things like "i need to know everything about you".
I was scared and made an excuse and got away from him, and he was sad and crying "i wanted to take you out for dinner and drinks tonight, im lonely". I was too scared and guilty to say i didnt want to see him again, so i just said ive got to go. He texted me that night with a list of philosophy books i need to read to "start my learning".
He didnt know anything about magick, he couldnt say more to me than just repeating "im magick but i cant tell you more till we begin training" he he was really mentally ill, he kept talking for half a sentence then giggling and forgetting what he was saying, trailing off all the time and muttering.
I felt so dumb and disapointed. I know it sounds like I'm so naive but he was so different when I met him, he just seemed like a calm, wise old professor who wanted to chat to someone about occult stuff. And he was saying on the train that he does work at the refugee centre because he knows so much about Islam and they all respect him, he sounded so clever and calm.
I've got a friend here in my town, sorry if this is too off topic but, I think he might be relevant in trying to understand Chris.
was on the train coming back from meeting a friend, I was reading a book on occult Magick, and this older guy sat next to me and said, whats that you're reading, I do magick too, and started chatting to me about all sorts. Occult areas in our town, iluminati conspiracies, he was saying "I can tell you're magick, I sensed it as I sat by you, I knew as soon as I boarded". He sounded really interesting with the things he was talking about. I felt really flattered and pleased with myself, I had been feeling lonely and down and felt really proud of my power of attracting an interesting friend to chat to on the train who knew about occult stuff.
I know it sounds seductive and creepy now, but he didn't seem creepy at all, he just seemed like a really intelligent, educated professer who was enthusiastic about magick and occult stuff and to share his knowledge with someone. He seemed really wise sounding and spiritual , like a church pastor or Eckhart Tolle on tv. I just thought all my magick reading had manifested a new friend to chat to about stuff, so I agreed to meet him for a coffee in the week.
Also, he told me that he worked at the refugee centre, and I told him I had applied for a job there, and he promised to get me in if I chatted to him.
Anway, I met him and did not enjoy it. He told me he was gay and used to be a boy prostitute, he was really flirty and creepy with me, he got me to walk to his house with him as he had forgoton his wallet, his house was covered in letters from the local mental hospital (which i know the name of) about meds and appointments, letters all over the floor and chairs.
He had a picture of himself with blue scribbled round it and he said "your psychic, you can see the blue psychic color", and he kept going on about my aura and giggling crazlily and jumping up and down. Waving around a "dowsing stick" that was a snapped off old arial. Also he had found a brand of liquor with his surname, and he bought loads of bottles of it and said that his illuminati family made the drink and were milionares but had cast him out. And he kept telling loads of stories about how he teaches psychic skill to the king of Saudi and he was in hiding and used to live in a castle in france with illuminati etc. And he was saying "im your messiah now, you need me to develop your skills, when i bring you back here ill take you upstairs and we can begin" and saying things like "i need to know everything about you".
I was scared and made an excuse and got away from him, and he was sad and crying "i wanted to take you out for dinner and drinks tonight, im lonely". I was too scared and guilty to say i didnt want to see him again, so i just said ive got to go. He texted me that night with a list of philosophy books i need to read to "start my learning".
He didnt know anything about magick, he couldnt say more to me than just repeating "im magick but i cant tell you more till we begin training" he he was really mentally ill, he kept talking for half a sentence then giggling and forgetting what he was saying, trailing off all the time and muttering.
I felt so dumb and disapointed. I know it sounds like I'm so naive but he was so different when I met him, he just seemed like a calm, wise old professor who wanted to chat to someone about occult stuff. And he was saying on the train that he does work at the refugee centre because he knows so much about Islam and they all respect him, he sounded so clever and calm.
I've got a friend here in my town, sorry if this is too off topic but, I think he might be relevant in trying to understand Chris.
This guy is 37, diagnosed Autistic, he identifies as bisexual but...he seems to think being gay/drag queen is some kind of stepping stone to having sex with women. Like it's a way of showing women how sex-positive and kinky he is to impress them.
He's a tough guy - gets into bar fights - childlike personality. Very sweet guy too. He goes on nights out dressed in drag and loves attention posing for pictures dressed in lingerie etc. He goes to fetish clubs and gay parades.
He seems very solely interested in finding dating and sex with women and spends a lot of time trying to find women online (he's also paid for sex before).
When he is alone with men he is calm and normal and wants to talk about video games and wrestling (his 2 interests). But whenever a woman is around he starts acting gay for their benefit and trying to grope the men around him and joke about raping them.
He also keeps buying things in the local sex shop and just stockpiling them in his room for the future. Harnesses, whips, lubes, etc. He has not had a sex partner for years, but whenever we go to his apartment, (and there's women) he gets the stuff out and shows us what he has.
Last time I was with them he got a little vibrator out and started doing his usual "performance" of trying to prod and grab me and I did the usual of laughing "fuck off" and pushing him away, then he tried to grab my pants down and put the vibrator down, and one of our female friends shouted "NO. You ask people's permission before doing things like that." and he stopped chastened.
a couple of times I've been with the gang and the women have gone and I thought "shit he's gonna rape me" and he just switches to normal and starts talking about video games. The worst thing about being alone with him is that it's awkward and he sits there expecting you to carry the conversation.
He's a tough guy - gets into bar fights - childlike personality. Very sweet guy too. He goes on nights out dressed in drag and loves attention posing for pictures dressed in lingerie etc. He goes to fetish clubs and gay parades.
He seems very solely interested in finding dating and sex with women and spends a lot of time trying to find women online (he's also paid for sex before).
When he is alone with men he is calm and normal and wants to talk about video games and wrestling (his 2 interests). But whenever a woman is around he starts acting gay for their benefit and trying to grope the men around him and joke about raping them.
He also keeps buying things in the local sex shop and just stockpiling them in his room for the future. Harnesses, whips, lubes, etc. He has not had a sex partner for years, but whenever we go to his apartment, (and there's women) he gets the stuff out and shows us what he has.
Last time I was with them he got a little vibrator out and started doing his usual "performance" of trying to prod and grab me and I did the usual of laughing "fuck off" and pushing him away, then he tried to grab my pants down and put the vibrator down, and one of our female friends shouted "NO. You ask people's permission before doing things like that." and he stopped chastened.
a couple of times I've been with the gang and the women have gone and I thought "shit he's gonna rape me" and he just switches to normal and starts talking about video games. The worst thing about being alone with him is that it's awkward and he sits there expecting you to carry the conversation.
bugsesrbad
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Nov 16, 2015
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2015
Why in the holy fuck do you hang around this person? He sounds like Chris + violence. He better be your brother or have killer weed..
Kip Winger Super Saiyan 4
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 5, 2016
Dude, I wouldn't trust that guys weed. Or anything he tried to get me to take that was "killer" Lol.
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2016
I've stopped seeing all my creepy friends because they were driving me crazy. I am looking to a better life.
- Joined
- Jun 29, 2016
Godspeed.
Your autistic friend sounds much too vicious and rapey to be considered 'sweet' though.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Wtf man, is literally everyone you know autistic and insane? Why is that?
- Joined
- Feb 24, 2015
My cousin Jeffrey behaved similarly to that at our great uncle's funeral, minus getting McDonald's. I told that story a while back.
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2016
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2015
So someone who I thought cleaned up after themselves wanting to make amends just suggested I 'help them' commit criminal negligence.
Welp.
Welp.
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2016
https://m.youtube.com/user/FrequencyFence
Meet Christian Alexei Kunimi, also known as "FrequencyFence". He is one of those conspiracy theorists who likes fapping to David Icke's theories about evil lizard men who supposedly control our government. At first, he only made videos showcasing alleged instances of these lizard men "shapeshifting" out of their human "disguises". Here's an example:
Recently, a bizarre twist came up in his story. Apparently, he thinks he is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ.
This shapeshifting community needs its own thread, in my opinion. There's a lot of gold waiting to be exploited.
Meet Christian Alexei Kunimi, also known as "FrequencyFence". He is one of those conspiracy theorists who likes fapping to David Icke's theories about evil lizard men who supposedly control our government. At first, he only made videos showcasing alleged instances of these lizard men "shapeshifting" out of their human "disguises". Here's an example:
This shapeshifting community needs its own thread, in my opinion. There's a lot of gold waiting to be exploited.
Last edited:
Hellsperger
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 19, 2015
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
I had a personal lolcow when I was in school.
We'll call him Adil because that wasn't his name. He was Muslim. Devoutly so. Though not devoutly so enough that he didn't object to joining after-school rounds of Unreal Tournament and Command & Conquer with other people I knew. Anyhow. One lunchtime he grabbed me and showed me the "eye in a pyramid" symbol he'd drawn on a bit of paper and asked me if I knew who the Freemasons were. I told him. He said that ACTUALLY they were conspiring with the Jews to bring in the New World Order and destroy Islam and sent me an audio tape called From the Shadows. Basically, it's standard protocols of the elders of Zion nonsense but with the following extra conspiratardery:
- Jews did 9/11
- The Freemasons are the descendants of the Knights Templar and invented fractional reserve banking, the media, human rights, democracy, etc. to enslave humanity
- They leave clues to their nefariousness in amusing places, like the street layout of the U.S. Capitol
- If you look at a can of Coca Cola in the mirror and squint a lot it say, "NO MUHAMMAD, NO MECCA" in Arabic.
- Pepsi is a Zionist drink because it stands for "Pay Every Penny, Save Israel."
- Gulf War Syndrome was caused by mind control rays that the Freemasons had developed and then orchestrated the Gulf War to test it out.
- Madonna's song "Like a Prayer" backwards says "O Hear Us Satan" because Freemasons wrote it.
- Only becoming Muslim and signing up for immediate Jihad can save the world from the NWO.
He believed all of this, incidentally.
I used to yank his chain by drawing eye in pyramid symbols all over my stuff where he was likely to see it because he'd lose his shit massively.
I wonder if he's still about. I should look him up on Facebook to see if he still believes all this conspiratardery.
I have another personal lolcow who is a friend of a friend on Facebook. She's a superannuated she-hippy and also a conspiratard and an alt-med woo enthusiast and an anti-vaxxer to boot. She is, in fact, crank magnetism made flesh. And when people call her out on this cretinousness she chimps out, accuses them of being arrogant, closed minded, and having a calcified pineal gland. I am surprised that my friend, who is a fairly rational person and admits that anti-vaxxing and 9/11 truthery and chemtrails woo are all full of shit, gives her time of day by enabling her in this, frankly. She also has a YouTube channel in which she freaks out about chemtrails and gets into slapfights with other conspiracows who aren't quite as crankful as she is.
I really really think she's threadworthy but there's no way I could post all this stuff on here without powerlevelling hugely.
We'll call him Adil because that wasn't his name. He was Muslim. Devoutly so. Though not devoutly so enough that he didn't object to joining after-school rounds of Unreal Tournament and Command & Conquer with other people I knew. Anyhow. One lunchtime he grabbed me and showed me the "eye in a pyramid" symbol he'd drawn on a bit of paper and asked me if I knew who the Freemasons were. I told him. He said that ACTUALLY they were conspiring with the Jews to bring in the New World Order and destroy Islam and sent me an audio tape called From the Shadows. Basically, it's standard protocols of the elders of Zion nonsense but with the following extra conspiratardery:
- Jews did 9/11
- The Freemasons are the descendants of the Knights Templar and invented fractional reserve banking, the media, human rights, democracy, etc. to enslave humanity
- They leave clues to their nefariousness in amusing places, like the street layout of the U.S. Capitol
- If you look at a can of Coca Cola in the mirror and squint a lot it say, "NO MUHAMMAD, NO MECCA" in Arabic.
- Pepsi is a Zionist drink because it stands for "Pay Every Penny, Save Israel."
- Gulf War Syndrome was caused by mind control rays that the Freemasons had developed and then orchestrated the Gulf War to test it out.
- Madonna's song "Like a Prayer" backwards says "O Hear Us Satan" because Freemasons wrote it.
- Only becoming Muslim and signing up for immediate Jihad can save the world from the NWO.
He believed all of this, incidentally.
I used to yank his chain by drawing eye in pyramid symbols all over my stuff where he was likely to see it because he'd lose his shit massively.
I wonder if he's still about. I should look him up on Facebook to see if he still believes all this conspiratardery.
I have another personal lolcow who is a friend of a friend on Facebook. She's a superannuated she-hippy and also a conspiratard and an alt-med woo enthusiast and an anti-vaxxer to boot. She is, in fact, crank magnetism made flesh. And when people call her out on this cretinousness she chimps out, accuses them of being arrogant, closed minded, and having a calcified pineal gland. I am surprised that my friend, who is a fairly rational person and admits that anti-vaxxing and 9/11 truthery and chemtrails woo are all full of shit, gives her time of day by enabling her in this, frankly. She also has a YouTube channel in which she freaks out about chemtrails and gets into slapfights with other conspiracows who aren't quite as crankful as she is.
I really really think she's threadworthy but there's no way I could post all this stuff on here without powerlevelling hugely.
- Joined
- May 8, 2016
I have a personal lolcow who isn't really thread worthy imo but she's still hilarious.
She's locked her Facebook because she's mad at an ex but I can get pics up once she unlocks it.
She thinks she's a champion level cosplayer, voice actor, seamstress, makeup artist, sex goddess, pro streamer but the reality is, she's not. She goes through boyfriends like socks and her hygiene is atrocious so I've never understood how she gets men. She also claims to be bisexual and love women but vaginas disgust her so she could never be with one. I'm gay and she really loves to try and be sexy and "get me going" but she smells like an onion field and fritos so...gross. she also likes to call me using FB messenger and tell me she's going to kill herself when I say I can't hang out with her then turns around, pretends nothing happened, showers me with gross little gifts and tells me I'm her bbbff. As for streaming games, she makes other people play them for her while she talks over it and says shee's the one playing. I know this because she came to my house so she could "watch me play Phantom Pain" but whipped out her phone and recorded my entire play through. I know her from middle school and we were briefly friends before she went to the alternative school and we lost touch. My roommate happens to also be a seamstress and they met due to their mutual interest in cosplay and so, we were reunited. We were both into Anime but I've always been to shy to cosplay but she hit it hard and cosplays and travels to cons monthly. Her stuff used to be pretty ok but now it's all knocked together unless she can get my roommate to sew it for her under the guise of them hanging out.
She also lies like a rug. Her dad died when she was in High School so she thinks no one knows what he looked like. When she got into K-drama and Hallyu she began telling everyone that she's half Korean. She even told me this, clearly forgetting that I met the man while he was still living. She also likes to tell people that she's; had sex with Norman Reedus, goes drinking with the lead singers of several metal bands, was up to replace the lead singer of Nightwish (she tone deaf tho), personally knows Hideo Kojima, speaks regularly with Rika Nakamura, has given input on projects to Hideki Kamiya and voice acted under a stage name in several famous anime.
She also lies like a rug. Her dad died when she was in High School so she thinks no one knows what he looked like. When she got into K-drama and Hallyu she began telling everyone that she's half Korean. She even told me this, clearly forgetting that I met the man while he was still living. She also likes to tell people that she's; had sex with Norman Reedus, goes drinking with the lead singers of several metal bands, was up to replace the lead singer of Nightwish (she tone deaf tho), personally knows Hideo Kojima, speaks regularly with Rika Nakamura, has given input on projects to Hideki Kamiya and voice acted under a stage name in several famous anime.
She's locked her Facebook because she's mad at an ex but I can get pics up once she unlocks it.