Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[ZipDisk]

He just said, "pasta, tomato sauce and cheese".

Most of the lazy man recipes were jack omitting steps or ingredients according to fucking whims. One of the biggest ones was when he "stole" The enchilada recipe. It was an abomination to begin with, but him switching the sauce was astounding. You will not end up with good results if you cut corners constantly and make asinine substitutes. It's like how every online recipe has a review like "I substituted cheese with shredded carrots and this turned out horrible! My husband hated it and I hate you!!!"

There's also the Jack classic thing where he names something wrong and REFUSES TO BACK DOWN. Lazy man's toast would probably be a toaster stuffer, or whatever the fuck Pillsbury called their toaster hot pockets.
"You juz put it in the toazer an you get meat. Portioms too small."

 

[Sonic T]

Is Tammy just doing all of Jack's work now to keep his pathetic channel going or does she also still have her insurance job?

Wouldn't that mean she's working from home? Wouldn't that mark her as lazy?

 

[Tiresome]

I think I may have found the original recipe that eventually became the abomination that is lazy man lasagna. Bonus, it's an incredibly well filmed video.
Now I'm not saying it is the EXACT recipe that jack Cronenberged up, but it seems strangely close. Bonus: The original has MEATSSSSS

Also uses public library music, with no drum solos!

There are a billion mock lasagna recipes with penne going back decades, but I have to say big thanks for the video because that looks delicious and I might have to try. (maybe with a little spinach in the cream sauce also)

 

[ZipDisk]

I like a good spinach lasagna with ricotta, but I was glued to that video because she makes the cream sauce from scratch. Plus, the german words are delightful,
Knoblauchzehen, Hackfleisch, Butter, Lauch, Muskatnuss.

I've been thinking of buying a ceramic frying pan and this made me want it more.

I get so sick of the fucking "combine can of X with diced Y, seeing a cooking video with zero cans was a nice departure. I was actually looking for a chili video and that just popped up instead. God damn Italians same-ing up every meat sauce.

Specifically, there was one place I went for chili fries, and they did something with the sauce that I can't describe. It wasn't sweet, it wasn't savory, but it didn't have the aromatics of traditional chili, and I don't have the fucking word for it. I have a horrible suspicion it's going to be brown sugar and ketchup, and then I'm going to hate myself. I think the recipe left out garlic because I can't remember that in the taste.

 

[p1138]

Ok, so I made queso chicken rolls done right.

They're ok? the "sauce" by itself as I was tasting it to see if it needed more salt was a little weird due to the texture. But after melting with the rest of the cheese it's fine. I'm not sure I'd call this "queso" in any way, combined with the seasoned chicken it's got a generic "southwestern dressing" I'd expect from a chain restaurant if that makes any sense. It's not bad... but it's not great. Couple changes I'd make... more pico but try to avoid the tomato juice to keep it from getting too soupy and a chunkier salsa might help with that too. I grabbed a mexican 4 cheese blend(cheddar, jack, and a couple others) because I was lazy and it's in 1 package vs buying 2 separate packs of cheese. Honestly... I think I rather would have used a sharper cheddar and montery jack instead. Needs more lime? I'm not sure where I'd add more without risking screwing up the "queso". Maybe letting the chicken breast sit for another 15 minutes with 2 limes worth of juice instead of 1 lime for only half an hour might do it.

The weird consistency from the cottage cheese is gone after baking them, but then you get the weird consistency of a baked flour tortilla without any kind of sauce on it. I don't think using corn tortillas would be any better in this instance. However, I think this is fine because it means the exterior is very neat so it would be easy to freeze them and take a couple to work in a bag and toss them in the microwave. In fact, maybe being frozen and then the microwave might help get a little moisture back into the tortilla without resorting to wanting to coat them in butter.

edit: Also, as a meal since I was cooking in place of just cooking for dinner, 2 of these rolls is definitely sufficient.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

You can really see the paralyzed facial features in this photo, Jack! Nice upload dude!

#hopefullythenextstokehappens

EDIT: I remember Jack always used to enjoy doing his soy facial expressions. He's struggling so hard to do it in this photo and I love it.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Goddamned that looks good. All the worse how badly Jack fucked it up.

After how badly Jack botched those queso wraps, I'm willing to give Aunt Myrna the benefit of the doubt for her recipe as well.

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

Get excited Food Jacks!

 

[SpiceyHuman]

Get excited Food Jacks!

Theres no way that spread cost into the single digits. Theres a friggin turkey there. Who wants to bet his fat fingers missed an "X"?

 

[The Southwest Strangla]

Theres no way that spread cost into the single digits. Theres a friggin turkey there. Who wants to bet his fat fingers missed an "X"?

Jack can’t do basic math.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Jack can’t do basic math.

Apparently we'll have to wait until 2034 to find out.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Theres no way that spread cost into the single digits. Theres a friggin turkey there. Who wants to bet his fat fingers missed an "X"?

"And so while my mock heart attack - aside, I shewda become an actor! - distracted everyone, Tammy just grabbed it and ran. Get you Turkey people!"

 

[Preciate it youtube]

An oft-overlooked but world class troll. Rob joined in on the comments for this one, too.

Of course Jack cheaped out and, in a review for a new model of temperature probe, gave someone the old model. From what I can gather on the ThermoPro website, he paid $80 for the old model instead of $150 for the new one.

I've been thinking lately about what it must be like to be middle aged and clowning on some blowhard in your cohort whose health is in freefall. It's a little bit strange to go as hard as Rob, but it's also very, very, funny. I had no idea what Midwesterners were capable of.

My imagination is popping off with this one. I invite all speculation.

 

[Pig Cups]

This was on Rob's latest Queso Chicken Roll video. One of /us/.

View attachment 5468798

Ever the class act, Rob demonstrates that he would first seek his wife’s consent vis-à-vis her appearing in a video. You see, Rob isn’t a wily, intrusive manbaby who’d neglect someone’s desire to not be broadcast on YouTube by featuring them anyway. And if Mrs. Rob decided that she didn’t want to make a video for the channel, Rob would surely respect those wishes and quickly move on. Not bitch and moan endlessly until she begrudgingly gives in (for the sole reason of shutting manbaby the fuck up).

That’s what a real man does. See what you’re missing, Tammy?

He's been on here, he's name-dropped Pig Cups. So he's maladjusted, he's just smoother about it.

FYI @Ihatejackscalfani, in case there’s any doubt…

Lazy man's toast would probably be a toaster stuffer, or whatever the fuck Pillsbury called their toaster hot pockets.
"You juz put it in the toazer an you get meat. Portioms too small."

You actually just reminded me of this old video where he reviews a similar Pillsbury toaster-ready product.

Rewatching it, I noticed:
>It’s a “food review” that doesn’t include an actual tasting of the product.
>Jack admits to sticking metal into the toaster.
>Jack prepares two at once, admitting earlier that he’d probably *have to* eat 5 out of the 6 in the box to be satisfied because JACK A HUNGI BOI.
>Jack spends most of the video complaining about portion/the size/amount of filling.

To be fair, the toaster scrambles themselves looked fucking vile, and I chuckled when Jack made like he was going to try a bite before laughing and saying “ain’t happenin’!” Maybe it had been too long since I’d last seen this video, leading me to mistakenly think that this particular video was less “Jack-ish.” But it’s clear that this entry has the hallmarks of a typical Jack upload.

 

[AnOminous]

I tend to find sweet potatoes to be cloying myself. The sweetness always is a bit off when it comes to them, which combines with their fibrous nature and makes them the one root vegetable I really don't like.

They actually have a pretty low glycemic index so probably aren't that bad for beetus. I don't like them in those insane marshmallow casseroles, but I'll eat them on the holidays or in skinny fries.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

They actually have a pretty low glycemic index so probably aren't that bad for beetus. I don't like them in those insane marshmallow casseroles, but I'll eat them on the holidays or in skinny fries.

I honestly like sweet potato fries more. They go better with mayonnaise.

 

[ZipDisk]

I'm not sure I'd call this "queso" in any way

COPE-O, when your doctor says you've had your last double bacon bourgon burber, and need to cut back or die.

I invite all speculation.

Someone shamed him about Garret again.

Pillsbury toaster-ready

That's exactly what I was referencing. Note that this video he actually admits to taking food away from Jack Jr.

sweet potato fries

About the only way I can stand sweet potato is in fry form. Which is funny because you bake them.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Someone shamed him about Garret again.

Or Tammy Jr. asked Jack Jr. why there was a John Holmes dildo in his "flag football" bag.

 

[TestTubePuppy]

Sweet Potatoes are great chopped up in vegetable soup or with lentils or beans.

 

[AnOminous]

Sweet Potatoes are great chopped up in vegetable soup or with lentils or beans.

They're also good in a curry (including with lentils).