Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

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A thought experiment for you all. You have died, and for your sins you are to be reincarnated instead of escaping the cycle of death and rebirth. However, your sins were relatively minor, but gross, so while you are reincarnating as a human, you have to choose to either be Robert 'MovieBob' Chapman, or Patrick 'Fat' Tomlinson. Do you pick the more financially successful one, or the one that has known the touch of at least two women?
You can't choose, child.

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I'm gonna say that Pat is worse at standup than Tom Myers. Tom can at least imitate the vocal patterns of comedy while telling non-jokes.

Pat doesn't sound like Norm, he sounds like one of Norm's podcast guests being forced to read jokes they've never seen except the jokes were written by a fat retard.
Fat just needs a bong hit transplant and he'll be good to go
 
Fat just needs a bong hit transplant and he'll be good to go
I don't think Fatrick could handle being high (he can't handle being drunk). Too much introspection would hit him all at once and he would toss himself out a window. For a normal person, a good smoke sesh would work but Fat is no ordinary man. He's an unstoppable and unfuckable pig man who can't let the idiots win.
 
A thought experiment for you all. You have died, and for your sins you are to be reincarnated instead of escaping the cycle of death and rebirth. However, your sins were relatively minor, but gross, so while you are reincarnating as a human, you have to choose to either be Robert 'MovieBob' Chapman, or Patrick 'Fat' Tomlinson. Do you pick the more financially successful one, or the one that has known the touch of at least two women?
Do I get to “live” their lives and maybe improve things, or am I “locked in” as a ride-along consciousness forced to experience the horrors of their lives?
 
Porsalin makes an interesting discovery:
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Video:
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Honestly I think he has a point and this recontextualizes Norm/11 Piggy thinks he can just copy another comedian's style and be funny it didnt work ergo Norm isn't funny.
Oof. That caused me physical pain. In other clips I've seen of his standup he at least gets pity-laughs but that dead silence cuts like a knife.
 
Do I get to “live” their lives and maybe improve things, or am I “locked in” as a ride-along consciousness forced to experience the horrors of their lives?
You get to try to improve things but you're still undeniably them and a lolcow to some extent. You can only through great tests of mental strength resist the urge to post utter nonsense and make pepperoni/mountain dew chicken.
 
Patrick Tomlinson walked into Hooligan's. The cultivator behind the bar gave a derisive snort, but Patrick did not really care, because he had repressed his aura down to the Not By Any Medical Standard Realm, and a fool would not be able to tell his true level of fat.

"Give me... a beer!"

The cultivator's face flickered before he finally regained his composure and laughed. "You couldn't afford a beer. Get lost! Don't you see that there are Ascended Moderately Overweight drinkers waiting behind you?" Patrick slapped his bag of holding and threw 80 billion spirit sausages onto the counter, causing an earthquake which demolished half of the bar. Everyone dropped their jaws. None could see how this was possible!

"I'll take that beer with a side order of peanuts, " Patrick said. He was as calm as the ocean in a painting of an insanely calm ocean. "And let me see your manager!"

The cashier cultivator coughed up a mouthful of whiskey. He simply could not handle Patrick's killing intent, because he was only at the Slightly Overweight realm himself. Even though Patrick had suppressed his aura, because he had cultivated the Heavenly Xitter Qi, this was enough to kill people a few levels higher if he truly wanted.

It was then that another man which a much more fierce aura stepped forward. "You dare make trouble here?"

"P... Patriarch Prongay!"

Patriarch Prongay was 400 pounds of the way into the Pork Realm! Patrick was pushed back two feet, knocking over a pitcher of beer. Bud Light geysered outward, killing several onlookers. Of course, Dan Mullen saw all this happen through the window.

Patrick coughed up a mouthful of blood, snorted, constricted his pupils, and then his expression went calm. He unleashed the aura of 64 beers, condensed down to a 2 drink limit that could fit into his hands! Dan Mullen coughed up a mouthful of beer. His pupils constricted.

"Is this... the Second, Better stage??"

Patrick had the gentle air of a scholar, but it wouldn't stop him from killing several people in a bar. "Sausage Devouring Scripture! Your life is already over!"

With the first keyword of the Sausage Devouring Scripture, everyone below the early Slightly Overweight stage exploded into purple mist. The light of the immense heavenly sausage shone down with the contours of a farting black man as 9 illusory sausages floating around Patrick's body, which is probably an important xianxia number that matches the number of lakes in some sacred Wisconsin county I've never heard of. But that was only a fraction of Patrick's power. He waved his arm, bringing forth thirty more cultivation techniques that hadn't appeared in over 400 chapters!

"Heavenly Tribulation Wellington! Eastern Everburning Peppers! Mustang Guillotine! Firstname Lastname Incarnation!"

Patrick's expression was the same as ever as he slapped his bag of holding, and brought out his karmic laptop, Sci-Fi Lord medallion, seventeen different pens, a five-coloured resurrection coupon, the silk Brewers hat, various souls of lightning niglets that he may or may not still have, and his mask of the legacy of Robert Heinlein. Oh, and the image of a flying Transgender Space Crab dragon appeared. Remember that? It was basically his Main Thing at the start of the novel, but quietly faded into irrelevance. Until now! All of this takes some time to describe, but actually happened in the space of only a few breaths. "What! Impossible!"

Patrick wanted to summon his wife as well, but she was too overcome with eroticism by the black skin depicted on a nearby poster of a football player and was busy humping a groove straight through the poster, and the wall it was pinned to, with her strong thighs.

But it was more than enough. Prongay's soul flew out and was absorbed into his mask! He screamed as his body was destroyed completely.

Patrick brushed off his robe and swept up his spirit sausages and everyone's bags of holding which probably didn't have any cool sh*t inside unless I write him into a corner later, and anyways, don't worry about it for now. He surveyed the rubble that was all that remained of the Hooligan's.

"Guess you'll be enjoying prison, stalker."
 
Dude Pat’s still got it in the bag. It doesn’t matter whether the OnA posters are still interested in him or not.
These things are like the Oscars: Timing counts for a lot and Pat may have peaked too early. Ralph, who he’d have been neck and neck with for much of the year, is boring now too. They might both be pipped to the post by Nick Rekieta, who had a great life and decided to shit it all away to be a degenerate alcoholic and sex obsessive.
 
It's the creepy paper mask someone at o&a made.
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RobertMewler, the second better female ona poster. She also made the famous Adrienne & Jon crochet dolls.

You know, the ones Pat has MULTIPLE times claimed to the fucking Milwaukee PD are actual voodoo effigies Dan uses to curse/hex him.
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Guys, I don't like to rain on anyone's parade, but I'm starting to think this Pat fella might not be telling the truth about being a 6-figure literary genius.

I dare you guys to read that 2nd paragraph out loud to the next person sitting by your side on the subway. Afterwards, don't forget to report us the current state of the facilities in your local Mental Institution.
 
I'm a little disappointed with Pat. The man had the Lolcow of the year award pretty much in the bag before the first half of 2023 was even done... and NOW he decides to tone the crazy down? Right at the finish line??
I'm actually kinda glad. Patrick may begin to bloom again, once he realizes his toilet won't respond to every little thing he tweets. And we all know his ego won't let him stop running his mouth or admit he's wrong, so we'll get to watch him bumble his way through life, screwing up home projects pissing off people offering good faith advice.

One era of Patposting is over. Cry because it ended, but smile, because a new one is upon us.

while you are reincarnating as a human, you have to choose to either be Robert 'MovieBob' Chapman, or Patrick 'Fat' Tomlinson
Can we change their actions during this reincarnation and try to improve their lot in life? And do we have the knowledge of our previous life?
 
A thought experiment for you all. You have died, and for your sins you are to be reincarnated instead of escaping the cycle of death and rebirth. However, your sins were relatively minor, but gross, so while you are reincarnating as a human, you have to choose to either be Robert 'MovieBob' Chapman, or Patrick 'Fat' Tomlinson. Do you pick the more financially successful one, or the one that has known the touch of at least two women?
Having posted a lot in Bob's thread, that would mean I'm a genocidal maniac AND haven't had sex at 40+. Pat at least has sex, even if he shares his wife with Tyrone.
 
pat has his own house (with a garden where he fatly builds his fence the wrong way) and a second, better wife
bob is a 50 year old incel living in his mothers basement

pat makes funny tweets about the stalker childs
bob daydreams about genocidal revenge fantasies against the footbal jerks who bullied him in highschool 35 years ago

it's not even close. pat is fat but he's still very far away from the blobs level of depravity
 
pat has his own house (with a garden where he fatly builds his fence the wrong way) and a second, better wife
bob is a 50 year old incel living in his mothers basement

pat makes funny tweets about the stalker childs
bob daydreams about genocidal revenge fantasies against the footbal jerks who bullied him in highschool 35 years ago

it's not even close. pat is fat but he's still very far away from the blobs level of depravity
The virgin movieblob vs the chad fatpig.
 
Pat at least has sex
POV: a round-headed drunk retard with no earlobes drools on top of you after asking you to put on this *checks notes* sexy were-rat costume.
mouth breathing retard gif.gif
"We fuck with skill and enthusiasm, stalker"
Sure buddy, sure.

Ps: We know he's the king of oversharing, but I still can't believe he -unpromptedly- decided to tell the world he's into goddamn were-rats. :striker:
Not even the regular run-of-the-mill furry rats. He's too good for those prudes!

:story:
 
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You get to try to improve things but you're still undeniably them and a lolcow to some extent. You can only through great tests of mental strength resist the urge to post utter nonsense and make pepperoni/mountain dew chicken.
Ways to improve Pat’s life in New Game +:
1. Don’t tweet about Norm (maximum concentrated power of will)
2. Put more points into Charisma
3. Pick trait “Second Draft” before the first novel-writing quest
 
POV: a round-headed drunk retard with no earlobes drools on top of you after asking you to put on this *checks notes* sexy were-rat costume.
View attachment 5494478
"We fuck with skill and enthusiasm, stalker"
Sure buddy, sure.

Ps: We know he's the king of oversharing, but I still can't believe he -unpromptedly- decided to tell the world he's into goddamn were-rats. :striker:
Not even the regular run-of-the-mill furry rats. He's too good for those prudes!

:story:
As a Bobposter, Bob would 100% fuck a chick wearing a princess Peach outfit. In a Mario suit.
MarioBob.jpg
Were rats are disgusting. But not as horrifying as this BBW Mario cosplay gone wrong, gone sexual.
 
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