Banned from twoxchromosomes for pointing out you can't know someone is cis or afab by looking at them.
I'm so tired. These superficial allies are exhausting. I really thought this subreddit was trans friendly.
The evil comment I made:
"How do you know he's [the guy who wouldn't shut up] not an AFAB? Assumptions, assumptions. This is transmisandry. You can't just tell someone is AFAB by looking at him/them. For all you know, he could be a binary trans man or a non-binary person assigned female at birth. How do you know he's not a trans woman or a non-binary person assigned male at birth?"
"How do you know the [other] people [in the group who] you're saying are afab aren't non-binary people assigned male at birth? Do you have like afab radar? /sneed"
The post I commented on:
Guy taking over group therapy
I am in group therapy and one guy recently had a "lightbulb" moment where he realised he could talk about anything he wanted and it was a safe space. Now the therapist wrestles with him to beg him to not talk the entire time. He spends about fifty percent of the entire time allotted for everyone in the group to talk about every little thing that happens to him. They remind him of how much time he has taken up and gently try to get him to stop talking but he pounces on the next available time to take up space for himself.
Even worse, today's story was, and I quote, "funny story" time about him giving his family, and entire extended family, and everyone at his work Covid because he thought he just had a cold and decided to "push through it". He cried about how he didn't have "good enough self esteem" not to spread it around and stay home from work, but laughed at how he gave his own kid a high degree fever. His own child!! He literally called it a 'funny story'!!
He is not the only guy to get overly excited for a 'safe space' and take all the time in group for himself (while the women and AFABs sit quietly and wait their turn) but he is by far the worst with how he brags he is a Covid super spreader.
Edit: to the people who think i am somehow responsible for him and need to confront him with supreme anger, fix him, or try to "rally the group against him": you might also need therapy, lmao!
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It struck me as a little bit transphobic that this person thinks they know the guy that won't shut up is a cisgender man and not an afab trans man or an afab enby, and not an amab non-binary or a trans woman who hasn't transitioned. No, this is a guy. We're certain it's a guy. (And "guy" doesn't mean trans man here, because the whole point of the post is to talk about him oppressing women and
afabs).
I didn't post this comment just to be argumentative or contrary. It really bothered me. Why? Why did I even think about this? Because I'm assigned female at birth and I've been this (passing) guy who talked too much, both before and after transition, and I'm pretty sure people had no clue I'm afab. It was due to autism in my case, not male privilege.
But the writer just assumes they know the problem here is the speaker being a man (it's implied he's cisgender guy, because he's
not like the women and afab people sitting there quietly listening).
Then the writer goes and lumps people assigned female at birth together with women...which is okay if those are the only other people in the group. But it gave me vibes of 'oh those cisgender men with their male socialization are talking over us female socialized people!' Is this the kind of support group where people tell you their sex assigned at birth? Because that's an unusual support group...ok...maybe they do, I don't know. But I think it's pretty freaking likely that it isn't and assumptions are being made.
Even if they're sharing pronouns, you still don't know if someone's afab or not. Plus, as a non-binary person, I don't like how everybody who is androgynous is assumed to be assigned female at birth.
