This is long overdue. And a long post. Trigger warnings include: gaslighting, cheating, emotional manipulation, knowingly spreading STDs, narcissistic abuse cycle.
Before any of you get all smug and self-righteous about it: yes, you were right about her. Congratulations. Unfortunately, most of the people that tried to warn me about her we're just trying to manipulate me themselves. So, save it. I don't want to hear "I told you so" from just another narcissist trying to point the finger at someone else in order to take the heat off themselves. You know who you are. And you're just as guilty of being a shitty person. This is not about you. So sit the fuck down.
For those of you who don't know, I had been romantically/intimately involved with Miya off and on since the beginning of 2018. From the beginning, she has always painted herself as a quiet, introverted, downtrodden outcast who always got the short end of things in life (difficult family dynamics, always ghosted by those she let close to her, etc). She always has (and always will) do everything she can to make other people feel sorry for her. If she ever does something wrong and/or someone tries to call her out on doing something wrong, she will lash out at them instead of holding herself accountable and then fall back on this victim persona she has cultivated for herself. Anything she can do to gather sympathy and push the blame onto someone else, she will.
I am not implying that her life has been easy (I know firsthand that it hasn't), but many of her problems are direct results of her own actions. And she absolutely does whatever she can to make people feel sorry for her, in order to get what she wants. Miya is not who most of you think she is. She is a selfish/self-centered narcissist, a compulsive liar, and a danger to those who would choose to get close to her (emotionally and mentally, but also physically). She consistently uses people to get what she wants from them (usually sex) and then throws them away when they no longer comply with her wishes or if she gets bored of them. If you were to look into "covert narcissism", you would see some very striking similarities.
She cheated on me the entire time we were in (what was supposed to be) a committed/monogamous relationship, during the first stretch of time we were together (201
. Yes, I gave her another chance. Yes, I absolutely regret it.
The second time we were together (the first half of this year), it took her over a month to convince me that she was serious about us and to get me to a point where I felt comfortable being vulnerable with her again. She swore up and down that she was ready now and that she only wanted to be with me. She didn't cheat on me physically this time (as far as I know). However, I saw plenty of conversations and photos between her and other people where she was not only laying the groundwork for sexual encounters, but also (verbally) cheating on me through these conversations.
She would lie to me and cover it up when I saw these things initially. She later admitted that she was, in fact, cheating on me through these convos and via her private Twitter account (which I was never allowed to follow and now I know why). This all came to light when I let her go (June 10th). The very next day, she had a female-bodied "friend" come over to her house, after making sure that no one else would be home. This person was one of the people that I had seen flirting with her while we were together and I was told I didn't have to worry about them. "They're too clingy. They get attached too easily. I've never even met up with them IRL." etc. She openly admitted to me that she had this person over and then got extremely angry and combative when I expressed concern for their physical (sexual) health.
Let me be very clear on this: Miya is the only person to have ever given me, not one, but two STDs. Thankfully, they were types that I was able to treat and clear from my system. However, one of them causes cervical cancer and was, at one point, well on its way to giving me cervical cancer. I was lucky enough(?) to require a surgery that removed the likelihood that I will develop this type of cancer (almost) entirely. But now I am unable to carry a pregnancy and would have to go through a surrogate in order to have a child with someone.
Any female-bodied person that comes into contact with her sexually will be at risk. There is no way for her to test or treat herself for this STD. It is untreatable, but can be cleared from your system (if you're lucky/healthy enough). Miya is entirely aware of the fact that she may still have this STD and still chooses to have unprotected sex with random female-bodied people she meets through dating and hook up apps. She has admitted to me that she does this, on multiple occasions.
And, unfortunately, I know for a fact that she is still doing this because I have been approached by multiple people in the community who (apparently) didn't know we had broken up, telling me that Miya has been bragging about her sexual exploits with strangers she meets on Meet Me and other apps. Instead of being upset with them for telling me, I was grateful... but maybe she should have prefaced these stories with the fact that we're not together anymore. That way, I wouldn't have to keep getting triggered by people who are trying to warn/protect me.
Honestly, and much to my own surprise, pretty much everyone I've spoken with about what Miya has done to me has not been surprised in the slightest. I've even had numerous female-bodied people express to me how uncomfortable she makes them, during their interactions with her (both online and in person). How she sends unsolicited DMs and naked photos of herself to them and propositions them for sex, even after they have expressed that they are not interested.
It amazes me how many people already see through her facade, how many people already don't trust her, even though they are nice and civil towards her in person and during online interactions.
On top of this, several people have also come to me telling me that Miya has been bad-mouthing me and warning people about me(?). About what? I did everything I could to make her life easier and more comfortable. I made sure she felt loved and safe and important. I made myself available to her at all times, day and night. I downplayed my own needs and put hers above them. I ignored my gut instincts and anxieties and believed her when she said I was just being paranoid about her behavior and her interactions with other people. Miya is the one that has gaslit, manipulated, used, and emotionally abused me ever since we met. She's even said to me on more than one occasion that I have never done wrong by her. And that I deserve to be with someone who can treat me the way I deserve to be treated. Someone who can fully commit to me and be invested in me (as well as a committed/monogamous relationship).
She also told me that she had never been closer with anyone else and that I know her better than anyone else ever has. I know now that those were both probably lies. A narcissist can't form actual meaningful relationships with other people because they aren't able to feel empathy for others. After I let her go in June, I was finally able to come to terms with the fact that she is a narcissist. My heart didn't want to believe it for the longest time, but the more I looked back on our relationship, the more warning signs and red flags I saw. I had been ignoring them, for years, because I loved her...
I even had a very long, honest, healthy, and comfortable conversation with her about her narcissistic tendencies, wherein she fully admitted that she's unable to feel empathy for other people. She said she tries to sometimes, but it just becomes too difficult and draining for her to maintain it. I explained to her that in order to fix that, she has to seek professional help and constantly try to "flex that muscle" for the rest of her life... Unfortunately, it's not likely that she ever will. Most narcissists will not do the work they need to in order to fix their personality type because it works for them. They get what they want out of other people by being the way that they are...
Anyway... You can read more on narcissism/narcissistic personalities, if you'd like to become more educated/better prepared to defend yourself against them. I just needed to set that record straight.
I have consistently seen her flirting with and grooming very young, female-bodied people in the rhythm game community and it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I am so afraid for them... They have no idea what kind of person she is or that she would knowingly spread STDs to them without a second thought, just to get what she wants out of them. The way she views sexual intimacy and other people as something to be used and discarded is absolutely appalling. She is one of the most disgusting human beings I've ever had the displeasure of knowing… and I wish I had seen it sooner.
I have not been able to have a one-on-one conversation with every female-bodied member of the community that I have been concerned about, when it comes to Miya targeting them... And I am very afraid that some of you have already been affected... For that I deeply apologize... I should have made this post sooner... If you have had any sexual contact with her, please please please go get yourself tested for everything you possibly can. The sooner most of these things are caught, the better chance you have of clearing them from your system.
On top of being a literal health hazard, she is also so proficient at manipulating people's emotions that she literally had me convinced that we were soul mates. She reinforced that belief for over 5 years, just so she could pull me back in whenever she wanted to. I loved her with my entire heart and she used that entirely to her own advantage (and to my detriment). She had been emotionally and mentally manipulating me since the day we met and I honestly can't believe that I let myself be so blind to her true nature for as long as I did. I just wanted to believe in her (and in us) so badly... but it turns out that none of what we had was real or mattered (to her) in the slightest.
Thanks to Miya, I don't really trust my own feelings of romantic love/intimacy anymore... And I certainly don't believe in soul mates. I have been in therapy consistently over the past 2 1/2 years, and I have surrounded myself with people that actually love and care about me, so I have learned how to trust and value myself. This is what finally helped me see what she was doing to me (and what she does to other people). I don't even want to know how much longer things would have gone on with her, had I not had my therapist and close friends helping me navigate our abusive and toxic relationship. I am forever grateful to them for helping me finally get out of it.
Thank you for reading this. It took me a long time to build up the courage to post it, as well as a lot of support from my friends, both in and out of the rhythm game community. Thank you for your encouragement and for being there for me throughout all of this.
I hope I was able to warn at least some of you before you were negatively affected by her... Again, if I'm too late, I am truly sorry... Please feel free to reach out to me for support or advice, if you need to. I'm also willing to discuss anything I've mentioned here as long as you remain civil and kind. I refuse to be ridiculed or silenced. If your only goal is to invalidate my experience or try to knock me down, don't waste your time; I won't waste mine.
Miya, the only thing I have to say to you directly is this: The fact that you have the nerve to go around bad-mouthing me and lying to other people after what you did to me is absolutely asinine. Keep my name out of your fucking mouth. I want nothing to do with you and I never want to be associated with you, in any way, ever again.
#DoBetterEvilDave
