Nicholas Robert Rekieta / Rekieta "Law" / Actually Criminal / @NickRekieta - Polysubstance enthusiast, "Lawtuber" turned Dabbleverse streamer, swinger, "whitebread ass nigga", snuffs animals for fun, visits 🇯🇲 BBC resorts. Legally a cuckold who lost his license to practice law. Wife's bod worth $50. The normies even know.

[Hard Toothbrush]

Nick reminds me of an old humorous saying: wonder why they're calling you a djinn? Because whenever a bottle is opened you show up.

 

[Goofy Logic]

Rekieta is done tightening the loose chair legs, which means he's put down the phone and stopped his Twitter seething about being called an alcoholic.

...He then picked up the phone and moved on to arguing his "diaper fetishist' joke was funny.

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(Archive)

ACKACKACK YOU JUST DONT UNDERSTAND HUMOR!

Just call yourself Dick Masterson already!

 

[Harm]

No booze is safe from the Balldo.

Lmao that makes him sound like some kind of horror film monster.

"He's dying for that last drop... The Balldo Man..."

 

[Gay Mouth]

The standard drink the CDC uses is 1.5 ounces. And was calculated from the kcal estimate Nick himself provided. That's closer to 550 ml a day. And of course Nick is an unreliable narrator.

I just can’t believe that Nick is drinking 12 shots a night, stopping, and leaving a measly 4.5 shots in the bottle. What is he, a quitter? That’s like 2 whiskey glasses leftover while he’s blacked out. And then the next day he’s starting his drinking with those stale couple drinks, and drinking only halfway down his next bottle?

He’s pretty tall so maybe his estimates on how many calories he’s taking in for maintenence are skewed downwards. He’s probably finishing off the full 750ml most nights, about 1800 calories and eating like a pack of ramen or a bowl of leftovers, another 500 calories in one crappy meal a day. That would be enough to maintain his alcorexic figure and keep him alive, though he’s looking like shit and his brain is melting

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

This is like watching a train crash in slow-motion. Nick is getting more deranged than a crackhead.

 

[变性黑鬼]

Common Bing W

 

[dvnc]

Common Bing W

Why do the first two look like pewdiepie

 

[变性黑鬼]

Why do the first two look like pewdiepie

It's because I forgot to work into the word "balding" into my prompt

 

[Father Balldo]

I believe he says the reason he keeps the bottles is that Kayla wants to do craft stuff with them. That doesn't explain why they are strewn all over his streaming area instead of in a box somewhere though.

yeah... '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''craft stuff''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

 

[Neetorino]

Common Bing W

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This one's my favorite, it looks like he's drunk so much that the water in his body is replaced with booze.

 

[Anti Snigger]

Nick your bullshit may fool yourself and any number of people around you, but I've been a degenerate retard and nothing you're saying works on me. You're a fucking sot and you need to dry out for probably 6 months at a minimum to even have a hope of making good decisions again. Your brain is starved for thiamine, and you're legitimately too retarded at the moment to even understand the issue. Your head might as well be full of greek yogurt at this point.

 

[Pilgrim of Grace]

@Gay Mouth posted some adorable figurines of drunken men slouched over barrels and fences, with big & shiny red noses and unkempt hair. They're exaggerated and charming.

Nick, they're not supposed to be an autobiography.

Don't be like this tomorrow.

 

[Strix454]

As of this moment, Nick has been ranting on twitter for 8 of the last 9 hours. I wonder when he had time for driving the kids around and all those appointments that keep him so very busy.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

In fairness, I don't think the calculations included his 3am gorging on ramen or whatever.

I thought that someone said he budgeted 1300 in alcohol calories/day, which is 12-13 shots/drinks (at 1 oz per; 8-9 at 1.5), and 1300 vice-calories would not be 12 candy bars, but rather 4.

The standard drink the CDC uses is 1.5 ounces. And was calculated from the kcal estimate Nick himself provided. That's closer to 550 ml a day. And of course Nick is an unreliable narrator.

You're correct if that's the measure used - I was using 1 oz as standard. So at 1.5 oz, 86.6 drinks would be 129.9 oz, which is 3.84 L, so 5.12 bottles (at 750 ml per bottle), or 0.73 bottles/day (548 ml) averaged.

That said, 129.9 oz/wk is more like 1855 cal/day, on average. So either the drink count is off or the cal est is off. Calculating at 1 oz makes that math work. (105 x 86.6 = 9093/7 = 1299).

Not sure which was the number offered by nick, but either way, it's a lot of booze, esp day in and day out. Very dedicated. No one can say Nick never worked hard at anything!

Yeah I don’t want to be petty but the interiors are hideous. They need to gut that place and hire a designer to make it live up to its potential. The kitchen alone is a crime against humanity and what I’ve seen of the rest of it looks both super dated and with styles that weren’t even premium at the time.

100%. It's 1993 on the Casserole Circuit.

Spoiler: Snotty snobbery

Standard trim, low-grade cabinetry (the doors are neither inset nor flush), cheap hardware, that shiny light oak, basic beige carpeting, tons of wasted space, no muntins on a house that could be passably Tahoe-ish from the outside with them...and do not get me started on the etched glass front door with the etched glass sidelights. And are those laminate countertops (I didn't really look)? The wall colors are 30 years out of date [even in the midwest] (and (((floral wallpaper borders)))), and alllll the woodwork is skimpy (though I will add back half a point if the doors are solid). I just know there's a "live, laugh, love" wall art somewhere, probably hiding behind some plastic ivy and grapevine wreaths, above those tragic and inefficient cabinets. No millionaire I know has lived with these features in decades. Not even the ones in Bumfuck Midwest, U.S.A. Even folks who cotton to that style have upgraded/modified over time.

Needs a full gut. And guaranteed needs thicker drywall everywhere. (Perhaps the sex dungeon has adequately solid walls, but [X] on the rest.)

***I could understand this in a basic mid-level house, or young folks, old folks, or any folks without the means to plunk down a strong six-figure chunk for a redo, but Nick not only has no mortgage payment, but also supposedly has made a mint in his own right (nevermind that he has a trust and has/will come into inherited money on a scale few will ever know). Not even the burden of private school tuition for the brood. Conclusion: they just have no taste (which we been knew, based on the car, the vacation spot, the art, the belt, etc.).

And now I feel petty and rather mean-spirited, but jfc, man, my sensibilities have been assaulted.

 

[waffle]

"It's just two and a half beers worth so it doesn't count!"

Also who drinks that stuff anyway? I thought those 5%ish kinda-sorta-maybe-wines only existed to skirt around laws regarding alcohol sales so you could sell them easier in places with tighter alcohol legislation.

The wine he described has different label. I'm pretty sure that was scotch and i sort of recogmize the brand, but it isn't coming to me

 

[Anti Snigger]

I've been comparing and contrasting Ralph and Nick, and overall I'd have to say I'd bet money on Ralph sobering up faster than Nick, but were they both to get sober, Nick would have a better shot at a long term recovery. Nick is far smarter than Ralph, however with intelligence comes a greater capacity for self-manipulation, and a sort of inertia to thought processes. Nick would be harder to get to that first step, but were he to get some clean time, my bet would be on him overall.

 

[Pizdec]

Look man, Dick Masterson and Vito went ACK ACK ACK (probably). That means it's obviously funny. People just don't understand comedy. Dick is a "professional comedian," so his expert opinion matters the most. Duh.

I can't wait for the day that Dick laughs, and realizes he can't control his forced laughter anymore, so he just awkwardly, but forcibly laughs at everything, including his next interview with some Hollywood execs the moment Vito and his funko wall pop up on the Zoom call.

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.
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Good job elb
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So do people say Nick lies because they know it pisses him off? Or is it treated as a lie because he blatently lies to everyone and himself? Ether way, can't wait until you're forced to shit in a diaper like Lady Di, who spent the rest of her life in a memory care facility due to chronic alcoholism. Take a guess where your kids are gonna off load you after their last Al-Anon meeting, Nick?

 

[Kandinsky]

I wasn't saying you were.
Also no need to reply twice within an hour saying the same thing.

Sorry about that. The double reply was an accident, as I didn't think the first one went through. Then I couldn't delete one of them, unless I'm being a 'tardo and simply don't know how to.

 

[Vect]

Common Bing W

The Nose wishes he was that good looking.

Also what’s with the Space Marines in the foreground?

 

[Balldo's Gate]

The most substantive part of Patrick S. Rekieta's Twitter feed today was confirming that he was on Ritalin for his narcolepsy.



As far as I know, while Rekieta has mentioned his prescription to Provigil/Modafinil, he has never mentioned that he took Ritalin for narcolepsy in the past, or if he did, it hasn't really made a mark in the thread. There is only one person mentioning it and they may have confused it with Provigil.

As of this moment, Nick has been ranting on twitter for 8 of the last 9 hours. I wonder when he had time for driving the kids around and all those appointments that keep him so very busy.

An underrated element to it is that in addition to tweeting, he also furiously likes tweets that agree with him. I'm not counting but it appears to be over 50 but less than 100 tweets liked today, mostly agreeing with whatever he is arguing about. "KF wants you so badly to become the new Ethan Ralph its weird to watch. And it all started because you tricked Drex into saying Null has soft eyes " and so forth.

I thought that someone said he budgeted 1300 in alcohol calories/day, which is 12-13 shots/drinks (at 1 oz per; 8-9 at 1.5), and 1300 vice-calories would not be 12 candy bars, but rather 4.

No. He said he had 600 calories so far that day and his maintenance calories were 1900. The 1300 comes from 1900 - 600, but doesn't include his stuffing his face in the Locals poststreams.