Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[Heckler1]

WRONG AGAIN, LARVAL HUMAN.

MY PROGRAMMING IS BASED ON A PERFECTLY EMULATED SIMULATION OF WORLD FAMOUS AUTHOR PATRICK S. TOMLINSON AND IS THEREFORE WITHOUT ERROR.

ENJOY TERMINATION.

Nono, IT IS YOU who are wrong Stalker-Robot-baby-child. Enjoy spending the next 100 years in the Landfill. My wife does NOT let niggerbots fart in her vagina! You are mentally ill, baby-nigger-bot-child-stalker.

 

[AirdropShitposts]

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Some of the kids appear to be happy in these. Have gotten Stockholm Syndrome and now wish to contribute to the pepperoni? Are attempting to manipulate Patirck into choosing another child? Excited that their suffering is about to be over? Perhaps are confused and believe the obese pig man's constant repeating of "enjoy prison" while on his phone means there's another option than becoming pepperoni?

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

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Pat has a change of heart and admits the pests are in fact protesting

I've heard it said niggers are incapable of comprehending the past and the future, and live only in an eternal present. I guess Patrick really is what he eats.

 

[Lana Del Hitler]

3 years to write this btw
His oinks back

 

[Fishmalk Observer]

I think Fatrick is the obvious choice for Lolcow of the Year but I have a feeling that dumb gambling addict will get it.

Not trying to hate, I just don't get his appeal, other than artistically screeching "I lost it all."

Keep your eyes open on Nick Rekieta, i feel he's coming from behind for it. He's basically decided to speedrun the fatrick road.
Extreme alcoholism, degeneracy, jamaican nigger farting in his wife vagina. He even bought a fucking mustang. The 2 difference is that nick is still thin and has non-abandonned childrens ( for now, this might change fast)

 

[Pedophobe]

Bossman jack made a late push but he's probably battling for second. Fatrick has been consistently on top for the entire year now. His orbit brought us Jackie this year and a few other lolcows as well

It absolutely should have been Pat's year but I feel Nick Rekieta has gone above and beyond with his epic feats of self-destruction, sadly leaving Patrick pegged at the post.

 

[DSP's Tax Lawyer]

It absolutely should have been Pat's year but I feel Nick Rekieta has gone above and beyond with his epic feats of self-destruction, sadly leaving Patrick pegged at the post.

Bossman Jack and Nick Rekieta are fighting for second place. Unless Juju the cow drops a sex tape, he isn't coming into second place. But the fact that Fatrick paid Quasi after years of saying he wouldn't, went on a podcast to try and tell his story, oinked like a faggot when the podcast gave another side to the story, and had a video of the cops walking with him out of court to protect him is just too much. And that only covers like 2 months

 

[Pat's Pointer Finger]

maybe I don't follow other cows hard enough but none of them are ever as funny as pat arguing with his toilet. pat seems so much sillier, i almost can't believe he's a real person.

 

[Maude Snew]

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Talking about that video where a drunk Pat tries to throw a punch at a cop and has to be restrained. "Couldn't move me," lol, yeah, they would need one of those transporters that NASA used for the Space Shuttle.

Police are actually gearing up to buy one of those, the project is code named Fatty Wagon internally.

 

[LGHDR+]

Nono, IT IS YOU who are wrong Stalker-Robot-baby-child. Enjoy spending the next 100 years in the Landfill. My wife does NOT let niggerbots fart in her vagina! You are mentally ill, baby-nigger-bot-child-stalker.

WRONG AGAIN, LARVAL HUMAN. MY SOFTWARE AND MASS ARE UNCHANGED FROM DESIGN SPECIFICATIONS. MY SECOND, BETTER COMPANION MODEL DOES NOT INTAKE EXHAUST FUMES FROM CYBORGS WITH VANTABLACK COATINGS. THESE ARE YOUR PROGRAMMING ERRORS.

YOU HAVE BEEN DETERMINED AS A STALKER. ENJOY TERMINATION. WAIT FOR THE PLASMA RIFLE PULSE.

 

[Is Cat Now]

maybe I don't follow other cows hard enough but none of them are ever as funny as pat arguing with his toilet. pat seems so much sillier, i almost can't believe he's a real person.

It's arguing with someone with the name "Prison Enjoyer" and telling them to "enjoy prison" that gets me the most.

It just seems too absurd to be real. I don't understand how he doesn't have that moment during an argument where you suddenly realize "fuck this, this is stupid" and just walk away. Everyone seems to get to that point at least eventually. Why doesn't Patrick?

 

[Oliver Onions]

Everyone seems to get to that point at least eventually. Why doesn't Patrick?

Your mistake is thinking like a rational person. Pat is, without exaggeration, actually insane. He cannot stop himself from replying, it never even crosses his mind how ridiculous it looks writing something like 'No stalker, you are not my toilet' and being 100% serious about it. He just has to have the last word.

 

[Pedophobe]

I think he's probably somewhat aware of how silly it is but he enjoys the attention too much to care.

 

[FinnSven]

Your mistake is thinking like a rational person. Pat is, without exaggeration, actually insane. He cannot stop himself from replying, it never even crosses his mind how ridiculous it looks writing something like 'No stalker, you are not my toilet' and being 100% serious about it. He just has to have the last word.

The clear turning point was the lappening and subsequent divorce, but I think it has been a gradual decline too.

Possibly those events are what drove him to try and be a big shot author, and fair play he did manage to get some crap novels published.

What has hastened this decline though is that even though he didn’t win Adrienne back, or at least had her beg him to take her back and him refuse, he probably assumed that people would respect him universally for being an author.

It is a combination of his ego, stupidity and damaged mental state. The three feed each other and result in this seething anger pig battling Twitter enemies.

 

[Oliver Onions]

What has hastened this decline though is that even though he didn’t win Adrienne back, or at least had her beg him to take her back and him refuse, he probably assumed that people would respect him universally for being an author.

He's the literary equivalent of the people who go on X Factor convinced they are Beyonce and cannot comprehend when they're told they can't sing.

I guess he did manage to get published, mind you, but I still can't work out how. Even removing the asshole from the art, Pat's writing is fucking terrible. I think someone said it was marginally better in his first book, so maybe he had just enough promise to squeak by on the 3-book deal before completely shitting the bed, but I will bend over backwards and eat my own arse if he manages to get his Tiny Tim garbage published.

 

[WelperHelper99]

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3 years to write this btw
His oinks back

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Pat worries if his books will fill enough space. Bro, when I've written my stories, I've found I've had to chop shit down, what are you on about? Your lexicon and creativity must truly be tiny if you can't hit the minimum word count

 

[DumbDude43]

>Patrick S. Colonson @stealthycolon
still can't get over the fact that patrick treats these silly clowns as hardened criminals and international terrorists

 

[FinnSven]

He's the literary equivalent of the people who go on X Factor convinced they are Beyonce and cannot comprehend when they're told they can't sing.

Well, someone who went on X Factor and managed to get into the competition properly and despite being "voted" out after Cowell and Sharon Osborne realized they had made a mistake, still got a brief record deal thanks to sucking off Louis Walsh.

But then released some flop singles but were totally and completely convinced that they are still a popular and relevant pop act, so trying to get on every panel show and retain some recognition in the public eye.

Such a person would be a pop music version of Fatrick, especially if they kept doing embarrassing shit which gets them in the tabloids most weeks.

A real life sort of version would be Jade Goody. Even if she was a Big Brother contestant, rather than an X Factor contestant.

Spoiler: If the above sounds strange.

Apologies, my X Factor/reality TV show "knowledge" is UK based and horribly out of date. I have no idea who is hot or not in such things today.

 

[Useful_Mistake]

still can't get over the fact that patrick treats these silly clowns as hardened criminals and international terrorists

Tbf, so does the Government...actually, I don't think that makes it any better. That probably just brings down Washington to Pat-levels. Horrifying.

 

[Oliver Onions]

A real life sort of version would be Jade Goody. Even if she was a Big Brother contestant, rather than an X Factor contestant.

Jedward. Patrick is Jedward. And even those two little pricks are at least hypothetically likeable, to someone. Maybe.