Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[AbyssStarer]

Aaaaaand diet failed. Or just off to a great start!

 

[Charlie Delicious]

"B-" for a plate where he called half the food inedible.

Top notch rating system there fattypuss.

Also lol it's gas station food.

 

[p1138]

Aaaaaand diet failedView attachment 5546303

He's not on a diet yet. The carnivore diet thing starts January. He still needs time to eat all of the high carb christmas food and desserts and shit, especially the desserts he's been making on his main channel.

 

[Big Miss Steak]

Of all the times in the day to eat gas station food, of course he has to try it when it's been sitting out all damn day.
1:45 he admits the food looks like shit and showing up at 7pm was a bad idea. But claims you should show up earlier in the day... no you shouldn't show up at all like it's a fucking destination.
2:02 why the fuck does he had his leg up on a chair? This looks like those tables that can in theory seat four, but should only seat two max. Is he straddling the damn pole under the table? Claims that he's hit an all new low with this... LOL.
2:24 the shit looks dried out and crusty, the cheese on the nachos isn't even melted either.
View attachment 5546294

3:10 doesn't use his tongue, still rams the taco/thing into his face.
3:25 Holy shit, he thinks the beans and rice pictured above are inedible. Fatty won't eat something. I'm amazed.

He gave it a B-, because Brianna reminded him that the letter B exists in the last fat on the go. Seasoning gud, sides inedible, was still able to consume meat gud but tough and dried out.

I haven't watched a video of his in a while and holy cow does he look and sound rough

 

[Pig Cups]

I don't wanna see what he he looks like at his funeral, even though I doubt he would look much different than he does now.
I'm not suggesting some freak will actually crash his wake &, "document," it, but I'm not naive enough to rule it out.

So here's an extremely charitable prediction of what open casket Jack will look like after his new diet bodies him.

View attachment 5545978
Jack in the Box

I picture Jack in the Box looking like some kind of corpulent penguin. Same dead look that they all have, with his nicest glasses to boot.

That assumes they're going with traditional interment with a casket to begin with. I'm sure plots are cheaper in TN than in many of the places I'm more familiar with, but (all fat/chimney-clogging jokes aside) Jack should absolutely be cremate-able by most services. Any way you slice it, funerals are fucking expensive, and I'm sure they'd at least tentatively entertain a cheaper option, given their supposed financial insecurity. I also wouldn't be surprised if Junior brings up the possibility of grave vandalism as a reason to go with cremation/avoid the sight of his dad in a coffin. As far as locals who could attend, I'm pretty sure @captkrisma is nearby...

"Jack in the Box" is so fucking funny. It would be killer if they used the chain logo and his shitty bitmoji for the death notices. While they won't, that doesn't mean we can't. Fun fact: Tiny Tim proposed sending out 1996 Christmas cards with him lying in a casket on the front, and a picture of him sitting up and waving inside, reading "Not Dead Yet!" This was after his CHF diagnosis and first heart attack. His wife refused. She was later notified that someone had their picture taken in front of the open casket and used it for a Christmas card themselves. Supposedly, Tiny would have loved it.

Jack is like a deadite. Strokes keeps crippling and disfiguring him until he doesn't even look like a living, functioning human anymore. And yet, he keeps trucking on, presumably until Ash Williams figures out a way to stop him. The only reason that he should live after the inevitable sixth stroke is for doctors to see just how further fucked he gets after it. It's like he's being kept alive purely for scientific reasons. He's only alive now because of today's medicine. Jack's legacy should be being featured in a medical journal. I cannot think of any other person that's lived after as many major strokes as Jack has. He is a medical marvel for all the wrong reasons.

If the current trend of strokes disabling rather than killing him holds, he'll be rendered mute and fully paralyzed in due time. He'd probably be on a feeding tube, so being spoon-fed puréed mush in an extra-heavy electric wheelchair would be considered an improvement/out-of-reach luxury.

Yikes. This man is one heartbeat away from being reduced to something that can't even be described as 'living.' 'Existing,' maybe.

 

[beautiful person]

This man's retardation knows no bounds. I'm kinda sad that I let myself fall so far behind on this thread before it finally got featured.

But it's nice to see that Jack is still reliably a fucking cunt who has still failed to gain any modicum of self awareness. How are you going to make a "Thanksgiving on a budget" video after saying that poor people don't deserve Thanksgiving? How are you going to say that McRib fans are fatties that should look at themselves in the mirror out of shame, when you've been literally disabled by at least four diet-related strokes? You be Jack Scalfani, that's how.

Tammy Jr got FAT

Did Jack accidently bit her and passed on the Wendigo curse?

That profile was shocking

View attachment 5480492

Really late - I don't even know why, since she's probably a dumb bitch irl, but I still feel really bad for Briana. She was an outsider that got sucked into the Scalfani vortex and now there's no escape

He went to a Loredos Tacos inside a 7/11. Fucker got gas station food , and not just any gas station food, he got end of the day, dry, heat lamp warmed Mexican gas station food. Gross.

He STILL gave it a B- though.

Archive:

Amazing that fresh Ramen with seafood gets a B+ (though he put that on Brianna, who likely just has higher standards in general), but stale gas station Mexican gets a B-

I haven't watched a video of his in a while and holy cow does he look and sound rough

He's also slow af. I watch all of his videos on 1.5x speed but never notice anything is a miss until literally anyone else starts talking or moving. Jack is living molasses these days.

 

[Enig]

jesus christ the volume of that intro song scares the shit out of me every time.

I must repeat, what the fuck is that song and is it just straight up ripped from the first Splatoon because if Jack ripped a song from a video game oh boy he has another Bitmoji situation to be set up

 

[Waifu Days]

It doesn't matter what diet he goes with. His dumb dumb brain will mess it up and put him right back where he was.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

I must repeat, what the fuck is that song and is it just straight up ripped from the first Splatoon because if Jack ripped a song from a video game oh boy he has another Bitmoji situation to be set up

This is the song

 

[Dave.]

Of all the times in the day to eat gas station food, of course he has to try it when it's been sitting out all damn day.
1:45 he admits the food looks like shit and showing up at 7pm was a bad idea. But claims you should show up earlier in the day... no you shouldn't show up at all like it's a fucking destination.
2:02 why the fuck does he had his leg up on a chair? This looks like those tables that can in theory seat four, but should only seat two max. Is he straddling the damn pole under the table? Claims that he's hit an all new low with this... LOL.
2:24 the shit looks dried out and crusty, the cheese on the nachos isn't even melted either.
View attachment 5546294

3:10 doesn't use his tongue, still rams the taco/thing into his face.
3:25 Holy shit, he thinks the beans and rice pictured above are inedible. Fatty won't eat something. I'm amazed.

He gave it a B-, because Brianna reminded him that the letter B exists in the last fat on the go. Seasoning gud, sides inedible, was still able to consume meat gud but tough and dried out.

Looks like prison slop. Ewww

 

[Whaler]

He went to a Loredos Tacos inside a 7/11. Fucker got gas station food , and not just any gas station food, he got end of the day, dry, heat lamp warmed Mexican gas station food. Gross.

He STILL gave it a B- though.

Looking at 2:02, I can understand why he uses the scooter to get around now. Leg is rocking worse than Michael J Fox and DSP put together.

 

[Pig Cups]

He went to a Loredos Tacos inside a 7/11. Fucker got gas station food , and not just any gas station food, he got end of the day, dry, heat lamp warmed Mexican gas station food. Gross.

He STILL gave it a B- though.

The leg on the chair really gets me. I know it's a gas station, but c'mon...

They're not ottomans, you fat, fucking fuck.

 

[AnOminous]

I picture Jack in the Box looking like some kind of corpulent penguin. Same dead look that they all have, with his nicest glasses to boot.

At least some work with a mortician could conceivably have Jack looking dignified for the first time in his trashy, shitty life.

 

[Dead Air]

Shit I saw Jack in the featured list and my heart skipped a beat thinking he was finally dead.

Too bad.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

The diet they never try? Eat less. Move more!

It's because that diet is less delicious and you have to actually DO stuff and not have it be done by itself.

he's gonna catch some kind of worm

The Wendigo isn't afraid of any parasite.

Aaaaaand diet failed. Or just off to a great start!View attachment 5546303

And there's MEAT in that taco. PWND! /sneed

Of course he's going to say he only took one bite but we all know he ate all of it. Including the sides he said were inedible.

 

[Andoxico]

Interesting he wears shoes with laces. Even if his fat ass could reach his feet there's no way he's tying those with the stroke arm. Hammy literally has to put his shoes on and tie them like a little baby. She really is the mommy-wife.

 

[p1138]

Interesting he wears shoes with laces. Even if his fat ass could reach his feet there's no way he's tying those with the stroke arm. Hammy literally has to put his shoes on and tie them like a little baby. She really is the mommy-wife.
View attachment 5546826

Maybe. Depending on the shoes, if you get the laces just right you can leave them tied, and slip them off and on without much effort and no worry about them falling off. Only really need to tie them tight if you're going to be doing some physical activity and Fatty sure in the fuck isn't doing anything like that. The shoes I'm wearing right now I finally re-tied the other day after not needing to do it for about a month and I walk in them constantly. Fatty's shoes wouldn't be going anywhere from between his weight and the footrest of his scootypuff.

But I do wonder why the hell he needs his feet on the chairs(that other people sit on) like he's a fucking child that needs to be told to knock it off. Circulation issues and his general lack of being considerate?

 

[Piggle Rick]

Including the sides he said were inedible.

Pretty sure he said “UNedible”, also he said “expresso machines”. The guy’s a tard.

 

[densedance]

By the way folks, Jack that vile cunt took that Carnivore 2024 is going to change everything video down ..

 

[A Bit Concerning]

Aaaaaand diet failed. Or just off to a great start!View attachment 5546303

If you're going to start a diet you shouldn't put it off. Saying "I'll start my diet AFTER I've had one last unhealthy meal" means you'll always be drawn to quit. It's something I've fallen into myself. And to make matters worse he's chosen to eat the worst, most processed slop he could possibly eat. Never change, Jack.