All I have is this subsection on this godforsaken site to comfort me in the madness.
I feel for you seriously, sounds like what you're feeling is akin to survivors guilt. It's not exactly the same, but it's close enough.
You gotta let it, and him go.
It's hard, and it fucking sucks, but you'll drive yourself crazy dwelling on something you can't change.
I know it sucks, but from what you've said, he's made his choice, and from somenof the shit you've said, he's really not worth you running your head into a wall worrying over.
Some people you can't help. A person has to want to fix their shit, you can't drag them towards the light, you just wrap a chain round your own waist trying.
You gotta let this one go.
Focus on the good things in your life, and the things you
can make a positive effect on.
It's gonna get better. Just take time is all.
You did what you can, it's not worth letting a person whose made their choice to embrace delusion and fetish shit ahead of their wellbeing drag you down with them.