The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[Helvetia]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Patrick Sean Tomlinson

Queen of the Beauty Parlour: SSSniperwolf

Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Foodie Beauty

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Dream

Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Stephanie Cianfriglia

Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh

Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: TanzChelsea

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: thegooddoctor

Best Lolcow Media: Chris Chan returns

 

[S.C.U.D.]

How have so many of you failed to read the OP before voting? Holy fuck you guys are retarded.

 

[lolnah]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Bossman
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: iilluminaughtii
Breaker of Scales: PPP
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Million Pity
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Dream
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Giggly Goonclown
Fresh Meat: Shane Nokes
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Chelsea Lawrence
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicholas Cantu

 

[DYLAN ‘DIELAWN’ VOLK]

Breaker of Scales: Chantal
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: JFG (RIP Elora )
Fresh Meat: Moutain Dew enjoyer Shame Nokes.

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: Chaser663 (For his hijinks with Henri)
Best Lolcow Media:
Cyraxx vs. Music Biz Marty (For breaking the Raxxverse)

If my nigga Patrick gets robbed AGAIN I'm gonna reeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

[Onni Kalsarikännit]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Bossman "I hate my life" Jack. What a wild ride. The Keno giveth and the Keno taketh


Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Blair Zon / Illuminaughtii - she is fat, she is wreckless and her downfall only started bc she accused someone of copying her videos bc the other person used the same standard effect of some video making tool that hundreds of thousands other people use. What a fucking dumb whore.

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jackie Singh - thought Kiwi Farms was ded bc she couldn't copy & paste the tor link in the brave browser. Absolute amazing.

Fresh Meat: Shane Edward Nokes - How do you become an Internet Tough Guy? You get raped by your babysitter. With a butter knife. And he's fat.


Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott - dude tried to rally up the Farms against some teenager troon bc the little troon was shitting on Niklas for playing some Japanese pedo game. He failed miserably. Twice!

Best Lolcow Media: Cyraxx getting punched by that fat brick Marty. The video sucks but Cyraxx screaming like a little bitch made me laugh and the drama it created on Kiwi Farms was hilarious.


Thank you to all the cows and retards for making me lol so much this year

 

[gampboonerisms]

Best Main Forum Lolcow:
Queen of the Beauty Parlour:
Breaker of Scales: Anna obrien (cause of the target video)
Best Animal Control Lolcow:
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow:
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow:
Fresh Meat: drexel (cause of his meltdown about his history)
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: paisley (cause god rest the souls who didn't have a choice)
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award:
Best Lolcow Media: dream vs cantu (when you said THATS WHAT THE MASK IS I think you're a faggot OK)

Thank you for the template!

 

[Markorian]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jack Scalfani
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Johma
Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh

Best Lolcow Media: Boogie vs Wings

You vote anyone but Fatrick for LOTY after the year he's had? You deserve a thread too.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Lolcow of the year was a tough one this year, but had to give it to Elliot Nodong

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Andrew Tate
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Million Pity
Fresh Meat: Goonclown

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Goonclowning

 

[KitsuneEyes]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim "Stephanie" Sterling
Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean-Francois Gariepy / JFG

 

[the shoebill]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim "Stephanie" Sterling
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Blair Zon / Illuminaughtii
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Fredrik Knudsen
Best Lolcow Media: Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned

今年もありがとう。Here's to 2024.

 

[Ghost of Ted Kaczynski]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Cobra
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: David Stay
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor/@Xentrilius

Spoiler

Lolcow of the year: BOSSMANJACKSKI. HE'S FUCKING DUE.

Edited because I am a slow in the mind that cannot read.

 

[Gremperor]

Fresh Meat: Shane Edward Nokes

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor/@Xentrilius

 

[KebabShopSauce]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Daniel Larson

Breaker of Scales: PPP

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Boogie

Best Lolcow Media: Cyraxx vs Musicbizmarty

Man, what a shame Rekeita isn't in the grift wars category. Lolcow of the Year is going to be a close one.

 

[Plum Smuggler]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Patrick Tomlinson

Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Dave Muscato - a full year of insanity, stalking, extortion, and criminal behavior.

Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh

 

[Cronarch]

Lolcow of the Year: Austin Patrick Sean Tomlinson / Stealthygeek

Best Animal Control Lolcow: Fredrik Knudsen / Down the Rabbit Hole
Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean-Francois Gariepy / JFG
Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh / hackingbutlegal

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Boogie vs Wings

Big ups to Bossmanjack. It was tough choosing between him and Pat.

 

[Meat Target]

Lolcow of the Year: Patrick Tomlinson

Queen of the Beauty Parlor: Blair Zon/Illuminaughti

IF/Grift Wars/Tough Guys: Jackie Singh

Stinkditch: Giggly Goonclown

Fresh Meat: Shane Edward Nokes

Best lolcow media: Fatrick, as part of his media tour pity-party, released footage of him impotently swinging at cops and resisting arrest:

Or the discovery of Fatrick's mugshot from 2011, when he threatened to murder his ex-wife and infant daughter.



Go get your shinebox, Bossman Jack. This was the Year of Patposting. Here's why.

 

[Lady Ivlia de Nîmes]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim "Stephanie" Sterling
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jackie Singh
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Audrey "Aiden" Hale
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[Asian tech support]

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars: Jean-Francois Gariepy
Best Stinkditch & Rat Kings: Christopher Tyson
Best Fresh Meat: Christopher "Vito" Gesualdi

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicholas Cantu

 

[naaaaiiiiillllll!!!]

Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Blair Zoń / Blair Victoria Kristy / iilluminaughtii
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Linus Gabriel Sebastian / Linus Media Group / Linus Tech Tips
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Alex "Alejandra" Caraballo / Esqueer_

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor/@Xentrilius
Best Lolcow Media: Boogie vs Wings Blubber Brawl

Also, I low-key hate everyone involved with the 2023 Julays for making me watch all the lolcow media nominees. I feel like I lost a part of my soul and brain watching most of those in order to fairly judge the winner.

 

[scumfuck]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: KingCobraJFS
Breaker of Scales: Polissa Campbell
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Million Pity
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu