Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[AnOminous]

jack experiencing aphasia while he tries to recall the word "beans" was humorous, as was the idea of a chili recipe calling for a gallon of heinz ketchup and a pound of bacon. Mmm, mmm.

One of my favorite basic bitch chili recipes involves lots of V8. It's actually pretty good. It was an office favorite at a place where I worked and I got the recipe.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Yet another chili. He uses 100% precooked ingredients but still uses a pressure cooker for some reason. He uses some expensive chocolate w/ pepper instead of cheap chocolate and cheap dried pepper. He wonders why his pressured cooked chili is watery (gee I wonder).

Can I point out for a second that he says he’s going to use two of the canned chipotle peppers and then “throw out the rest”. This is such an insane idea, not just because it’s incredibly wasteful but because these peppers are really good and can give a lot of flavor to pretty much any Tex/Mex dish. There are about 8-10 of them in the can and they keep well pretty much forever in the fridge.

And he’s putting in FIVE of the chocolate bars??? That much chili just needs one at most. I keep making this mistake where I post a comment halfway through the video but then it gets even worse as it goes on. This is one of the worst things he’s made in a while. It’s literally beer and chocolate soup with beans. Now imagine eating that covered in sour cream and onions. *puke*

Also, he’s wearing his phone on a lanyard around his neck now? LOL

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Also, he’s wearing his phone on a lanyard around his neck now? LOL

If you spend most of your time Fat and Sitting, pockets become a really inconvenient place to keep a phone. Of course, Jack definitely isn't spending most of his days in a mobility scooter, so that definitely couldn't be why.

 

[AnOminous]

This is one of the worst things he’s made in a while. It’s literally beer and chocolate soup with beans.

How the fuck has he made chili over and over again for years and gone from atrocious to even worse?

 

[indomitable snowman]

Pro tip, if your chili is a bit watery, add some corn masa.
Also use that corn masa to make some homemade tortillas to eat with the chili.
Also just use cocoa powder and not a chocolate bar.

You can make chili in the instant pot (I have) you just have to be smart about liquid you're putting in.

 

[p1138]

Yet another chili. He uses 100% precooked ingredients but still uses a pressure cooker for some reason.

Easy, because it's another gadget he's wasted money on and at 3:55 he explains how his favorite thing is just dumping shit into a pot and having food come out. He seriously likely has no idea wtf the difference is between a pressure cooker and a crock pot at this point, all he's concerned with is whatever slop he can toss together to eat more meat.

Although the what is that, 2 cups of tomato sauce instead of just using tomato paste? Is kind of amazing, And then he wonders why it's basically soup...

And then telling people at 6:50 you need to wear a glove as he flops his "good" hand around on top of the cooker, might as well be using his dead hand. Fatty, pro tip: considering you just need to bump the valve, humans with working hands can use these things called "tools". Do you think Fatty had to have Tammy put the glove on for him? Or maybe he's only got his hand halfway in and that's why it's flopping so weird.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

He uses 100% precooked ingredients

It's a fucking chili. The whole point is that you just throw shit together and it becomes a thing. Holy fuck.

 

[rubytintedchix]

Is that the cologard sample or Jack’s latest chili?




This video is old. As you can see they still have the Thanksgiving Lego Centerpiece thing that Tammy built out. She doesn’t keep decorations up past 6pm on the day of the holiday usually.

This video had everything for me. So funny.

• Ketchup AND an entire can of Chipotle peppers
• Cannot pronounce Adobo sauce and calls it Adobe
• Not 1, but three bars of chocolate (he doesn’t even bother to crush them up or chop them)
• He’s wearing the redneck life alert (his phone on a lanyard) since he’s clearly a fall risk/burden on his family.
• Holy shit, the bacon booger returns! He’s actually cooking?!!
• Speaking of the bacon, Jesus fucking Christ, why so much AND WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO TO IT.
• Dog lapping up water for like 5 minutes of the video
• How old is the brisket this time, Jack?
• Shock top beer, why? Use a stout or just don’t put in beer at all.
• Smoke alarm goes off at end of video LOL

*chefs kiss*

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Only Jack Scalfani could make a sadder chili than Amberlynn Reid (whose "fifty types of Mrs Dash" chilis always turn out more like ground chicken soups due to how runny they are). There isn't fourteen month old brisket in this one, so there's that, I guess.

Definitely way too much chocolate. I would've added a teaspoon at most of dutch process cocoa powder (or if I had to, a quarter of one bar) and go from there, but I also wouldn't use a pressure cooker for chili since the slow cooking is what really helps a chili's flavors mingle and bloom so well. It's one of those meals where the wait is worth it. Jack just wants spoonfuls of meat in his face now.

Shock top beer, why? Use a stout or just don’t put in beer at all.

Shock Top feels like something Jack Jr would drink. Probably the only beer in the fridge. Jack Sr loves adding any shitty beer he can get his dead hands on to things like chili and garbage stew when he isn't swigging Jack Daniels out of Tammy's sight because it has Jack in the name. Jack loves his concepts. I'm surprised he hasn't tried beer battering more things with Mommywife's help.

Like the chocolate, two bottles is excessive. Jack has a habit of doubling or even quadrupling random ingredients without thinking of why flavor profiles exist and how they're formed. He only thinks "Cheese gud! Need five pounds now!" His helpers don't know how to cook either, so if Jack wants three chocolate bars from the start? Yeah, sure, why not?

 

[Adamska]

Yet another chili. He uses 100% precooked ingredients but still uses a pressure cooker for some reason. He uses some expensive chocolate w/ pepper instead of cheap chocolate and cheap dried pepper. He wonders why his pressured cooked chili is watery (gee I wonder).

He legit is incapable of understanding that the lid still prevents the sauce from reducing even via pressure, because it provides a barrier and nucleation point for the vapor to recondense once energy levels lower. It cannot be stated enough that your chili should not have the appearance of Chef Boyardee sauces, but Jack never gives a shit about that since the "all day lazy recipe" is one he wants now now now. His mentally retarded obsession with blending the sour cream and cheese into the chili does not help with the comparison, since it makes it look worse than anything you can get in a can.

And this is before you factor in the stupid amounts of normal chocolate this stroked out faggot poured into this shitshow. Ketchup also is not a good choice, simply because of how much sugar it tacks onto the final product as well. Doubly so with that chocolate.

 

[rubytintedchix]

And this is before you factor in the stupid amounts of normal chocolate this stroked out faggot poured into this shitshow. Ketchup also is not a good choice, simply because of how much sugar it tacks onto the final product as well. Doubly so with that chocolate.

I honestly think he’s going hard in the paint eating up all the SHUGAR and carbs he can before he starts larping the Carnivore Diet. These last few weeks with the desserts he was making seemed excessive and I don’t believe him for one second when he said he didn’t eat them.

 

[p1138]

I honestly think he’s going hard in the paint eating up all the SHUGAR and carbs he can before he starts larping the Carnivore Diet. These last few weeks with the desserts he was making seemed excessive and I don’t believe him for one second when he said he didn’t eat them.

With the amount of food Fatty claims to not eat, plus absolutely being a good church-going christian, clearly there could not possibly be anyone going hungry in Hendersonville, TN.

Shock top beer, why? Use a stout or just don’t put in beer at all.

Because it's what he could pronounce. In the past he's frequently used lagunitas, but sure as hell couldn't ask for La Gween Tas and get wtf he asked for.

I know someone mentioned first breakfast on the 1st earlier, but I give it 2nd breakfast on the first for when he fucks up his "carnivore" diet. Shouldn't count a cooking video he makes before and just takes weeks to release, but I suspect his first video is going to fuck up his diet.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

T-minus only a couple days until we have lift off on the Carnivore Diet.

Looking forward to the numerous ways he fucks this thing up right out of the gate with sugary sauces, bites of bread, etc.

This is dangerous territory Jagoff is entering into. Stroke #6 or whatever is looming ...

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

T-minus only a couple days until we have lift off on the Carnivore Diet.

Looking forward to the numerous ways he fucks this thing up right out of the gate with sugary sauces, bites of bread, etc.

This is dangerous territory Jagoff is entering into. Stroke #6 or whatever is looming ...

It’s ackshually very healthy. His brother Charles does it for a decade. Doesn’t have to wipe and is a very healthy Beluga.

 

[VenomPlug]

Someone's angy because 'movie for women YUCK!' Let's ignore how Hammy pays for it. And it's not like Fatty can see anything on the screen with his stroked out eyes.

 

[The Early 2000s]

Someone's angy because 'movie for women YUCK!' Let's ignore how Hammy pays for it. And it's not like Fatty can see anything on the screen with his stroked out eyes.

Jack just misunderstood; Tammy said that, but he thought she meant the movie instead of the cold hard truth

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

View attachment 5600145

Someone's angy because 'movie for women YUCK!' Let's ignore how Hammy pays for it. And it's not like Fatty can see anything on the screen with his stroked out eyes.

That blurry image is an accurate representation of what Jack sees all the time.

 

[Gulls on Film]

View attachment 5600145

Someone's angy because 'movie for women YUCK!' Let's ignore how Hammy pays for it. And it's not like Fatty can see anything on the screen with his stroked out eyes.

"My wife's happiness is all that matters" he says, as he dumps a pound of the jalapeno popcorn seasoning all over the the movie popcorn Tammy paid for.

 

[Sexy Peach Emoji]

At least the popcorn will last longer than before, if only because he can't double fist it into his mouth.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

No fucking way