The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[SN 1054]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim "Stephanie" Sterling
Fresh Meat: Drexel Johnson-Yarbrough / Drex
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Fred L. "Bubba" Copeland

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: thegooddoctor
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[Soyjak Enjoyer]

Breaker of Scales: PPP
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Abigail Thorn
Fresh Meat: Goonclown

 

[Lurka Derka]

Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Anthony "Erin" Reed / ErinInTheMorn
Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Hasan Piker / hasanabi

 

[Fortnite Bear]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jack Scalfani (<3)
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Alia Shelesh/SSSniperwolf
Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Tyler Bryan Jewart / Tygrecub
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jackie Singh / hackingbutlegal
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Christopher "Christine" Tyson
Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh / hackingbutlegal
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Fred L. "Bubba" Copeland / Brittini Blaire Summerlin
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[Kandinsky]

Breaker of Scales: Ashton Joel Parks / People's Populist Press

Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha

Lolcow of the Year: Nick Rekieta / Rekieta Law

 

[Chris_Stuckmann]

Rekieta was winning beforehand and for good reason. A lot of us followed Weeb Wars and back then Nick was an ally to KF. Sure, he teetered on the edge of cowdom but for a long time most of us liked him. Many of us donated to Rekieta's streams and for Vic's GFM, many of us were fans of his show, and Null even made some appearances. There were times I even referred to him as a hero for standing up to Cancel Culture and telling these people rightly to fuck off. Not no more lol. His fall from grace was something I think a lot of us took it personally and it shows in these votes. Balldo's arc rightfully deserves to be up there with the greats like DSP, and Ralph. For many of the Farmers, this was their first full circle Lolcow Arc.

Not my e-daddy, not my problem. I can understand feeling betrayed, I used to be subscribed to him myself. But that doesn't make him funny. I've been skipping the Nick sections on MATI for the past six months because he's sad and boring. Fatrick and BossmanJack are both much funnier and more explosive.

 

[Morshu's Paradise]

Lolcow of the Year: Cyrax
Best Main Forum Lolcow: Daniel Larson
Breaker of Scales: Polissa Campbell
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Lou Gagliardi
Best Lolcow Media: Cyrax vs. Music Biz Marty

 

[Buttercream]

LOTY: Nick Rekieta
Main Forum Lolcow: KingCobraJFS
Beauty Parlor: Anisa Jomha
Breaker of Scales: Chantal
Animal Control: Fredrik Knudson
Internet Famous: Boogie2988
Rat King: Goonclown
Fresh Meat: Goonclown
Put To Pasture: Audrey Hale

 

[Itspinklava]

Lolcow of the Year: Patrick Tomlinson

Best Main Forum Lolcow: KingCobraJFS
Breaker of Scales: Anna O’Brien/ Glitterandlazers
Fresh Meat: Shane Nokes
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor
Best Lolcow Media: Boogie vs. Wings

 

[make_it_so]

With all said and done, this year in general was nuts for lolcows. Was it the economy? The mainstream breakthrough? Tiktok? Who knows, but shit was poppin in terms of retards.

The fact that we had three LOTY competitors in a tight race for so long prior to the Mandy deets dropping, plus the fact that Ralph had a bunch of significant shit happening earlier in the year but is currently dead last, just goes to show how much happened. Truly, 2023 was the Year of the Lolcow.

 

[innocent jogger]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Josh Saunders / KingCobraJFS

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jackie "Curry Farts" Singh
Fresh Meat: Jackie "Curry Farts" Singh
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Audrey "Aiden Da Child Murderer" Hale

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbot

 

[30+GameOvers]

Lolcow of the year: Ethan Ralph. Boring choice, but the downfall of this man from 2021-2023 has been something to behold. It's mostly self destructive as well, we KNOW he is capable of sobering up and doing better when he had the short lived "redemption arc" during the "Fuck Cozy" festival. Hell, even Null came on his show a couple of times and they had a genuine decent conversation together.
That's the thing about Ralph: He IS capable of doing better, unlike many other lolcows here. He just doesn't care and would rather live in squalor because he feels like it. I'm also going to give him the award now since it is unlikely he is going to live thru 2024, lol
Of note, don't forget that this is the man who struck the finishing blow to America First and Cozy.tv. The site and the movement are just as dead in the water now as the Killstream is, lol!

Subforum awards-
Animal Control: Fredrick Knudsen aka Down The Rabbithole...recently better known for his v-tubing career and his furry fetish than anything else. This dude used to make good videos, so his rapid and violent downfall is hilarious to me. Here is to hoping this is only the beginning of his lolcowdom, and 2024 is the year of the owl.

Stinkditch/Rat King: Orion Grant Passmore aka Giggly Goon Clown. I was there for the initial sharty threads and made an effort to archive as much of the info from there as possible. We are slowly discovering that Orion is just one of the many EPI(Early Porn Indoctrination) horrorcows, but I hope his story becomes mainstream enough that people become aware of what happens when you get exposed to ungodly amount of porn and discord troonshine. Here is to also hoping he gets murdered and/or arrested in 2024!

Beauty Parlor: Blair Zon. Watching this whale and all her dirty laundry being slowly brought up by her former associates was something to behold(and they're not done, best to my knowledge). Seeing all this start over some stock editing effect is even more hilarious. Blair here is pure youtube/content creator slop in human form: all the drama, all the disgusting behind the scene antics, all the parasocial cancer that comes with associating with them, all the gayops and social media spergery, and more importantly of all, lots of fat. I'm going to include her over some other lolcows I wanted to pick simply because this one had(and still has) the potential to ruin other people's lives, which makes her something of a horrorcow on top of that.


Other Awards:

Opsec Fail: @Itsnatsutalbott
His thread came around when I just made my account, so this is the closest bit of forum nostalgia I have at the moment. Rollercoaster of a thread, not one but two attempts at a personal army request, and an eternal asshurt against an underage black tranny. Great stuff, and I bet he's not even done yet, he will be back in one form or another.
Special shoutout to @thegooddoctor, whose drama I sadly missed but it's just as much of a disaster as with our friend Nicholas

Media: The goon clown videos. There is more than one, can you believe that? He made a whole bunch of videos! All of which are highly NSFW and will make you want to blow your brains out!
I will link the one where he gives a shoutout to a special group of people(that doxxxed him) to save you the sanity, one of his few SFW ones. Consider this a vote for any and all Orion videos

Runnerup would be the Boogie vs Wings fight, but this wasn't even the last time the fat bastard(the former) would humiliate himself this year(given the recent documentary, for example) so Orion wins this one

 

[ThunderPlunder]

Lolcow of the Year: Definitely Racket Grifter
Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim Sterling because of his disgusting AGP
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha
Breaker of Scales: Ashton Parks / PPP
Best Animal Control Lolcow: BlueFolf
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Gonzalo Lira / Coach Red Pill (The Ghost of Blyat)
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Christ Tyson
Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Mama JF
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Wings and Boogie Boxing Match

 

[Sir Chubbis the Turd]

Breaker of Scales: Anna O'Brien
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Tony Reed ErinInTheMorn
Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: TanzChelsea Chelton FOREVER!!
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott

Happy 2024 Farmers!

 

[Dimensional Dipshit]

Lolcow of the Year: Nick Rekeita
Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim Sterling

Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: JFG / Jean-Francois Gariepy
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Fredrik Knudsen / Down the Rabbit Hole

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs. Gumball

 

[Drive-By Comment]

Main Forum Lolcow: KingCobraJFS
Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean-Francois Gariepy
Fresh Meat: Jackie Singh
Put to Pasture Lolcow: David Stay

 

[victorkottke]

Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Boogie2988
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: PC Siqueira

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

After ten pages of counting, I can safely call the following award(s):

Queen of the Beauty Parlour - Anisa Jomha (50 votes)
Second place for this award is currently sitting at 17. There were 9 other valid votes cast among the other nominees.

The count continues.

 

[AntiSchwuletteAktion]

Let the record state that Rekeita is barely a lolcow compared to BossManJack or Fatrick. If you voted for him, you know in your heart of hearts him being a degenerate alcoholic is nowhere near as funny as losing 40k and smashing drywall

 

[ReceiveAndAsk]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Andrew Tate
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Gonzalo Lira

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: Chaser663
Best Lolcow Media: Boogie vs Wings