The Julays Ninth Annual Lolcow Awards 2023 - Which lolcow will claim the throne?

[feral cat #6385]

At a glance, it looks like a lot of people are voting in every sub forum instead of choosing three. How will incorrect ballots be counted? Considered void, random lottery, or mod choice?

If they can't follow directions, fuck em.

How is Rekeita winning this hard? Did I miss something?

That's the power of the Rekieta Male.

holy shit Rekieta just skyrocketed in votes

You're not questioning election integrity, are you? Enjoy prison child.

 

[I'm Retarded?]

Lolcow of the Year: Patrick S. Tomlinson for the absolutely unbeatable 2023 chapter of the Pay Quasi saga.
Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Jackie Singh for her hysterical enabling of Pat's internet tough guy insanity. stalkers John Gibney III and Robert Prongay will be enjoying prison any day now.
Fresh Meat: Giggly Goonclown for the incredibly cursed... everything, but also the EPI saga with Ella Hollywood. truly depraved shit.
Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott for the flawless and absolutely classic self-own. a personal army request judo flipped against the requester himself, reminded me of the old 4chan days.
Best Lolcow Media: The Goonclowning

 

[DCMediaSped]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: King Cobra JFS
Breaker of Scales: Chantal
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Cheyenne Perry Suarez

 

[Kamen Rider Faiz]

Lolcow of the Year: Bossmanjack, no doubts about it
Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim Sterling, I can't feel anything but disgust whenever I see him
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha, thousands of dollars for a mid tattoo, what a retard lol
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Down the rabbit hole, that wannabe genshin vtuber shit made me cringe hard
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: David Stay, RIP my nigga, a real one
Opsec Fail Award: @thegooddoctor, I watched that trainwreck in real time, one of the biggest meltdowns I've seen in da farms
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu, the fact that it backfired on Dream beyond recovery makes it worthy of the award

 

[YazeePro]

Lolcow of the Year: Nicolas Rekieta
For going down the lolcow road faster than anyone of his standing ever before.

---

Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault
Hard choice, but Chantal had a very strong showing at the end of 2023.

Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean-Francois Gariepy
For getting away with murder.

Fresh Meat: Drexel Johnson-Yarbrough
For being the little nigger sidekick of Nick Rekieta whose outing as a groomer broke Rekieta's mind and truly sent him off into his lolcow future.

---

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Jesus Christ Chan Sonichu Prime Resurrected and Returned

 

[Sugriva]

I demand an OFFICIAL statement from the Julays organizers on the recent allegations that the 2023 vote has been RIGGED.

 

[Obligatory Butt Shot]

-Lolcow of the Year: Nick Rekieta

-Breaker of Scales: Chantal Marie Olive Sarault

-Put out to Pasture: Cheyenne Suarez

(ETA: spelling is hard)

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

Rekieta was already pulling ahead before the latest revelations. The Lolcow of the Year poll has never had a runoff, and that isn't going to change in the middle of a poll. I will say though that the tenth Julays will have some rules changes.

 

[gh0stiexo]

Lolcow of the Year: Rekeita Law

Best Main Forum Lolcow: King Cobra
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: JF Gariepy
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: David Stay (RIP)

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Boogie vs Wings

 

[easy]

patsisters, we cannot #lettheidiotswin #stopthesteal

 

[Smithy129]

Lolcow of the year: Nick Rekieta, You either die rich or live long enough to see yourself wear the baldo
Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jim "not a fetish" Stirling
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Icucks wife
Breaker of Scales: Chantel the snorlax
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Frederick Knudsen
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Linus scam tips
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Chris Tyson YWNBAW
Fresh Meat: Vito
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Audrey Hale
Best media: Slapboxed in front of the hoes

 

[maguyver16]

With all said and done, this year in general was nuts for lolcows. Was it the economy? The mainstream breakthrough? Tiktok? Who knows, but shit was poppin in terms of retards.

 

[Flamin Park]

How is Gibes not a contender? We've had two plastic surgery disasters, his mong sex tourism and the breakup of the tranch and subsequent fallout

 

[Right Butt Cheek]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Nick Rekieta / Rekieta Law
Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Clayton Ray Huff / Dream
Fresh Meat: Orion Grant Passmore / Giggly Goonclown

Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: Chaser663
Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[Party Hat Wurmple]

Featuring Nick's gay paypig at the last possible moment was a cyber op to rig the election. BossmanJack is Lolcow of the Year, don't let Null or his campaign strategists trick you.

Rekieta was winning beforehand and for good reason. A lot of us followed Weeb Wars and back then Nick was an ally to KF. Sure, he teetered on the edge of cowdom but for a long time most of us liked him. Many of us donated to Rekieta's streams and for Vic's GFM, many of us were fans of his show, and Null even made some appearances. There were times I even referred to him as a hero for standing up to Cancel Culture and telling these people rightly to fuck off. Not no more lol. His fall from grace was something I think a lot of us took it personally and it shows in these votes. Balldo's arc rightfully deserves to be up there with the greats like DSP, and Ralph. For many of the Farmers, this was their first full circle Lolcow Arc.

 

[Lana Del Hitler]

pats blackballed.

 

[Instant_Pot_User]

Best Main Forum Lolcow: Jack Scalfani / Cooking With Jack
Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Blair Zoń / Blair Victoria Kristy / iilluminaughtii
Breaker of Scales: Chantal Sarault / Chantal al-Refae / Foodie Beauty (ALLAHU AKBAR!)
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Fredrik Knudsen / Down the Rabbit Hole
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Jean-Francois Gariepy / JFG
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Christopher "Christine" Tyson for almost torpedoing Mr. Breast's media empire
Fresh Meat: Orion Grant Passmore / Giggly Goonclown (kill it with fire)
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Fred L. "Bubba" Copeland / Brittini Blaire Summerlin (Tranny Sideshows on Social Media)
Alan Michael White Opsec Fail Award: @Itsnatsutalbott
Best Lolcow Media: Kicked Out of the Ice Cream Shop

 

[Pokemanifsmokeweed]

Lolcow of the Year: Chance/Cyraxx easily!!!
Best Main Forum Lolcow: Daniel Larson
Best Animal Control Lolcow: Pamperchu
Best Internet Famous & Grift Wars Lolcow: Boogie
Best Stinkditch & Rat King Lolcow: Jeffery Marsh
Best Lolcow Media: Cyraxx's arrest lol

 

[AspieNextDoor]

Queen of the Beauty Parlour: Anisa Jomha
Best Put to Pasture Lolcow: Fred L. "Bubba" Copeland
Best Internet Famous and Grift Wars Lolcow: Dream

Best Lolcow Media: Dream vs Nicolas Cantu

 

[Poopy Pants Swastika Boy]

I gotta go with Dylan Mulvaney. He caused a massive beer to tank in sales with his mere image. (I always thought Bud Light tasted like shit)