The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[LGHDR+]

Dacowcamelid

Dachau -> Dacow -> Dacamelid

I think I saw the path you walked that up on, nice job!

 

[Humbert Humbert]

Daddy Humbert has arrived with updates. Collected over a period of time starting like over a week ago, but who cares. I might be reposting shit but also who cares?

Spoiler: Josie

Josie’s pinned tweet is a beg (obviously). Here’s the GoFundMe, and that unavailable post includes an Amazon Wish List (not sure why I can see it if I maneuver around the thread though). He also would like help fixing his car. Bonnie wishes him well in the replies.

Some dumbass decided it would be hilarious to bother Josie in the replies with this thread. Fuck off.

He provided an update on the rough winds and once again requested help.

And he went private due to Kiwifarms fucks.

Hopefully he doesn’t purge his following list because I’m posting the latest plea for assistance.

Spoiler: Jen

I hope I have this in chronological order but oh well. Here’s what I found that I felt was important enough to mention.
A few weeks ago he made weed gummies.

He also shared that he has bad night sweats, and provided photographic proof. I suggest not wearing heavy clothing or using a lighter blanket.

His New Year’s Resolution was to continue to not interact with his “blood relations” (read: family).

I have to share this to demonstrate that funny shit like the prior posts are not common on his feed, it’s mostly just updates on his game.

One time he got horny and then immediately got back to the nerdposting.

He shared this lovely message with the world on January 8th regarding Ashli Babbitt, the protestor who died during the Capitol Riots (or whatever you wanna call them, just don’t start arguing here about it).

Mention of a ranch dog:

He got horny once again. Starting to wonder how I ever got used to and put up with reading this shit daily for months on end. Seriously, what the hell?

That was followed by more drunken horniness and more of me wondering how the fuck I was able to tolerate this shit. Before it would be like “oh ok, I accept that this is what I’m gonna see and read when I do daily updates, this is completely normal and there is nothing out of the ordinary here” but now it’s like “what the hell am I reading”

I also looked into that link he dropped and found his SoFurry profile. I think he was either really drunk or something or the website is just busted (probably both) because there are NO stories I could find. Even users with an account can’t see anything (you’re welcome, I tried).

Also for some reason he has a public Bluesky list accessible from his profile named “kiwifarmers” and I have no idea what this is or why.

EDIT: I actually forgot about Jen’s nudes so there’s that. The first tweet is him topless and talking about how he had the collar on for five years along with Kevin and Kevin makes an appearance in the replies, commenting on how it’s been 5 years already, and the second tweet is him looking for “queer for queer” action and both his upper and lower parts.

Spoiler: Islamic as a Mosque

Spoiler: Penny

Penny has been mostly active on Tiktok, believe it or not. I’m going to start with screenshots, and then go into the videos I saved. I only checked from late last year though, because I didn’t feel like wasting my time going through the whole thing.
Here’s some of the animals I remember from the previous Tranch that have survived (with photographic proof).
Amalthea: (apparently the alpacas still do that thing where they try to climb into the drinking water).

Pumpkin

Latte

Baphomet

Unfortunately, there is no mention of Pepe, the perv.
Penny also posted about weed gummies, but this looks to be a different batch that the ones Jen posted, as it is yellow and not green.

Penny’s illiteracy and utter retardation continues:

On the 6th, he posted a video and claimed everyone was “fat and happy” (before the freezing weather thing happened)

Apparently the animals survived the freezing weather because they turned on the heat.

Spoiler: Videos

Here’s all the tiktok videos I saved for one reason or another, in chronological order. Some of them were saved because they were absurd, some because it shows the animals roaming about, and some because you can glimpse the state of their home.
We start with this 12/29 cringe ass “meme” about Palestine.

12/31 video (i forgot what this was and I didn’t watch any of these videos ngl)

1/1 First Feeding of 2024

Later that day we got Wisp, the kitten they rescued shortly before they fled the Tranch, looking outside

1/4 We got Midna in the office chair

On 1/5, we got proof of life for the indoor pets (not including Kevin and Jen but we know they’re alive based on the shit they post on the internet).

Later that day we step outside to get proof of life for the outdoor animals

On 1/8 we see Wisp in the laundry room

Later that day Penny’s excited over Liquid Death’s new tea or something

The next day, 1/9, Penny’s showing us his new jeans

On 1-11, we get a view of the lake from the porch when Penny is showing us how windy it is

And later that day we get to see his new office decor.

Them videos better be playable.

 

[glad vlad]

That was followed by more drunken horniness and more of me wondering how the fuck I was able to tolerate this shit. Before it would be like “oh ok, I accept that this is what I’m gonna see and read when I do daily updates, this is completely normal and there is nothing out of the ordinary here” but now it’s like “what the hell am I reading”

Thank you for your service.

I have to admit here that I initially had good intentions to capture the feeds and deeds of the tent polycule, but they are so gross I couldn’t cope with it.

loseryote/framedgender has a feed that is very disgusting and features nsfw haram garbage of “puppy girls” etc that made me feel sick. These new side characters are absolutely demon haunted.

I think over time I at least have gotten quite numb to troon garbage by repeat farm exposure. But the Tranch was my fave, and when it imploded I stopped reading about that stuff as much. Seeing their feeds with fresh eyes is honestly kind of horrifying and makes you feel worried about the world. The fact that there are grown men posting and living like this but we are supposed to pretend they are just normal ladies rather than people who need an exorcism is actually insane.

 

[Sperglord666]

I'm baffled every time these people come back. They are can't even manage pick up their animals' shit or feed them properly because they are too lazy or depressed because they don't want to admit they regret having their cock chopped off.

I mean, if you really want to run a farm, shouldn't you dive in to learning how to run it? For instance, is the manure becoming an issue? Let's see if there is better solution than a wheelbarrow. Can the manure be used for anything?

The answer to both these question is yes and they can be found at the top of the Google results. There are manure collectors you just need a 4 wheeler to pull and alpaca manure is a very rich fertilizer.

Of course, these things cost actual money and the $900 they collect won't cut it. They also likely don't have a good enough business plan to get a farm loan. So they'll just continue to buy animals they can't take care of and then they'll have to rent a backhoe to dig another mass grave.

 

[expectant asshole]

You’re doing the lord’s work @Humbert Humbert

 

[CIS White Droid]

Reading those Jen tweets made my stomach churn. "Girlstink" in reference to the stench of your axe-wound may be the most vile thing I have ever read in my life. You have my admiration and my sympathy @Humbert Humbert

 

[Humbert Humbert]

Seeing their feeds with fresh eyes is honestly kind of horrifying and makes you feel worried about the world. The fact that there are grown men posting and living like this but we are supposed to pretend they are just normal ladies rather than people who need an exorcism is actually insane.

I haven’t put much thought into it, I just think “oh great, I get to have this shit saved on my phone.” Speaking of which, I actually forgot to post some nudes Jen posted so I’m updating that shit now.

You’re doing the lord’s work @Humbert Humbert

I’ve missed it, sort of.

Reading those Jen tweets made my stomach churn. "Girlstink" in reference to the stench of your axe-wound may be the most vile thing I have ever read in my life. You have my admiration and my sympathy @Humbert Humbert

You know, I didn’t put much thought into what “girlstink” meant, I just take this shit at face value and let somebody else think about it. I just assumed it referred to his body odor in general due to bad hygiene.

 

[Pube Dandruff]

Pumpkin

Dylan Klebold returns to Colorado

 

[a hapless toad]

And he went private due to Kiwifarms fucks.

No Jarrod, we know where you are/were because you fucking posted the nearest town on social media and then put a picture of the campground on your GFM.

> Am I the retarded one?
> NO, IT IS KIWIFARMS' FAULT.

 

[Coccxys]

I mean, if you really want to run a farm, shouldn't you dive in to learning how to run it?

Why bother when you can just identify as a heckin valid farm grrrl and anyone who questions it is a bigot?

They put zero effort into anything else in their life anexhale everyone pkay along with their delusions, why would this be any different?

 

[Smoke Manmuscle]

I'm baffled every time these people come back. They are can't even manage pick up their animals' shit or feed them properly because they are too lazy or depressed because they don't want to admit they regret having their cock chopped off.

I mean, if you really want to run a farm, shouldn't you dive in to learning how to run it? For instance, is the manure becoming an issue? Let's see if there is better solution than a wheelbarrow. Can the manure be used for anything?

The answer to both these question is yes and they can be found at the top of the Google results. There are manure collectors you just need a 4 wheeler to pull and alpaca manure is a very rich fertilizer.

Of course, these things cost actual money and the $900 they collect won't cut it. They also likely don't have a good enough business plan to get a farm loan. So they'll just continue to buy animals they can't take care of and then they'll have to rent a backhoe to dig another mass grave.

This thread is chock full of actual advice on how to run a small ranch/farm. Since we know they read the thread we can assume they are that retarded to ignore good advice simply because is came from the evil Kiwi Farms.

 

[Ghostse]

What's gonna be the camp name for the new Tranch? We've already used Alpacawitz and Alpakow.

The Trooning Fields.

Troonblinka?

That's already in use for another death camp for tranny

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/greta-gustava-martela-kjel-anderson-nina-niraj-chaubal.23222/

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Of course, these things cost actual money and the $900 they collect won't cut it. They also likely don't have a good enough business plan to get a farm loan.

This part always amuses me about then, and socialists wanting to set up communes like these in general. I don't think they realize just how insanely capital intensive any sort of farming work is. A thousand dollars for a shit collector attachment is practically pocket change, starting up a family scale farm (the minimum for any commune I would argue, being able to support multiple people) is in the millions of dollars range. And a family farm regularly see's a half million dollars or more in revenue - Most of that is eaten up in operations but successful farmers can be surprisingly wealthy. Ranching isn't much different as far as I'm aware, even if you get the animals for 'free' the actual costs to care for them properly are wild. And if you're not caring for them properly, you're basically watching your income stream die and paying for the privilege.

So many people think that you just give some people land and boom it makes a middle class standard of living. And no matter how many times people make that mistake, it never stops being fucking funny to watch them do it again.

What's gonna be the camp name for the new Tranch? We've already used Alpacawitz and Alpakow.

Alpakistan

 

[The Real Slim Shady]

So many people think that you just give some people land and boom it makes a middle class standard of living

This is technically true, but farming like that is not feasible at all. You can do with just a tractor for hauling heavy stuff, but it takes enormous amount of work that otherwise this million dollar machinery does for you. Even if you have one or two cows and some chickens you have to get up at 4 am to milk it, collect eggs, give them some food, lead them to pasture and then take them back to the shed at dusk. It takes a fuckton of elbow grease to farm. In poorer parts of Europe people farm like that, but they also drive 30 year old cars and are generally far from middle class. And they definitely dont have time to buy dildos or bionicles.

Ironically, they survived communism too.

 

[Crex Crex]

What's gonna be the camp name for the new Tranch? We've already used Alpacawitz and Alpakow.

Troon Sleng

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

In poorer parts of Europe people farm like that, but they also drive 30 year old cars and are generally far from middle class.

They're also doing so on land that's already been proven viable for subsistence farming. Meanwhile, we've seen the kind of land that wannabe communes buy - invariably its dead land because its the cheapest. Its almost as bad as the CHAZ agricultural projects.

 

[AMHOLIO]

I won't remember any of these names, I'm just going to call it Alpacawitz 2: Electric Boogayloo.

 

[Fornicario]

This is technically true, but farming like that is not feasible at all. You can do with just a tractor for hauling heavy stuff, but it takes enormous amount of work that otherwise this million dollar machinery does for you. Even if you have one or two cows and some chickens you have to get up at 4 am to milk it, collect eggs, give them some food, lead them to pasture and then take them back to the shed at dusk. It takes a fuckton of elbow grease to farm. In poorer parts of Europe people farm like that, but they also drive 30 year old cars and are generally far from middle class. And they definitely dont have time to buy dildos or bionicles.

Ironically, they survived communism too.

God, this brings back memories. I was sentenced to six months on a farm and I learned four basic lessons:

1. You will work. Harder than most people will in their entire lives.
2. Have no skills? Have a shovel. Shovel shit. Shovel food. Shovel dirt. Shovel out crap in watering troughs. After two weeks, they might let you do something that you can fuck up. Mistakes have consequences that "I'm new" can't fix.
3. Everything is done for a purpose. You can't take a shortcut. Farmers have lived their lives for thousands of years this way. You're not going to have a Pauly Shore movie moment if you delude yourself into being smarter then them.
4. Think everything's done? THINK AGAIN!
5. Even if a farmer does everything right, never misses a trick, nature can fuck them over at a whim.
6. Call an actual farmer lazy, and he's well within his rights to shoot you.

EDIT: Yes, I said four, but the last two are there to drive the lesson home

 

[AnOminous]

So many people think that you just give some people land and boom it makes a middle class standard of living. And no matter how many times people make that mistake, it never stops being fucking funny to watch them do it again.

That's why that 40 acres and a mule bullshit would never have worked. Give it a couple years, and the mule would be dead and the blacks would be back sharecropping on the now bank-owned 40 acres.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

God, this brings back memories. I was sentenced to six months on a farm and I learned four basic lessons:

So, what you're saying here is that it's a great idea for three lazy manchildren to start a farm and try to outsource all the work to other lazy manchildren who also larp mentally ill and nothing could ever go wrong from that premise (except a couple of hundred dead alpacas, goats, ducks, chickens, dogs, cats)?