How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

I'm sorry I have been spamming the thread up a lot lately I am just at a bit of a dead end. To be fair a lot of us are in the same situation and it's difficult to decide on what you should do, stay put or go fully unhinged.

I am 34 and I have been working full time for 13 years straight and the working class life style has never fit well with me despite a lot of trying and perseverance. I am really worn out at this point and I can't imagine doing another year of work, fuck I can't even fathom doing another 40. The 5 day work week is such a glacially slow slog to get through to the weekends. So I guess I am somewhat of a faulty working unit in the machine of society. I assume anyone else in the same boat at my age has either -

  • Killed themselves
  • Found a way to sit on the benefit and play games all day
  • Found a job or a lifestyle that they enjoy
  • Found other things in life that they appreciate so much that it counters the negatives
  • Are being pumped full of all sorts of drugs
  • Tr00ned out

None of those things are likely to occur and I'm stuck in a bit of a pit.

It is much worse than that though as we are all in a fucked position and some of you aren't quite aware of it yet. What is the point in us slaving away for a pittance at this point? Our leaders hate us and actively want us dead, we are treated like garbage, the cost of living is just going to get worse so our money is made more worthless by the day, a lot of us won't have a family, retirement and pension will likely not be a thing our collapsing countries will be able to offer us if we make it that far, and work demands more and more of our time and treats us less like humans.

So what do you do, do you say fuck society and live for yourself and watch it all collapse, or do you stay in the wage cage and keep working under a system that hates you? We have had our futures taken away from us and it's very hard to find a reason to do anything anymore. The boomers worked hard so that they had savings and a boat to fish from when they got older, but times have changed and we work hard just so that we can pay the power bill and afford ramen noodles. Boomers worked hard so that their ethnic brothers could all live a better life, no matter how hard we work we can't patch up the cracks appearing in every essential system. You should ask yourself if you are sick or is it the world we live in.

I'm certainly nearing the point of walking off the plantation but it's not an easy thing to do is it🤷‍♂️.
 
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Had a great dinner with the wife tonight. I pan seared some NY Strips with butter and garlic with baked potatoes and some garlic ciabatta bread. Steaks turned out great but the ciabatta could have bin a tad crispier. Was nice to have a good night inside with all the snow fall we got this past 24 hours. Ultimate cozy. I'll be making some english muffin pizzas for her lunches this week and I'll be fixing teriyaki chicken for my meal prep. Gonna be busy tomorrow!
 
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My grandmother died and now my mom has to put the dog down.

I can’t really feel sad about either, I think because it’s been too much death in the last year. I know on paper I should be upset because fuck, my dad, grandmother, and dog are gone.
It makes no sense but I wish someone would tell me it’s ok to be upset about these things, that’s it’s fucked up that all of this has happened in such a short time. I’m usually the one that has to reassure everyone that things are going to be ok.
 
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Orange Tabby said:
My grandmother died and now my mom has to put the dog down.

I can’t really feel sad about either, I think because it’s been too much death in the last year. I know on paper I should be upset because fuck, my dad, grandmother, and dog are gone.
It makes no sense but I wish someone would tell me it’s ok to be upset about these things, that’s it’s fucked up that all of this has happened in such a short time. I’m usually the one that has to reassure everyone that things are going to be ok.
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Hey friend, you'll be ok. The storm will pass and you'll be on the other side soon enough. It's taken me a long time to get over the death of my grandfather 3 years ago. But those feelings have to process when the time is right and we have to be open to them.
 
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cybertoaster said:
East asia its for asians, they don't want gweilos and will never give me citizenship.
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I can get citizenship in a lot of Eurocuck counties, but they all require I give up my US citizenship, which just...lol, no. It sucks. I would like to have an EU citizenship as both my ex (German/US PR) and daughter (US/German) have one and not only that, but I am being retarded again and am with another Eurocuck. Thank God, not another German, but uh leider es sieht so aus dass ich endlose Lust auf deutschsprachiger Schwaenzen hab.
 
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Orange Tabby said:
It makes no sense but I wish someone would tell me it’s ok to be upset about these things, that’s it’s fucked up that all of this has happened in such a short time. I’m usually the one that has to reassure everyone that things are going to be ok.
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I'm sorry mate. That's quite a lot to go through. All the people in here losing relatives/loved ones fucks with me a lot. I think the thing I've learned is that we live in an age where people are always trying to do mantras and copes to make people think there's some great lesson to be learned or some beauty to life at all times.
And that's fucking wrong.
Sometimes life is just brutal and uncompromising and there isn't any reason for it. Sometimes you are just dealt the roughest cards. I think this is one of those instances. I'm sorry for your losses and hope you find the strength to be okay. It's not your fault and it's not for any other reason then it exists.
 
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Step 381 of 921 on my remodeling continues. Did the crawling under the house to wire the new heaters and move a conduit. Now I can finish both from above ground. I need to clean some to get to the attic access hole to finish moving the conduit. The heaters are just wiring and install now, so that's easy. Who knows, maybe by spring I'll have my bedroom back. Spring of which year I'm less sure.
 
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my dad's got a brain tumour and is in the hospital awaiting brain surgery. i'm stressed af. the doctors think its a benign one but it's pressing on all his brain bits so he can't do anything for himself and they have to go in there and scoop it out.
 
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I'm thinking of just biting the bullet and financing a car. The majority of my despair comes from lack of mobility and relying on people I really rather wouldn't for getting places. I think sometimes people forget the luxury they have when owning a car.
That and I'm getting a little tired of being in my head all the time at work. All the shitty memories just loop endlessly and I feel like I'm having a panic attack all the time, where as when I get off, while I still feel shitty, it's not the cacophony that my mind is in when I'm at work. Don't know if there's a fix for this but fuck if it hasn't done a lot of damage over time.
At the very least I have an actual plan for the year. Move, and go to college. Nothing big brained but I at least have somewhat of a direction in my life now.
Just wondering how much I should save before the move. Money is (comparatively) nice right now and if I was being logical/penny pinching I could stay another several months but I think this move will be the best for me mentally. Either that or it will be the biggest failure in my life and I'll end up promptly ending myself. Either way, I'd rather have it done. But I don't know how much of a risk I should take or how much I should leave with.
 
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Catler said:
Usually we just turn into alcoholics, but the fucking government keeps upping the taxes on that too.

I don't have any solutions for you, but I'm in the same boat at this point. I'm just so worn out and tired of it all.
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For sure, I've bought 4 bottles of spirits and it's so expensive now compared to what it was a couple of years ago. I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't think there would be a solution, we are stuck in the perfect trap and perhaps it's designed in such a way that there is no way out.
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
I'm thinking of just biting the bullet and financing a car. The majority of my despair comes from lack of mobility and relying on people I really rather wouldn't for getting places. I think sometimes people forget the luxury they have when owning a car.
That and I'm getting a little tired of being in my head all the time at work. All the shitty memories just loop endlessly and I feel like I'm having a panic attack all the time, where as when I get off, while I still feel shitty, it's not the cacophony that my mind is in when I'm at work. Don't know if there's a fix for this but fuck if it hasn't done a lot of damage over time.
At the very least I have an actual plan for the year. Move, and go to college. Nothing big brained but I at least have somewhat of a direction in my life now.
Just wondering how much I should save before the move. Money is (comparatively) nice right now and if I was being logical/penny pinching I could stay another several months but I think this move will be the best for me mentally. Either that or it will be the biggest failure in my life and I'll end up promptly ending myself. Either way, I'd rather have it done. But I don't know how much of a risk I should take or how much I should leave with.
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I had financed a 2016 Fiesta SfE (the one with the European manual transmission, not the American automatic that was blatantly defective) and it was the best thing ever having a vehicle that I could 100% trust and have every potential issue fixed free of cost (I had splurged on the prepaid maintenance package). If you are confident in your budget then a new car can be one of the best purchases you can make. Just make sure it's fully in your budget and is a good car. My Fiesta was $300/month and I carefully checked the reviews. It did technically have a poor rating, but reading the reviews that poor rating was completely due to the automatic transmission, and I never had a problem with the manual one.

Then my dumbass signed up for a personal trainer which was a bit past my budget, then crashed the Fiesta on a cold wintery day which jacked up my insurance rates, and everything went downhill from there.
 
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