How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Bosses complimented me for keeping the company running smoothly while they were out for a week. Feels good man.

 

[Neighborhood Curmudgeon]

Last week was a nightmare for me, but I got through it. This week and next week will also be long weeks, but I know I'll survive them too. I'm always grateful for the weekends, holidays, and vacations.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

"I can't stand this indecision,
married with a lack of vision"
I really hate being a faggot who spends too much time in his head and logistics his way out of every basic decision possible.

While I agree that life is sometimes a brutal and uncompromising cunt of an experience, I don't necessarily agree about your point on mantras and copes. There are certainly times and situations where we can see that life is a beautiful thing, regardless of how good or how bad, and our emotional/intellectual maturity is partly determined on how we can find that beauty. It may be the most euphoric feeling or the most painful feeling, but it is a unique beauty in life for sentient beings such as ourselves. I certainly don't think everything is roses and butterflies, but I do think with time we can look back on our most painful and trying times with a more discerning eye.

Look, I understand what you're saying. And I want to agree, but sometimes that really puts you in a Stockholm Syndrome relationship with reality.
This might seem like a tangent but follow with me here.
I always remember reading an interview with the writer of Goodnight Punpun, Inio Asano. It's stuck with me, because it's one of my favorite stories.
The interviewer was essentially trying to say the story could be seen as inspirational as despite everything the main character went through, he lives on. And the perpetually hapless Asano, in all his glory, essentially said in oh so many words:
"LMFAO Nah fam. Nothing ever went right in that guy's life, even once. I made that ending as a way of punishing him even more. GG; no re XD."

I'm not going to lie, I kind of respect that. It's not optimistic or sits well with people, but I like the fact that a dude who wrote misery porn basically said there was no big light at the end and there wasn't a real lesson the character learned. Because that's life sometimes.
I used to think every thing in my life happened for a reason and that I didn't regret anything because I got to live through certain moments because of others. That it was all building to one great thing or even was "worth it".
But the absolute ungodly painful truth is... that's absolute bullshit.
The abuse I dealt with didn't make me a better person. It just made me afraid and miserable in my own skin.
I didn't make up for the shitty things in life by becoming an amazing artist or having some beautiful skill. I just halted and became a miserable faggot for a decade and some change.
I didn't discover the beauty in life because I went through enough harsh times to know what morality was. I already had a head on my shoulders and wanted to do good, I just was subjected to a lot of stuff I didn't want to deal with.
I got to meet some cool people and have cool moments that I wouldn't have if my life went any other way then it did. But I also would have met a lot of other cool people and had different memorable experiences in any other instance as well. Those weren't a reward for anything.
Sometimes you don't become a great guy from dealing with the harshness of life. You just end up becoming a guy you hate a lot. Traction may vary.

There's not much I can say to someone who's gone through some shit. There can be a net positive sometimes. But sometimes you're abused as a child, you lose a family member, you're a victim of a crime, you get a disease, your country loses the war and there's nothing that's gained. That's it.
You CAN be strong and rebuild or make the most out of some situations and still go on to live a decent life in spite of those things, but not because of them. But some things there is no justification for and I think a lot of people would be better off sometimes if they didn't approach life like that.
I'm not trying to be a dick, I'm just not in the best mood already. But I still stand by what I said.
When you lose a loved one, you should mourn it as the tragedy it is. The "But..." or "On the bright side..." can come way later, if at all.
Still, I'm sorry that happened to you when it did. That's awful.
I will say your mom would be very proud you stayed strong and didn't lose to the pain. That itself is to be commended.

Otherwise I'm fine. Got to see the Gurren Lagann movie thing with friends. It was very fun. I liked it. I plan on seeing part 2 tomorrow with them again, if they are available. If not, I'll see what I can do because I have an extra ticket I need to use.

Same here, man! Life is not fun right now, but going to see The Lights in the Sky Are Stars with a close friend in theaters has unironically been the main thing keeping me afloat. It's a very weird time. I really don't like being alive, and don't have much hope for the future. But... I get to see the greatest anime ending on the big screen. It is quite literally the best and worst timeline right now.

I had financed a 2016 Fiesta SfE (the one with the European manual transmission, not the American automatic that was blatantly defective) and it was the best thing ever having a vehicle that I could 100% trust and have every potential issue fixed free of cost (I had splurged on the prepaid maintenance package). If you are confident in your budget then a new car can be one of the best purchases you can make. Just make sure it's fully in your budget and is a good car.

Dude, it's so awful not having one. A friend said he could help me out with one when I move but I'm getting to the breaking point. It's probably not the absolute best financial decision but having one would allow me to
Get to the gym
Go see places outside of town
Move somewhere better in town if I have to
Literally the three things that would make it a lot harder to want to die right now. I swear, I would just go for drives listening to music just for the sake of it if I had a car.

Will this kiwi get a car, not get a car
or continually rethink his situation repeatedly, thinking of every alternative while not actually making a definitive choice, spiraling into a depressive and alcoholic slope like they've always done because they can't actually believe they have any choice in their life?
Stay tuned!

 

[Betonhaus]

Will this kiwi get a car, not get a car
or continually rethink his situation repeatedly, thinking of every alternative while not actually making a definitive choice, spiraling into a depressive and alcoholic slope like they've always done because they can't actually believe they have any choice in their life?
Stay tuned!

Generally it depends on your budget, and what your insurance premiums are. If you just got your license you'll have higher premiums then if you've been driving for a while, not sure if the calculations depend on having insurance or not. It's also depends on your debt comfort zone. A used car is an option, but if it's under $8,000 it's bound to have major issues. Ten years or so ago I got a 2002 Focus wagon for $8,000 and that was a very good car. Eurofords are usually reliable, as long as the American side hasn't meddled too much.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Generally it depends on your budget, and what your insurance premiums are. If you just got your license you'll have higher premiums then if you've been driving for a while, not sure if the calculations depend on having insurance or not. It's also depends on your debt comfort zone. A used car is an option, but if it's under $8,000 it's bound to have major issues. Ten years or so ago I got a 2002 Focus wagon for $8,000 and that was a very good car. Eurofords are usually reliable, as long as the American side hasn't meddled too much.

Honestly, 8000 is the most I'm planning on spending right now for financing. Didn't think they'd have a lot of issues though, for that price.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Honestly, 8000 is the most I'm planning on spending right now for financing. Didn't think they'd have a lot of issues though, for that price.

A 500 dollar car 4 or 5 years ago is now 5k. No idea how the europoor market is though.

If you have a low budget, don't buy anything european; get something from the japs. Mazda ideally.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

A 500 dollar car 4 or 5 years ago is now 5k. No idea how the europoor market is though.

If you have a low budget, don't buy anything european; get something from the japs. Mazda ideally.

I saw a Mazda6 from 2005 for a pretty good price recently. Do you think if it's on the lot for a price like that there's issues they're hiding?

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Mazda6 from 2005

For 8k? What currency? USD, Euro, Pound?

How many miles?

It's an old car, it should be pretty cheap. What will matter is maintenance done (and not done...) by the previous owners. I would suggest looking up problem areas on them.

The big thing with older / higher mile cars, is accounting for the immediate or near maintenance you'll have to do. It'll usually be belts, brakes, fluids. Not super cheap but not expensive by any means.

To summarize my recommendation for Mazda:

1. They tie in reliability with Toyota and Honda. The companies generally swap places on the board whenever they release a new model.
2. A lot of Mazda will be Ford parts; cheap and plentiful.
3. Interior quality to price is absurdly good. I've sat in Mazdas that made my Audi feel kind of low rent.
4. If you care about driving, they can be pretty fun.

Last, but not least, get a pre-purchase inspection. They're cheap. Even if you think they're not; they're cheaper than any "surprise" fix you'll have to do on a car.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Last, but not least, get a pre-purchase inspection. They're cheap. Even if you think they're not; they're cheaper than any "surprise" fix you'll have to do on a car.

It's under 6,500
Under 150,000
Don't know the work history yet.

I don't know anyone who could do an inspection, unfortunately.
It will probably be gone by the time I decide to check it out.
Just really tired of not having a car.
I could wait until the move. But I'm just getting a little overwhelmed.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Don't know the work history yet.

Big chance you won't either.

I don't know anyone who could do an inspection, unfortunately.

Most shops will do this for something like 100 bucks. Know anyone who is car savvy?
Until my most recent car, I've only bought cars under 5k, with over 100k miles on them. They've all served me fairly well. Especially the Jap ones.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

Most shops will do this for something like 100 bucks. Know anyone who is car savvy?
Until my most recent car, I've only bought cars under 5k, with over 100k miles on them. They've all served me fairly well. Especially the Jap ones.

Nope.
Yeah, I'm aiming for a Mazda. Honda or Toyota would be nice but for under 10k that's asking for a fucking unicorn. I wanted to go with a Hyundai but I know how easy they are to steal so I'm split.
Just kind of hate this spot in my life right now. Stuck between wanting to just move without a whole lot and just making it work or trying to play it safe and drive myself crazy staying here. I feel like I'm reaching a boiling point with a lot of things. It's weird to imagine just wanting a cushion of money so fucking much right now. Cars are overpriced, I hate my living conditions, and I don't have many options available to me. Just fucking burns.

 

[Local Degenerate]

Pretty fuckin' black-pilled, honestly, which is why I find myself back here. Just general depressive fuckin' mess, in no small part due to the fact that I hate my current job (because it's entirely staffed by DEI award winning fucking retards, mostly niggers, to be honest), and even with it, I can't afford shit, let alone rent. Hopefully my COE comes through and the VA will give me a 0% down loan so I can actually get a house, and stop throwing money into a fucking hole.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Toyota

The toyota tax is real and not worth it, imo. Honda is an iffy brand imo. But it's not like buying a cheap german car.

Hyundai

No bueno. I wouldn't buy a hyundai or kia due to their engine problems; unless it was brand new.
I can't give you advice on the living sit, other than you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Do a pro/con / swot on it. I will say, being broke and independent is pretty nice tbh. Sure, you're broke, but you come home to peace.

The smart move would be to stick it out, if you can handle it. But smart doesn't always mean better.

 

[(((I am NOT a jew)))]

The toyota tax is real and not worth it, imo. Honda is an iffy brand imo. But it's not like buying a cheap german car.

No bueno. I wouldn't buy a hyundai or kia due to their engine problems; unless it was brand new.
I can't give you advice on the living sit, other than you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. Do a pro/con / swot on it. I will say, being broke and independent is pretty nice tbh. Sure, you're broke, but you come home to peace.

The smart move would be to stick it out, if you can handle it. But smart doesn't always mean better.

I'm independent, my roommate is just a faggot, on top of being a literal faggot.
I just didn't see my life turning out like this. Not many friends. No support. No transportation. Just kind of a nigger right now while I see people living off the system eating fat and happy or being able to rely on family for help when they can't do the base essentials to take care of themself.
Kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier, that life sometimes doesn't have a moral or lesson and sometimes the pain you go through doesn't have a tradeoff.
Just trying to hold off literally biting the bullet. Don't know why, but kind of just don't want to hurt my friend at this point by leaving.
I just feel like the world is laughing at me the more I spin my wheels in the dirt. Except I don't even have wheels for that metaphor to work.
But hey... I get to watch Gurren Lagann.

EDIT: Okay, things aren't that bad. Just in a bad space right now due to a lot of shit happening back to back. I enjoy my job, make okay money, and have a friend. I just feel sometimes like I'm wasting my life away and feel stressed all the time. Just would like to go to the gym and be able to go places sometimes. Shouldn't be such a bitch about it, but I just hate the entropy in my life a lot.

 

[Lurker Child]

Pretty good at the moment. I realized over the winter break that my problem for years has been that at I am fundamentally unhappy. I'm a nice person to be around, I'm not bitter or angry. But under it all I feel dissatisfied and now I'm going about fixing that.

Recent health and family events that I won't powerlevel over also made me seriously confront my mortality. I always used to think to myself when I felt condemned that "I can't die now. I have so much to do." And this last time it occurred to me that so many people who pass say the exact same thing. I don't intend to live forever. I can only hope that when thrust into that final dream that I do so with honor and purpose. The last thing I want in my heart in those moments is dissatisfaction. I'll live in such a way to prevent that.

Other than that, I realized that for my work and sense of life to be bountiful, I need to be in love. I need some sense, some thing that infatuates me, propels me in how it possesses me. Not even a woman. Some place, some sensuality, a memory, a visual, a dream. I think about how in past times I seemed to write and do so much and with ease. I was in love. That was why.

Also just began working out again yesterday, felt really good because of it. Lots of push ups, leg and arm workouts. Because of said recent events, I'm more aggressively pursuing my Anglo detox. French suits me in more ways than one. I love it.

 

[Doctor John B. Zyklon]

Also just began working out again yesterday, felt really good because of it.

Man I feel you. I'm back on keto and all of a sudden I'm full of energy, my mind is clearer etc. Workouts starting after my move. Fuck ya.

 

[Forsaken Wanderer]

@Friend of Dorothy Parker
Thanks, I can't think of anything I would like to do at the moment other than something that doesn't require talking to anyone like a council lawn mower. Something outdoors and quiet. Really a long break from working is what I want dearly.

The problem is that your energy and will to live is taken away from you by the 5 days of grueling pain you are subjected to every week, it really zaps your resolve to find something you can change for the better. The opportunities appear to be quite sparse in the 2020s anyway.

Everything about my current job is dissatisfying. It's constant stress, I start at 6 am, I usually don't get a break or anything to eat, the people I work with aren't able to have a conversation, I have to be on call some weekends, and while it's busy the day goes by slowly because of all the high level issues I have to diagnose. The pay would be okay if the cost of living would stop rising. There is nothing about it I could change other than quitting but I might lose everything if I do and the place might well explode without me there.

All I do outside of work is come home, close the curtains and have a big glass of cask wine and a couple of beers and use the computer until I fall asleep. There isn't much else to do, the stench of decay is in the air and the world is so sickly that escapism is the only way to detox and reduce insanity. We all dream of going unhinged and breaking free. Finding a way to integrate into society is not an option anymore as it has become entirely alien. Why would we be happy when so many of us will have nothing but meager pay and video games waiting for us in every decade.

 

[Local Degenerate]

I'm independent, my roommate is just a faggot, on top of being a literal faggot.
I just didn't see my life turning out like this. Not many friends. No support. No transportation. Just kind of a nigger right now while I see people living off the system eating fat and happy or being able to rely on family for help when they can't do the base essentials to take care of themself.
Kind of goes back to what I was saying earlier, that life sometimes doesn't have a moral or lesson and sometimes the pain you go through doesn't have a tradeoff.
Just trying to hold off literally biting the bullet. Don't know why, but kind of just don't want to hurt my friend at this point by leaving.
I just feel like the world is laughing at me the more I spin my wheels in the dirt. Except I don't even have wheels for that metaphor to work.
But hey... I get to watch Gurren Lagann.

EDIT: Okay, things aren't that bad. Just in a bad space right now due to a lot of shit happening back to back. I enjoy my job, make okay money, and have a friend. I just feel sometimes like I'm wasting my life away and feel stressed all the time. Just would like to go to the gym and be able to go places sometimes. Shouldn't be such a bitch about it, but I just hate the entropy in my life a lot.

If it helps, I got the most weirdly helpful, KF-style advice the other day regarding suicide:
'You're gonna die anyways, so why rush it? Worst case scenario, you die anyways, best case scenario, you get to be happy sometimes before that.'

 

[dick brain]

Somebody stole my glasses.

Who the fuck steals somebody's glasses?

 

[Dustlord]

It is what it is.