The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[Jonah Hill poster]

Buying a unicorn ranch on Zillow was not the kind of joke that one would expect in 2024, but the amount of times I had to see “Dead Alpaca Storage” or “Total Alpaca Death” jokes get to be overwhelming after a while.

 

[Ghostse]

There is an HOA in this desolate hinterland?

Yes. Other posters said its common to have an HOA in those areas if just for plowing the roads in winter. They have a very thin set of rules.

 

[shitboxx]

I feel bad for the future poor sap who's gonna purchase this place. The amount of work alone to get this estrogen den looking (and smelling) somewhat decent would probably cost a few thousand alone. And that "As is" on the listing is one gigantic red flag, there's probably an absolute shit ton wrong with the plumbing and electric knowing that there was a gang of the mentally retarded living on it who most likely have never touched a pair of pliers in their life.

 

[Bowling Ally]

A lot of the bathroom carpet stain will just be from the tranchettes planting their horrible size 10s for a half-hour session the morning after taco night.

Also the toilet is at a strange angle to the panelled wall on the right of the picture, which is why the stain is slightly off-centre - the taller of our heroines were obviously required to sit a few degrees side-saddle.

 

[Meiwaku]

We should all put some money and buy it.

We should postpone suing internet providers lying about us having CP and instead buy the Tranch and make it into a chud bed & breakfast.

 

[Mexican Molotov Marauder]

These pictures give a liminal space kind of vibe, especialy the weird bathroom with the piss carpet.

Spoiler: Same energy

View attachment 5659520View attachment 5659514

If someone told me this is a crime scene from Twin Peaks, I would totally believe it. There's this strange, surreal quality to it that's hard to properly describe.

 

[Stan]

Buying a unicorn ranch on Zillow was not the kind of joke that one would expect in 2024, but the amount of times I had to see “Dead Alpaca Storage” or “Total Alpaca Death” jokes get to be overwhelming after a while.

I thought about making an offer for it for a minute, but history notwithstanding it’s a shabby and squirrelly little home. All the walls are at these weird Dutch angles, the toilets are questionable, the only power you have is solar, the heat is partly provided by an ugly wood stove in the center of the living dome, the views make you feel like the loneliest man in earth… yeah this place is weird. It kind of reminds me of what Werner Herzog calls the “voodoo of location”. This house has voodoo in it for days. Having barely read this thread and only passingly familiar with who lived here, I can feel the spookiness from the listing.

 

[curecanti88]

They could've actually gardened in the old Tranch local, and perhaps not grown enough for all their needs, but easily could've supplemented their food supply with fresh veggies. To start with, they were sitting (shitting?) on a gold mine. Llama/Alpaca manure is some of the best for gardening. Next, choose a decent sized plot and set up a wind-break fence around it. This will keep the wind from sucking out (Ara Ara) all the moisture, and will block a number of windblown seeds. Set up some garden beds with a mixture of clay, manure, and some sand for loosening. Now, there are a number of no-till methods that keep weeds down, and a good straw/hay mulch will keep moisture in the soil. Weeding won't be a huge issue. Set up a dripline for easier watering.

Now choose crops. For Colorado, it's gonna be corn (there are shorter, hardier mountain varieties available), beans, squash (set up a Three Sisters field, or four sisters as the Pueblos added the Rocky Mountain Bee Plant, which attracts pollinators). What else will grow well? Snap peas, cabbages, onions, carrots, and that South American miracle tuber: potatoes! Beets could work, maybe leeks, and broccoli or cauliflower. It can be done, I've successfully grown all of these in a fairly similar part of CO.

The issue is that these Bougie Bolshies didn't want to do ANY real work, or listen to the advice of those who actually know. It's a problem inherant to all forms of Socialism, be it National, International, Anarcho, or Monarcho (yes, that last one exists; it's pretty much what Imperial Russia was doing, and it's what any hyper-feudal system becomes).

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

To start with, they were sitting (shitting?) on a gold mine. Llama/Alpaca manure is some of the best for gardening.

But what would they feed Jen?

 

[Apati]

I don't know if this was a deliberate misspelling or not, but Shear Degeneracy would be a great title if anyone actually makes an honest TUR documentary one day,



"Gender-affirming" surgeons aren't particularly careful with how they clip off urethras, so a lot of post-op males have stream issues that could potentially cause a mess. I wouldn't be surprised if at least one of the dainty ladies was left with a piss stream that looked like the puppet vomiting scene in Team America World Police.

I wish I could say I was smart enough to come up with Shear myself, my poor spelling at work instead haha.

Imagining the puppet scene but with piss and a tranny is something that brightens and also darkens my day at the same time. Horrific creatures they are

 

[curecanti88]

But what would they feed Jen?

The Party has decreed that Jen did not starve to death, and anybody who says otherwise is guilty of wrongthink.

 

[Swerf'n'Terf]

Little late but didn't see this answered.

Wasn't the original listing for the property archived somewhere?

All the pictures from the old property listing are here, for ease of comparison of the house pre- and post- amhole. The most notable difference is this looks like someone's home, rather than a frat house in the aftermath of a rager.

Purely going on recollection I think the listing itself wouldn't archive and there may also have been a floorplan posted somewhere in Kev's thread.

 

[curecanti88]

Just imagine the house tours.

"You didn't see alpaca skeletons because there aren't any!"

 

[Schatzi Katze]

Oh we are so BACK BAYBEEE YESSSS!!!

Not to beat a dead alpaca, but holy shit with all the "handymaam" work the tranchers were doing when they still lived there they couldn't spare a half a day job to tear up the BATHROOM CARPET and put down some cheap linoleum or peel n stick tile?? Hot damn what an absolute mess.

 

[SIGSEGV]

View attachment 5653977

I've always wanted shag carpeting underneath my open-concept toilet.

Mom found the piss carpet

 

[curecanti88]

Mom found the piss carpet

Mom (he/him) found the Alpaca pit.

 

[behindyourightnow]

You are seeing a shift back to hardwood for a few reasons.

Great post. This sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole, and I think another factor is mop + floor sealing technology. Mops themselves have been around for centuries in one form or another, but until surprisingly recently they just weren't very good at cleaning floors (mostly because of a lack of good absorbent material). And cleaning with too much water apparently wasn't good for old wood floors either. These days we seal wood floors with polyurethane, which means wet mopping isn't such an issue, but back in the day they used natural oils or waxes that didn't seal as well.

So, cleaning floors on the hands and knees seems to have been the standard. You also had to wax hardwood floors by hand apparently.

I will make fun of wall-to-wall carpets slightly less now. I will not cease making fun of carpeted bathrooms, though.

 

[World Famous Quasi Payer]

All the pictures from the old property listing are here, for ease of comparison of the house pre- and post- amhole. The most notable difference is this looks like someone's home, rather than a frat house in the aftermath of a rager.

A real shame what they did to the place. You can tell an eccentric built this house, with that weird dome. This was someone's passion project. "I've worked all my life and now I want to live in a place with a view." Come home from work/or whatever you fill your time with, and have dinner with the wife out on the porch. Watch the sunset over that mountain range to the west. Just beautiful. Those few summer months making the damn winter ones worth it.

 

[Ghostse]

Great post. This sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole, and I think another factor is mop + floor sealing technology. Mops themselves have been around for centuries in one form or another, but until surprisingly recently they just weren't very good at cleaning floors (mostly because of a lack of good absorbent material). And cleaning with too much water apparently wasn't good for old wood floors either. These days we seal wood floors with polyurethane, which means wet mopping isn't such an issue, but back in the day they used natural oils or waxes that didn't seal as well.

So, cleaning floors on the hands and knees seems to have been the standard. You also had to wax hardwood floors by hand apparently.

I will make fun of wall-to-wall carpets slightly less now. I will not cease making fun of carpeted bathrooms, though.

The mops thing I wasn't aware of, except I got lots of experience being paid by the government to mop and while it mostly seemed to me that I was pushing dirty water around, the soap/cleaner you use dissolves gunk and help kill microbes/fungi (and ward off insects) and the water does get filthy at the end so clearly you're doing SOMETHING.
Also that you shouldn't wet-mop wood floors (even sealed ones) only damp-mop them and even then infrequently.

The only long term thing could do with wood before poly- sealants was varnish, and that would sometimes be painted over.
And oils/waxes CAN seal, but you need to keep reapplying which is more work than most people (without a bevy of servants) want to put in.

I will only say two things in favor of carpeted bathrooms:
Plywood is cheap to replace if there is a leak, and is easier to chemically treat to resist rot.
Carpet is soft and warmer than tile.
That said, you'd never catch me with a carpeted bathroom.

 

[Stupid Sexy Flanders]

Destroy everything you touch...