The Unofficial Kiwi Poorfag Resource Thread - share recipes and resources for your area (both government and personal) here

[John Andrews Stan]

If you qualify for WIC or food banks and don’t know how to use up everything they give you, don’t forget you can make lovely, inexpensive dishes with the jars of baby food and make muffins or snack bars with the baby cereal.

You can also mix the baby food and cereals without a blender and chill to make a bulked up smoothie or ghetto açaí bowl.

Spread baby food in a thin layer on parchment and bake in a low oven for several hours and you’ll have fruit leather.

 

[NoReturn]

If you qualify for WIC or food banks and don’t know how to use up everything they give you, don’t forget you can make lovely, inexpensive dishes with the jars of baby food and make muffins or snack bars with the baby cereal.

You can also mix the baby food and cereals without a blender and chill to make a bulked up smoothie or ghetto açaí bowl.

Spread baby food in a thin layer on parchment and bake in a low oven for several hours and you’ll have fruit leather.

Anyone know where I can get old baby food jars in bulk? I have a friend who is making something that could be made in bulk and then sold at maybe farmer's markets, but she needs a cheap source of small jars.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

Anyone know where I can get old baby food jars in bulk? I have a friend who is making something that could be made in bulk and then sold at maybe farmer's markets, but she needs a cheap source of small jars.

Maybe she can ask a daycare to set some aside for her.

 

[NoReturn]

Maybe she can ask a daycare to set some aside for her.

OH SHIT that's a brilliant idea. I totally forgot nurseries do that. Thank you.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

OH SHIT that's a brilliant idea. I totally forgot nurseries do that. Thank you.

Unfortunately kids seem to subsist on pouches these days so she might have a hard time finding old school jars. Might also be worth calling around local mommy and me groups, that sort of thing. Neighborhoods often have listservs and Yahoo/Google Groups just for moms too. I bet she can get her hands on everything she needs within 24 hours easy.

Bonus recipe that I should have posted before the holidays because it makes such an awesome, cheap, easy, gorgeous gift: mendiants!

1. Melt chocolate — any color, flavor or type — in double boiler or microwave (if you promise to be super careful).
2. Drop spoonfuls of chocolate onto parchment OR basic cookies (shortbread, sugar, tea biscuits, whatever).
3. Before the chocolate sets, add flavorful and decorative toppings. Sky’s the limit here but even the simplest toppings — sea salt flakes and/or chili flakes — look elegantly minimalist and taste great.
4. Keep cool, package and poorfag on.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Unfortunately kids seem to subsist on pouches these days so she might have a hard time finding old school jars. Might also be worth calling around local mommy and me groups, that sort of thing. Neighborhoods often have listservs and Yahoo/Google Groups just for moms too.

Agree with this--people are consumed with the desire to save cool little jars, even if they don't have uses for them. Posting on everywhere locally, you'll probably find someone who's just happy that they gave their stuff away to the exact right person. It's that hoarder impulse.

@NoReturn does your friend's craft need a re-resealable lid, or could she put a temporary lid on any small jar? Because all that about the hoarding impulse for baby food jars goes double for the Oui yogurt jars, so much so that Yoplait sells reusable lids so you can make them part of your storage suite.

I would love to see marketing memos about the Oui glass jar design and how it's catnip for crafty ladies; I wonder if that was on purpose, or a very happy accident. The yogurt itself is pretty standard. There are plenty of 3D printed and third-party lids available, too.

I've also seen people buy the plain wood Oui lids and rosemale rosmåle perform rosmålning on them to sell. But lid digression aside, people just can't throw away Oui jars so they're easy to source. If your pal is just selling lip scrub or candles she could paste on a waxed paper lid for the buyer to open at home.

 

[NoReturn]

lip scrub or candles

You guessed it, actually. Don't go doxxing her if you suddenly see a bunch of baby-jar mini-candles pop up on Etsy.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

Don't throw out stale or day old bread. There are several things that can be made with it (or even call for it as an ingredient). Sandwich bread is the usual type for these recipes, but you can use others like French/baguette or basic "artisan" bread as well. Brioche is good for sweeter recipes if you have that on hand.

1) French toast- Coat sliced bread in a custard of egg, milk, and vanilla (add sweet spices like cinnamon, nutmeg or cardamom if on hand), then cook in pan or griddle. Top however you like.

2) Croutons- Toss 1 cup/240 g of bread cubes in a 1/4 cup (60 ml) olive oil or melted butter, salt, black pepper, and garlic powder (add additional seasonings like paprika, onion powder, or Italian seasoning if on hand). Add extra oil if needed, but it's okay if not all croutons are fully coated in mixture. Lay a single layer on a parchment covered baking sheet and bake at 400 F/200 C for 15 minutes or until well done, tossing every five minutes. If using cheese, add within the last five minutes of cooking.

3) Stuffing- Cook chopped or diced celery and onion seasoned with salt, pepper, and other seasonings of choice (such as poultry seasoning) in a pat of butter or dash of oil on a pan on low-medium heat until onion turns translucent. Add a couple cloves of minced garlic and cook for an additional minute. Take off heat then let cool. Toss cubed bread in chicken broth until slightly damp. (It is best to progressively add broth to prevent bread from getting soggy). Add vegetable mixture. Add additional herbs and seasonings if desired. Combine together. Pour mixture into a baking dish. Drizzle a couple tablespoons/30 g of melted butter onto mixture. Bake at 325 F/150 C for 25 minutes or until golden brown.

4) Grilled cheese sandwich- I am assuming you know how to make grilled cheese

5) Bread pudding- Preheat oven to 350 F/175 C. Drizzle 2 TBSP/30 melted butter over 1 cup/240 g cubed bread laid in a baking dish. Add raisins or nuts if on hand or desired. Make a custard with 2 cup/475 ml milk, 3/4 cup/150 g sugar, 4 beaten eggs, 1 teaspoon/5 g cinnamon, and 1 tsp vanilla extract. Slowly pour into the baking dish until bread absorbs custard. Bake for 45 minutes or until golden brown.

6) Breadcrumbs- Combine bread in food processor and process until fine crumb. Dry breadcrumbs by baking on a tray for about 15 minutes at 250 F/125 C, tossing every five minutes until golden brown. Season as needed when preparing dishes.

7) Shake n Bake mix- Prepare basic breadcrumbs in point 6 as instructed. Add salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, paprika, and dried herbs of choice. When ready to use, add a tablespoon/15 ml oil of choice to 1 cup/240 g of breadcrumb mixture and combine in a bag before preparing Shake n Bake as normal.

Bonus: if you think your loaf is going to mold before you can use all of it, freeze it beforehand. You can thaw portions overnight or toast frozen.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

1) French toast- Coat sliced bread in a custard of egg, milk, and vanilla (add sweet spices like cinnamon, nutmeg or cardamom if on hand), then cook in pan or griddle. Top however you like.

French Toast is actually better if you use stale bread, because it will absorb more of the custard.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

French Toast is actually better if you use stale bread, because it will absorb more of the custard.

Yep. Much like how fried rice with leftover rice is superior because it has less moisture, therefore it's better at absorbing oil to crisp up. In fact, the French name for french toast is called "pain perdu," literally "lost bread," for this very reason. Day one is good, but a couple extra days is even better.

 

[Kosher Salt]

Don't throw out stale or day old bread. There are several things that can be made with it (or even call for it as an ingredient). Sandwich bread is the usual type for these recipes, but you can use others like French/baguette or basic "artisan" bread as well. Brioche is good for sweeter recipes if you have that on hand.

Occasionally I'll use extra bread to make a breakfast casserole. Cubed bread, cubed or shredded potato, cheese, pre-cooked and crumbled pork sausage (or ham, bacon, ... really anything that you'd put in an omelet would taste good), scramble around six or eight eggs (play it by ear, it doesn't need to be totally soggy, but you don't want dry spots) with a bit of milk and then mix it all up and bake till it's all cooked. The potato will probably be the determining factor in whether it's cooked enough or not, assuming it was raw; otherwise, just cook till the egg is done.

 

[PetiteFeet]

'always required for Christmas cooking' food coloring

incredibly late and gay, but you can make your own food colouring for no extra cost when you cook.

If you're using your oven anyway, put a pan full of veggie ends that you are already cooking with in your stuffing/under your roast/whatever. Let them char and caramelize and add some (not much) water to the bottom of the pan during the cook. If you're feeling saucy, red wine instead of water.
This is similar to when you deglaze your pan after cooking steak but on a larger scale.
Other shortcuts to natural colouration is a bit of tomato paste. Not enough to "tomatofy" your dish, just a teaspoon full or two depending on the amount of food being made. Or soy sauce, especially if you can get your hands on dark soy sauce. A little goes an incredibly long way and dark soy isn't as salty tasting compared to regular soy sauce.

Another tip for those with room in their freezer - shred your own cheese.
Occasionally Lidl will sell 1kg blocks of cheddar and what I do is I chop said block into smaller blocks of cheese, then throw into my kitchenaid. You can hand grate it, it'll only take longer and require more physical labour from you but it's worth it. Freeze the shredded cheese into smaller amounts that fit your household - when you need it, it can be used frozen (break it up with a meat tenderizer/rolling pin/your fingers) or thawed up in your fridge slowly.
You can freeze cheese blocks and grate them once thawed, it's the same result but the cheese might act strangely with no consequence to the flavour, it's just not "suitable" for slices of cheese anymore.
I'm not sure what the cost of cheese is in your area of the world but I save a lot of dosh, and reduce my waste, by doing this.

 

[fake farts]

This isn't so much a tip as a heads up. If you're a poorfag like me and use the Affordable Connectivity Program, it's very likely to be running out in April. The ACP is probably one of the few good things the great Satan known as the Federal Communications Commission has done, a program replacing the old Emergency Broadband Benefit program, during the coof era. It's used to knock $30 off a monthly Internet bill ($75 if you are a Pocahontas on tribal lands), and your eligibility is defined by being a poorfaggot, being on EBT, on Medicaid, disability, and the like.

Like any slightly good thing our oh-so-kind government did to help us during the coof while simultaneously locking down and killing local businesses, it is ending due to a "lack of funds". The last applications can be filed on February 7th, with Congress likely to not renew funding. $7 billion is what's needed, tiny by government numbers, but this actually helps the poor, so we all know how that will go. You can still try to write someone in Congress if you are almost retardedly optimistic like Dear Feeder.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/money/per...erything-you-should-know-about-it/ar-BB1h1Fld

https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/...n-extension-of-fcc-broadband-subsidy-program/

 

[John Andrews Stan]

I’ve noticed that the NextDoor for my area has several groups where people post about things they need. I’ve also seen more people using it as a replacement for FB, posting requests on their profiles for leads on who’s hiring, with decent engagement and useful information in comments. Seems like it might be a worthwhile place to get connected with resources locally.

If you’re tech-literate, have a driver’s license and can get shit done, I’d encourage you to give personal assistance freelancing a shot. It’s very difficult to find reliable PAs who can do stuff like run errands, make tedious phone calls (e.g. looking for a doctor who takes the client’s insurance), break down boxes, shop for stuff that’s too complicated for an Instacart rando, etc. The hourly rate is way above minimum wage and it’s usually paid under the table. If you actually enjoy it and get good at it, you can make close to six figures depending on the scope of the role. Some of my friends have household managers who started as PAs and enjoy full benefits as well as vacation time. There are many worse ways to earn an income.

 

[NoReturn]

If you’re tech-literate, have a driver’s license and can get shit done, I’d encourage you to give personal assistance freelancing a shot.

How does one start/find clients?

 

[John Andrews Stan]

How does one start/find clients?

You can start out low-key, letting friends and family know you’re available and what your availability, services and rates are. Maybe offer an introductory discount in exchange for a testimonial. Ramit Sethi has a ton of great info on starting a side gig that makes at least $1k+/month. Most of his guidance is available for free on his website and YouTube, but his book is worth the money too.

 

[Stan]

Liquor stores usually have offers where it’s cheaper to buy wine in large quantities like 6 bottles or full cases. If you go for a straight case you can save 10-15% on any wine you want. I suggest sparkling wines from France that are NOT champagne, like cremant de bourdeaux or blanc des blancs or whatever is in your price range.

 

[PetiteFeet]

I forget if it was brought up earlier but it's a good tip regardless - you can freeze wine as ice cubes and throw them into a dish that requires it if you're like me and don't drink often enough/can't finish a bottle on your own.

White wine is used in risotto, a lot of fish or seafood based dishes and red wine is fantastic in meaty stews like Boeuf Bourguignon or osso buco. Depending on the dish and the amount of people you're cooking for the amount of wine needed will differ greatly, making the ice cube trick great for wine that would otherwise go unused.
Do note, I'm unaware of dishes that require sparkling wines except for maybe champagne ice cream/sorbet if you're so inclined. Rosé isn't really used in cooking either but you CAN use it in risotto, same with red wine, you just get a less appealing looking end result.

Dry whites and heavy reds tend to be the standard but if you do drink wine, unlike me, you'd ideally cook with a wine similar to what you'd serve with a given dish so your own palette (and wallet) is the final judge.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

dishes that require sparkling wines

Prosecco and fruit gelatin is a beautiful, light dessert.

 

[AnOminous]

Prosecco and fruit gelatin is a beautiful, light dessert.

That sounds great. I think champagne is overrated (and overpriced) and prosecco is not only better but more affordable.