Lolcows in Fiction (Books, TV, Movies, etc.)

Having started playing the classic Grand Theft Auto games again, I can say that the talk radio stations have pretty much nothing other than lolcows.

For example, in GTA III, nearly every single person who calls into the "Chatterbox" radio station is a cow. The in-game host of that station is Lazlow, who isn't a lolcow in that game, but ironically becomes one later on in the series (which I already talked about). Examples include a man who believes that ants and killer bees are taking over the world, a woman who wants to ban phones (apparently oblivious to the fact that she's using one to call in) and resorts to childish name-calling when Lazlow argues with her, and a British man who attempts to hire a nanny to spank him.

Also from Chatterbox in III is Reed Tucker. He's a lisping wannabe martial artist who lives in his parents' basement and is essentially a combination of Ashley the skeleton girl and the Fit Vegan Ginger.
 
With all the recent chat about them, Joker and Harley are classic examples of lolcows. Harley is a poor pathetic woman who threw her life away for a psychotic criminal, and the Joker is a pure horror cow.
This might sound autistic but Harley is like an extreme/dangerous version of Disneyfan01. They have the same tastes on guys and everything.
 
Jared Letos Joker is definitely a lolcow, even from the short time he was in the movie I was cringing so hard. Harley Quinn in Sucide Squad is a total skitzocow too, doesn't help her actress had a horrible 'American' accent.
 
The Amazing World of Gumball, the show my namesake character is from, has a lot of lolcows in it.

Gumball Watterson: Like many sitcoms, the main character has a lot of lolcow traits. Gumball is a selfish, arrogant jerk who thinks the world revolves around him. In many episodes, the conflict is created either because he's dense as fuck, or because he can't resist trying to shoehorn himself (and usually Darwin) into things. For example, one episode has him losing his shit over the fact that his girlfriend didn't use her usual number of heart emojis after signing off of instant messenger. He thinks it means she's losing interest in him, and his stupid plan to get her back nearly ends up getting them both killed.

Richard Watterson: Gumball's dad. Richard is a fat, lazy manchild who has no job and causes just as many plot-driving conflicts with his stupidity as his son, if not more. He's extremely naive, and in one episode he believed that a plastic wand that he got from a cereal box legitimately had magical powers. He believed that because Gumball and Darwin made it look like the wand worked, because Richard would've had a massive sperg fit if it hadn't worked (finding out that a cape from his childhood didn't actually give him super powers caused him to scream nonstop for over a decade).

Tobias Wilson: One of Gumball and Darwin's classmates. He acts like a popular jock who's able to date any girl he wants, but he's physically weak and has no game. His two biggest lolcow moments that I can remember offhand: 1.) After he tries the pickup line "do you have a quarter? 'Cause I told my mom I'd call her when I fell in love" on a girl, she takes it literally and hands him her cell phone. Mortified, Tobias calls his mom and asks her to pick him up from school because he embarrassed himself. 2.) He spends a whole episode acting like a medieval knight to impress Gumball's love interest, Penny, and annoys him into participating in a duel for her affections (despite Penny vocally having no interest in him).

Sarah G. Lato: I mentioned her in a previous post in this thread. In short, she's a delusional fangirl of Gumball and Darwin who acts like she's in a sitcom, draws shitty fan fiction manga comics about them, and breaks into their house to stalk them.

Timmy: The show's physical personification of the internet. As such, Timmy has a ton of stereotypical lolcow traits. He lives with his mother, has a very stalker-ish way of trying to talk to girls, and is uncomfortable with physical contact.
 
Hyacinth Bucket from a british comedy called Keeping Up Appearances instantly stood out to me as a lolcow (and I saw someone on the forum with her as their avatar, which also helped me draw the connection c: ) Hyacinth is a fantastically average woman who believes that she is a high-class socialite. Firstly, her last name is Bucket but she will chimp out unless you pronounce it as "bouquet". She will do, and make others do, absurd things to get the attention of her neighbors, like flagrantly measuring her front doorway so that the neighbors will think she's expecting a large package. She enforces the rules of etiquette until they become counter-productive, and makes her next-door neighbor so nervous that she keeps breaking the fine china (Hyacinth still insists that she come over every day for coffee, as socialites must do). She also passive-aggressively brags about how often her son calls, leaving out the fact that he only calls to ask for money.
 
I know Grand Theft Auto has been mentioned in this thread before but GTA V specifically has quite a few cows.

Michael, one of the protagonists of the game, has a son named Jimmy who exhibits classic lolcow traits. He's implied to be about 20 years old and yet has no jobs or ambitions and instead spends his days playing video games, getting high, masturbating, and "trolling" people on the internet by sending them pictures of his balls. Despite being white as snow, he often tries to act "black" and any interaction he has with any black character is straight up cringe. Even though he's pretty damn pathetic, he's oddly self righteous, never taking any responsibility for himself and instead blames his problems on his dad. Granted, having a ex bank robber as a dad is probably no fun but that's still no excuse. As the story progresses however, he gets better. Sort of. He manages to save his family by knocking out a mercenary who's holding his family hostage, only to attempt to tea bag the guy. But he mistakenly tea bags his dad instead. Thankfully he was wearing pants.

Lamar is the buddy of Franklin, another protagonist, and while not quite as big of a lolcow as Jimmy, he's still counts. He's not particularly bright. At one point, him and Franklin attempt to kidnap a rival gangbanger for the reason that Lamar saw an "opportunity," only to completely blow that opportunity up when Lamar attempts at a ransom by calling from the thug's cellphone, thus revealing their location. He also paints himself as a super badass due to his "Apache blood" but really it's just reckless behavior.

Come to think of it, almost all the people you come across in the Strangers and Freaks missions can come off as lolcows of some kind. You can also make a good case that Trevor, the other protagonist, is a horrorcow as well.
 
Heath Slater's been booked as a lolcow in WWE for years now.

He calls himself the "one man band," but the few times we've seen him do anything musical, he's sucked at it. He's arrogant and cocky and acts like he's the greatest wrestler ever, but he's a jobber (the wrestling term for someone who loses most of their matches to make someone else look stronger). The number of matches Slater has won over the past four years can probably be counted on one hand.

As of the past few months, however, they've really been playing up the lolcow element of his character. They did a brand split recently, and literally just forgot to draft him to either show. This led to him referring to himself as "the hottest free agent in WWE" and bugging the authority figures of both Raw and Smackdown to sign him. They gave him a few matches to give him an opportunity to win a contract, but he lost every one of them. Eventually, Smackdown gave him a job, pretty much only because the authority figures felt bad for him.

Recently, he became one half of the tag team champions with Rhyno, but he hasn't gotten any better. The matches generally follow the formula of having Slater get his ass kicked until he can tag Rhyno in, and then Rhyno destroys their opponents and wins the match.

Unrelated, but I think that the town's authority figures from the movie, The Boxtrolls could count as lolcows as well. They basically run their town in the same way that Chris runs CWCVille in the comics. That is, they don't really give a shit about legitimate issues, instead preferring to indulge in their own stupid obsessions (in this case, hats and cheese) at the expense of their citizens.
 
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Broly from Dragon Ball Z, despite being an immensely powerful Saiyan, could qualify as an off-meds horrorcow.

He's a sociopathic manchild who can't keep his emotions in check. Because of his abnormally high power level, this makes him extremely dangerous and forces his father to essentially act as his tard wrangler and use what could arguably be described as a fantastical equivalent to anti-psychotic meds in order to keep Broly under control.

Upon seeing Goku, however, Broly gets triggered and breaks the crown keeping him under control ("going off his meds"), then he has a massive sperg fit and starts destroying planets and trying to kill Goku and friends. By his second appearance, he's become even lower functioning. In his debut, he at least spoke in complete sentences. When he comes back, all he's able to do is scream, destroy things, and yell "KAKAROT!"

Ordinarily, this would just be called "being a villain," but Broly's a unique case because of how he's presented and his motivation. Yeah, that's another thing: his motivation's pretty fucking weak. The reason he's got such a raging hateboner for Goku? It's 'cause Goku disturbed him with his crying when they were both babies.
 
There's two I can think of from Joe Hill's books alone.

Bing, from NOS4A2: An overgrown manchild with an incestuous fondness for 'mommies', he's obsessed with trying to earn his way into vampire pedofork villain Charlie Manx's deranged fantasy realm known as Christmasland. While he accidentally killed his father as a teenager, he intentionally raped and murdered his own mother, then raped and murdered the numerous parents of the kids he helped Manx kidnap in the House of Sleep (utilizing sevofluorane gas to subdue them). He makes up singsong rhymes, giggles when he's plotting something nasty, and sobs like a little bitch when his incompetence with trying to capture Vic (the woman who actually escaped Manx and got him sent to jail) gets Manx angry at him and bars him from going.

Lee, from Horns: This little psycho makes Eliott Rodger look stable. Suffering from what can only be described as an 'accidental pitchfork lobotomy' as a boy, it turned him into a complete sociopath. His Nice Guy obsession with Ig's girlfriend drove him to bludgeon and rape her, and he got Ig's famous TV star brother Terry high and convinced him that he was involved to ensure it stayed hushed up. He then proceeded to lead the witch hunt against Ig and helped convince the rest of the /town/ that Ig was behind his girlfriend's death; while simultaneously running the campaign for a right-wing nutcase politician, torturing his dementia-having mother into a slow death, and trying to kill off Ig himself - including setting his car on fire with him in it.
 
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I'd consider Anita Blake (the Anita Blake series) to be one since she embodies the worst aspects for the poly culture, has a misogynistic streak towards other women (especially if they're white, blond and feminine), has the racial hang-ups over stuff that happened in her past (she's mixed race) with a hate-on for her white stepmother (when there's no real evidence of her being mean to Anita), needs frequent asspats from her yes-men and has this massive superiority-inferiority complex.

What I mean about the worst aspects of poly culture is she's pretty much the one in charge who gets to call the shots and is allowed to collect as many men as she can, but if any of her men want to go on with their lives or find lovers of their own, Anita gets vicious. Also, God forbid any man doesn't want to have sex with her when she's interested since their fates will be dire. Even if she doesn't want to have sex with you and prefers to stay in a platonic relationship, expect her to turn her nose up on your wife (if you have one).
 
TF2 has a lot of lolcows now that I think of it. In fact, Sniper and Spy are the only ones who I would be hesitant to label lolcows and even then, that's debatable. I'm surprised that you didn't mention Scout though. Dude's probably the biggest lolcow right after Soldier.

Wait, no. I just remembered that Sniper often pisses in a jar and throws it at people. That's definitely a lolcow.



Don't forget Ice King. I haven't seen the newer episodes but he was definitely one in the earlier seasons. He wants to marry a princess so bad, that he often kidnaps them and holds them against their will but he's so incompetent that they get saved/escape and his plans never follow through, which stops him from becoming a full blown horrorcow. He literally has no shame and has no idea how creepy and batshit crazy he comes across as. He also writes fanfiction of a female version of Finn, the main character, named Fiona, who's in love with the Ice King and wants to marry him. Did I mention that Finn is a teenage boy?

He does have some redeemable qualities however. And there's a heartbreaking reason why the Ice King is the way he is.
 
How about this guy from Red vs. Blue?

Doctor Leonard Church, also known as "The Director" by most of the characters, is a horrorcow, who builds an entire military organisation and does horrible things to his employees and his daughter in an attempt to bring his dead wife back and make her invincible.

This guy starts out trying to get into the UNSC military. At the academy, he meets a girl named Allison, who saves his ass from some jock-types. The two of them eventually develop a relationship, but Leonard washes out, while Allison graduates. Leonard goes on to get his doctorate in... something, probably AI Theory considering the nature of his later experiments.

Well, then Allison goes and dies in the Covenant war. Doctor Church decides to try and make the military better, and creates Project Freelancer, which involves pairing human soldiers with AI units to increase their combat capabilities. However, he is only given permission for one AI... so he cheats.

He creates the AI based on himself, and dubs it Alpha. He decides that, since this AI is technically him, he can fragment it into smaller chunks of AI. He does this by psychologically torturing Alpha until it can no longer remain sane, and breaks off a piece of itself to stop it feeling the emotion that is being targeted. In doing so, he shatters Alpha's mind so severely that he loses his rage (Omega), logic (Delta), creativity (Sigma), deceit (Gamma), trust (Theta), happiness (Iota), fear (Eta) and memory (Epsilon). By the end of it, Alpha, a sentient being, is completely non-functional, doesn't remember who he is.

Things aren't even this bad, however. When Alpha was born, he immediately severed his memories of Allison, becoming another AI called Beta, who happened to be a perfect recreation of Allison. Leonard implanted Allison in a superhuman robot body, determined to ensure that she could never die again. However, he also manipulated her memories, since Beta had no idea that she was a robot, and no idea that Allison and Leonard had a child. She became Agent Texas of Project Freelancer, and was given all the best equipment and tasks.

Then he starts a fake war to train his soldiers. He doesn't use VR or regular training exercises, he creates a phony Red vs. Blue war in order to create live fire simulations for his agents to train in. The two armies are composed entirely of academy washouts, mentally handicapped soldiers, and PTSD-afflicted veterans.

Then there's how he treated his daughter. Her birth name is unknown, but, in order to get her father to notice her, she joined Project Freelancer and became Agent Carolina. Carolina trained herself to be the absolute best of the Freelancers, and was rather smug about it. He did seem to show her a little favouritism, granting her two armour enhancements, but that was really about it. He also kept firing MAC Cannons at her boyfriend, Agent York, though that was probably more coincidental. She was then pitted against Tex, technically her own mother, which fueled an envious hatred, and led to her demanding two AI units when she discovered that Tex had Omega, supposedly the most powerful of the bunch. This was extremely dangerous and almost caused Carolina's mind to tear itself apart, but the Director decided to let her do it anyway.

Leonard used his soldiers like guineapigs. Obviously, sticking PTSD-corrupted AI shards in their heads was rather dangerous. However, he then there's the case of the Dakota twins. Agents North and South Dakota were twins who were grouped together constantly. He gave them the same armour colours, assigned them to work together on missions, and constantly made them compete for the top spot against each other. He then gave North an AI and didn't give South one, fueling a jealousy that eventually led to South betraying North and leaving him to be killed by the Meta.

When Epsilon was harvested from Alpha, the Director took this insane lump of severed memories and decided to implant it in one of his soldiers anyway. For science. Epsilon was loaded into Agent Washington, and immediately committed suicide the moment it came online, driving Wash half-insane himself.

Tex discovered what he was up to and brought much of the project crashing down, but the fight left Carolina injured and resulted in the Meta throwing her off a cliff. Leonard barely gave a shit and focused his efforts on finding the now-renegade Tex instead.

He then began a frankly ridiculous amount of damage control. He sent Alpha to a remote facility where nobody could ever find him, and sent Agent Florida to guard him. Instead of saying that Florida died during Tex's rampage, he decided to deny that there ever was an Agent Florida, on account of there not being a Florida anymore. He then had the entire state broken up and sunk into the Atlantic!

He then found a random Blue team soldier and had Alpha implanted into his body, completely overwriting his personality and allowing them to tell Alpha that he was a human soldier named Private Leonard L. Church.

Project Freelancer would collapse, but the Director escaped justice because of the protagonists' stupidity. However, he also found out during this time that Tex wasn't invincible. Her body had been destroyed more than once after she met up with Alpha again, and she eventually got absorbed into the Meta, a group of AI possessing Agent Maine. She would then be killed alongside all of the other AI except Epsilon when an EMP was set off. He discovered that his obsession with her had become tainted by her death, to the point that it was all he really thought about. So when Alpha splintered off his copy of her, she became the Failure AI, and no matter how hard she tried, her goal would always be torn away from her just when it was within her reach.

So how did Doctor Church decide to solve this? By creating another Beta AI and fragmenting her! He was determined to break off the part of her that made her fail, and so tortured his own wife until her mind literally shattered into a hundred pieces. He implanted each of these into a robot body and used them to fight Carolina, who had survived her fall because she had a grapple gun.

When Carolina and AI Church broke into his office, they found him constantly watching a video he recorded of Allison before she left for the war. Even after everything, he only referred to his daughter as "Agent Carolina". He then had all of the systems, including life support, shut off, and sealed himself in his room with the video, before shooting himself in the head.

TL/DR: He causes basically the entire plot of Seasons 1-10 of RvB out of his intense obsession with making an invincible robot copy of his dead wife.
 
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The Chief Blue Meanie from Yellow Submarine is a pretty blatant lolcow. He hates things that make other people happy (most of all, music) and he chimps out to the extreme when anything slightly annoys him. Even when pleased, he behaves in a ridiculous manner, as if he were a child that can't contain all his energy.

Unlike lolcows, though, his enemies forgive him and he eventually learns how to be happy with all the other "normies". ...although, NOBODY in Yellow Submarine is normal
 
Scar from The Lion King. He comes across as a spoiled brat who just wants to be king so he can get his way all the time. When he actually does become the king after killing Mufasa and driving Simba out of the pridelands, he does such a shitty job at it that the pridelands become a barren wasteland. Despite this, he insists that he's ten times the king Mufasa was and threatens anybody who suggests otherwise. He refuses to actually do anything as king ("it's the lioness' job to do the hunting," said in the same whiny tone that a lazy kid would use when mom yells at him to clean his room), and he's a giant pussy who sells out his allies the instant it becomes apparent to him that he's lost the upper hand once Simba comes back.
 
Scar from The Lion King. He comes across as a spoiled brat who just wants to be king so he can get his way all the time. When he actually does become the king after killing Mufasa and driving Simba out of the pridelands, he does such a shitty job at it that the pridelands become a barren wasteland. Despite this, he insists that he's ten times the king Mufasa was and threatens anybody who suggests otherwise. He refuses to actually do anything as king ("it's the lioness' job to do the hunting," said in the same whiny tone that a lazy kid would use when mom yells at him to clean his room), and he's a giant pussy who sells out his allies the instant it becomes apparent to him that he's lost the upper hand once Simba comes back.
Granted, lionesses do a lot of the hunting, it was still whiny of him.
 
The titular Bojack Horseman. He's a has been from a once popular 90s sitcom who thinks he's way more important than he actually is. He's has Dobson levels of bitterness is a complete asshole to the people he's jealous of, even if they're completely nice to him. At times, he almost becomes a borderline horrorcow because he has ruined people's lives with his selfish decision making. He's also a hard time alcoholic and has been known to elaborately run away from his problems (Like going to another state and shacking it up with his ex girlfriend and her family for two months because he didn't want to be in this movie that he was starring in anymore). In season 2, he gets a girlfriend who's actually seems well adjusted but of course, he drives her away because of his asshattery, thus showing that he can't even be around normal people because he's so intolerable. The only person who genuinely seems to like him and not hang out with him through social obligation or pity is his roommate Todd, who is also a bit of a lolcow himself (For starters, roommate is subjective because he actually just sleeps on Bojack's couch and is shown to be overall very unambitious). His relationship with Todd is also very creepy because Bojack has been known to sabotage any chance that Todd gets that would make him independent and successful. It also implied that the main reason he keeps Todd around is because he makes him feels better about himself , although the season 2 finale also shown that he has a general fondness for him.

Unlike most lolcows in fiction, Bojack still comes off as very sympathetic due to bad luck, a shitty childhood, and other factors as well. But the show still makes it very clear that he's supposed to be seen as a douchebag.
I recently started watching this show myself, and I think you're pretty spot-on. I'm not fully caught up yet, but I think Todd's more of a traditional lolcow than Bojack. Like in the episode where he builds his own crappy knockoff Disneyland because he thinks that Disneyland is just a lie parents tell their children like the Tooth Fairy. Or when he wants to open a Halloween store that operates in January and only January because reasons (to be fair, this is considered a good idea in-universe).

Sarah-Lynn is something of a cow as well, being a barely-functioning drug addict who oftentimes has no idea where she is and makes Jace look like a straight-edge church boy.
 
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Broly from Dragon Ball Z, despite being an immensely powerful Saiyan, could qualify as an off-meds horrorcow.

He's a sociopathic manchild who can't keep his emotions in check. Because of his abnormally high power level, this makes him extremely dangerous and forces his father to essentially act as his tard wrangler and use what could arguably be described as a fantastical equivalent to anti-psychotic meds in order to keep Broly under control.

Upon seeing Goku, however, Broly gets triggered and breaks the crown keeping him under control ("going off his meds"), then he has a massive sperg fit and starts destroying planets and trying to kill Goku and friends. By his second appearance, he's become even lower functioning. In his debut, he at least spoke in complete sentences. When he comes back, all he's able to do is scream, destroy things, and yell "KAKAROT!"

Ordinarily, this would just be called "being a villain," but Broly's a unique case because of how he's presented and his motivation. Yeah, that's another thing: his motivation's pretty fucking weak. The reason he's got such a raging hateboner for Goku? It's 'cause Goku disturbed him with his crying when they were both babies.
If you don't believe this, check the Broly tags on Niconico and Pixiv.
 
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