Lolcows in Fiction (Books, TV, Movies, etc.)

[TheMightyMonarch]

I have multiple examples of fictional lolcows (including some characters that I admit, I kind of like a lot myself).

Spoiler: Cronus Ampora [SPOILER="The Medic (Team Fortress 2)

Spoiler: The Pyro (Team Fortress 2)

Spoiler: The Soldier (Team Fortress 2)

Anyway, those are some of the example of fictional lolcows that I have.

TF2 has a lot of lolcows now that I think of it. In fact, Sniper and Spy are the only ones who I would be hesitant to label lolcows and even then, that's debatable. I'm surprised that you didn't mention Scout though. Dude's probably the biggest lolcow right after Soldier.

Wait, no. I just remembered that Sniper often pisses in a jar and throws it at people. That's definitely a lolcow.

One of the most prominent examples of a fictional lolcow would be the Earl of Lemongrab from Adventure Time, seeing as how he's basically a caricature of somebody with autism. He's a massive sperg and a control freak who tries to make everyone bend to his will and screams his head off when they don't.

Don't forget Ice King. I haven't seen the newer episodes but he was definitely one in the earlier seasons. He wants to marry a princess so bad, that he often kidnaps them and holds them against their will but he's so incompetent that they get saved/escape and his plans never follow through, which stops him from becoming a full blown horrorcow. He literally has no shame and has no idea how creepy and batshit crazy he comes across as. He also writes fanfiction of a female version of Finn, the main character, named Fiona, who's in love with the Ice King and wants to marry him. Did I mention that Finn is a teenage boy?

 

[Too Many Crooks]

Did anyone mention Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies yet?

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

The Bluths from Arrested Development are my favorite TV show lowcows.

Also, the various incarnations of Blackadder.

 

[A Random]

I don't think the Blue Exorcist example counts because we're talking about an alien creature whose society and mentality are not equal to humanity's.

That said, his brother is probably a more valid example, if any...

 

[Darwin Watterson]

If fanfiction counts, then probably the most famous lolcow from that genre would have to be Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way from My Immortal.

 

[Without A Gout]

I'm gonna nominate Oscar de Leon from "The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao". He's pretty much characterized as a Mexican version of the Comic Book Guy: Total laughingstock and poorly regarded amongst everyone he meets, but he does get laid at the end... at the cost of his life, unfortunately.

 

[TheMightyMonarch]

Sander Cohen from the first Bioshock game. His backstory is that he's a playwright and a musician, but it's heavily implied that he sucks at it and that they're ridiculously cheesy even by 1940s standards. He's also deep in the closet (being the 40s/50s and all) and practices numerous of deviant sexual accts with his young male lovers. By the time the game take place, he's gone way off the deep end from regular lolcow to full blown horrorcow. He gets Jack (the person you're playing as) to kill his boyfriends, only to turn on Jack unexpectedly and gets his army of splicers to kill him. But then a minute later, he seems cool with him, for some reason. In a city of violent, crazy crackhead lolbertarians, he still manages to be the most batshit of them all.

Andrew Ryan, the villain from the same game, also has some lolcowish tendencies. Along with Rorschach from Watchmen, he's probably the biggest fictional Ayn Rand fanboy in media. But even Rorschach would think creating a city underwater that is based on objectivist philosophy would be beyond stupid. This guy? Thinks it's a great fucking idea. And then get surprised when it doesn't actually work out and everything goes to shit.

Honorable mention goes to Zarchary Comstock from Bioshock Infinite for honestly believing that he was an actual prophet and built an entire city devoted to himself. But he also got people to believe his bullshit, so I guess it evens out.

 

[Too Many Crooks]

@TheMightyMonarch

I love the Bioshock series, but the way you described Cohen, Ryan, and Comstock made me chuckle.

Then again, Cohen scared the hell out of me when I got side-tracked in Fort Frolic on my first play-through.

 

[Overcast]

Sander Cohen from the first Bioshock game. His backstory is that he's a playwright and a musician, but it's heavily implied that he sucks at it and that they're ridiculously cheesy even by 1940s standards. He's also deep in the closet (being the 40s/50s and all) and practices numerous of deviant sexual accts with his young male lovers. By the time the game take place, he's gone way off the deep end from regular lolcow to full blown horrorcow. He gets Jack (the person you're playing as) to kill his boyfriends, only to turn on Jack unexpectedly and gets his army of splicers to kill him. But then a minute later, he seems cool with him, for some reason. In a city of violent, crazy crackhead lolbertarians, he still manages to be the most batshit of them all.

Andrew Ryan, the villain from the same game, also has some lolcowish tendencies. Along with Rorschach from Watchmen, he's probably the biggest fictional Ayn Rand fanboy in media. But even Rorschach would think creating a city underwater that is based on objectivist philosophy would be beyond stupid. This guy? Thinks it's a great fucking idea. And then get surprised when it doesn't actually work out and everything goes to shit.

Honorable mention goes to Zarchary Comstock from Bioshock Infinite for honestly believing that he was an actual prophet and built an entire city devoted to himself. But he also got people to believe his bullshit, so I guess it evens out.

Huh. Never realized Cohen was gay. Nor did I realize those guys were his lovers.

Just goes to show how clueless I am.

 

[Pinball Lizard]

I think the One Piece villain Trebol might deserve a nod here. This is him:

I'm not sure if he himself is a lolcow, but he reminds me A LOT of your typical lolcow enabler, like Barb for instance, transposed to a fantastic setting. He's the manservant of Doflamingo, one of the main villains, and does little but shower him with praise, tell him he's always right, etc. He found Doflamingo as a sociopathic little kid and saw that he had a special power very few other people had, and because of that, he gave him a magic fruit (which is how you get superpowers in this series) and a gun. WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

He also has a few lolcow traits himself. He never bathes, has no sense of personal space, and is literally covered in slime (which, to be fair, is his superpower). He ultimately comes to a fairly amusing defeat at the hands of a telekinetic character who mentally carves him up wielding his own severed arm (cut off by Doflamingo earlier) as a weapon.

 

[DirkBloodStormKing]

TF2 has a lot of lolcows now that I think of it. In fact, Sniper and Spy are the only ones who I would be hesitant to label lolcows and even then, that's debatable. I'm surprised that you didn't mention Scout though. Dude's probably the biggest lolcow right after Soldier.

Wait, no. I just remembered that Sniper often pisses in a jar and throws it at people. That's definitely a lolcow.

While I agree that all the mercs are probably lolcows, I don't see how Scout's the biggest lolcow right after Soldier. He's basically the little kid with the micset that plays CoD and has bad luck getting laid. I would say that Medic is right after Soldier for reasons I said earlier. Scout's relatively sane and I'd even go so far as to say a NORP compared to Medic and Soldier.

Don't forget Ice King. I haven't seen the newer episodes but he was definitely one in the earlier seasons. He wants to marry a princess so bad, that he often kidnaps them and holds them against their will but he's so incompetent that they get saved/escape and his plans never follow through, which stops him from becoming a full blown horrorcow. He literally has no shame and has no idea how creepy and batshit crazy he comes across as. He also writes fanfiction of a female version of Finn, the main character, named Fiona, who's in love with the Ice King and wants to marry him. Did I mention that Finn is a teenage boy?

Ice King is no doubt between lolcow and horrorcow (leaning a bit more towards horrorcow simply for the kidnapping princesses schtick he does). It's pretty creepy now that I think about it. Kind of disturbing even.

I don't think the Blue Exorcist example counts because we're talking about an alien creature whose society and mentality are not equal to humanity's.

That said, his brother is probably a more valid example, if any...

I know that Mephisto's a demon, but compared to other demons (such as his older brother Lucifer in the manga), he's pretty eccentric and he does act like a manchild for a demonking. That being said, how did I forget Amaimon. If anyone's more of a lolcow than Mephisto in that series, it's definitely Amaimon.

For other examples of lolcows I found in fiction, is it bad to say that Tuddrussel and Larry from Time Squad could possibly count?

 

[AnOminous]

Ice King is no doubt between lolcow and horrorcow (leaning a bit more towards horrorcow simply for the kidnapping princesses schtick he does). It's pretty creepy now that I think about it. Kind of disturbing even.

I kind of liked Autism Time back when I was just realizing exactly how fucked up its backstory really is.

 

[TheMightyMonarch]

@TheMightyMonarch

I love the Bioshock series, but the way you described Cohen, Ryan, and Comstock made me chuckle.

Then again, Cohen scared the hell out of me when I got side-tracked in Fort Frolic on my first play-through.

I'm a huge fan of the Bioshock series myself but I recently realized how ridiculous and wtf some of the plot elements can be without bringing up some context. I once made a joke on my Tumblr (yeah, I know) on how the series is just a giant Maury episode with some Diesel Punk and Steampunk thrown in.

For all of his lolcow tendencies, Cohen is pretty fucking scary though. Those plaster sculptures though. And what happens when you shoot them

Huh. Never realized Cohen was gay. Nor did I realize those guys were his lovers.

Just goes to show how clueless I am.

To be fair, the only time it's ever really referenced in the game is when one of them goes "The things that man DID to me!" It's rather blink and miss. If it weren't for Ken Levine confirming it on Twitter, then I would just be as clueless as you. There are a lot more references in the novelization that takes place before the game but it's debatable whether it's canon or not. I personally think it is, but someone else might disagree.

Hey, at least you're not my friend. Somehow, she didn't pick up that

Spoiler

Jack was Andrew Ryan's son

until I told her when she was near the end of the game.

While I agree that all the mercs are probably lolcows, I don't see how Scout's the biggest lolcow right after Soldier. He's basically the little kid with the micset that plays CoD and has bad luck getting laid. I would say that Medic is right after Soldier for reasons I said earlier. Scout's relatively sane and I'd even go so far as to say a NORP compared to Medic and Soldier.

Yeah, good point. I guess I was confusing "Most amusing" with "Biggest lolcow". He's definitely is one, but rather small time in comparison to everyone else.

 

[AnOminous]

How about Wheatley in Portal 2? That has to be one of the stupidest characters I've ever seen in a game.

 

[Too Many Crooks]

How about Wheatley in Portal 2? That has to be one of the stupidest characters I've ever seen in a game.

Quite Machiavellian, thank you very much!

GLaDOS: "You're the moron they built to make ME an idiot!"

 

[Sanae Kochiya]

Not sure if she counts anymore, but for some reason Cirno from Touhou Project comes to mind. In popular fanon, she sees herself as the "strongest fairy" and has incessant delusions of grandeur regarding her power within Gensokyo, despite being probably one of its weakest and easily one of its dumbest inhabitants. Cirno getting literally dumpstered by many of the Touhou cast is relatively common, as are many depictions of her utter idiocy.

Ironically, she's also a popular character due to these traits and she has her own side game now, as well as an appearance in one of the Touhou fighting games, so she enjoys some success as a legitimate protagonist.

 

[Rin]

How about Wheatley in Portal 2? That has to be one of the stupidest characters I've ever seen in a game.

I think Cave Johnson is more of a lolcow than Wheatley. He basically ran his own company into the shitter because of his space autism, and only managed to create working products by sheer coincidence.

 

[Trombonista]

I brought up Milhouse and Ralph earlier, but I think Homer Simpson's an even bigger lolcow.

 

[DirkBloodStormKing]

I brought up Milhouse and Ralph earlier, but I think Homer Simpson's an even bigger lolcow.

The Simpsons has a lot of lolcows now that I think about it. So do lots of Seth Macfarlane's shows (especially Family Guy) and Aqua Teen, Superjail, and South Park. In fact, A LOT of adult cartoons tend to have characters that are major lolcows/horrorcows, hence why we laugh at said characters whenever we watch them.

 

[Bungleboy]

Ignatius Reilly from A Confederacy of Dunces.

He was the proto-neckbeard: slovenly,obese,lazy,arrogant,lived with his mom, and was obsessed with junk food and pop culture. He even had the political opinions of a redditor.