Come on in close, foodjacks, and get ready for some sugar wings.
Here is the rub he used:
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You know what? Let's get out the hacksaw, it's time to dissect this specimen; it's been too long...
1. The baby music unironically goes well with the demented and psychotic Jack Bitmoji on the thumbnail; it's the only compliment I can really give to this horrid choice in music really.
2. The AI voice he inexplicably uses for his terrible intro seems to have gotten younger. I guess Jack's trying harder and harder to kids? Who knows at this point.
3. Oh wow he's in the Mantoddler Muumuu and he's wearing a new cap. I'm going to call it the Coal Burner.
4. You know the sound isn't balanced right when you can hear the camera record its internals.
5. Anyways, Jack is doing his yearly lazy attempt to pretend he's not flamingly homosexual and totally a man's man by shilling for the Superb Owl.
6. This in reality is just another "fat retard wants to eat horrendous amounts of meat" video, which basically has no value whatsoever.
7. Jack's blaming this recipe on someone from the livestream named Arthur. Pretty sure it's more your fault for wanting to eat overpriced gimmick trash Jack, not him.
7b. Seriously, if you prefer dark meat, just get chicken quarters, particularly the thighs. Simple as.
8. Apparently the best way to cook wings, which do not have a long cook time by the way, is to steam and grill them.
8b. This just sounds like a round-about way to sous vide something tbh, and while you can do this, the question is why?
8c. Well, to answer that for Jack, it's so he can eat five pounds of wingees as he pretends he always supported the Chiefs.
9. Oh boy this fucker's just gonna pressure cook these things; lovely that will play some merry hell with the consistency.
9b. Also going outside to grill these is just asinine; just use a goddamn pan to finish them off.
10. Anyways, the rub Jack uses is some horrid sweet chipolte mix that's three parts shurgurrr to salt and spice, thus deeming his fake diet dead and gay, just like his arm he uses to dlkjgflkjdlgdgfl with some bacon up.
10b. Oh, and of course he uses a rub with heat; fuck Tammy having any food amirite? Seriously what a cunt.
11. "Is this the best way to make wings?" ~ Jack Scalfanny on the least efficient way to cook wings unless you work in a restaurant and making mass batches
12. Oh wow, I never knew he even had a steamer basket for his shitty pressure cooker; that's how often he just plops and forgets when using this thing.
13. "We're only going to do like 20" ~ Jack thinking this is a low number for what looks to be the largest goddamn wings ever
14. I'm actually surprised he even bothered to do a jump cut. My guess is it's to hide how hard he struggled to secure the lid.
14b. Also god he sounds so awful; you can hear the stroke damage and phlegm. But don't worry guys, his meat diet is magically curing this. Totally not a narc lie.
15. Oh hey, another jarring cut to when these things are done steaming. Also holy shit, Jack actually steamed them; I thought he was going to actually pressure cook them.
16. Literally is out of breath moving the lid a bit. That "carnivore" diet really doing its work here.
17. No Jack, the mechanics behind this trick is to essentially sous vide your meal without the set-up for this shit.
17b. It has a similar logic to reverse searing a steak where you bake it in the oven for a bit to get it to the right temp.
18. Jack asks mommy-wife whether or not to use the silicon baking pad on this, and she instantly cuts him off and says "Nope".
19. Literal mouthbreather puts more effort into putting the wings into a pan than he did to fix his arm. More news at whenever.
20. And Jack cocks up seasoning these bad boys by just dumping about a deci-fuji or so on each wing.
20b. Honestly the trick I do is I slowly tilt and tap until I get to the point the seasoning is just about ready to fall out and go around what I'm working on.
20c. Another simple trick is to just pour x amount into a bowl and use your fingers to do pinches until satisfied; I'll grant the water likely is letting it stick so no issue there.
21. OH WOW, HE'S ACTUALLY SEASONING BOTH SIDES.
22. And a hard-cut to a different camera with a shot-on-shiteo quality to it. Tammy's mimicking Rooster in cooking for Jack while he films it like a snuff porno.
23. I cannot state enough how retarded this method is, since you could just use the fucking oven to do the same thing and it has a better mise en place.
24. I'm also not kidding on snuff porno; he lets the shot hang on the wings being put into the grill just long enough it becomes offputting.
25. The good news is the final product looks done. The bad news is the rub burned.
25b. Who would've guessed that a rub that is mostly sugar burns in heats high enough to bake chicken?!
26. "This looks beautiful" ~ Jack admiring the three to five pounds of slightly burned chicken.
27. Jack lies about not being able to use sauces due to his diet... AFTER USING A SUGAR RUB FOR THESE TENDIES.
28. Jack corrects himself to "put anything on these" after realizing that he wants to rub his skljfwsdhgf on them... I want to be dead. Or drunk. Dead Drunk.
29. Oh hey, I can hear Tammy clomping in the background; she doesn't sound happy.
29b. I suspect she's putting away her mantoddler's toys since he can't be fucked to do it.
30. "Let's see if it's good" ~ A pathological liar about to claim this tastes amazing.
30b. Though to be fair, I don't think these would be too awful; maybe a bit dry and slightly bitter since the rub burned a bit and it's steamed and then grilled, but come on man.
31. "I've been staring this one down like crazy", yes Jack. I can tell by your sanpaku eyes that look fitting for the BTK killer that you are fucking nuts.
32. Oh wow that's a nasty goddamn crunch. Did this fucking ogre actually eat bone on purpose?! Or is it just that dry?
33. Jack shudders his head, and looks absolutely dead inside as he says "gud flavor". It's pretty clear he can't taste shit.
33b. He's also probably internally bawling like a baby over no BBQ sauce or Burhea sauce to dunk these in too tbh.
34. Silent schoolgirl giggle as the spices finally and belatedly kick in to that waterlogged head he has. I suspect he realized he needed to sell his reaction a bit better.
35. Jack claims these are perfectly cooked, tender, and crispy. Given I heard a horrid crunch and saw a bit too much char that's bullshit.
36. Jack mutters he's gonna have dinner, and then kind of corrects himself to point to the wings and claims that's his dinner. More secret eating confirmed. Bet he had more fried vegetables off camera.
37. Jack has no idea what he's going to do next. Given how boring his cooking's gotten and given it's his fake diet cycle again, I'm predicting it's just "Fat faggot makes up excuse to eat a fuckload of meat number 56". Likely with new shitty seasoning this time.
38. And he ends it by shilling the streams where he gets angy at this trolls.
Here's to hoping we get something a bit more interesting, since these sorts of videos are pretty lame.
