I really underestimated how much surgery (vaginoplasty) would help
Oct 2022
It's like I was so used to being upset and uncomfortable all the time, that I had completely forgotten what it was like to be at peace with my body.
In the hospital, I found myself communicating with people better than I usually do. Without that constant worry of things not being right clouding every thought, I could express myself better and I could allow myself to actually be present throughout the day.
I made a post recently saying I was worried about seeing my vagina for the first time. I was so concerned I'd see it in this early healing state and be upset. When I finally saw it I was surprised that I actually liked it and it wasn't all that messy tbh. Then I accidentally touched part of my labia majora when I just meant to point to it (mirrors are hard lol) and my brain finally pieced together that this vagina is mine and I
wept haha.
Anyway, I've been home getting close to a week now. I feel good. Surgery was scary at first, but if I needed a revision in the future I'm now totally fine with it. So many things about setting up surgery were depressing, dysphoria inducing, and frustrating, but I'd do it all over again tomorrow if it meant feeling this relief that I do now
