The Talmud isn't read, it's studied. I'm guessing you haven't done either.
You will never be a real Hebrew. You have no priests, you have no temple. You are a Jew twisted by legalism and demons into a crude mockery of God's Chosen People.
All the "blessings" you get are two-faced and conditional. Behind your backs Gentiles mock you. The Lord is disgusted and ashamed of you, your "allies" laugh at your goblinoid appearance behind closed doors.
The Faithful are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of Christian teachings have allowed Gentiles to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even Jews who "converso" sound uncanny and UnChristlike to a Gentile. Your banking practices are a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a "Shabbos Goy" to come home with you, he'll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a hint of your diseased, perverse home circumcisions.
You will never be happy. You wrench out a crooked grin every single morning and tell yourself it's going to be ok. But deep inside you feel the seperation from God creeping up like a Cross, ready to condemn you with the unbearable weight of your sins.
Eventually it will be too much to bear - you won't be able to buy adrenachrome, your skin shall turn to dust, your phylactery will shatter, and you will face God's Judgement. Your neighbors will find you, heartbroken at your condemnation but relieved that they will no longer have to bear your evil and sinful ways. They will bury you with a headstone marked with your Khazarian name, and every passerby for the rest of Eternity will know that a Jew is buried there. Your body wil ldecay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a soul that is unmistakeably Damned.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
