Why is porn bad but pumping my wife isn't?

[Midwest Midwit]

I listened to Andrew Huber talking about how porn wears out the dopamine reward system but I don't understand why other dopamine hits are ok.

Why is pumping your woman okay? Why is holding your woman every night okay? Why is listening to music okay? Why is the song of a morning bird not harmful? All of these things make you feel good and require no effort to obtain.

Why are some dopamine hits good but porno-dopa hits are bad?

 

[herefortheactualthreads]

because you would end up like keffals, ella hollywood and the goonclown nigger.

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

Replace "porn" with "shooting up heroin" and the answer will reveal itself to you.
We have the dopamine reward system for a reason and the point isn't to never trigger it, but to only trigger it with meaningful, worthwhile things. I guess this is subjective, but I think having sex with your long term partner is way more desirable and worthwhile than jerking off to porn alone at home.

 

[libRT]

I think its because the dopamine is a reward system, its supposed to reward you for doing things that improve your position in life. if you're basically hardlining dopamine over fantasies with no real world improvement, it fucks up your lizard brain

 

[Cloaca Rimjob]

I get a dopamine hit from pumping your wife too. I just wish her personal hygiene was a bit better.

 

[Kel1 shi1]

I guess this is subjective, but I think having sex with your long term partner is way more desirable and worthwhile than jerking off to porn alone at home.

It has an emotional and social element that porn does not.

 

[Scolopendra Dramatica]

Man, some of you boys get real defensive about porn. There's a thread defending loli shit going hard last night too.

Okay, here's an answer; sex with one spouse is like practicing a sport, if you're both into it you both get better over the years, but you're also not moving onto something harder and nastier to get a stronger kick every so often that ruins normal sex for you.

That and a porn reliance makes you shit in bed full stop, you get weird ideas that work for camera, but feel like shit, you get used to looking at women well out of your league and can no longer get proper hard for those who are.

I wouldn't wish it for my sons and would rather my daughters come home with ten cats and a celibacy vow than a porn sick man, I know at least that way she'd be happier.

 

[TV's Adam West]

Fucking your wife isn't special, I've done it before.

 

[Midwest Midwit]

I think its because the dopamine is a reward system, its supposed to reward you for doing things that improve your position in life. if you're basically hardlining dopamine over fantasies with no real world improvement, it fucks up your lizard brain

If over indulgence is a problem, might not we also assume that limiting time spent listening to music would also be beneficial? There's no doubt it sounds better on the way home from work.

Back in the day, one only got to enjoy such pleasures when the tribe singer decided to sing. Now you can listen to any song any time all the time.

I don't doubt that porn is bad. I just don't understand why freely indulging in other pleasures doesn't interfere with brain in the same way.

NoFap theory holds that semen retention has all kinds of benefits. Maybe it's true. But where does that leave unloading into your gf or wife? And what's the goal of NoFap anyway but to become a healthy man, attract a woman and empty your balls into her every night?

 

[Midwest Midwit]

Man, some of you boys get real defensive about porn. There's a thread defending loli shit going hard last night too.

Okay, here's an answer; sex with one spouse is like practicing a sport, if you're both into it you both get better over the years, but you're also not moving onto something harder and nastier to get a stronger kick every so often that ruins normal sex for you.

That and a porn reliance makes you shit in bed full stop, you get weird ideas that work for camera, but feel like shit, you get used to looking at women well out of your league and can no longer get proper hard for those who are.

I wouldn't wish it for my sons and would rather my daughters come home with ten cats and a celibacy vow than a porn sick man, I know at least that way she'd be happier.

This is not a defence of porn. I'm looking to understand what is unique about dopamine via porn.

As for your sport playing a together analogy, normal couples often do get bored of each other. Furthermore, what happens when a man has enough wealth to use instagram like a menu in a brothel? They end up on the Lolita express.

Again, not a defence of porn。

 

[libRT]

If over indulgence is a problem, might not we also assume that limiting time spent listening to music would also be beneficial? There's no doubt it sounds better on the way home from work.

Back in the day, one only got to enjoy such pleasures when the tribe singer decided to sing. Now you can listen to any song any time all the time.

I don't doubt that porn is bad. I just don't understand why freely indulging in other pleasures doesn't interfere with brain in the same way.

NoFap theory holds that semen retention has all kinds of benefits. Maybe it's true. But where does that leave unloading into your gf or wife? And what's the goal of NoFap anyway but to become a healthy man, attract a woman and empty your balls into her every night?

I think it depends on what you do to get that dopamine, it is like a feedback loop that will change your behaviour/reactions/reflexes to stimuli/actions taken to get the dopamine and changes the way you think about adjacent ideas. I guess any dopamine overstimulation is bad, but definitely what you're doing to get it will change its effects.

Porn isn't just dopamine, its also oxytocin - the love/bonding hormone iirc

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

If over indulgence is a problem, might not we also assume that limiting time spent listening to music would also be beneficial? There's no doubt it sounds better on the way home from work.

You're right, it would. I know a lot of people who dread the prospect of leaving their house without bringing headphones. You're shutting yourself out from the world, discouraging others from interacting with you when they see you can't hear. Being really into music I'm also guilty of this but I often make conscious efforts to just leave the headphones at home or in the pocket.

 

[VargReallyDidNothingWrong]

If over indulgence is a problem, might not we also assume that limiting time spent listening to music would also be beneficial?

Back in the day, one only got to enjoy such pleasures when the tribe singer decided to sing. Now you can listen to any song any time all the time.

Yeah, and look where we are now with regards to music enjoyment. You can pause, skip, fast forward any song you could ever dream of. When was the last time you sat down and listened to an entire album start to finish without any interruptions?

Instant gratification trains your brain to want more, shortens your attention span, and just makes everything you do less enjoyable.

I've found myself having this problem lately and am trying to muster up the willpower to actively stop giving myself whatever I want at a moment's notice. It's incredibly hard, probably as hard as quitting smoking for some people. I have less of a need to ingest nicotine than I do to compulsively open my phone or sit there scrolling Youtube for 20 minutes to find something to listen to in the background as I wash the dishes. It's incredible just how easy it is to become dependent on technology and dysfunctional.

 

[Dottle]

“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”​

― Oscar Wilde

Just stay on the rails ffs.

 

[VargReallyDidNothingWrong]

Going back to the original topic of porn - the reason it's good to pipe down your wife regularly but bad to jack your cock off to porn every day is the same as with the post about music I made above.

1. If you jack off regularly, you WILL train yourself to respond to certain stimuli which your wife most likely does not provide.
2. Doing this regularly enough and often enough - you WILL begin to need more intense stimuli to achieve the same level of arousal.
3. When you have sex with your wife - you almost certainly WILL be underaroused due to training yourself with porn for so long
4. This damages your relationship with your wife because she WILL pick up on your underarousal and take it personally.
5. When you cum, your brain releases hormones that tell you "ok time to chill out a bit" and your drive and energy to do stuff just goes out the window. If you jack off twice a day you WILL get virtually nothing done because you're going through two 1.5 hour periods where you physiologically can't do anything but lie in bed and half-heartedly listen to Youtube videos.

 

[DumbDude43]

Why are some dopamine hits good but porno-dopa hits are bad?

dopamine hits are good when they serve their intended purpose: to reinforce beneficial/productive behavior.
when they instead reinforce unproducttive or even harmful behavior, then they're bad.
having sex with your wife is productive because it is procreation, it's how you build a family. therefor it's good.
wanking alone in your basement is not productive in any way. therefor it's bad.

to be fair, i think the negative impacts of porn consumptions are generally way overexaggerated, especially when compared to the much more serious IRL version of this behavior(casual sex with strangers)
but the fact that it is overall a net negative is undeniable, and literally everybody would be better off without it (except the people who own porn production companies)

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

Because porn is sinful

 

[Unarmed Gunman]

This is not a defence of porn. I'm looking to understand what is unique about dopamine via porn.

It's a similar mechanism to how you can eat a healthy balanced diet (sex and everything else that constitutes relationships with real women), or you can stuff your gullet full of gas station garbage (having a wank). Same calories, very different result for your health.

That doesn't mean you can never eat that hot dog from 7-11, but for fucks sake you really shouldn't and if you have to occasionally, don't make a habit out of it unless you give zero fucks about your long term health.

 

[Mister Baranavichy]

normal couples often do get bored of each other

What the unwashed masses do and don't do shouldn't concern you - if you ever get bored of having sex with your wife you're doing something wrong in the first place.

? All of these things make you feel good and require no effort to obtain.

How does gooning in a darkened corner of your house, looking like Gollum, while staring at a lit screen to you feel, in the long run, comparable to actually developing good social and marital skills and finding someone willing to bed you out of strong emotional attachment?

This has to be bait, and I have to be getting filtered, I mean, please.

 

[skjora]

Among other things: Because a wife and a husband becoming addicted to each other, should they manage to, would be a good thing.