Sega - It's more than just Sonic Autism

It'll be filled with tedium to pad it out, no way it'll be even remotely an arcade experience. I bet there'll be tons of gay missions in any case, and I mean literally, like taking homos on dates.
I hope they just stick to the classic Crazy Taxi formula for speech where the passenger tells you which destination to go to, reacts to your driving, and praises or insults you depending on how quickly you get to the destination, but there's no conversations or passenger character arcs.
 
Each day I think I'm prepared for the horror, cynical as I am, but the idea of modern AAA Crazy Taxi caused my soul to wither that much more. Can't fucking wait to buy the Crazy Taxi battlepass after logging into the Crazy Taxi always-online servers and getting multiple in-game popup ads advertising the new Crazy Taxi lootboxes and limited time FOMO tie-in IP DLC.

Of course, this is all nonsensical hyperbole. They'd never actually make a game like that... right?
 
Hypothetically, what would a AA Crazy Taxi game be like?

Personally, as long as it looks at least as good as Crazy Taxi 3; High Roller on XBox, I wouldn't care about how the graphics measure up to modern AAA racing games like Forza Horizon 5.

Would it still have Offspring? I'd still want a couple of Offspring songs on the soundtrack. I don't think Sega's even licensed "Self Esteem", the best Offspring song, yet. (Yeah, I know nobody much younger than about 40 cares about Offspring anymore.)
 
  • Microtransactions
  • Day 1 update/patch
  • black character traits toned down because "DAS WAYCIST!"
  • bland and/or god-awful rap/rock music
  • LGBTQ+ propaganda including NPCs
  • Bugs.... lots and lots of bugs
(Plus "Always Onine live-service DRM that'll kill the game once Sega decides it's no longer profitable".) That's AAA, I asked about AA considering I guess that's what the people who don't want the new Crazy Taxi to be a AAA game want.
 
  • Microtransactions
  • Day 1 update/patch
  • black character traits toned down because "DAS WAYCIST!"
  • bland and/or god-awful rap/rock music
  • LGBTQ+ propaganda including NPCs
  • Bugs.... lots and lots of bugs
It's almost fun watching these classic franchises explode into ESG gore. It's becoming a coping mechanism.
 
  • Feels
Reactions: Aquanoon
Why is Sega hell bent on a 3D Streets of Rage? Streets of Rage 4 was largely 2D, and it was a banger of a game. I just recently bought it on PC. The only game that looks even remotely fun is Shinobi in that Metroid-Vania style. This "revival" era for Sega is going to suck, isn't it?
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Celebrate Nite
  • Microtransactions
  • Day 1 update/patch
  • black character traits toned down because "DAS WAYCIST!"
  • bland and/or god-awful rap/rock music
  • LGBTQ+ propaganda including NPCs
  • Bugs.... lots and lots of bugs
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Just when you think you can't possibly hate modern gaming more than you already do.
 
According to this leaker (who correctly leaked the Persona 3 Remake + The Answer DLC and P5Tactica, indicating some link to Atlus and Sega of Japan):
  • Crazy Taxi and Jet Set Radio are receiving remakes (of their original games) AND reboots (live service games)
  • the Crazy Taxi reboot is a live service GTA-Online style game with 100 players racing around the map
  • The Jet Set Radio reboot is a live service Fortnite style game with open world graffiti and shooting gameplay.
  • Both Jet Set Radio and Crazy Taxi are getting non-live service remakes that are full priced and have DLC planned.
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I'm devastated hearing about the JSR live service game, in what world does Jet Set Radio need fucking SHOOTING gameplay? It made me going somewhat with the open-world graffiti stuff, since the first two games are essentially that, but with loading screens between areas due to graphical limitations.

I'm also bummed out to hear that the Jet Set Radio game is a remake of the original. Jet Set Radio Future is also a remake of the original Dreamcast game with new graphics and levels, it's sad how Jet Set Radio has never truly gotten a "Jet Set Radio 2" over the last 25 years. Hopefully they at least update the rollerblading controls and copy from JSRF or BRC and add the jet boost.

Crazy Taxi, however, could honestly work with multiplayer game design. The PSP port of the game had a multiplayer mode where you competed with another player to collect the most fare, and if you ran into them, you'd steal their passenger and their fare. That, multiplied by 100 could be a lot of fun. There also seems to be a Cops-and-Robbers mode where you chase down Taxi Drivers judging by the reveal trailer.
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I wish we were back in the era where these "live service" games were just additional multiplayer modes to complement a full $50-$60 game with a campaign and offline multiplayer. Fortnite and Genshin succeeding drove the industry into an even worse pit than it was already in when patching unfinished games sold at full price became the norm.

Edit: ninja'd because i took too long to post this goddammit
 
Everything you ever loved will be revived and murdered before your eyes just to further demoralize you. I know one day they'll get around to that bussin remake of Legacy of Kain with a gay Raziel and a bisexual half-black Kain who was killed because of racism and everything's an allegory for climate change. Whatever. I still have my old games.

"Live Service" as a fad needs to die quickly.
LMAO. It's only going to get worse.
 
I'm really curious if nu-Crazy Taxi will have product placement like the original did.

It would be cool if it was semi-"retro" product placement like Blockbuster or whatever but companies get all weird all around product placement and have all sorts of rules about it, like how Rian Johnson inadvertently confirmed a long-standing rumor that Apple for instance only allows protagonists to use Macs and iPhones.
 
Well looking at this:
It seems that they want to turn CT into a GTA online of sorts. Funny thing I remember back in the day when GTA3 launched and was making waves a lot of people on forums were talking about how SEGA completely dropped the ball since CT showed a game like GTA3 could've run on the DC.

However nowadays what's the point? GTA was hot shit in the 2000s which is why there were tons of GTA killers back then (even the simpsons one...) just like there were also Halo killers, but in neither case did any of those games manage to beat the originals. GTA is still a moneymaker but mostly because its a brand now. Recent attempts like the last Saints Row bombed big time so this Grand Theft Taxi SEGA has planned would've to be really good to have any chance against GTA6.

As for JSR, fortnite? seriously? not saying that game its circling the drain but its well past its heyday, wasn't the aborted hyenas supposed to be SEGA's fortnite killer? are they going with this shit because fortnite=cartoony graphics and JSR=cartoony graphics therefore JSR=fornite? is this how Japanese execs think?

Speaking of GTA3 and the DC frankly I still don't understand why SEGA didn't make sure HL1 was a launch title for the DC in 9/9/99, tons of people would've bought one only for that game.
(Yeah, I know nobody much younger than about 40 cares about Offspring anymore.)
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Damn bro I'm not even near 40...
LGBTQ+ propaganda including NPCs
Gonna have a laugh when people start running over the gay NPCs.

Not gonna laugh when they stuck an lgbtbbqwtf flag to the back of the taxi which you cannot remove like it happened in cp2077.
Apple for instance only allows protagonists to use Macs and iPhones.
Not just protags, the good guys, the evil guy can't have an iphone.......unlike IRL.

Edit:
the Crazy Taxi reboot is a live service GTA-Online style game with 100 players racing around the map
Hell I completely missed this post when I was writing this and yet nailed it, I was just thinking "whats the dumbest thing they can do with this game?" and bam, they go and do it...

Next thing is gonna be guardian heroes but with waifus like genshin impact haha..........wait, NO!
Both Jet Set Radio and Crazy Taxi are getting non-live service remakes that are full priced and have DLC planned.
Who the FUCK is going to pay 70 buckaroos for a remake?
 
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Everything you ever loved will be revived and murdered before your eyes just to further demoralize you. I know one day they'll get around to that bussin remake of Legacy of Kain with a gay Raziel and a bisexual half-black Kain who was killed because of racism and everything's an allegory for climate change. Whatever. I still have my old games.


LMAO. It's only going to get worse.
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The Crazy Taxi reboot is a live service GTA-Online style game with 100 players racing around the map
F-Zero just had a game that was a 'battle royale' version with 100 people on the same race track at the same time. It's about remaking the series for a brand new audience that play stuff like Fortnite or Minecraft and want reminders of those games in anything else that they play. Some executive says "How can we make Crazy Taxi more like Fortnite?" and then the peons in programming and design go to work.
 
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