The Swifties - A New Age Religious Movement Revolving Around Taylor Swift

[Rache Bartmoss]

The Swifties: An Introduction
​

The Swifties are usually known as the fanbase of Taylor Swift. However, the recent surge in Taylor Swift's popularity, primarily due to her Eras Tour, has propelled The Swifties into something beyond just a fanbase. They have transformed into a cult or even a religion that is on track to become the fastest-growing religion in the Western world. The Swifties will soon have total control of our daily lifestyles.

Demographics and General Behavior

The majority of the Swifties are young millennials and Zoomer white girls. Nonetheless, there are also boomers and Gen X Swifties who also make up as much of the main demographics of the Swifties. The Swifties have extreme devotion to Taylor Swift that can only be matched or even surpassed the K-popers. They also have a strong moral compass. For example, one Israeli Swiftie refused to serve in the IDF to kill Palestinian children and chose to spend time in prison instead .

As most billionaires on this planet are immoral, godless, greedy, and pedophiles, the Swifties believe that She is the only ethical billionaire to ever exist. Carbon emissions, what's that? Climate change is fake and gay anyway.

Nobody will be spared from the wrath of the Swifties. Journalists, reviewers, kids, and pregnant women are all fair game to the Swifties.

You break up with Tay? Get ready to face more wrath of the swifties based on what Tay said about you in her songs. Including your friends and family too.


Influences and Major Actions
The Swifties are infamous for their influences on our society. Their influence has surpassed the influence BlackRock and George Soros have in our lives. Here are some of their notorious influences and actions:

1. Rigging the Superbowl

The Swifties have revived interest in American Football, a sport that is almost dying due to the NFL's unwavering support of George Floyd mourners, troons, and any woke shits. However, due to one of their player dating Taylor Swift, the Swifties have decided to religiously watch the NFL every Sunday more than your dad usually watches.

After seeing the surge of Swifties, the NFL began to take notice and start scripting the game in favor of the Kansas City Chiefs, the team that Taylor's boyfriend played for, from the beginning into winning the Superbowl. US President Joe Biden has confirmed his involvement in rigging the bowl.


2. Election Interference

The Swifties are known to have a big influence to swing an election. Their influence has beaten the Russian hackers' influence in 2016. 2024 Republican front-runner and former president, Donald Trump, has also lost his shit over the possibility of Taylor Swift endorsing Joe Biden.

Should Taylor Swift endorse Joe Biden, a 50-state blue wave clean sweep that beat the 1984 Ronald Reagan record could happen in our lifetime and create a new history in America.


3. Protecting the Sanctity of Taylor Swift

From December 2023 - January 2024, a random Somali decided to defile the sanctity of Taylor Swift by making AI porn of her and spreading it on Xitter. Swifties are obviously outraged by their Idol, Taylor Alison Swift, Having fake AI-generated porn of her on the internet, So they began clogging the platform to prevent the defiled Tay-tay pictures from spreading even further. Luckily, one Swiftie has found the person behind it.

Zvbear / Zubear Abdi

As the swifties get their man and uncover the face of this disgusting degenerate, The community erupts in laughter as, who would have guessed the person would be an ugly Somali from Canada? This is a lesson that you should never mess with Taylor Alison Swift and the Swifties.

4. Stay 36,000 Feet Away From Her

Every Swiftie has a dream to meet and get close to their goddess. However, many of them know their position and can only see her from far away. One day, a college student, Jack Sweeney, who also runs the ElonJet account that makes Elon shit his pants, runs a tracker on her private jet too. Despite being a golden opportunity to get close to her, many swifties are very uncomfortable with it as they have a strong moral compass not to become a stalker freak.

They mass-report the accounts and successfully take them down on Instagram, Threads, and Facebook (one account exists on Xitter but is delayed 24 hours).

Taylor herself sent a cease-and-desist letter to him, fearing it could compromise her safety and TOTALLY not because of her enormous carbon emissions being tracked as well despite declaring herself a climate activist.


5. Dox Those Who Don't Rate Tay 10/10

How dare you rate Tay below 10/10?! You should know that is blasphemy and the Swifties are coming for you. In 2020, when Taylor released her album, Folklore, Pitchfork and NYT gave the album a rating below 10.0. Enraged by the rating, the Swifties raid the reviewer, from simply cursing them into doxing their home address and phone numbers.



Rating Tay below 10/10 is blasphemy, you heretic.

Sub-sect
Like every religion, the Swifties also have their own sub-sects. Let me introduce you to some of their crazy sub-sects:

The Gaylors

The Gaylors is a sub-sect of the Swifties who firmly believe that Taylor Swift is secretly queer. Taylor herself has stated that she is straight and considers herself only as an Ally to the LGBT cause. However, that doesn't stop them from believing. They autistically analyze every single lyric of her songs, photos of Tay with another woman along with their relationship, and even the aesthetics she regularly used in her music videos just to find proof that Taylor is Gay. There is one article published by the New York Times on the Gaylor question that almost caused the great schism among the Swifties.

4chan Truthers

A fringe sub-sect of Swifties, mainly on 4chan, believes that Taylor is secretly "/ourgirl/". The origin started on /b/ where an anon asked for a suggestion for the anon's cat name if another anon got a trip. One anon who got a trip suggested the name "Meredith". The next day, Taylor announced that her cat's name was the same as that anon with the trip suggested. Anons on /b/ has gone crazy over the possibility that Taylor secretly uses 4chan daily. There is also a schizo infographic that strengthens their belief.


Conclusion

As the West desperately needed a new spirituality and religion to revive their decadent civilization, something that Christianity is believed to be no longer could, they turned into a new religion and that was to become a Swiftie and listen to her music more than 5 times daily. Watch the Swifties' evolution from a simple fanbase of Taylor Swift into a major global religion.

---

Special thanks to @Touch Of The ‘Tism for helping to collaborate on the OP

 

[Vibe_Guy]

The Swifties will overthrow Scientology. Mark my words.

Aum Shinrikyo is next, Shoko Asahara is trembling in the afterlife.

edit: nice thread, I like it. A bit short. Consider adding notable Swifty members.

 

[eaglesfan665]

But don't you know that TayTay is the last bastion of the huwite race? She will save all of WASPdom when she inevitably adopts 2 or 3 black or indian children has hella white babies!
Delet this now!!!

 

[Touch Of The ‘Tism]

You’re also missing the swifties constant doxing. Ranging from doxing somalian men generating AI Porn of Taylor S, to harassing a music critic for a negative rating on her 2020 album, ‘Folklore’
And them generally being a nuisance.

Also maybe talk more about the swifties, Their infights, their notable members, inside jokes, Slang, Controversy within the Swifties.

Good thread though OP, and I will be watching this thread and looking to contribute.

 

[liam dees]

You’re also missing the swifties constant doxing. Ranging from doxing somalian men generating AI Porn of Taylor S, to harassing a music critic for a negative rating on her 2020 album, ‘Folklore’
And them generally being a nuisance.

Also maybe talk more about the swifties, Their infights, their notable members, inside jokes, Slang, Controversy within the Swifties.

Good thread though OP, and I will be watching this thread and looking to contribute.

Uhm about that porn... source?

I agree that we should document Swiftie drama on Twitter, Tumblr, if possible.
Another place we can look into is Swiftie fanfics on AO3 and Wattpad (shudders... I haven't used that app in years...)

Can't wait to hear the news of BlackRock being actually funded by The Swifti CompanyTM
Overall, good OP, I will be watching this thread with great interest.

 

[Touch Of The ‘Tism]

How i would lay OP's post out.

The Swifties: An Introduction

View attachment 5745511

The Swifties are usually known as a fanbase of Taylor Swift. However, the recent surge in Taylor Swift's popularity, primarily due to her Eras Tour, has propelled The Swifties into something beyond just a fanbase. They have transformed into a cult or even a religion that is on track to become the fastest-growing religion in the Western world. The Swifties will soon have total control of our daily lifestyles.






Demographics

The majority of the Swifties are young millennials and Zoomer white girls. Nonetheless, there are also boomers and Gen X Swifties who also make up as much
of the main demographics of the Swifties. The Swifties have extreme devotion to Taylor Swift that can only be matched or even surpassed the K-pope Stans. They also have a strong moral compass. For example, one Israeli Swiftie refused to serve in the IDF to kill Palestinian children and chose to spend time in prison instead
.







Influences
The Swifties are infamous for their influences on our society. Their influence has surpassed the influence BlackRock and George Soros have in our lives. Here are some of their notorious influences:

Rigging the Superbowl

1. The Swifties have revived interest in American Football, a sport that is almost dying due to the NFL's unwavering support of George Floyd mourners, troons, and any woke shits. However, due to one of their player dating Taylor Swift, the Swifties have decided to religiously watch the NFL every Sunday more than your dad usually watches. After seeing the surge of Swifties, the NFL began to take notice and start scripting the game in favor of the Kansas City Chiefs, the team that Taylor's boyfriend played for, from the beginning into winning the Superbowl. US President Joe Biden has confirmed his involvement in rigging the bowl.

Election Interference

2. The Swifties are known to have a big influence to swing an election. Their influence has beaten the Russian hackers' influence in 2016. 2024 Republican front-runner and former president, Donald Trump, has also lost his shit over the possibility of Taylor Swift endorsing Joe Biden.

Should Taylor Swift endorse Joe Biden, a 50-state blue wave clean sweep that beat the 1984 Ronald Reagan record could happen in our lifetime and create a new history in America.








Protecting the Sanctity of Taylor Swift

During December 2023 - January 2024, a random somali decided to defile the sanctity of Taylor Swift by making AI porn of her and spreading it on Xitter. Swifties are obviously outraged by their Idol, Taylor Alison Swift, Having fake AI generated porn of her on the internet, So they began clogging the platform to prevent the defiled Tay-tay pictures from spreading even further. Luckily, one swiftie has found the person behind it.

Zubear Abdi:


As the swifties get their man and uncover the face of this disgusting degenerate, The community erupts in laughter as, who would have guessed the person would be a ugly Somali from Canada? This is a lesson that you should never mess with Taylor Alison Swift and the Swifties.

Conclusion

As the West desperately needed a new spirituality and religion to revive their decadent civilization, something that Christianity no longer could, they turned into a new religion and that was to become a Swiftie and listen to her music more than 5 times daily. Watch the Swifties' evolution from a simple fanbase of Taylor Swift into a global major religion.

 

[Rache Bartmoss]

How i would lay OP's post out.

Thanks for the suggestion. I would love to see more help on the general Swifties' behavior and other major dramas. I also add the Gaylor sub-sect on the OP

 

[Pomniman]

Russel Greer has entered the chat.

 

[Kiwisee]

I never liked her music back in the day because I found it to be very whiny, with “I’m not like other girls”(tm) vibe.

My opinion on her hasn’t changed since; her music is mid tier at the best of times.

 

[CharcoalChkn]

Hearing people sincerely compare Taylor Swift to The Beatles, Elvis and Michael Jackson makes me so fucking MATI it is unbelievable.

The r/fuckcars and Swifties crossover this last week after her performances in Melbourne, Australia, has also been rather rage inducing.

For context, r/fuckcars and retarded people in general discovered that massive carparks do not surround Australian sports stadiums and and they will not shut the hell up about it.

 

[Pomniman]

I never liked her music back in the day because I found it to be very whiny, with “I’m not like other girls”(tm) vibe.

My opinion on her hasn’t changed since; her music is mid tier at the best of times.

I've only heard her on the radio in passing because my old boss used to listen to her but I get the impression that all her songs are about breakups or something tedious like that. Seems like it's all geared towards the angry wine mom crowd.

 

[Helvítis Túristi]

Will you include the swifty dylan mulvany? There is pure lunacy in his behavior that matches other swifties. The bracelet exchange video is a good example. On Taylor herself, her music really is mid tier. She acts innocent and pure, but she's everything but that. She's just better at hiding it than say Brittany Spears, Miley Cyrus, and Katty Perry. With her strange behavior with her ex boyfriends, you'd think most people would catch on something's not right with her.

 

[Meat Target]

Swifties have sent people death threats for criticizing their queen; including Youtube animator MeatCanyon:

The offending short:

 

[TokiBun]

I’m baffled why she’s so popular. All her music sounds the same, it’s incredibly dull and she writes about the same topics over and over again. She’s not MJ big or Madonna big. They both tried to vary their sound during their careers. Taylor has 0 growth or flexibility and it’s embarrassing that she’s dated all these people and hasn’t gotten married by now. You’re in your 30’s Taylor—it’s time to stop whining about ex boyfriend 1,000 and settle down.

Also for the OP I’d mention her fans arguing about her being a good and ethical billionaire. The cope from them to want Taylor to be perfect is insane.

 

[Nicholas II of Russia]

I'm baffled how this turned out to be a growing cult, this is not only a fanbase anymore. It surprises me how rabid they get when they criticize her.

One has to wonder if they're gonna stage an attack to the forum if they found out this thread exists, lol.

 

[Bunny Tracks]

I genuinely do not know one "modern" Taylor Swift song. The only ones I know are like the three that used to play all the time on the radio back in in the early 2010s.

What is she even singing about now? Is it still about how all her exes are terrible, and how she's thirsting after some new guy?

 

[The Blue Morpho]

Surprised Null hasn't deleted this thread for being a personal attack against him and his character.

 

[Breadbassket]

Don't forget that time some people thought Taylor Swift was a 4chan user and some started referring to her as (hopefully jokingly) as an "Aryan goddess". Not sure if those type of "Swfties" are still around.

 

[XM-05 Thanatos]

The idea of human NPCs is a meme, but these people are proof that there's a sizable chunk of the human population with little or no conscience. I think when these people live a life that's a little too easy, at some point the conscience shuts off and this happens.

 

[Pro. Memer]

You know I was led to believe that the age of the ultra-celebrity, like Michael Jackson and Elvis was over due to the internet and it's infinite internet subcultures creating many minor celebrities. I now think that's wrong, and Taylor Swift has taken the crown. If MJ or Elvis had the internet, we'd see the same thing.

Perhaps the most unnoticed influential group on Earth right now, is the Swiftie Daughters and Granddaughters of elected officials in Washington. They will be monumental in the first "AI Art" legislation, Ticketmaster and scalping issues, and probably several other laws to come.