- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
Fine, I'll finish it.
The comic starts with ten pages of a waitress, I'll call Becky, talking to herself about how she doesn't like comics, while reading a comic book. Her boss, a vague forgeigneise stereotype, has just left when Superkiller Sam stumbles in covered in blood and demands yesterdays clam chowder and chocolate milkshake. Sam tries the food and falls over unconscious, making Becky exclaim that she poisoned yet another patron. Sam just gets up and says he's fine, so I guess this was all just for the punchline? Becky starts mopping his bloodstains and they have small talk.
Sam reveals himself to be ignorant of how superheroes in this world operate, but that doesn't matter, because he's got a master plan. He's just gonna just shoot em, Becky is amazed at this daring and original idea. Thankfully he has the energy weapon from Blame! so he doesn't need a real plan. He just stands around causing trouble until a super asks him to surrender and then he shoots him!
But he also got a real gun:
"It’s lucky that your universe still has gun show loopholes, making it disturbingly easy for even a guy in a stupid costume like mine to pick up a cheap side piece."
He already had his first confrontation with MeteorMan and when he showed up Sam shoot him with regular bullets first, so he'd be... reassured about being invulnerable? Of course if you can hit him with a regular gun you could just hit him with your Blame! piece instead, so so why do you have to lull him into a "false sense of security"?
Anyway, he eventually shot MM with the gun that works and now MM had a hole in his stomach but is otherwise fine.
MM, who had up to this point been a chummy, mid-century picture of hero politeness, suddenly starts cussing and throws naughty f bombs left and right, because Vito read The Boys so he knows that's super transgressive and original. Sam was somehow all out of plan, as his supergun takes 30 seconds to reload.He knew a big guy like MM might survive the first shot, he had nothing other than to look terrifed and (Sweat bulb?)
Sam got punched by Superman through a wall, and, despite having no superpowers himself, he's fine. Because MM had an outchie in his stomach he flew off to his moonbase and does not secure the one weapon that can hurt him or make sure the guy who shot it is actually dead.
Sam comes to Becky's Dinner and we've caught up with the present.
But, oh no! The time it took for Sam to get to the dinner was enough for MM to fly to the moon and back and give himself a full medical checkup in his moonbase!
And now he's crashed trough the wall "in full rage mode" (sweat drop)
"Meteorman punches Sam through the air. Sam hits the wall, leaving an impact crater"
Sam has no superpowers, but he's fine, don't worry.
Sam now takes Becky hostage, but MM says he don't care about no skank waitress. So Sam just stops taking her hostage. Becky is more offended at being called a skank than having her life threatened (truth hurts).
Sam now throws Chekhov's clam chowder at MM.
MM throws Sam, who has no superpowers, through a third wall into the kitchen. Sam now loses his gun. He had it when he threw the soup at MM. It has been established that a second hit from the gun would have killed MM. He choose to throw the soup instead.
I'm quoting the next exchange in full, because it's just so...good, let's say good.
Sam still has his regular gun, but "The bullet bounces off Meteorman's cheek, striking the pot of chowder behind him"
Basic bitch Becky wonders if shellfish is his ultimate weakness. It is not.
MM complains that the kids are calling him lame.
"Stop calling my dialogue cliche!" Dialogue is between multiple people, so one person can't have 'bad dialogue', but yes the dialogue in this comic is quite cliche and lame, now that you mention it.
MM finds himself suddenly depowered, BUT HOW!?
Twas the clam chowder after all! It turns out all has been going exactly according to keikaku, because Sam always meant to lure MM to the dinner and spill clam chowder on him you see! Last night he infiltrated the dinner and deliberately poisoned the soup with a radioactive crystal called meteorium!
Only now do we reach the dumbest part of the plot.
Sam had been watching MM when he was having kinky sex with teen sidekick kid reporter Snap Sullivan, who is now 85!
Becky is offended again: "But you knew him when he was just a kid! Do you understand the power dynamics of that situation?! You sexually groomed a minor!"
But Sam is intrigued: "How does a man with a superhuman healing factor enjoy S&M play? How do you attach nipple clamps to a man whose skin is as hard as a diamond? I’m not judging, mind you. I’ve seen far worse. Don’t ask me about Captain Radium’s secret boylove island."
Sam murders the 85 years old boytoy to steal his magic crystal necklace to poison the soup with, so he can now shoot MM with a regular gun. He could always have shot him with the space gun, but then he wouldn't have needed to poison the clam chowder, so you see all this was absolutely necessary.
"Artie, a helpful robotic assistant, teleports into the room" and gives a DevilMayCry like level rating of B. Sam thinks he deserves "style points" for killing with soup.
The world ends and the plot fizzles out. Stupid anime humor, Becky follows Sam through a portal. Sam is offended that she chose not to die.
Becky now dies for five pages because she doesn't have Sam's techno doodad. He calls her stupid for not knowing that would happen. He decides to safe her but his robot won't let him, so he strangles his robot.
Becky wakes up, because Sam invokes the Sidekick clause, or something. Techno bullshit happens and they're naked in a park "Overhead shot. Beck is passed out in the grass, completely naked. Sam
has landed on top of her, and appearing to be straddling her sexually.
MAN (O.S.):
What's that chest emblem stand for, Sex Kreep!?"
And somehow this is where it ends.
Final Verdict: It's not very good.
