DiabeticSydePhil
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2022
Please do, your write ups are the best part about Phil being bad at this game.
DSP Plays Balding Gate 3
- Thread starter JimiHendrix
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- Joined
- Jan 15, 2019
posts might become more erratic going forward and become out of order. dunno, we'll see what happens. i missed last stream but I caught a memeology recap vid. basically after 85 hours phil doesn't understand how Speak with Dead works. He thinks a viable corpse NEEDS to have a green glow, when he realized this wasn't the case, he claimed Larian studios fucked the game up with a patch. this is untrue.
I know I said i'd try to catch his stream today, but honestly? i have work to do and I kinda wanna play some video games first. I'll watch his shit tomorrow if I can.
phil is 90 hours in and doesn't know how to respec his characters.
phil hates John Cena's Peacemaker.
phil needs a professional to uninstall his blinds and install black out curtains and it's going to be expensive. here's how I installed my curtains, I took a hammer and some nails, nailed them into the wall, put a bar over the nails, then put curtains on the bars. it ain't pretty, but they've been up there for a few years now. phil is apparently incapable of this.
"if I had a common house with common windows-"
yeah, phil is too much of a big rich boy for that common peasant shit.
phil is getting confused on stat allocation.
"jorgal's greatsword is a TWO HANDER? i hate that it's a two hander."
"what is leaf green?"
the fuck does it sound like?
phil tried to do a stealth check and is fucking shocked the game is making him do a stealth check. he failed it by 1 point.
"we know who these are. the thralls, these are the thralls who are brothers and sisters to Astarion"
nope. they're called Spawns, not thralls.
phil continues to think 70 degrees is "hot" for reference I am currently sitting comfortable in my apartment, with a big fluffy bathrobe on, at 75 degrees.
even after it was explained to phil how Speak with Dead works last stream, he STILL didn't know he could talk to a corpse this stream. 90 hours.
phil sees the Elminster library and doesn't recognize the name Elminster, despite it being a character he has met.
he doesn't remember the House of Hope, despite literally being there earlier in the game.
"man, this is a crazy plot, I don't even know what to do, honestly."
phil had a 25 minute conversation with Raphael, I just skipped some. probably going to skip through this next video so I can catch his stream today.
skipped ahead to Phil meeting the Harpers.
"we're attacking them? we're attacking our own fellow harpers? why are we doing this?"
phil threw his spear in between two enemies, thinking ti'd trigger an explosion and hit them both. it didn't.
"why didn't it work? what the fuck just happened? "this weapon will return to your hand when thrown, when thrown this weapon will cause an explosion centered on the target" my target was the floor. why didn't it work? it doesn't explode unless you hit someone? it doesn't fucking say that. fuck this shit. i am using it to the letter of the word in the description and the rules are different. so FUCK LARIAN STUDIOS for not naming their shit directly. you are full of shit larian studios when you fuck with stuff like this. what a waste of my time, seriously, this is fucking bullshit. fucking bullshit, fuck you. make me fucking be a pissed off wasting a turn because you can't make your fucking game properly, fuck off."
"centered on the target" the floor is not a target, phil. the floor is the target point. there is a mechanical difference, and this is coming from someone who has actually programmed spells in games before. it says on the target, which means an actual physical target, throwing it at the roof or the wall or the floor isn't a target, that's a target point.
"fuck this, just skip the fucking turn, pissing me off"
phil is mad he can't reach an enemy, ironic since he was just gloating and talking about how he cheated by pulling his character super far back at the start of this.
"how do I break my concentration? i don't remember manually how to do it"
90 hours in the game btw.
after much struggling and a ton of autism stress sighs, phil has defeated the harpers.
"the game isn't smart enough to recognize the fight has ended and it shouldn't have fight mechanics going on outside of combat? what the fuck man? this is shit. the game is good but it just has so many short comings."
phil hates John Cena's Peacemaker.
phil needs a professional to uninstall his blinds and install black out curtains and it's going to be expensive. here's how I installed my curtains, I took a hammer and some nails, nailed them into the wall, put a bar over the nails, then put curtains on the bars. it ain't pretty, but they've been up there for a few years now. phil is apparently incapable of this.
"if I had a common house with common windows-"
yeah, phil is too much of a big rich boy for that common peasant shit.
phil is getting confused on stat allocation.
"jorgal's greatsword is a TWO HANDER? i hate that it's a two hander."
"what is leaf green?"
the fuck does it sound like?
phil tried to do a stealth check and is fucking shocked the game is making him do a stealth check. he failed it by 1 point.
"we know who these are. the thralls, these are the thralls who are brothers and sisters to Astarion"
nope. they're called Spawns, not thralls.
phil continues to think 70 degrees is "hot" for reference I am currently sitting comfortable in my apartment, with a big fluffy bathrobe on, at 75 degrees.
even after it was explained to phil how Speak with Dead works last stream, he STILL didn't know he could talk to a corpse this stream. 90 hours.
phil sees the Elminster library and doesn't recognize the name Elminster, despite it being a character he has met.
he doesn't remember the House of Hope, despite literally being there earlier in the game.
"man, this is a crazy plot, I don't even know what to do, honestly."
phil had a 25 minute conversation with Raphael, I just skipped some. probably going to skip through this next video so I can catch his stream today.
skipped ahead to Phil meeting the Harpers.
"we're attacking them? we're attacking our own fellow harpers? why are we doing this?"
phil threw his spear in between two enemies, thinking ti'd trigger an explosion and hit them both. it didn't.
"why didn't it work? what the fuck just happened? "this weapon will return to your hand when thrown, when thrown this weapon will cause an explosion centered on the target" my target was the floor. why didn't it work? it doesn't explode unless you hit someone? it doesn't fucking say that. fuck this shit. i am using it to the letter of the word in the description and the rules are different. so FUCK LARIAN STUDIOS for not naming their shit directly. you are full of shit larian studios when you fuck with stuff like this. what a waste of my time, seriously, this is fucking bullshit. fucking bullshit, fuck you. make me fucking be a pissed off wasting a turn because you can't make your fucking game properly, fuck off."
"centered on the target" the floor is not a target, phil. the floor is the target point. there is a mechanical difference, and this is coming from someone who has actually programmed spells in games before. it says on the target, which means an actual physical target, throwing it at the roof or the wall or the floor isn't a target, that's a target point.
"fuck this, just skip the fucking turn, pissing me off"
phil is mad he can't reach an enemy, ironic since he was just gloating and talking about how he cheated by pulling his character super far back at the start of this.
"how do I break my concentration? i don't remember manually how to do it"
90 hours in the game btw.
after much struggling and a ton of autism stress sighs, phil has defeated the harpers.
"the game isn't smart enough to recognize the fight has ended and it shouldn't have fight mechanics going on outside of combat? what the fuck man? this is shit. the game is good but it just has so many short comings."
I know I said i'd try to catch his stream today, but honestly? i have work to do and I kinda wanna play some video games first. I'll watch his shit tomorrow if I can.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2023
Crooked 16th
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2019
"I'm a full-time gamer and I've only gotten a 100 hours in."
Bro your wife has an actual job and she would have beaten this within two weeks.
Bro your wife has an actual job and she would have beaten this within two weeks.
Skippy Shortbottom
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 1, 2022
Someone tips telling him fights shouldn't take 30 minutes or something.
Phil trying to piss on the game for doing some videogame magic to push the plot ahead. Fuck you Larian defenders.
Forgets where Karlach is and attacks her for critical damage.
Phil trying to piss on the game for doing some videogame magic to push the plot ahead. Fuck you Larian defenders.
Forgets where Karlach is and attacks her for critical damage.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
90 plus hours.
This system is not difficult. 5e is an incredibly simple system. And Lariat made the system simpler and more beneficial for the player.
You can use spells in ways that are broken that would never fly in actual DND.
Games like this aren't my jam, I am an old school Stonekeep faggot. Those are more my speed. But this shit is not rocket science.
This system is not difficult. 5e is an incredibly simple system. And Lariat made the system simpler and more beneficial for the player.
You can use spells in ways that are broken that would never fly in actual DND.
Games like this aren't my jam, I am an old school Stonekeep faggot. Those are more my speed. But this shit is not rocket science.
Cyber Bowling
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2017
I've seen quite a few people where BG3 is their first proper RPG. Hell, sometimes their first proper video game period. There's usually some initial confusion in the first few hours, but by the time they're leaving Act 1, they have a general understanding of how the game works. They might not know all the more elaborate ins and outs of the system, but they're at least competent enough to get through the game with minimal struggle.
I don't think BG3 is without flaws, but one of the things they did very well, in no small part because of how long the game was in EA for, is create a very polished Act 1. The majority of the first act is sort of a sandbox tutorial, where you're given a lot of freedom to just play and figure things out. Encounters aren't free, but they're designed with a lot of conveniences in your favor to help you think about how to use the environment and the importance of positioning. You have a lot of wiggle room to make mistakes without having to reload because you've bricked your game.
This isn't even Phil's first rodeo, as much as he likes to insist otherwise. While he definitely doesn't play a lot of turn based strategy games, he's at least experienced a few. And he has experience and even claims older RPGs like FF6 and Chrono Cross are some of his favorite childhood games. Those obviously aren't a direct 1:1 to BG3 by any means, but it at least gives you a general idea of what to expect. Or rather, it should. Heck, he even put a chunk of time into Original Sin 2, so even though he didn't beat it, he's arguably more experienced in this type of game than a lot of the new people who blindly stumbled in and managed to figure things out by the end of the first act.
There's also a fair amount of guides online and Phil is getting way more handholding from chat compared to some of his earlier attempts into turn based RPGs, and even with those benefits, and 90+ hours of playing the game, he's just too stupid to figure things out. It's great, there are some other random games in the past where he's gone clown mode because he gets a big donation or a sub bomb or whatever, but even with the success of BG3 he's still fairly miserable and just waiting for a slow enough stream to justify rage quitting.
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2017
Attacking your own teammates when it shows their name at the top of the screen as the target is next level dented.
Marble Jack
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2022
I'd like to point out to anyone new to Phil and his RPG quests (or any game, for fucks sake); if it isn't spelled out for him how to do something, it's a bad game. If the game spells it out, the game is then handholding and for children and is therefore also a bad game. If the game tries to draw you in through dramatic cutscenes or interactive playtime events, it's a waste of time and a bad game. If the game has no immersive quality, it's a grinder game and therefore a bad game.
Basically there's no pleasing Phil because Phil is a retarded asshole who thinks his takes on gaming are revolutionary philosophical utterances. Do not concern yourself with being angry with Phil over his inability to function in a medium where his literal job is to play fucking games. The grandiose satisfaction is watching suckers pay him to continually fail upward just to see how far one man's absolute ignorance can take him before collapsing into a supernova of life-shattering autistic failure.
Here's to Phil constantly rolling 1's in life and in gaming.
Basically there's no pleasing Phil because Phil is a retarded asshole who thinks his takes on gaming are revolutionary philosophical utterances. Do not concern yourself with being angry with Phil over his inability to function in a medium where his literal job is to play fucking games. The grandiose satisfaction is watching suckers pay him to continually fail upward just to see how far one man's absolute ignorance can take him before collapsing into a supernova of life-shattering autistic failure.
Here's to Phil constantly rolling 1's in life and in gaming.
Swallow Moon
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 21, 2019
And the game highlights them in blue and the enemy in red.
- Joined
- May 24, 2020
I'll never forget his 2020 most disappointing game list, where he said that Demon's Souls Remake isn't a remake because it changed too little and that the FF7 Remake isn't a remake because it changed too much. There literally is no pleasing the pig, he is just a complete black hole of negativity and a fake fan/tourist of every game series known to man, even series that he "likes."
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2023
that's true though, what I've heard and seen DeSR is just a graphical overhaul with niggers and women, but I get dave's hypocrisy
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2019
ok, so i tried watching his videos from a few days ago and writing a post on it, but it was REALLY boring. i watched 2 hours and nothing happened. i literally only wrote down, like, 5 lines of stuff, so I just deleted all of it.
going to check out his stream for today
that's the end. phil said he will now be playing this game once a week at the end of every week.
this playthrough will likely continue for another 3-4 months unless phil rushes the game.
going to check out his stream for today
phil is having his fans tell him what his audio settings should be, since despite being a streamer for 15 years he's dogshit at his job.
"fuck this game, man. it's so ridiculous"
he's having a weird spergout over audio
"it sounds like it literally did the opposite of what I told it. i said go lower and it got louder"
"act three, ladies and gentlemen, I think I see why people complain about this act"
he wasn't jumping properly and getting stuck on a wall.
phil walked up to a bunch of Bhaal cultists and is surprised he's being attacked. he doesn't seem to remember who Bhaal is.
after 90 hours in the game phil doesn't understand what the paralysis debuff is or why it's good to use. he thinks it's similar to entangle.
phil is considering picking a fight with the grease wizard.
"wait? where did he go? where the hell did he go? he was right there? oh, he moved. he's right there."
phil has no object permenance
phil has picked a fight with the grease wizard.
phil has done this for the past 2 streams but he will randomly sing out the name "goldgrind" he has done this at least 7 times, if not more. he thinks it's the peak of comedy.
to be clear he does this randomly, for example, he has done it at least 3 times in this grease wizard fight alone, despite it having nothing to do with goldgrind at all.
phil has run into lae'zel in the sewers and is losing his mind
"what the FUCK? what the FUCK, this can't really be her. it must be a doppelganger, it must be."
Orin has kidnapped lae'zel, phil decides to attack her anyway, lae'zel is then killed. "well, I guess she died. that's an awful gameplay mechanic. guess we won't do that then. " he then reloaded his save.
"that's really stupid. if you guys didn't tell me that I wouldn't have even known. how would I have even known?"
Orin literally said "hey, I have your friend. do what I want or she dies" and you attacked her, what did you think would happen you fucking retard?
because phil has issues with three dimensional space he jumped straight past his enemy instead of onto his enemy like he wanted.
phil is getting iq checked hard by a puzzle.
"this is incredibly dumb."
this is what I love about phils low IQ, if HE can't understand something, that's because the thing is STUPID. like, I don't claim to be that intelligent of a guy, but I tend to understand dumb things easier than smart/complicated things? but anytime phil can't understand something, it's because that something is stupid, and obviously he's smart, and since he's smart he can't understand stupid. it's ironically an extremely low IQ way of looking at things.
phil apparently accidentally started the Halsin romance scene and immediately ended it.
now mizora wants to fuck phil, and phils not happy.
phil took so long to save Volo that he exploded. phil is not happy about this
"I didn't hear any explosion. anyway-"
pour one out for Volo. phil let him die and isn't reloading.
"well, that's that. i didn't understand how it worked. i didn't know you had to save him. he just dies if you don't do it a certain way. well, thanks game. fuck you. i don't care."
volo was tied to a chair of explosives while a cartoon trail of fire was heading towards him. this was too subtle for phil.
"fuck this game, man. it's so ridiculous"
he's having a weird spergout over audio
"it sounds like it literally did the opposite of what I told it. i said go lower and it got louder"
"act three, ladies and gentlemen, I think I see why people complain about this act"
he wasn't jumping properly and getting stuck on a wall.
phil walked up to a bunch of Bhaal cultists and is surprised he's being attacked. he doesn't seem to remember who Bhaal is.
after 90 hours in the game phil doesn't understand what the paralysis debuff is or why it's good to use. he thinks it's similar to entangle.
phil is considering picking a fight with the grease wizard.
"wait? where did he go? where the hell did he go? he was right there? oh, he moved. he's right there."
phil has no object permenance
phil has picked a fight with the grease wizard.
phil has done this for the past 2 streams but he will randomly sing out the name "goldgrind" he has done this at least 7 times, if not more. he thinks it's the peak of comedy.
to be clear he does this randomly, for example, he has done it at least 3 times in this grease wizard fight alone, despite it having nothing to do with goldgrind at all.
phil has run into lae'zel in the sewers and is losing his mind
"what the FUCK? what the FUCK, this can't really be her. it must be a doppelganger, it must be."
Orin has kidnapped lae'zel, phil decides to attack her anyway, lae'zel is then killed. "well, I guess she died. that's an awful gameplay mechanic. guess we won't do that then. " he then reloaded his save.
"that's really stupid. if you guys didn't tell me that I wouldn't have even known. how would I have even known?"
Orin literally said "hey, I have your friend. do what I want or she dies" and you attacked her, what did you think would happen you fucking retard?
because phil has issues with three dimensional space he jumped straight past his enemy instead of onto his enemy like he wanted.
phil is getting iq checked hard by a puzzle.
"this is incredibly dumb."
this is what I love about phils low IQ, if HE can't understand something, that's because the thing is STUPID. like, I don't claim to be that intelligent of a guy, but I tend to understand dumb things easier than smart/complicated things? but anytime phil can't understand something, it's because that something is stupid, and obviously he's smart, and since he's smart he can't understand stupid. it's ironically an extremely low IQ way of looking at things.
phil apparently accidentally started the Halsin romance scene and immediately ended it.
now mizora wants to fuck phil, and phils not happy.
phil took so long to save Volo that he exploded. phil is not happy about this
"I didn't hear any explosion. anyway-"
pour one out for Volo. phil let him die and isn't reloading.
"well, that's that. i didn't understand how it worked. i didn't know you had to save him. he just dies if you don't do it a certain way. well, thanks game. fuck you. i don't care."
volo was tied to a chair of explosives while a cartoon trail of fire was heading towards him. this was too subtle for phil.
that's the end. phil said he will now be playing this game once a week at the end of every week.
this playthrough will likely continue for another 3-4 months unless phil rushes the game.
Malakim Phoros
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2024
I know we all say hes retarded, but BG3 really shows he might have a learning disability. At least a reading comprehension problem. Like how many spell effects and tool tips does he read out loud while leveling only to turn to the chat to ask what that means and then forget or misremember once he has it
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2019
"we gotta level up and that's probably going to take some time"
god, kill me now.
phil chose Chain Lightning over Globe of Invulnerability. He took an AoE damage spell, something he already has many of, over a full team wide invulnerability spell.
he is outsourcing level up choices to chat again.
"hmmm...do we really want heavy armor?"
he's a fucking rogue? fucking excuse me? he's contemplating heavy armor on Astarion rn
he took the perk that gives Astarion heavy armor.
"how does this work?"
100 hours into the game and phil doesn't understand how to use his spell bar.
"how would I do this? how would I make it so I have other spells there?"
"the spell book? im over 100 hours and I've never even opened the spell book. forget this. it's taking too long."
phil is so stupid he thought all of the spells in Baldur's Gate were made up for the game and weren't from D&D
phil found a buried locked trapped chest. he dug it up, disarmed the trap, lockpicked it, and found a note inside calling him a gorilla. phil was not pleased.
he comes across an unconscious drunk man and promptly tries to rob him, for some reason.
"the trolls are purchasing viewbots apparently, they stupidly think it's going to negatively affect a stream, they will not. viewbots don't actually count towards views for a stream."
?
"their thing is oh let's give phil all these views, it'll make him look bigger than it is, and that'll get him in trouble. they're literally so stupid they're spending their money to buy viewbots and it doesn't do anything to me at all."
some insane paranoia rn
ton of begging, I am not transcribing it because im trying to get cyberpunk working rn after the last update.
someone reminded phil about goldgrind and he immediately burst into song, thanks for that.
he hit the save limit again.
"DOUBLE SAVING ROLL? god damn it. double saving roll...."
"hey guys in chat, if you could shut the FUCK up, about that bullshit and act mature, that'd be great."
I don't watch with chat on, so don't know what he's mad over.
phil entered a comedy club and instead of picking a good joke, he just threatened the audience to laugh.
"what was the point of that quest? i don't even understand what the point of the quest was. what'd we do that for?"
it wasn't a quest. it was just an interaction with an NPC.
phil has entered the mindflayer romance segment.
"why doesn't have a shirt on? uhhhhhhhhhhh....."
"the option for romance is stupid as shit. it's so easy it's completely a joke and not meaningful AT ALL."
phil has rejected the mindflayer. "What a complete asshole."
I don't think phil knows what a dumwaiter is.
phil has finally found goldgrind.
god, kill me now.
phil chose Chain Lightning over Globe of Invulnerability. He took an AoE damage spell, something he already has many of, over a full team wide invulnerability spell.
he is outsourcing level up choices to chat again.
"hmmm...do we really want heavy armor?"
he's a fucking rogue? fucking excuse me? he's contemplating heavy armor on Astarion rn
he took the perk that gives Astarion heavy armor.
"how does this work?"
100 hours into the game and phil doesn't understand how to use his spell bar.
"how would I do this? how would I make it so I have other spells there?"
"the spell book? im over 100 hours and I've never even opened the spell book. forget this. it's taking too long."
phil is so stupid he thought all of the spells in Baldur's Gate were made up for the game and weren't from D&D
phil found a buried locked trapped chest. he dug it up, disarmed the trap, lockpicked it, and found a note inside calling him a gorilla. phil was not pleased.
he comes across an unconscious drunk man and promptly tries to rob him, for some reason.
"the trolls are purchasing viewbots apparently, they stupidly think it's going to negatively affect a stream, they will not. viewbots don't actually count towards views for a stream."
?
"their thing is oh let's give phil all these views, it'll make him look bigger than it is, and that'll get him in trouble. they're literally so stupid they're spending their money to buy viewbots and it doesn't do anything to me at all."
some insane paranoia rn
ton of begging, I am not transcribing it because im trying to get cyberpunk working rn after the last update.
someone reminded phil about goldgrind and he immediately burst into song, thanks for that.
he hit the save limit again.
"DOUBLE SAVING ROLL? god damn it. double saving roll...."
"hey guys in chat, if you could shut the FUCK up, about that bullshit and act mature, that'd be great."
I don't watch with chat on, so don't know what he's mad over.
phil entered a comedy club and instead of picking a good joke, he just threatened the audience to laugh.
"what was the point of that quest? i don't even understand what the point of the quest was. what'd we do that for?"
it wasn't a quest. it was just an interaction with an NPC.
phil has entered the mindflayer romance segment.
"why doesn't have a shirt on? uhhhhhhhhhhh....."
"the option for romance is stupid as shit. it's so easy it's completely a joke and not meaningful AT ALL."
phil has rejected the mindflayer. "What a complete asshole."
I don't think phil knows what a dumwaiter is.
phil has finally found goldgrind.
stream is over. i did actually get cyberpunk working by the end of it, if anyone cares.
What the fuck does he think a viewbot is for then? Just to spend money on for shits and giggles? I don't want to believe he actually thinks he had 20K live viewers watching his garbage.
- Joined
- Jan 15, 2019
he said something along the lines of viewbots only increase the number of viewers on the stream but don't actually contribute to the views the stream has.
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2018
Oh yeah Phil, it's so easy that it's completely unrealistic and not meaningful.
Totally unlike your experience of 1 day after you finally publicly address your fiance dumping you 2 weeks ago you send 1 "Huh huh, unfortunately OBS sucks like that" Tweet at a girl you notice has been ReTweeting you and she's immediately your girlfriend.
2 days later she abandons her social media because you told her about "the trolls" and your need to hide her from them.
You then romantically buy her a cheap ring because OMG this store in this dying mall is having a 'Going Out of Business' sale on your weekly recreation of 'Phil & Linda go shopping', and months later when you tell her a week before you fly out that your mom wants you to get married during your week visiting them and she says "Uhh, yeah whatever."
You totally put in lots of effort into your IRL relationship like having to wait until your girlfriend got kicked out of her flophouse and had nowhere else to go so she would finally agree to move in with you.
It's just funny when Phil dunks on himself with absolutely no self-awareness.
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2020
a quick google search gives this:
This means they're not created by the same user, or they're not recommended in the recommendation engine. YouTube will then assume that the watcher is a bot and stop counting its views. Other reasons for YouTube not counting views are: YouTube won't count a watch from a user who leaves spam comments on videos.
So Phil might be right in this case: while he has increasd viewership it does not count as a view if identified as a bot. Then again, he actually privates each stream so we will never know the real view count
The Penultimate Warrior
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 6, 2019